Well, let's get into warnings with this one, shall we? Puppet!Cloud, major character death, torture, and so on. I hope you're all as uncomfortable reading it as I was writing it.


It's always the same, tired dream.

Vivid, predictable, uncomfortable. But I know it's a dream. I can't control myself, so I just let it run to its conclusion. I tried fighting it so many times in the past, but what's the point? I despise it, despise how helpless I am, but I'm used to it.

It happens every couple of months, once a month if I'm unlucky. It's Sephiroth, torturing me in the only way he can now. But, sometimes I wonder if it's merely foreboding, as if someday he'll control me in waking reality again. No, I can't let that happen. Not again.

I come to in the garage. My body is walking towards the door that opens up into the bar, as always. Well, sometimes I walk in through the front door, but not this time. Tifa's there, and she smiles at me. I know its a dream, I know this isn't really Tifa, but she looks and feels so real as I walk up and give her a hug. Her silky hair smells like strawberry shampoo. Her body is so warm. I'm cringing inside because I know what's going to happen to her, what's going to happen to the kids.

"How was your day?" she asks me.

"Fine. Had a lot of deliveries." he responds with my voice. Predictable...

This torture was for me to bear. Usually the sequence of events was kill Tifa, then Marlene, then Denzel. Then He would take a good look at the results of the slaughter, making sure I soaked in the imagery until I gasped awake in bed, sweaty and nauseous. Tifa would ask me if I'd like to talk about my nightmare and I would, of course, decline. Why would I tell her I butchered her like an animal in a slaughterhouse, then followed up with the kids?

Maybe she would finally realize how broken and...fucked up I am.

Well, I can function like a normal person most days. As long as I have my family, I can make it. I've gotten this far, haven't I? Even on the bad days, which are fewer and farther between, I can count on them. Today...I feel today will be one of those bad days after this.

The evening is a blur. It's just there for the good feelings so he can make the pain worse. We have dinner together after the bar closes, there's conversation, smiles. He chuckles using my voice...Disgusting. I hate it when he does that. It makes what will happen all the more heart-wrenching, even if I've seen it over and over again. Even if this isn't really them.

Something is different, this time. As if Sephiroth found a new way to play this game. I can feel his amusement in the back of my head, and for the first time in a long while in this nightmare, I'm nervous. I'm taken to the garage to collect my swords. I look them over, the cold, sharp edges ready to do the unthinkable. I wish I could look away.

The door behind me opens up and my head turns; it's...Denzel. He has this big smile on his face...He looks at the mess of swords on my back and the one in my hand, and walks over to look at them.

Just run, please. Please.

My head swivels towards the materia box, then back to Denzel. "Hey. Could you get Marlene? I wanna show you two some materia before bed."

Denzel looks excited. When is he not excited about materia, or me? What are you planning, Sephiroth...

Denzel leaves as my fingers wrap around two materia. A green one and a blue one. I know which ones they are. He chuckles, lower than my usual laugh. "You never told me what you cherish most, Cloud. But I figured it out. I figured it out a long time ago."

My family. I cherish my family the most. I cherish them so very much. Everything they do for me, every time they put up with me...I love them more than anyone would know. And Sephiroth wants the pleasure of taking them away, over and over again.

"I think we should make it a little more interesting this time, don't you think, puppet?"

I hate my voice in my dreams.

The children enter the garage, all smiles. Please, just run. Wake up, wake up wake up wake up-

My hand is lifted up and they fall asleep in a pile. Next, their arms are tied behind their backs. Please just wake up, Strife...

This body I watch through walks out and up the stairs towards the master bedroom. It's as warm and inviting as it is in the waking world. The lamps shine a low, golden light that spills over the room. Tifa is sitting in bed, reading a book. Her head slants upwards, a brow raised as he enters. She's smiling, but also curious. Usually I'm not in my black outfit at this hour. Usually I don't have my swords on my back.

My eyes follow hers to the swords, then back to her. My shoulders shrug. "Was showing them off to Denzel."

"Oh. Did you put the kids to bed?"

My head bobs in a nod. "Yeah."

She nods back and rubs the empty space next to her, the blue and white quilt looks so inviting. I'm in that spot, dreaming. I'm dreaming. This is just revenge fantasy for a psychopathic monster. Please just wake up...

"Time for bed, huh?" he says.

My arm goes up and Tifa falls asleep. It's all far too easy, every time. But this time is different as Tifa is taken downstairs to the basement and tied up. Usually she's gutted behind the bar after some sweet talk, then I go upstairs and finish off the kids. It's brutal but it's usually, mercifully, quick. I guess Sephiroth can't have that.

I need to learn to take control. I can't stand this. What will he make me do this time?

Tifa's arms are behind her back and her legs are tied and tucked beneath her. A rag gags her mouth. I feel sick to my stomach. What does he plan to do? He's laughing, using my voice again. Tifa is propped against the wall. My body turns, and the children are on the concrete floor in front of Fenrir.

They're still asleep. I feel Sephiroth appraising them. "Which one should go first, puppet? The sweet little girl, or the boy that idolizes you?" Slowly, he points at Marlene. "I think both Tifa and Denzel should see what a monster you can be sometimes, puppet."

Why can't I wake up?

He takes Denzel and places him next to Tifa, then gags him. Next he holds up Marlene by her dress collar and takes out one of the longer, thinner swords. My eyes look over her, finally resting on her pink bow. Then the laughter began again. "She looks familiar."

No.

Not this.

Gently he puts her on her knees. We don't have to wait long for Tifa to stir, and all the while I'm struggling. I almost feel it, the world shifting just a little bit, but then everything becomes vivid again. Tifa's blinking her eyes, and soon they widen in a panic as she looks about, yelling into her gag, then fixes onto me. Then Marlene.

She's barely awake and Denzel is slowly waking up too. I'm still trying to resist him, I don't want to see this. I know it's not real but I don't want to see this. Marlene wakes up just enough to sit up without a hand grasping her dress, and she's released. I hear her huff into her gag. My eyes travel to Tifa, and...He forms a smirk on my face. She's pleading with her eyes. She's asking why with those eyes.

He says nothing as he raises my blade up, holding it in two hands. I'm fighting back as hard as I can, and he pauses. I feel a flicker of anger from him, I'm interfering. I did it last time, you bastard. Even if it came to nothing in the end.

The sword twitches and then plunges down, into Marlene. In the exact same way as her. Tifa's screaming, Denzel's screaming, I'm screaming inside. She's still alive, but not for long. The blade comes out, slowly, and she topples to the concrete. The blood slowly pools around her little body and he won't let me look away as the last bit of life flows out of this Dream Marlene. My eyes slowly move to Denzel.

He's horrified, enraged, scared, sad...All the things I was when Sephiroth burnt down Nibelheim, when Sephiroth killed Aerith...Is this what you wanted to torture me with? I struggle more. I can't stand this and he knows it.

Wake. Up. Now.

With my hand Sephiroth drags Denzel onto Marlene. He's on his back, his belly exposed. I want to turn away, I want my hands to stop doing what I don't want them to do. I can hear Sephiroth laughing in my head as the sword comes down in a swipe.

There's so many noises. Wet, metal on flesh noises. I can't stand what I see, I can't stand what I smell, I can't stand what I hear. Sephiroth won't stop, he's taken out another sword and he's smiling with my lips as I continue to struggle. Again I break through, even if it was too late. I'm frozen there, my grip loosening on my swords. I don't want to see them today after this...

Sephiroth doesn't like this at all. I can feel him pushing back. "Tifa, I can't-"

I'm cut off, and he's back in control. There's a small bit of satisfaction that came from pissing him off. I'm sure he'll make me pay for that later. Right now. My eyes go to Tifa, I'm sure I'm glowering as I stand over two mutilated corpses. My footsteps are slow and my boots stick to the ground a little from the blood on the bottom, making a sickly sound.

I'm crouching down, looking into Tifa's teary, ruby eyes. She tries to look away, her nose flaring as she takes deep breaths. My sword's blade comes to her cheek so very gently and pushes her to face me, to look into my eyes. He kisses her cheek with my lips. Can she tell I'm not in control? Does it matter? It's not Tifa. It's a dream. A dream that feels too real for its own good.

I should be used to this.

I'm standing up again, my eyes never leaving her. Sephiroth trails the tip of one of my swords over her chest, stopping at the beginning of her scar. The one Sephiroth gave her years ago. The point of the blade is being dug slowly into that scar tissue, and she cries out in pain through her gag. I know how sensitive it is.

The sword is taken away, and then a moment that felt like forever as the blade is hung over her, as if he was unsure he wanted to go this route or another. In the end he swipes low and deep and swiftly, and it's like that day in Nibelheim again. There's blood everywhere, her chest cavity is again exposed, and her skin pales so very quickly. Tifa's losing consciousness from the pain, but the look she gives me before going limp cuts into my soul.

It's just a dream. None of this is real. She's next to me in bed, the kids are in their room asleep.

"Do you really think I'll only be a memory?" he says. "Someday I will be back. This is just practice." He stabs my sword through her chest casually, then wiggles it out playfully.

I'll never let him do this, not with my body or with his own if he can conjure one up again. I struggle again and I feel a little control come back. He laughs menacingly. "Too late this time, puppet."

The sound of his laughter multiplies and grows louder in my head as the garage begins to fade into darkness, driving me ever closer to the brink of madness after seeing all I'd seen.

Yep. It's going to be one of those days.