Thanks for the reviews and follows! Bo's making her way to Boston via another Journal Entry and some apologies that should have been made long ago are finally going to come out…
Lost girl owns all of its characters and we love them!
Chapter 3: Feeling You Near - Obsessed with Boston
Journal Entry #1,234
After leaving Chatham I drove south through Hyannis and ended in Boston. I had checked every hospital along the way meeting dead ends at every one while looking for a Karen Corrigan, Lauren Lewis, Karen Lewis or Lauren Corrigan.
When I finally arrived in Boston I knew I needed to be thorough. This was where Chase had said Lauren had traveled – Boston to Maine, Maine to Boston with Chatham being her break stop. So I started by checking all of the hospitals in Boston. It was definitely the toughest search yet – Boston had lots of huge hospitals and research facilities that would be a perfect fit for the brilliant Doctor Lewis. It was a painstaking task to search all of her possible alias. I spent a month in the city of Boston alone.
Lauren… there was something about it. I just felt like you were there. I obsessed over staff directories – certain I was missing an alias you may have used. I checked and double-checked every floor and room, panicking that if I ducked into a room or hallway that you would pass by as soon as I took my eyes of the adjoining hallway. Then I started to wonder if I was there during the wrong shift or on your day off. Maybe you were in surgery or in research. Maybe there was a secret research facility or floor that was behind a hidden door or elevator, so I stood and stared checking walls for secret passages.
Thankfully, Chase interrupted me one day and when he finally convinced me to tell him what I was doing I told him everything. He told me to listen to myself and the proceeded repeat back everything I had just told him. He was right… I was being obsessive.
So, my dear Lauren, eventually, I realized two things. First – I was obsessing over you being in Boston when I had no concrete evidence that you were, and second - I hadn't fed since Provincetown almost six weeks earlier. I really needed to feed. Feeding off sick humans wasn't an option, so I stuck around for a few more days, walking the city streets to sip chi off of many people over a good period of time rather than putting any one person's life at risk with a full-on feeding session with a starved Succubus.
Besides, I'm in love – I don't need sex with just anyone – hell – I've realized sex alone isn't at all what I need. I need the passion, the pure deep emotional connection that making love with Lauren gives me. It feeds my succubus and my human needs as well. Maybe that's why Evony always called me baby Fae. I knew I felt hunger but never really took the time to really bond with my succubus to know that any old chi or any old sex would never truly fill me or her. Of this realization, I'd love to say, 'better late then never', but if late means I no longer have a chance with Lauren then that statement is no longer true.
So, Boston is a great city with a lot of really swanky five-star hotels – one of which I managed to get an "invitation" to – no, I didn't get it for sex, but I do feel a bit guilty about the hotel manager who was succu-swayed into giving me a room for a week. The part of me that doesn't feel guilty is the part that has to squeeze in bartending jobs to support my Lauren search habit. Chase had been right about one thing… the money I had saved for the search ran out last year, so I'm supporting myself on the fly. The other reason I don't feel guilty is that even a succubus can be turned down if she smells bad. Both my clothing and me were getting pretty ripe. You can't blame a girl for having good hygiene, can you?
So, after a few nights of rotating my clothes to the hotel laundry and long soaks in the tub to do some serious female body maintenance I started to take in the Boston nightlife. The city is friendly, has great food, is very clean, is full of history and in some ways seems like a foreign country unto itself.
Boston people have these very heavy accents that don't seem very American even though they are. I've had trouble understanding more than one person. I also had to admit to wandering onto Harvard University's campus and buying a T-shirt. I plan to put it on the next time Lauren sleeps in her Yale T-shirt… what better way to make her want to rip my shirt off than to appear in the garb of one of Yale's biggest rivals!
Bo pauses… there I go again… assuming she's even going to take me back… that there will ever be a time when I will be anywhere near her bedroom again… Bo shakes her head… write Bo… just write. I continue…
Actually, Boston turned out to be one of my favorite stops over the last four years. I was bored one night, so was flipping through the channels when I saw on the news that the Boston Red Sox were playing in town tonight. I'd never been to a baseball game, but a stadium filled to capacity with frenzied fans sounded like a chi-sipping opportunity.
I had been was trying to fill up before heading further south. I had stuck to the practice of sipping a tiny bit of chi from a lot of people rather than a one-on-one thing where I risked hurting someone. Best of all – no sex needed.
The hotel valet gave me directions to the stadium and told me parking for a motorcycle wouldn't be very hard to find. Once at the stadium, I realized I didn't have a ticket. I knew I couldn't just sway my way into the game since I may end up in someone's seat, so I used my powers to convince a scalper outside the stadium to give me a free ticket to get into the game, rationalizing that they're crooks anyway, so I was performing a sort of social justice.
With a cold beer and burger in hand, the attendant led me to my apparently great seat – 5th row on the 3rd base side. When I looked around I was stunned… I've never seen so much red in my entire life. The Red Sox were playing the Philadelphia Phillies and apparently both teams had something to do with red, so their fans were showing their spirit.
I was on the end of the aisle and to my right was a little boy who couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. He was trying to hold and eat a hot dog with a baseball glove on his other hand. He had popcorn on the seat next to him and a bottle of water between his legs. He was decked out in Red Sox gear, the brim of his hat set back high and slightly to the side. He was adorable. He looked up at me with these massive brown eyes, his blonde hair sticking out from under his cap and smiled.
Bo stopped her pen and rolled onto her back allowing her mind to drift back to a night that had brought her to one of the biggest 'aha' moments she had ever had. She thought back to the moment at the game…
Boston Red Sox Game
I sat gazing at the little boy's face… "Ethan…" slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it…what did I say? Where did that come from?
The little boy smiled and looked at me as he replied, "No – it's Jake… my name is Jake, and who are you?"
I smiled at the ketchup-smeared face of the enthusiastic boy and said, "Bo… my name is Bo, Jake. It's very nice to meet you."
"It's nice to meet you too, Bo. Are you a Red Sox fan or a Phillies fan? You have to be one or the other – you can't just sit there and not cheer for a team. I won't be mad if you're a Phillies fan – even if they win this game, they're not even going to make the playoffs this year, so I'm not threatened by you or them."
I couldn't help but smile as I replied, "Well – that's a very good attitude to have, Jake. I think you just convinced me I'm a Red Sox fan tonight. I'm actually not from the United States. I'm just passing through and decided to see America's favorite pastime in an actual stadium for the first time since I was here."
Jake's eyes became wide with shock, "You have NEVER seen a baseball game? Like – ever – at all – like in your whole entire life?! Bo! That's like never having seen Sponge Bob! What else haven't you done? I need to teach you! Grown-ups these days! They lead such sheltered lives!" Jake was shaking his head as he adjusted his hat as if he was about to step up to bat.
This little man was hysterical. I paused trying to think of a response as he took another bite of his hot dog. I didn't have the heart to tell him that although I knew who Sponge Bob was, I'd never actually seen an episode of that either. "Well, I grew up in Canada so Ice Hockey is pretty much our big professional sports attraction. We do have the Toronto Blue Jays, though."
"I don't want to be mean, Bo but the Blue Jays aren't very good. I like hockey though – it's just not my favorite. I like baseball best. Do you need me to explain things to you? I'd be more than happy to help you. I have my glove, so if a foul ball comes towards us I can protect you."
I smiled at this little guy who had absolutely captured my heart in a five-minute conversation. He was so lovable, enthusiastic, and smart. You could just see the kindness pour out of him. My thoughts were interrupted by the man sitting next to Jake as he leaned over to reprimand the young man, "Jake, are you bothering the lady while she's trying to watch the game? I'm sorry, Miss – he's quite a talker when I don't keep him entertained."
Bo replied, "Really – it's okay. Jake and I were having a great conversation. I'm visiting from out of town so came to a game on impulse. I really know nothing about baseball, so he's actually being very helpful. I really don't mind – he's adorable."
"Handsome." Jake said, emphatically.
"What?" Bo asked.
"I said handsome, Bo. I'm too old for adorable. You call me handsome and I'll call you beautiful. You wouldn't want me to call you cute would you?"
Bo chuckled and said, "You are absolutely right, Jake. I stand corrected. And by the way… you really are very handsome", Bo said as she winked at the man next to Jake. The man smiled and turned his attention back to the woman next to him. She was clearly his date… or… something. Actually, the woman was burning a solid eight and Jake's dad or whatever he was had just begun to rev past a seven. The sound of Jake's voice helped me to reign in my succubus as the ramped up sexual energy began to take effect…
"So, will you be my date for tonight, Bo?"
Jake, thumbed toward the man to his right as he rolled his eyes and continued,
"That's my Uncle James. He has a date and she is keeping him busy with her weird laugh and all these funny arm motions. She touches him a lot too. I don't like her... I don't even think she likes baseball. She wants to do a sleepover too… that means my Uncle James probably won't read to me before bed because she'll be yelling for him to hurry up. All of his sleepover friends do that. Will you?"
Bo was having a hard time keeping up with Jake's train of thought…
"You know… I mean – will you be my date? I'll teach you all about baseball and even share my popcorn with you."
Bo smiled at Jake. The new, more mature Bo hated when adults put their own sexual needs before the needs of a child – it sounded like that was exactly what James was doing when Jake was with him. Did James have custody of Jake? Was he just a sometimes baby-sitting Uncle? Where were the parents?
Bo shook the thoughts from her head to focus back on the boy who was anxiously awaiting a yes or no from clearly the first girl he had ever asked out. She was so touched by this young boy with eyes as big and brown as Lauren's. For a moment, she flashed back to Hecuba prison and heard her words after delivering the baby…
"Of course I want children, don't you?"
I'd hadn't thought about even being able to have kids since I found out I was a Succubus… not until Lauren mentioned wanting them….
"Charlotte if it's a girl, Ethan if it's a boy…"
"Bo? Are you alright? You can say, no if you want to. I know we just met…"
Bo pulled herself from her memory and replied, "Yes, Jake – I would be honored to be the beautiful date of such a handsome man tonight. As a matter of fact, that's the best offer I've had in years." Bo knew it was true. Finally, someone she knew wouldn't end the date trying to get laid.
Jake put his little hand in Bo's and kept it there most of the game, while sharing his popcorn with his date. Bo learned all about baseball – well, at least all about every Red Sox player who had ever stepped to the plate.
Her date was a regular database of knowledge when it came to the Boston Red Sox. Jake told her all about the famous stadium outfield wall called "The Green Monster". He also pointed out that there were people down there behind the numbers on the outfield wall who were actually moving the numbers. He said that those people had waited "their whole entire lives" to get the chance to work in that tiny space back there.
By the time the game had ended, Jake had convinced Bo to buy a Red Sox T-shirt since she was now an official fan. As they departed the stadium, Jake insisted on walking his date safely to her car. Bo's status went up another ten notches when he saw that her car was actually a motorcycle.
"That is SO cool! My beautiful date rides a motorcycle! Can I go for a ride, Uncle James? Can I… please… just around the parking lot… please?"
James and I looked at each other with hesitation while his date looked on with annoyance. We weren't sure… after all, Jake didn't belong to either of us.
"Bo? What do you think? I'm guessing you're an experienced rider since you've ridden here from Canada. If he has the helmet on… a wide circle around the parking lot once the cars clear out a little more?"
I paused – James didn't know my succubus strength, I knew that Jake was safe with me, so I agreed with a shake of my head. Jake went crazy with excitement.
"Hey, hey my handsome man… put my Kevlar jacket on and my helmet. Now listen carefully."
Jake gave me his full attention – the big brown eyes gazing up at me under the lights of the parking lot.
"We're not riding far or fast, but motorcycles are actually harder to ride at slow speeds. You're going to sit in front of me on the seat, but I want you to put your hands into the straps in front of you and under no circumstances touch any of the buttons or handlebars in front of you, okay?"
"I promise. My mom would kill Uncle James if anything happened to me. But just so you know, my mom had been talking about getting a motorcycle when I turn 16."
About fifteen minutes later the lot had emptied out and we were cruising around the parking lot as Jake yelled,
"Look, Uncle James! We're riding! Faster Bo, Faster!"
There was no speed, no wind, no spectacular scenery, but I felt as though I was going 100 miles an hour down the most beautiful stretch of beach into the most gorgeous sunset ever. I knew I would never fall in love with anyone the way I loved Lauren, but this little man was damn close.
We parted ways that night, Jake asking how we would ever see each other again. I knelt down and whispered in Jake's ear.
"When two people are meant to be in each other's lives, life brings them back together. We'll find each other again, Jake. I'm sure of it. You just gave me the best night of my life. Thank you, handsome."
I gave Jake a kiss on the cheek and handed him off to his Uncle James with a smile. Jake turned back to look at me as his Uncle pulled him towards their car. He pulled free from James' hand and ran at me full tilt, jumping up into my arms.
"I'll never forget you Bo. I love you."
He kissed me on the cheek and wrapped his arms around my neck. My heart clenched as I squeezed the little boy one last time and sent him on his way again. I stood there with tears streaming down my face as this little boy drove out of my life – probably for good. I knew then, Lauren… I wanted a family with you – I'm sorry it took so long for me to tell you.
Bo paused from her musings and picked up the pen she had at some point dropped while again reverting to her memories… it had been a great night. She resumed writing…
Anyway – the game was just a great experience and the little boy, Jake became my "date" for the night – long story to be told in person or read in the entry I wrote the night it happened. The Boston fans are crazy dedicated and have all these strange sayings and rituals. I just sat there and took it all in.
Once my beer was gone, I sipped chi while everyone else continued to sip beer – all of us watching the game and cheering on the Red Sox. I don't really understand the game much better than when I first arrived despite Jake's best efforts, but the atmosphere and energy was intoxicating. If I ever go back to Toronto, I may have to become a Blue Jays fan just to take in a game or two again. If I end up around here, I can see myself becoming a diehard Red Sox fan thanks to a handsome little boy named Jake.
So, I was done in Boston. I had searched obsessively. If you were there, Lauren – you didn't want to be found.
I pulled out the now torn and tattered map of North America that I had used for the past four years and studied it carefully. Where to next? Does the map even matter at this point? Should I just hold my finger in the air and go with the direction of the wind? I continue to write…
It's really all just a crapshoot, but something tells me you're near water, Lauren. Again, I don't know why but I'm taking Kenzi's advice and following my gut. I'm going to fall asleep thinking of you tonight… feeling you… and then wake up tomorrow and follow my gut to find you.
Before I left, Kenzi and I had a long talk. Among other things, she said that the bond we share would eventually bring us back to each other if we both listened to it. So I can't help but wonder if you're listening for me… anyway… that night, Kenzi admitted that she finally realized we have that epic kind of love you only see in Disney movies… she said…
"Sometimes you freak, Bo. Let's be honest – you never did sit in one place for long. So, on this trip when you realize you're getting a little succu-nuts, close your eyes, take a deep breath and just be still, Bo. Think of Lauren… picture her… feel her… you'll know what to do and where to go."
She's so wise, Lauren. I wish everyone could see the Kenzi I see so they would understand why she is so important to me. I know the two of you didn't really get along… that was hard for me – always feeling caught in the middle between the two people I cherish most. It's hard to explain, but Kenzi has a way with words when, as she would say, "shit gets real" or she needs to "call me on my shit". Either way, she just doesn't take my shit – she makes me own my shit! Wow – that's a lot of shit!
Anyway, you have no idea how many times Kenzi has called me out for how I treated you or how I jumped to judgment of you. In her own way, she sort of had your back in the early years when I was having a hard time completely trusting you. Most people only ever get to see Kenzi's sarcastic wit, so they didn't think she ever takes anything seriously. If they saw her in those moments where I'm struggling, they might understand why she's so important to me. Kenzi is my conscience, my humanity… my heart.
So, I'm taking her advice and following my gut to you. No more maps, no more clues… I'm just going to listen for you with my heart. And right about now Kenzi is gagging over the sappy goo I just wrote. I don't care… I have to start feeling my way to you. After four years of maps and leads, I haven't found you. It's time for a new strategy. I'm going to trust that we are meant to be… I'm going to trust in us.
If I'm being honest, the problem with that plan is my fears and self-doubt… that something has happened to you, that you don't want me, that you've found a better life or a better someone and that my heart is about to get crushed after all of these years of holding onto hope.
I sigh, resigning myself to accept my new plan despite my fears and doubts. A tear escapes as I lay the map to the side... I stare at it, willing it to light up… showing me Lauren's precise location. Nothing happens… am I doing the wrong thing? The map has been my guide, hasn't it? Another tear escapes and more threaten to fall as I feel my throat tighten and a surge behind my eyes. I sit up,
"No, Bo… no crying. You are done with logic – you've made a decision. Stop being a sis and follow Kenzi's advice… listen to her."
I lay back and put my hand under my head. Staring at the ceiling of my motel room, I remember the first part of our very long conversation the night before I left. Kenzi unloaded six years of seemingly endless confessions, regrets and advice and they were my very first journal entry. She said…
'There's no such thing as coincidences, Bo…. God or fate or destiny has been trying to tell you something and you need to start paying attention. It's why I'm supporting you on this search for Lauren. Every move you make on every case we work, you follow your instincts – your gut. Why use anything different in searching for the one who holds your heart? You were always the one who knew that you had a special connection with Lauren despite the fact that others didn't see it – hell, I didn't see it. I should have seen it, Bo. But I was too busy playing the jealous, insecure BFF who thought she would take you away from me. Six years is enough Bo – go get your girl. Get on your bike, close your eyes and think of Lauren and go to her… but… uh just make sure to open your eyes before you actually give it the gas."
I give a light chuckle, "Kenzi, this isn't the Wizard of Oz. I can't just click my ruby slippers and - 'POOF' - be with Lauren. I need to work the case… I need clues… I need leads…" Kenzi cuts me off…
"Bo, you don't need any of that… this is you and Lauren we're talking about… you're BoLo… you're Bo-Bo and Hotpants… you're Doccubus! You know her better than anyone else – all of her interests, quirks and stuff – so stop it right now. You're getting Succu-nuts… chillax and breathe. You can do this. Go get your girl."
God, how I wish Kenzi were here with me right now so I could talk to her. I'm doubting myself… even as I say I just need to follow my gut, I'm doubting myself and my ability to connect with Lauren. What if she doesn't want to connect with me? Maybe whatever bond we may have had has long been turned off on her end and that's why I can't find her. Oh Kenzi – what do I do?
I pick up my cell and dial Kenzi but remember it's not a "call day". I close my phone and put it back down. The Fae elders may trace the call and find me if I call without her expecting it. Shit. Well, I may not be able to talk to her over the phone, but I can certainly write to her. Is this how alone Lauren felt all those years as a slave? No – it was much worse for her. I've not been beaten or starved or thrown in a dungeon half naked and freezing my ass off for days. I haven't had to take four showers and two baths to try to wash away the filth in my hair, skin and nails from a two-week stay in a dungeon courtesy of Lachlan the former Ashhole… just another reminder of why Lauren Lewis is the strongest woman I know. I begin to write again…
Kenz – I remember the night that we had decided to split our money and use my half to buy better transportation for me to use for "the big Lauren journey" as you called it. I hated the idea of leaving my beloved Camaro behind but we both knew it wouldn't survive the trip and gas would be really expensive.
We had talked most of the day since we knew we would soon go our separate ways – maybe for good. It was the only time we had ever talked about your mortality. As we spoke the words neither of us had previously had the courage to speak, we both broke down sobbing and holding on to each other for dear life. We finally pulled back to look at each other only to be sent into fits of hysterical laughter thanks to our new look… 'Zombie apocalypse' you called it… our eyeliner and mascara was running down red swollen eyes.
We cleaned up our faces, turned back to each other again and just resumed our sobbing. While it was painful and very emotional for both of us, I will always be grateful we spent that day together no matter how this all turns out.
I remember that night so well. It had gotten darker and the wind had picked up. The branches from the dead tree outside our beloved crack shack rubbed against the windows and we both drew weapons thinking the Morrigan really had sent someone after us. We were laughing at how paranoid we were being when you suddenly fell silent.
Our conversation became very one-sided as you started into your long list of admissions and apologies for how you had crossed a line in your involvement in my intimate relationships. Hearing you admit to some of the things you had done to manipulate my love life – especially with Dyson - was hurtful, but part of me knew you were only trying to do what you thought was in my best interest.
Part of being a friend – or someone's partner – was learning to forgive. Lauren taught me that, so I held onto her lesson as you continued to tell me about all of the things you had done to try to push me towards him while simultaneously trying to drive a wedge between Lauren and me.
The point where I started having real trouble with the whole forgiveness thing was when the admissions moved on to how it wasn't only you, but Trick, Tamsin, Dyson and even Hale while he was Ash – that had helped to push Lauren to the breaking point. That's why she had requested the 'break' from our relationship. You saw my eyes go blue and paused long enough for me to regain my calm and new focus on the word forgiveness, but when you told me…
"Tamsin told Lauren that you kissed her without a feed in Brazenwood…"
I damn near ran out of the clubhouse to suck Tamsin dry. Thank God Dyson had chosen that moment to call my cell to explain that he had found the perfect motorcycle for me in my price range with very low mileage. It put me one step closer to my goal with Lauren - to put the past behind us in an effort to build a future together. It was the only way to see if forgiveness could really happen.
After I got off the phone with Dyson and told you I would be leaving in the morning, I could see in your eyes the regret and sincerity as you continued the conversation. You really needed to get this all off of your chest and if anyone understood that need and how guilt played into it, I was the one.
You began talking to me about your dreams of Lauren… how you would just be laying in bed when all of a sudden these dreams would wake you up. You said it was like all of the moments you had been in Lauren's presence were playing over and over again when you were resting or sleeping. You would try not to think about it, but still the dreams would come.
You started to relay the list of scenes that played in your head,
"…Lauren curing me when the foot soup poisoned me, Lauren helping me fight pigs, Lauren finding a cure for your teen angst when Vex stuck that bug in you, Lauren saving us from killing each other by stabbing that crazy spider heart, Lauren getting the Naga venom for us despite the fact that you had killed her girlfriend just the night before, Lauren cooking for me and baking for me and Lauren just taking all the shit I dished out when I was so damn mean right to her face!"
You were getting more and more upset as you continued,
"I swear Bo-Bo, it's like the friggin' ghost of my everyday past has been coming to see me at night like in that Christmas movie Scrooge. Do you think Lauren's super mind has converted to a super Fae mind that can now make me relive what an uber a-hole I was to her when she was here? I mean – those moments replay over and over in my mind as if we were characters in a TV show and I'm the mean girl who like everyone else is treating the good girl like shit when we should be thanking her and loving the hell out of her. She did nothing but try to help us – especially me – but I was a bully, Bo – and I don't like bullies. I bullied Lauren, and why… because I was jealous… and afraid… well, mostly afraid."
You were crazy crying now when you admitted,
"I was afraid that she would take you away from me. All my life I would watch other kids have these parents and families that would pick them up from school, buy them clothes, watch them play sports… you know – normal family stuff… the way they're supposed to be. I'm not saying I think of you as my Mom or anything, but you gave me a little taste of that. You saved my ass from a total sleazebag and then gave me a home and a family. You became the sister I never had, Bo. I opened up my heart for the first time since meeting Ozzie on the streets and I'm sorry Bo – I should have trusted you enough to know that you wouldn't break my heart. I should have trusted Lauren enough to know that she would never have excluded me – she would have kept me around like your adopted kid or something."
Finally, you sobbed out,
"Bottom line, succubutt… I was afraid of losing your sorry ass and ending up alone again. Even with the ever-present threat that you will realize how awesome and incredibly sexy I am and try to suck me dry, I don't know how I could ever live without you and it scared me to death to think of being alone again. I am so grateful for the home we've built together. Okay – so the place has no walls and you can't cook for shit, Bo-Bo – but you sure did give me the closest thing I've ever had to a loving home for the first time in my life. It wasn't a lifetime of years, but they are years I can never forget – no matter what happens down the road."
We were both sobbing again, but you continued, "Bo-Bo… I know now that you and Lauren are meant to be together. With all of the weird Fae shit that goes down around you, I wouldn't doubt if there wasn't a book in Trick's lair that says the two of you are part of some prophecy that would save the world and blah, blah, blah."
I dove into your arms and thanked you for giving me your blessing to be with Lauren. I think it's the one thing that I felt had been missing all along. For as much as you needed me, I needed you just as much. Now that I think back on that night and everything that you said to me, I think what you were trying to tell me is that no matter which turn I take, that I will find her – I'm meant to find her. I get it now. It's why I feel her… it's why I'm here… I'm not drawn to water I'm drawn to her. I'm not sure how or why or what the heck is going on but I know what I have to do, Kenz. Thank you – I love you.
Bo slides across the bed to the map, picks it up and folds it closed until it is a narrow pamphlet again, then inserts it into the back of her journal rather than putting it with her helmet again. All she needs to know now is that her heart is telling her Lauren is close… very close. So, she'll follow her heart and have faith that she'll find what she's looking for…
"I just feel so sure."
She says to the empty room. She opens her journal and pulls out her pen again to add one last thing…
After an hour or so of indecision, I've strengthened my resolve and decided to put away the map for good. I'm taking the advice of my dear friend Kenzi. Tomorrow when I open my eyes from sleep, I will also open my heart and let it be my guide to you Lauren. Right now, I'm hungry… and the 'Martini's Diner Open 24-Hours' neon sign across from this motel is calling my name. I think I'll go fill my stomach because my mind is exhausted. Just one more thing… please help me find you... give me a chance to find you… open your heart to mine. I love you and miss you so much, Lauren. I'm a lost girl without you.
-End journal entry-
