An Exchange of Few Words
Disclaimer: I do not own Host Club.
A/N: I give you leave to hate me, wretched author that I am. Heh. This took way too long to get posted. And, though it's longer than the previous chapters, it doesn't quite make up for the wait. Haruhi is hard to write. Real life sucks. I have more excuses if I need to drag 'em out... Heh. But! Please enjoy. beam I can guarantee - putting my immortal soul on the line here - that chapter four (which is a sort of "interlude" in which we see the other hosts reactions to Kyoya's strange behavior) will be up by Friday at the latest. If I'm now swamped with school, I'll try to have it up tomorrow. Heh. We'll see.
Review responses for chapter two will be on my livejournal tomorrow if you're interested. Thanks for all the great reviews, guys!
Chapter Three: Mistake
xXx
Their third kiss was a mistake.
Haruhi didn't say anything about Kyoya kissing her during their Tamaki-mandated study session. (Which, though she passed all her exams with flying colors, probably hadn't helped.)
It irked her, and there was always an uneasy spot in the back of her mind questioning his motives for doing that, but for the most part she managed to forget all about it. And he, of course, hadn't said a word. No explanation was offered, no reasonable answer was given to her unspoken inquiry. In fact, he seemed to have adopted an even more aloof attitude than before.
Once again, she was forced to conclude that rich people were just insane.
However, whether insane or not, she could not deny that something about Kyoya had changed. The difference was almost imperceptible, and certainly none but herself would have noticed the subtle changes in Kyoya's behavior towards her. He smiled more often, and he was kinder to her. He suddenly found more excuses to be near her, excuses to touch her. But then at other times, he was colder than ever - acting as though he didn't care about her at all. At first, Haruhi had thought she was imagining it. No one else, not even Hunny or Mori, seemed to notice, and Kyoya hadn't even secretly confronted her as he was usually wont to do. In fact, he seemed completely oblivious. So for awhile, she just ignored it.
But it went on.
And after three weeks of such strange behavior, she couldn't ignore it anymore. The thought that perhaps he was attracted to her never crossed her mind. They were both hosts; they were as close to being friends as any of Kyoya's acquaintances could come. Haruhi didn't understand why he would single her out so. Was he teasing her? Was he trying to tell her something that he didn't want anyone else to know? Was he trying to tell someone else something that he didn't want her to know? She was, frankly, baffled.
Confronting him wasn't an option. She just stubbornly pushed all confusing thoughts of him to the back of her mind, and went about her business like nothing had changed.
Until one day, one of Haruhi's usuals confessed that she had more than just friendly, fan-girly feelings for the freshman host. After the girl had breathlessly spilled out her feelings, Haruhi stood there speechless.
"Um... It's very flattering you feel that way for me," Haruhi said. The girl looked up at her with glowing, hopeful eyes. "But..." The girl's face began to fall. "I'm sorry. I just don't feel the same way. You're a very nice person, but I don't have any sort of romantic feelings for you."
The girl's upper lip began to tremble. "Are you... Are you sure?"
Haruhi nodded resolutely. "I'm sorry. But I don't really think of you as anything more than a client."
The girl's large, brown eyes began to water. "I... B-but, do..." She swallowed, trying to allay her anxiety. "Do you think that... That you could ever learn to feel more?"
"No, I'm sorry but I don't think that's possible." Haruhi shook her head regretfully. "I'm afraid that my feelings won't change."
The girl burst into tears, and without anything word to anyone ran out of the Third Music Room in utter despair. Haruhi watched her, feeling mildly guilty that she had to be the one to upset the poor girl. But she had only been honest.
"Wonderful," a voice behind the female host said dryly. "You've scared a customer away." She turned and saw Kyoya, his arms crossed, looking displeased. "You'll have to make that up, you know."
Haruhi bit back a groan. "It wasn't my fault, Kyoya-sempai. I couldn't lie to her, and - "
"And you could have handled the conversation better," he interrupted. "There was no need to send her away bawling her eyes out. This will not display the Host Club in a positive light." He adjusted his glasses, the bright light glinting off the lenses. "I hope you're prepared to accept the consequences of your actions."
"Stop trying to scare me," Haruhi said. "I understand." She frowned. "And I believe I did handle the conversation as best I could - it would have been cruel to give her false hope and there was no way I'd ever care for her as more than just a... a client or at the most a friend, so..." She crossed her arms and shot him a stern look. "What was I supposed to do?"
Kyoya jotted something down onto his clipboard, and Haruhi felt a vague stirring of fear that she had just increased her debt. "You find a way," he told her coldly, "to make them believe you would love them if there was any possible way you could." He shook his head and laughed mockingly. "You might be perfectly natural... But there are some things about hosting you just can't grasp."
"You're one to talk," she said, more out of honesty than spite. "I doubt you could do a better job. Those girls would have to be fools to believe that silly smile you present to them is your true face."
"Then they're fools." He put a hand on the top of her head and ruffled her hair. "Girls don't come here for honesty, Haruhi. They come to be fools." He smiled at her rather unkindly. "They want to believe we care."
But before she could respond, Tamaki rushed over. "Oh no!" he wailed. "Oh my beautiful daughter, what has that cruel mother been doing to you?"
"Nothing," Kyoya said immediately, his voice sharp. Haruhi shot him a confused look. "We were merely having a discussion about the girl she just sent away in tears."
Haruhi rolled her eyes. "Kyoya-sempai, I told you already, I - "
But before she could finish, Tamaki had grabbed her hands and was rubbing them against his cheek in what he believed to be a consoling manner. "Oh, daughter! My dearest, most wonderful daughter! Of course you didn't mean to do such a thing! You must excuse your mother - oh, how terrible! How your tender heart must be wounded!"
By that time, Haruhi had tuned him out completely. She was more interested in Kyoya, whose strange behavior combined with their freshly-interrupted conversation made for a puzzle that Haruhi just couldn't figure out. However, she knew how to take an opportunity when she saw one.
"Tamaki-sempai," she said suddenly, deftly extricating herself from his loving grasp, "I appreciate your concern, but this is a matter that Kyoya-sempai and I should handle between ourselves." She sent "mother" a pointed look. "Don't worry," she said, when she saw the worried look on Tamaki's face, "I won't let him get away with anything."
Had she not known better, she would have said that Kyoya looked taken aback. "All right, Haruhi," he said, his tone light. "Shall we step into the hall?"
She nodded. And leaving a gaping, miserable-looking Tamaki behind, they went out into the privacy of the hallway.
Kyoya took charge immediately. "What's this about, Haruhi?" he asked, adjusting his glasses. She'd noticed him doing that often, lately; it seemed like a nervous habit. "I believe you know me well enough not to assume that I'd be swayed by any sort of plea. You are going to make up for that customer you lost, and - "
"No," Haruhi said, shaking her head. "It's more than that." She looked him straight in the eye. "You've been acting strangely lately - and I think it's because of me." She folded her arms across her chest authoritatively. "I want an explanation."
"Strangely? What do you mean by that?"
"Well..." Her gaze shifted off to one side, then the other. "You run hot and cold on me; sometimes you're very attentive and kind - touching me more, smiling more - but sometimes your attitude is positively frigid, and you give the impression that you hate me. I don't understand. And... I was wondering if..." She shifted her weight. "If maybe it had something to do with the afternoon we had that tutoring session."
"You mean when I kissed you."
As blunt as she could be. "Yes. That's exactly what I mean."
"To be honest, I think it's just your imagination. That kiss meant nothing, and it's best if you put it out of your mind. Unless..." He frowned and looked down his nose at her. "Unless you're attaching more meaning to it than I am."
"Oh no! I'm not in the habit of kissing many people, but I knew that it was..." She searched for the right word. "That it wasn't quite what a kiss would be. We... Our relationship isn't like that."
"Really?" He smirked. "And just what is our relationship like?"
"We're... friends," Haruhi said. "We're friends."
"Really?" he asked again, his smirk widening into something more devilish. "Just... friends?"
Haruhi frowned. "Sempai, if you're trying to imply that... that I do attach meaning to that kiss, then you're wrong."
"So what you're saying is that, given the opportunity to kiss me again, you wouldn't take it? Don't delude yourself, Haruhi."
"Delude myself?" she echoed angrily. "I'm not deluding myself, not at all. I'm fully aware of - "
"Your attraction to me?" he finished for her, earning himself a fierce glare. "You certainly don't seem to be aware of it. You seem rather intent on denying it, actually." Somewhere, in the back of his subconscious mind, he was aware that he was projecting his own feelings onto Haruhi. However, the situation was too entertaining for him to really care.
"Denying it? Kyoya-sempai, it doesn't even exist! I didn't ask to talk to you so you could make these crazy accusations. I don't feel anything stronger than friendship for you. You kissed me! If anything, I should be asking you how you feel!"
He came closer, caging her in - both arms up, his hands flat against the wall. "That, my dear Haruhi," he said softly, "is my own business. And the statement previous to that... is a lie. We may be friends and friendship may be all you want from me, but it's foolish to try and tell me - or yourself - that you're not attracted to me. Am I not handsome? Am I not wealthy? Am I - "
"You're also kind of a jerk," Haruhi interrupted bluntly. "And that seems to overshadow the good stuff."
"But what if I said... I was attracted to you?"
"What?" That seemed to startle her. "I... Kyoya-sempai, you can't be serious. Attracted to me? That's ridiculous. If this is another one of your complicated, involved schemes, then I don't want to be a part of it. I still have to work off the rest of my debt, and I can't take the risk of increasing it further." He didn't move. "So would you please let me go?"
"No." His eyes seemed to grow colder; Haruhi felt a sudden, insane urge to shiver. "This isn't a scheme, and I'm not trying to increase your debt. I am telling you that I have been acting 'strangely', as you put it, because... I am attracted to you."
Haruhi swallowed, feeling something akin to nervousness. "Then I... Kyoya-sempai, I'm not entirely comfortable with this situation."
"I want to know the truth. I want you to be honest. Are you or are you not... attracted to me, too?"
She wasn't sure what to do, wasn't sure what to say. She wasn't even sure how she really felt. Of course she had imagined that she'd grow to have feelings for one of the hosts eventually, but... Kyoya? He had been the last on her list. He was handsome. And the physical proximity to him was making something in her squirm. It wasn't like with Mori-sempai, whose obvious strength made her body pulse just being near him. And it wasn't like with Tamaki-sempai, who was wiry but firm, and who made her feel like she had a teddy bear to protect her from the dark. No, Kyoya was definitely different.
So, in light of all the that uncertainty - and, she would admit later, out of a desire for retaliation - she did the only thing she felt she could do.
She kissed him.
And almost immediately wished she hadn't. His surprise - if not downright shock - was evident as soon as her lips met his. Haruhi didn't really know what she was doing - she hadn't ever really kissed someone before. Was her stomach supposed to feel like it was in her throat? Was her whole head supposed to feel like it was on fire? She put the heat down to embarrassment. And just then she realized that maybe he had been partially right, and the potential to be attracted to him was definitely there.
By that moment, however, Kyoya had somehow been reanimated and was being a little more active than Haruhi liked. His hands were on her shoulders, but he titled his head and then suddenly they were on her waist. Her back was pressed against the wall, and her hands were trapped between their bodies. He pulled away suddenly and at the same time pulled her body even closer to his, and was clearly about to initiate a kiss on his own terms when Haruhi stepped to the side and put her hands in front of her face.
"No!" she said suddenly. "Stop! Kyoya-sempai..." She took a deep breath and lowered her hands. He let go of her and took a large step back, wearing an unreadable expression. "I'm sorry," she said simply. "I... shouldn't have done that. It was a mistake."
He nodded without a word.
"I have to go." She skittered away from him. Pulling open the door, she shot back into the Third Music Room, leaving him alone in the large, opulent corridor - silence echoing all around.
xXx
End A/N: Thank you so much for reading, you beautiful fan-fictioners, you! La. I hope you enjoyed this, despite its tardiness. Heh. I have been stressed out lately, but I had two huge chunks of this just sitting on my computer and in a notebook forever, lacking only the bridge between them. I could have come up with something a little sooner. (sigh) Yes, I'm cruel, I know. Anyway! I really appreciate everyone who's left a comment on this. It's very encouraging! Heh. Well, that's all. Til chapter four!
