Sam.
Sam. Her.
Sam. Her. Her body heat.
Sam. Her. Her body heat. Nothing.
Sam. Her. Her body heat. Nothing. Her voice.
It was all content. I didn't feel any hurt as Sam spoke, my mind cleared as her perfume, just a spritz of Vampire Lust, lofted into my nose, which is usually bad, but all my thoughts were of her. I liked Sam... A lot... It was too bad I couldn't tell her that. She stood close to me due to the late October air. I couldn't feel it as well, but I didn't mind it as much I did, she was even wearing a purple and black jacket. The school yard was pretty abandoned once we made it. I was just glad I made it there in one piece, my dream my new shadow.
Why
won't
you
stop?
We had gotten there early. It was the first time in a long time I gotten there while they were still serving breakfast.
Food
Ug...
My insides
are messed up
My stomach
is in my
throat
My liver
is gone
My heart
is punctured
Sam said nothing of the sicking smell floating through the halls. Neither did I. She must have not be hungry.
Will
I
Ever
Be?
We walked to our lockers in silence, with Sam's periodical glances at me.
Normal?
She turned to me and smiled. "Hey, I'm the only one allowed to be grumpy."
Define Normal
She gave my arm a playful punch.
Usual
I rubbed and it pretended it hurt.
Ordinary
I put on a smile.
Sane?
So did she.
Define Sane
"So, you ready for that pep assembly today?"
Not Me
"Pep assembly?"
"Yeah, the one the principal told us about yesterday?" She was trying to make me feel bad for ditching.
It was working.
"Sorry... I guess if you miss a day of school, you miss out of some information. Like when to hide."
She laughed as she spun the dial on her locker.
Where
Am
i?
"I need to... Go to my locker, see you later?" I said, my attempt to escape this awkward situation.
She looked at the contents of her locker. "Okay... See you in English?"
"Yeah..."
The shadows encase my skinny, dying body, soothing. Lulling my mind into real sleep for once. I forgot my past troubles as the silken water of rest welcomes me with open arms to deliver me to the land of tomorrow.
"Mr. Fenton."
My eyes shoot open.
Or not...
"I'm sorry to bother you," the pretty, blonde nurse says, "but I'm just reminding you the your father will be here to pick you up in an hour."
I stiffen, but I'm sure she doesn't notice. "B-but I thought he wasn't suppose to come until tomorrow..."
Her face turns sad. "I understand," she says sweetly. She couldn't know...
I'm sorry!
"But you can't stay here forever. You all better now. Just let that arm heal up." She made her way back to the door. "Do you need help packing?"
"No... I got it..." I get out of the bed and start putting my things into the bag slowly. I don't want to go home. A nightmare plays across the screen of my brain, memories that become present
this
is
happening
now
There is no place to hide
when
home
is
where
it
hurts
I am haunted by the lingering smell of alcohol
what
makes
you
you?
You divulge in my pain, my misery. The things you cause.
I
want
to
go
home
...
You are home now, son.
I wish I could say the day went by in a flash.
It didn't.
Each moment went by slowly, the hands on the clock laughing at me as they acted in spite, inching, no, not even inches were moved as they stretched out to grab me and brag that they were smarter and they had won. They barely moved centimeters.
They dragged into the later portion of the morning, English.
"Hello, class... Mr. Fenton! So glad you could join us." The sarcasm was thick, as it dripped from his mouth it puddled on the floor and acted as acid. It ate the floor away, and it was coming for me.
I was late again, with no excuse to supply, I was just because. No ghosts, no excuses. "Hello, sir..." I muttered as I ducked my head and made it the presumed safety of my back row seat. These preconceptions were wrong. And my best friend Dash was here to prove it.
"Hey, Fentina!" his husky voice called before the wad of paper flew. It hit my head and bounced to the ground, my eyes staring at the table. My head, which endured the continued assault, was downward.
In shame.
The lesson and torment continued. Daniel Fenton either was a nuisance or a punching bag. I don't know which.
Actually, he's a failure, a shame to the human race, and not. Even. HUMAN.
The lesson was concluded and the director took his bow. The audience cheered as a tone rang through the room, signaling the cue for the next performance. But this was not one director to quit so easily, he must have his audience for a minute more.
"Remember, class, you will be starting a new unit in health! It will be in my room, Sex Ed."
I froze, the terror sweeping away anything I had left. My books tumbled to the floor.
I hurried, quickly, before anyone noticed me. Too late. All eyes glued themselves to my trembling hands, searching, reaching desperately for my books, my sanity. It was all falling through the cracks created by acid...
I collected myself and ran out of the room.
I heard footsteps following me through the halls. Two pairs, both boots of some sort.
"Danny! Wait!" the more feminine of the two shouted. I nearly tripped skidding to a stop. Sam and Tucker caught me.
"Dude, are you okay? You peeled out of there pretty fast," Tucker said supporting my right side. From the left, Sam came in.
"Is something wrong?"
In truth, it would wrong to say I didn't inwardly panic.
I attempted to compose myself. "No, I'm fine. I just stubbed my toe on a desk and dropped my books..."
Sam inquired, "Then why the miniature freak fest? Why'd you run?"
I lied. No easier way to put it, no pretty words to cover my messed up life. "I hurt my foot last night. It still hurts... I just didn't want to yell out or something..."
Sam chewed on the lie, it was tangy and laid thick. I just hoped her taste buds were gullible. "Is it okay?"
I nodded. "It's mostly healed now... Sorry, guys, I've been a bit... Off lately..."
Tucker scoffed. "No kidding." He released my arm, prompting Sam to do the same.
I smiled lightly. "Yeah... Sorry." My brain beat against the sides of my head. I winced. I didn't even notice it hurt until now.
Sam gave me a small, curious and worried look. "Are you okay?"
I nodded. Why not lie some more? Let's watch this wonderful snowball disaster keep rolling. We'll wait until it reaches the bottom, and explodes in Danny's face. Look at the pretty sparkles. You like them. Look, at the pretty cracks.
He's breaking.
"My toe," I mumble as the warning bell rings, bellowing in my head. We all give each other panicked looks and headed off our separate ways.
I love Casper High. It is my second home. I love Casper High. I support the football team. I love Casper High.
That was what pep assemblies were. Lies fabricated to fit the "normal and successful" students, also known as the jocks and the cheerleaders.
Tucker and Sam were already in our usually pep assembly spots when I made it to the gym. Sam wave me over and held up headphones with a wink. My head was pounding already.
Don't get me wrong. I usually do sit through these things without headphones, and add a bit of cheering here and there, but today I felt like crap and Sam knew it.
Why
won't
you
stop?
The band was beginning to practice the school's song and my head held a beat with the drums.
I grabbed the headphones from Sam as soon I got up there, and said my gratitude.
"Thanks, you don't know how much I need these..." I said as I slipped them over my ears. If I turned music on, I wouldn't be able to hear anything but a mixture of Humpty Dumpty and Morbid Anti Social Youth. But, of course, Tucker wanted me to wait until the cheerleaders were done with their first performance so we could giggle about it like two middle school girls and Justin Beiber. No, thanks. But... Tuck is my best friend.
I left the music off for the first part, but we all knew it was going back on.
The pop music played over the sound system, and soon a dozen of girls in short skirts began cartwheeling out to the center of the gym.
Tucker started pointing out the ways they moved and how they looked. Now, don't get me wrong, Tucker's no perv, but he does wish one of those girls down there would at least kiss him, if not go out on a date with him.
Now, there were actually boys thinking those thoughts, I knew it from the ways they stared. They couldn't even hide a nosebleed.
Tucker was not one of them.
Neither was I. Except, now I as I stared at the small pretty girls doing flips and things that I could only do in my ghost form, I did not feel like I wanted to go out with them, or like the tissue brigade, trying to stop the bleeding.
I
felt
SICK.
Not the kind of pedophile sick.
Sick
with
a
memory-
no
a
dream
dream
dream
it
wont
stop
make
it
stop
I felt queasy, and sick. Like I was going to throw up.
please
stop
Why
wont
you
stop
The room spun around me, mixing the white walls with the red
Pink
is
pretty
Crimson
is
bad
bleed
bleeding
they
want
blood
bloodshed
they
get
what
they
want
Golden Girls
in tight skirts
cartwheeling
wheeling
the world is spinning
the ceiling is flying away
and the floor wants a kiss
kisses are bad
they smell like alcohol
oops... im sorry...
i
cant
hear
you
The world came back through the black haze of my mind, unconsciousness triumphant in my downfall. The tile ceiling above me came to focus, but my brains wanted to play kaleidoscope and my vision blurred as the world spun again.
I groaned at the headache that grew worse by the seconds counted down by the loud tick tocks of the ancient clock.
"Mr. Fenton?" a voice called through the black haze of my mind, where there was no bliss of sleep and the promise of tomorrow was broken, due to it being certain hell like today. And Mr. Fenton was being called. Mr. Fenton is being paged, Mr. Fenton, please answer, please answer, don't go back.
Who is Mr. Fenton? Why won't he answer?
Tomorrow hides behind clouds.
It will rain today.
Paging Mr. Fenton, why won't you answer?
Why
won't
you
stop?
I am Mr. Fenton.
I am here.
I will answer.
Who is it?
Death is quiet, sweet in taste. I lick my lips and hope for more of her sweet kiss.
"Daniel Fenton! I know you are awake, answer me!"
Nurse is a word
that flutters in my head.
It lands with grace
on my tongue
but all I say is
"Where am I...?"
in a moan.
"You fell off the bleachers during the pep assembly, honey. Your in the nurse's office."
No Tucker
my mind said
Sam? are you there?
are you there
are you there
can you hear me?
listen
why
won't
you
stop?
why
won't
you
listen?
"I don't feel good..." I muttered.
She laughed. "I wouldn't think so after a fall like that."
My mind howled at her loud laughter. Painful, make it stop. I moaned, raising a hand to my head.
"Ooh, be careful. You had one nasty whack back there."
I kept my eyes closed.
Behind my eyelids
in the theater of my mind
a black hair boy is walking home
watching a sunset.
He doesn't even know
what dangers there are
He is content
until the monster feeds.
I wanted to scream, scream out to the boy and tell him to run. Run until the sun that is setting it the west is in the east and nothing happens. Run before it happens.
Why
won't
you
stop?
"I called home, but no one answered," she said.
I nodded. "My parents are out of town, taking Jazz on a college tour... They'll be back soon... For a break... but they'll be gone again soon."
I heard her tsk. "Are they gone all the time?"
"No..." I told her. "They're just taking my sister on a college scouting thing..."
"Okay. Well, sweetie, if your feeling better, you can go back to the assembly. If not, you can stay here. They wanted to call the ambulance, but I told you'd be fine and let you stay here, but you can't walk home. You need a ride."
I nodded, my eyes still closed, maybe if I don't see it, it won't be true. If it all becomes black, it never existed. I tried to make the dream black.
It didn't work.
"Is something bothering you, Mr. Fenton? Do you know why you fell?"
Rust formed in the back of my throat, like I was a useless piece of machinery. My gears had stopped, my life was going black.
If only.
The rust grew. It wasn't like I was going to tell her that I was being followed by a bad dream. I wasn't like I could tell her that the cheerleader's skirts reminded me of sex, which reminded me of said haunting dream. It wasn't like I could tell her anything, the rust grew to my jaw, clamping it shut.
"Mr. Fenton?"
My eyes were shut, my windpipe was shut, my brain was shut (down), my life...
Was going black.
But not my vision.
And not the dream.
I
remember
you
perfectly
stop
please
just
stop
I lie on the ground
the blood is covering my shadow
my pain is covering your words
You leave then
You are gone
I am...
Alone...
and cold
and sad
and bleeding
i need help
it needs to stop
stop
PLEASE!
I sucked air into my lungs, gasping for needed oxygen. Help! Help!
The nurse noticed my distress and called out, "Are you okay?"
I barely nodded as she rushed over. My wide open eyes stared at blackness, and I realized that I was remembering the dream. I tried to focus on my surroundings...
The ceiling is the only thing I saw, that I would let myself see.
So... The ceiling... What could I smell? Blood... No... I smelled the nurse's office, sterile.
The ceiling... Sterile... What did I feel? Pain... No, I feel this hard cot beneath me...
The ceiling, sterile, the cot... What do I taste? Blood, alcohol... No, I tasted nothing, because I ate nothing.
The ceiling. Sterile. The cot. Nothing...
What
did
I
hear?
My
screams
begs
pleas?
My
mind
shattering
into
too
many
pieces
All
of
them
sharp
and
ragged
I
couldn't
pick
it
up.
I...
I heard the Nurse, talking, that's what I was hearing then.
Not...
That...
It was too hot.
"Daniel, are you okay?" the Nurse asked quietly. I nodded. "What was that? Do you have asthma?" I shook my head. She pursed her lips.
"I just chocked on the air, that's all..." I closed my eyes. "Isn't it a little hot in here?"
She looked around the room as if heat was something visible. She looked back at me. "I didn't think so... Are you okay now, dear? Do you want to go back to the assembly?"
I thought for a moment. Did I? Did I really? I couldn't tell... I shook my head anyway, and closed my eyes.
"Alright, sweetie. Just tell me when your ready." I don't bother with a nod.
Soft sweet singing, gently coming through the cracks of my life. Cracks that are, I must admit, getting larger and more in quantity. I needed a way out, and I had to face facts.
It wasn't a dream, was it?
DEAR LORD YOU'RE ALL GONNA KILL MEH! PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T! I DUN WANNA DIE!
I'M SORRY. FOR THE LATENESS AND THE SHORTNESS.
ALL STORIES OF MINE: ON HIATUS.
