Ways To Annoy Hogwarts Residents Chapter 3. rated T for Bollocks and bananas

This one's all about Snape. Everyone seems to like watching fate (or writers) piss on Snape, so here's ten ways to annoy snape.

1- Moveri Paribus

"Ready, Granger?"

"As Always, Malfoy." she grinned. "Moveri Paribus"

The class (both slytherin and Gryffindors) let out a collective gasp as Snape's Underwear removed itself from his person, and started jumping around the class.

No-One should have to know that Snape wears little mermaid y-fronts.

2- Homework Time.

"So, Malfoy? Managed to learn Snape's Handwriting yet?"

"Of course. And.. Oh, look... I accidentally went into his office and stole our class' homework."

"Excellent. Whose shall we start with?"

"Weasel." Said Draco, writing on Ron's Homework. Hermione looked over his shoulder and saw 'Very Bad, Ronniekins. Meet me in the room of requirement for...punishment...at 8:00 tonight."

Hermione snorted. It was the exact replica of Snape's handwriting.

"How about...this?" asked Draco, Taking Harry's homework and marking it with...'well...let's just say this was worse that you in bed last night... and that's saying something.' "How about removing their memories from last night too?" he suggested.

"Malfoy! Harry's on our side!"

"Yes, but if we miss him out, Snape'll think it was Potter that wrote it!

"Ugh... Okay then. Make sure you do yours and mine... Miss out Pansy and Daphne's"

"Okay..." He paused to write 'why do I bother with you, Longbottom? Go play in the traffic.' On Neville's, and 'I know your secret, Zabini. I saw you and Potter in that broom cupboard.' on Blaise's

"Leave a note to Snape."

"Yeah, Okay" said Draco, writing on a clean sheet of parchment (in VERY girly handwriting)

Dear Sevvie-poo,

We took the trouble to mark our class' homework for you. The blaise-and-potter thing is actually true.

Signed,

Daphne Greengrass & Pansy Parkinson.

P.S... If you ever...need...us, you only have to ask.

The next potions lesson, they had to deal with a very confused snape.

3- Doppelganger

"Oh, this is gonna be SO fun!" squeeled Hermione.

"Yeah..." said Draco, waving his wand under the table and pointing it at Lavender Brown.

Her hair grew shorter, her face changed, and her robes turned black.

She was a mini-Snape.

She opened her mouth to speak. All that came out was:

"Snape, Snape, Severus Snape."

"Yes...ARGH!" said Snape

4-Pet Names.

"We're going to need to inform our whole class for this one..." said Draco.

"Okay..."

~Later that day (just before potions)~

"Everyone! Right. You everyone who calls Snape Cuddles for the whole of this lesson gets 50 house points." Yelled Draco above the din.

~during Potions~

"Good Day, Class."

"Good Day, Cuddles."

*Snape Faints*

5- Curoius

Hermione put her hand up in class.

"Uh... Professor... Um..."

"Spit It out, Miss Granger!"

"Would you call yourself Emo or Goth, Sir?"

6- Spam

Draco felt an impending sense of doom. Snape was hovering over him. Ah. Hence the doom. Snape stared at him for five minutes.

Draco Looked at Hermione. She nodded. He looked at snape again, before lifting his arm up and hitting his professor in the forehead with the palm of his hand. Snape toppled backwards.

"SPAM!" he yelled.

"Detention, Mr Malfoy." said Snape from his position on the floor.

7- The Game

"Do you know what the game is Severus?" asked Dumbledore.

"No, Sir."

"Well, it is a game, where the aim is to forget the game. Whenever you remember it, you have to shout 'I Lost The Game.' Oh, and once you know about it, you start playing." Dumbledore explained.

"Ah" said Snape.

Malfoy smirked from his place behind the door. This was going to be fun.

~Next Potions Lesson~

"Sir?"

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy?"

"THE GAME!"

"Bollocks. I just lost the game, Mr Malfoy."

"You're playing a game with Bollocks, Sir?" asked a very confused Harry. Hermione grinned. This was better than planned.

"I didn't know you swing that way, sir!" said Parvati Patil.

"No, I was playing with dumbledore-" Draco anticipated what snape was going to say. He stepped on his foot, knowing Snape's favorite curse word. "BOLLOCKS"

"You were playing with dumbledores Bollocks, Sir?" said Hermione, imagining the rumours.

"Buggery" said Snape The class started laughing.

"Was that with Dumbledore, too, sir?" Asked Draco.

Snape walked out of the lesson.

8-Is it a bird? No, it's a flying Greaseball...that doesn't fly...

"Ready, Granger?"

"Naturally. Arta Cutis" She said, Waving her wand at Snape just as Dumbledore walked in.

Snape's clothes had changed into a skin-tight superman costume.

"Well, Sevster. I really didn't know you liked me that much." said Dumbledore, pointing to a bulge in his trousers.

"WHAT?" said Snape, looking down. Sure enough, there was a bulge. "Oh, this... This is a banana." (by this time, the class was in hysterics.)

"Yes, Sevster. Is it about time we talked about the birds and the bees?" said Dumbledore

"No, Headmaster, it really is just a banana." Snape reached into his pockets, and pulled out a banana.

"This'll be all around the school tomorrow." said Draco.

He got a smack round the head for his troubles.

9-(for the dwarfers out there...boys from the dwarf shakes hands *lister-style*)

"And you've had half your time on this written potions test..." said Snape.

Draco was scribbling extremeley fast. He suddenly got up, gave an extended salute (rimmer-style) and fainted.

Snape got up and looked at his test.

In black ink, written no less than 500 times was...

'I Am A Fish'

"No You Are NOT! Someone take him to the hospital wing!"

10- Hang in there!

Draco and Hermione wore Balaclavas and black clothes. They burst into the great hall and ran up to the staff table.

"Wingardium Leviosa" Shouted Draco, pointing his wand at Snape. He levitated.

Hermione created magical chains, and chained him to one of the many chandeleirs.

Draco magically removed his clothes.

No-One in the hall ever fully mentally recovered.

A/N- I owe 3, 4 and 8 to .

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