Chapter 3
Rachel wiped the tears from her eyes, careful not to smudge her make-up. She was having a bad day, all because of a stupid mirror. Why did it have to be so tempting to stare at herself, only to notice all her flaws?
Rachel Berry seemed to ooze confidence, but that just showed what a great actress she was. Not that anybody would notice; she was always acting.
Being loud and slightly annoying was her way of keeping people from getting to close. Sometimes she wondered why Finn was still with her. For all the hell she put him through, he deserved much better. Like Quinn Fabray.
She's perfect, Rachel thought. Her flawless skin, the way she bounced back right after her pregnancy, her angelic voice, the soft touch of her hands…
Rachel's thoughts were interrupted by a flash of red, white and blonde streaking past her into one f the stalls. It was quiet for a moment, then the sounds of retching filled the bathroom.
"Hello?" Rachel called softly. "Are you okay?"
"Go away!" croaked the voice of one Quinn Fabray.
"Quinn? What's wrong?" Rachel asked, genuinely concerned.
Quinn choked out a sob and retched again. "I ate something bad, leave me alone!"
Rachel's instinct to help kept her from leaving. She waited until Quinn was done. The cheerleader was red-faced and teary-eyed.
"Why are you still here?" an honest question.
"I wanted to make sure you're okay," Rachel whispered, adding; "You're not pregnant again, are you?"
"Do I look fat to you?" Quinn screeched.
"No, no!" Rachel said hurriedly. "I just thought, because you were throwing up-"
She was cut off by the sound of Quinn gurgling water in a ver y unladylike fashion.
An uncomfortable silence fell.
Naturally, Rachel was the one to break it. "Well, I hope you feel better." She turned to leave.
"Rachel, wait!" Quinn called out, surprising both girls. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "Thanks for caring. I certainly don't deserve it, least of all from you."
Rachel's brain went into overdrive. "Bulimia is very dangerous, Quinn. It not only damages you mentally but also physically. You're teeth, not to mention your vocal cords-"
Quinn was crying. "I didn't-" she sobbed. "I've never, not before today…"
"Oh God, Quinn, I didn't mean to…" Rachel sprang forward, wrapping the taller girl in a tight hug. "It's okay, Quinn, you're gonna be fine. I'm right here with you, let it all out," she whispered quietly.
It felt like hours later when they finally pulled apart.
"I hate myself so much right now," Quinn mumbled. "I hate my body."
"You're beautiful," Rachel said instantly.
Quinn chuckled darkly. "You think this is beautiful?" She lifted her top, revealing the stretch marks she hated so much. "I can't change in front of my squad, knowing they're judging me every time they see."
Rachel took Quinn's hands in her own. "You're so brave and strong. You're so much better than any of them."
"I don't feel it," Quinn sniffed.
"You'll have to take my word for it," Rachel offered with a smile. "You are the strongest person I know."
Quinn shook her head. "Look at where we are, Rachel. I'm breaking down in a dirty school bathroom after making myself puke my guts out because I felt fat. You don't get much more pathetic than that."
"Don't challenge me," Rachel said. "I know all about being pathetic."
Quinn shook her head again. "You're the strong one. Look at what you do on a daily basis- all those slushies you take like a champ-"
"They hurt," Rachel admitted quietly. "The hurt a lot and I cry myself to sleep sometimes, that's how much they hurt."
"I'm so sorry," Quinn gasped, fresh tears in her eyes. "It will NEVER happen again, I promise you."
Rachel smiled sadly. "I wish I could believe that. But when we walk out of here, you're still the popular girl and I'm the loser with the big nose. That's just how it is."
Quinn sighed. "It's going to change. I'll make sure of that. And you're nose really isn't that big. It's just your ego."
Rachel couldn't help but smile a little.
When Finn first found out that Rachel had no gag-reflex, he was excited. She had slapped him, hard, and he looked like a wounded puppy for weeks. Rachel hated that about herself, amongst other things. No matter what, she simply couldn't make herself throw up. Not for the first time, Rachel envied Quinn Fabray.
xxxxx
Quinn entered her house quietly, as always. She made her way to the liquor cabinet and picked up a random bottle. After Russell left, Judy paid no attention to what he left behind. What she didn't throw out remained untouched, she believed.
Quinn sighed heavily before taking a hefty swig. "Never gonna be like you, dad," she muttered as she walked to her room.
