A/N: Kinda crack? Maybe. Did I enjoy this and giggle a lot as I wrote it. This was for day one of the 12 days of bluepulse over on Tumblr. I really enjoyed the event- even if I didn't participate in all the days.


Though the flimsy material would not provide efficient protection during battle, it would prove beneficial during procreation-

"For the last time, I am not buying him that frilly lingerie," Jaime hissed between his teeth as he slammed a sweater back onto the rack. A woman shot him a glare, clamping her hands over her child's head before dragging him away.

If you are getting him clothing, then I do not see why it can't be pleasurable to you.

"Ay dios mio, how about cologne? That should work, right," he reasoned, trying his best to ignore the alien scarab on his back as he left the store- merging into the throng of shoppers. What made him think last minute Christmas shopping at a mall was a good idea?

That would be counterproductive. You prefer his natural musk. It makes you more arou-

"Food! Bart loves food. Can't go wrong getting him food."

Or we could head to that establishment 3.247 kilometers east of here and-

"We are not getting him a sex toy," Jaime squeaked, louder than he meant to. It felt like every person in the mall was staring at him.

"Christmas shopping is so crash. There's so many people- though the waiting is moding. And that lady at the last shop was beyond rude. I mean, did she have to take so long? And she started to yell at that poor cashier. But the way you two threw her out of the store, now that was crash...Are you sure Jaime is going to like his gift?" Bart asked, staring at the bag clutched in his hands in doubt. "Lacey panties doesn't sound like a normal gift to me."

"You're going by what Beast Boy's told you about Christmas and we all know he's not normal," Cassie answered with a smirk, shopping bags littering her arms. Super-strength, a handy thing to have during the holiday season.

"Trust me, when he sees you wearing them, he'll be ecstatic," Barbara added. "But if you want, we could go back and get that Axe gift-set."

"...No, not realy. I like how Jaime smells. Especially after sex and- ohmygosh. Thatwassuch aweirdthing toblurtout! ButIseriouslycan'tkeepmyhandsoffofhimafterwardsandIjustwanthimtoravishmeandwhycan'tIstoptalking?!"

"Bart! There is such a thing as too much information," Barbara groaned.

"In this kind of situation, no there isn't," Cassie giggled almost gleefully, a perverted smile on her face.

"I guess, with that new tidbit, we should hit one more store," Batgirl declared, with a particularity devious grin towards Wonder Girl.

"Oh, definitely," Cassue squealed.

Bart's green eyes widened in horror as he took in the store. No, nope, no way. Oh, this was definitely not crash. Something bad was going to happen and for some reason he felt as if his super speed wasn't going to be able to save him. As he turned to run, both girls grabbed him by the arms, dragging him in.

"No! I think it's illegal if I actually go in that kind of store," he whimpered, trying to squirm out of the girls' hold. It was no use.

His body slumped in defeat as he was dragged into a store simply labeled as, Black Cat: Adult fantasy toys and accessories.


Jaime sighed as he stuffed the last bag of groceries- junk food-mainly into the cupboard. He'd have to wrap it all later. It should at least last his boyfriend a day. Alright, an hour. And it would make him happy, that Jaime was sure of. Though he did wish he had gotten Bart something more meaning.

It would have been more of a tactical advantage if you had chosen one of the offerings I had advised.

"Just, no."