I'm a comma whore, yes, I admit. Its horrible as me being Athletically Challenged. Anyways, former stuff needs to be out of the way. I did a quick editing, and read over this like three times. I apologize for any big mistakes, or mistakes in general that hinder any reading ability. This will be a Nico/Percy story and most of the pairings are undecided, and might be created in the heat of the moment (Gerard Way/Billie J. Armstrong pairing alert... I want them to do a collab and kiss on stage [No disrespect on their wives and kids - one tiny kiss], dammit!). This happens like a year after everything in Mark of Athena/House of Hades. Yup. A GIANT SHOUTOUT TO ALL MY REVIEWERS, ALERTERS, AND FAVORITERS!

Disclaimers: I don't own anything recognizable such as the Heroes of Olympus series or PJO series, that belong to RR, Disney Hyperion, and other people. I do not own Billie Joe or Gerard Way, AVPM, Popeye, Blue's Clues, or anything else you see that's owned by other people. I don't own greek mythology either. Too be fair, all stories come from somewhere and nothing is truly 100% original if you want to get technical about it.

Warnings: Complete crack, like seriously, get ready for the crazy narcissistic Neeks in this chapter and mentions of Mpreg, cursing (Applesauce counts as cursing in the 40s), OOC characters, slash, yaoi, heterosexual pairings. Flames are welcome. Updates are sporadic.

Narrator voice of Apollo and sometimes Aphrodite is bold.

Someone write Travis/Nico/Conner, Jason/Nico, and Chyrsador/Percy. I need the slash! -falls to knees- PLEASE!


Apollo's Fairytale: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who's the Sexiest one of All?


Cameo back to our dashingly perverted prince who had deep depression issues buried under years of denial and rum-filled pina coladas.

Bianca dragged him into the bathroom. She dropped him on the hard floor without a second glance, stepping back beside Hazel. Hazel stepped forward at the pained groan of Nico, gently pulling him up, whispering soothing words. She swept invisible dirt off his clothes before sending him a brilliant smile filled with sunshine and happiness.

Nico returned the smile, glad that someone– he twisted on his heel to glare at his resurrected zombie older sister– was showing him kindness in this new place. Bianca stuck her tongue out at him, winking.

The impudence! Nico grumbled silently, to think he wasted his time trying to bring his sister back to life. He'd forgotten about her evil older sister ways. Yes, all the memories rushed back to him: dressing him up as a girl for tea parties, forcing him to listen to the newest gossip centering around the hottest boys, and worst of all lying to him about his vegetables; they most certainly did not give him super-strength like Popeye.

He shifted back around to face the black stone sink and all the utilities surrounding the sink. He scanned the drawers and items of the expansive bathroom countertops until his dark eyes met a duplication of his own.

Oh. All thoughts of Bianca, Hazel, and the strange environment: everything disappeared, except the thought of himself.

Nico felt like Narcissus. The full-bodied crystal mirror was a pure reflection of his utter hotness. Nico ran a shuddering hand down his pecs and abs; his fingers teased the trail of hair from his naval leading into his pants. Zeus, Nico wondered it what it would be like to have sex with himself.

Yes. Nico's eyebrows rose up, his eyes shined brightly like Christmas lights on a chilly night filled with yuletide and cheer. Wow, that was a complete exaggeration, but it expressed his feelings in a poetic manner. Anyone who had said otherwise was in denial. Nico was Adonis. He was like the biological man-baby of Gerard Way and Billie Joe Armstrong… Thalia would jump his bones.

Heck, he would jump his sexy bones. His mind wandered to the dark recesses of his mind; he wanted to lose his virginity to himself cuz, he was that attractive. He wondered if that was possible. "Bianca," Nico started, straining to remove his erotic gaze from his sensuous self.

"Hmmm?"

"Is it possible to have hot, sweaty, amazing sex with yourself?" Nico asked, continuing to rub his bare chest in a fervent manner.

Our little Prince was a total arrogant asshole that was so obsessed with his self-image he made Narcissus look modest.

Nico licked his lips, flexing in the mirror, making a little moan at the image it created. For once he agreed with the weirdo voice. Who wouldn't be obsessed with him? Puberty had done wonders to his scrawny, pasty form. He filled out quite nicely.

"Nico, you should stop admiring yourself. You haven't taken a shower and our parents are calling for you. Not to mention, your fan club is due in five minutes," Hazel spoke up, twirling a curl of springy brown hair. Bianca nodded earnestly beside her.

Nico took all his sister's words in stride. He twisted in the mirror to see his wonderful backside. He gasped in surprise, even his ass was perfect. He was just itching to slap it, but he refrained. Nico was from the 40s. He had modesty.

Our prissy Prince was so enraptured in himself, he didn't notice when his younger sister created a golden skateboard, zooming away from the bathroom, a panicked expression painted on her beautiful face. His other sister, Bianca, sent him an exasperated look before fading into a shadow… a curious middle finger the last thing to disappear.

Nico glanced away from his beautiful ass, "Huh?" He turned to see Bianca's olive-toned finger disappear with the rest of her and Hazel nonexistent. He regretfully stepped away from the mirror, still absently stroking his hard abs. "Where did everyone go?"

Nico wasn't going to bother with the neurotic voice. He'd decided fifteen minutes ago that when he became Evil Overlord Nico Florence di Angelo of the Universe, he'd crush the voice with his fearsome army of skeleton soldiers and clowns. Mwuhahahahaha!

Wait.

His ADHD was acting up again. He had to focus on the problem at hand. Focus, Focus, Focus, Focusing… Brain Blast!

Every morning at around 10, our prince would be chased around the castle by a horde of horny girls (and some boys) with absolutely no life at all. He enjoyed the attention though, it constantly stroked his ego in all the right places.

"Wait… wha?" came Nico. He barely had time to think when he felt the ground begin to shake tremendously. He wobbled on his feet trying to keep balance. His attention moved to the direction where the tremors were coming from. He waited with bated breath sweat beading down his forehead.

Zeus almighty, what if it was those dolphin pimps. He knew his ass was exquisite and would look fantastic in booty shorts, but he wasn't ready to have a Sugar Daddy. He had so much stuff to accomplish; like waking up with sticky sheets and random Nico's popping up at awkward moments. Whatever that meant… Leo had been tasked with giving him a 'Bro-to-Bro' talk. He only remembered to not take candy from strangers, how to deal with funny feelings around people, and the like. Too be honest it didn't make a lot of sense to him.

Alas, there was no room for awkward Leo talks. The ground and sky were shaking. He waited, his fists curling: the bathroom door burst open (there were bathroom doors?) and the squealing filled the bathroom hall. Nico crumpled to the ground like a heavy bag of potatoes, covering his ears.

Was the banshee tale true? A collective high-pitched shrill of "Nico!" gave him his answer. He stared at the group of people ranging from age twelve to twenty-five scantily dressed in black, all holding some sort of sign or merchandise related to him.

His mother always taught him that honesty was the best policy. So, naturally what spewed out of his mouth happened to be: "Applesauce!"

And everyday our prince was dragged into the savage crowd of fans, ravaged like a piece of meat by a pack of hungry dogs.

Oh hells to the no.

Nico scampered from the floor of the bathroom faster than Speedy Gonzales. He zoomed through his bathroom, extremely grateful Percy and Annabeth forced him to do demigod training while he resided at Camp; this bathroom was like a mile long. Anywho, he barreled through the French doors. Okay, tried to barrel through the doors. In reality, he smacked right into the doors, tragically falling to the ground in slow motion. His young life flashed before his eyes as he fell to the ground with a bone-crushing thud.

He promised the door would rue the day it ever sent him to a grinding halt. It would rue it.

"Marry me, Nico!"

"Have ten bazillion babies with me, Nikki!"

"I love you, Neeks!"

Ok, rue less, more running! Insane banshees on his heels. Time to get up. Nico rubbed his nose, jumping to his feet, this time rushing through the doors. Thanks to his kickass godly skills, he skidded passed many bewildered servants and onlookers. He ran through many impressive halls and saw many bedazzling people, but he had little time to stop and admire.

Extreme shame weighed down on him while he was running for his life. He was supposed to be the scary son of Hades, but here he was, screaming and flailing his arms like some sort of headless chicken. The shame. If the ghosts ever found out about this, he'd never hear the end of it. He groaned.

As always our egocentric prince played along with the act of chase until he suddenly tripped at one time or another. His fanbase easily pouncing on him for his daily debauching.

"Wait! No! Pleas—" Nico stumbled over a random carpet, falling face flat on the cotton carpet. His head jerked up. To heck with the running, he was crawling now, but it was too late. The vicious imps grabbed hold of his silken pj pants; his nails dug deeply into the carpet, leaving long scratches as they tugged him into the pit of doom.

NOOO…!" Nico cried, bodies upon bodies layered his vision. He could feel their slithering hands all over his body, their ragged breath in his ear, and his pants and shirt being ripped off, accompanied by squeals and bright blushes. Nico struggled in their collective hold.

At least, Nico thought, I won't die a virgin, and he was still sexy. Yes, oh so, sexy! He regretted nothing.

He lied, the only thing he regretted was not having sex with himself because he was that sexy.

Supermegafoxyawesomehot sexy.


Enough of the prince, we head back to the lovely maiden.

Percy had a newfound respect for girls, after meeting young women like Annabeth, Hazel, Thalia, Zoë, his mother; he thought nothing about them would ever surprise him again. However, when he staggered in five-inch heels downstairs, he wondered how in the hell girls toddled in these devils, much less walked. Gods, to think he watched Annabeth take down a lamia in heels bigger than his own.

"Please tell me we're almost there," Percy whimpered, glued to the railing as if it were a lifeline. He took one tiny step at the time, careful to keep on his feet.

Annabeth sent him a worried glance over her shoulder. She held a bright bulb of fire in her right hand, skipping down the marble steps. "Yeah, Kelpie. We're almost at Doctor McDreamy's."

Percy nodded uneasily. They continued in silence until they passed through some sort of filmy entrance into a fluorescent room chock full of pictures of hot babes, posters of the newest models of the fastest cars, and curiously a lot of paintings of the sun and a chariot. Annabeth tugged him down beside her into two sky blue beanbag chairs.

Percy was hit with a wave of clues. He had a feeling all of this should connect somehow, but it wasn't clicking. He almost felt like Steve on Blue's Clues. He needed to pull out his handy-dandy notebook and blue-colored crayon to draw down all the clues; they were leading to something important. He was sure of it, but what?

"My name is Fred

Thou call me DocMcDreamy

I'm hotness itself"

"AH HA!" Percy struggled up to his feet, shaking in the process. He pointed his pointer finger at a wide-eyed blond, resembling the stereotypical Californian guy. Said guy had just strolled in the room wearing a typical doctor's coat, stethoscope, and clipboard.

"Ah ha what, Princess Seaweed?" Annabeth raised a manicured eyebrow.

"I just figured out Blue's Clues! Wow, I really am smart!" Percy shouted, whilst Annabeth and the new occupant in the room took a step to the door, giving the sea prince a precautionary nod in agreement to the nonsense he spewed.

"You are smart, Percy. What were Blue's Clues?" she inquired somewhat rhetorically.

"I'm sorry, but I can't explain them to you at this moment. That would require several flashbacks, confusing history times, and me potentially making a fool of myself. All I can say is that Fred is Lord Apollo in disguise!" he revealed loudly, expecting to hear denials from the badly dressed up God.

You self-inserting Gary Stu! Aphrodite fumed, interrupting the tale. She placed her petite hands on her hips. You can't just add yourself into my fairytale. I don't wanna hear about you, I get enough of that from your fanbase! she hissed venomously.

Apollo coughed into his hand. I believe the story is called Apollo's Fairytale; therefore I can do whatever I want.

You idiot! No, you can't! I told you this book interfered with the mortals' world. Do you realize the repercussions of this?! She pulled at her teddy bear. They know.

Who know's? Apollo eyed the little girl weirdly.

They, Aphrodite said cryptically, eyeing him like his son on The Sixth Sense, saying they like the famous line on the movie. The heebie-jeebies were starting to creep up on the Sun God.

What shall I do then? Apollo pulled at the collar of his shirt.

Move onto the introduction of evil characters, Aphrodite sighed. They still don't realize who you are yet.

Apollo nodded, starting to read where he left off, the pictures of Percy, Annabeth, and himself animating onto the blank pages as he spoke.

Alas, we cannot spend all this time with our princess and prince. We have to move onto more unsavory characters.

Percy yelled, "You can't just—!"