Be warned, this is odd. The story is nothing rude, BUT! Its' all left to your sick minds. You could read this story normally, or, turn it round. Up to you…It WAS written normally.
Silas, being a broken toenail and being the smart young fellow his is, realized that a nipping crab was not what he wanted. It wasn't the right pet for him. "Red Marks" on his…erm…proved it. 'I can't have a crab in the house that nipps my…" he thought to himself as to thought him to think he thinked…he thought…he thinked…and came up with a simply MARVELOUS way to rid him self of Muke DryWalker.
So he boxed her up and took her down town to the pet store. He opened the door to the store and the shopkeeper, now playing finger puppets with a very bored squid, stopped what he was doing and began laughing a Silas! HOW AWEFULLY AWEFUL!
"Heh, I heard what you got up to last night!"
"Oh, sorry, was I screaming too loud? At the Discipline I mean…" he thought quickly.
"Erm…no, I heard about your foreign "friend". It was all over the newspaper!"
"What? Oh Muke? Yeah she's a bit nippy."
The assistant looked shocked at what the Albino was telling him.
"You remember right? I paid for her here!"
"No you did not! I'm not running an illegal prostitute centre at all!...Girls your men will pick you up in a minute…" The assistant hissed behind a curtain.
"Hmm. Who are you talking to?" asked a confused Silas. "And who is 'Girl'?"
"Oh, girl…you've, heard of him have you?" the man thought quickly, trying to lay off the subject.
Silas shook his head. The assistant began to break a sweat or seven.
"You know, girl, girl, the famous…SQUID!"
The assistant pointed to the squid in the tank next to him. The squid looked extremely bored… (Just trust me…why have YOU ever seen a squid frown?) and had finger puppets on all its tentacles. That's TENTICLES!
"Hey! This is "Girl" the squid!" boomed the assistant with a half-hearted smile. "Now, young man! Do you want girl?"
"Hey! You bet I do! Girl will be good to me! Girl will comfort me when I'm sad and treat me to happiness! Girl will keep the bed warm and wet!"
"Oh, yeah, now take girl." So Silas took the squid in the same box that he had taken Muke in. (Muke is now occupying "girl's" tank…she isn't quite as good at finger puppets).
As Silas walked home, APTINWAC the purple parrot, had squawked himself to death while Silas was gone and was now a strawberry scented feathery heap on the floor.
Silas didn't actually notice. He thought that the dead bird was a new soft doormat the Bishop had put there while he was out buying Girl.
"I can't call Girl, Girl. That's not manly! And besides, it's a he! He checked the box in which the squid was in for inspiration for a name. The box was the packaging for cans of deodorant and the only words on the Box were-Fragile, keep upright.
"Hmmm, that won't do for a name!" he searched the box again and muttered to himself. "I need something that is obviously an obvious name for a squid, quite ordinary and SOOOO easy to remember!"
Then, he saw the perfect name. Dermatologically Tested.
Obvious. Ordinary. Easy to remember. Perfect!
He placed the squid in a tank of water, again with the vegetables as seaweed.
He had now tried to add a cardboard cut out of Buckingham Palace as a castle. (It had flopped, and Silas couldn't understand why cardboard was not cardboard under water. He soon found out that it became a kind of lumpy brown mush). The squid stared back.
The night was cold, as cold as the night. Dermatologically Tested was as squiddy as a Dermatologically Tested squid. And Silas was as bored as a bored Silas.
"Dermo T! Where are you my slimy friend?" he called as he rummaged the room for his squid. The squid had actually been sitting under the sofa.
Bishop Aringarosa was standing outside the door, about the knock and comfort Silas about the articles in the newspaper. He stopped short as he heard what Silas was saying.
"Um, "Girl", I mean Dermo T! Where are you? Oh, there you are! Hiding under the sofa! Oh, no, now I've got to pick you up. Or do you want me to play with you on the floor?"
The Bishop was rather disturbed. He hoped it wasn't what it sounded like. ANOTHER GIRL?
"Oh, you want me to pick you up?...Oh…that's it…oh now look what you've done! You've got ME all slimy!"
Back inside, Silas picked up the squid. "Oh really! Oops! I should have picked you up with the rubber gloves! Ewww! INFECTIONS!"
The Bishop couldn't believe what Silas was saying. This was so unlike Silas.
"Where has that darn rubber stuff gone? Oh here, we go! Oh, my, why can't I get it on? Dermo T, come help me!...easy now!"
The Bishop burst in. "Silas! What are you doing!"
Silas was kneeling down at a slumping squid on the carpet with a rubber glove in his hand.
"Oh Bishop! You caught me at the wrong moment!"
"Hmmm, well it certainly sounded like you were having a good time!"
"Oh now bishop really! This is my new squid! Don't you think she's sexy? Careful if you pick her up though…You could have an accident and be all slimy!"
Sick eh? Well, today's people all have odd minds, so I thought I would feed there imagination. If you notice, there is actually nothing rude in this, it's all left to your rude minds!
Nyviay xxx
