A/N: Hey everyone, sorry about the wait. I kind of left you on a sad note, so therefore it starts on a sad note as well. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Reviewers: I love you all.
Thank you to my beta Liv. She's amazing and always gets it back to me A.S.A.P. I love you Livypoobear!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Lily tightened her hold on James' hand as she felt him shake unconsciously. She felt her own tears slide down her cheeks silently, and she bowed her head. She was racking her brain, trying desperately to find something to say to make James feel even the slightest bit comforted, but nothing came to her. All she could do was kiss his hand occasionally and look him in the eyes, silently reminding him she was there for them. Forever and always.
Sirius strode over to them slowly, an odd look on his face. They were at Linda Potter's wake, and neither James nor Sirius had entered the building yet.
Peter and Remus came a few moments later, followed by Katherine, Marlee, and Brenna. They were all gathered outside the building, standing around in awkward silence.
Remus gave James a hug after a while.
"How are you?" Remus asked, his face full of concern.
James shrugged. He didn't have an answer to that. He couldn't feel anything but a dull numbness in his heart. They had all been planning her wake and funeral, but soon it became too difficult for James, Sirius, and Harold, so they reluctantly allowed Lily to take over.
He barely slept, barely ate… when he did sleep he awoke to the sound of his father sobbing in his empty room. James would often walk in to see his father smelling his mother's pillow, allowing his tears to spill onto it.
Finally, about two days after her death, James walked in to find his father, his body wracking with sobs, sitting on his wife's side of the bed. And James did the only think he could think of doing. He crossed the room in two strides and pulled his father closer to him, kissing the top of his head as if he were a little boy. But they needed each other, and the comfort they both received from one another was comfort they couldn't find anywhere else.
James shook his head at the memory and looked around at the people filing inside. He didn't feel as if he could go inside, but the silent palm squeezing from Lily comforted him in a way he hadn't thought possible.
Sirius scuffed the toe of his show in the gravel, his eyes concentrating on a crack. His eyes followed it, and he willed himself to focus on that, and only that. But it was no use. His mind would wander back to the most painful memories.
He remembered the first time he moved in. He was standing on the Potter's front porch, the rain causing his hair to plaster to his face. James pulled him in immediately and sat him down, and soon Linda and Harold came also.
Linda's face is what struck him hardest. She looked so worried, wondering if he was okay. And when she found out he was, she was angry. Angry that his family treated him this way. Once she got over that, she looked determined. Determined to make his life the best he could possibly have. It seemed that at that moment, she adopted another son and vowed to be the best mother in her ability.
Another painful day flitted through his memory, not so many months ago, that week after Christmas. After Sara had… He remembered lying in his bed when Linda came in. He feared the words of comfort that would come from her, words he's grown to hate in the days since Sara had gone. But instead she set the tea she had brought him down on the bed side table, and crawled into bed with him. She allowed her cool fingers to smooth his hair, and she did what no one else had been able to do, which was to let him cry, instead of trying to fill the void Sara had left with useless words that wouldn't change the fact she was gone.
Sara… He needed her so much right now. He had been her strength that had gotten her through Meredith's wake and funeral. He needed so badly for her to do the same. His heart ached at the fact that the two most important women in his life were gone. He felt small fingers intertwine with his, and looked down to see Brenna holding his hand. It wasn't the same. He needed Linda.
Sirius smiled grimly, wondering if he had been a good enough son. He wouldn't allow himself to dwell on that however, for he knew it would do no good. Linda was gone, and it wasn't until now that he fully realized how much he truly did love her. She was his mother.
James and Sirius looked at each other after a while, and when their eyes met, they both bit their lip, wondering how on earth they could go inside. Lily tugged on James' hand gently, begging him to look down. He finally did, gazing at her, seemingly emotionless. Lily saw beyond that however, and her heart was breaking when she saw all that hurt.
He took a deep breath, and then stepped foreword, closer and closer into the building. Finally he emerged through the doors, and he felt his heart collapse. Everyone around him turned to look, tear stains down their faces and sympathy in their eyes.
James felt a hand clamp onto his shoulder and he tipped his head up to see Sirius, looking somewhere off into the distance. All three of them made their way to the casket while everyone else waited outside, unsure of what to do.
With each step they could feel their heart beat increase painfully and more and more tears burn at the back of their eyes. James took a deep breath and peered into the open casket to see his mother, her hands folded over her chest peacefully.
He choked out a sob and turned away, covering his mouth with his fist. He groaned and Lily kissed his hand again and again, almost frantically.
Sirius slowly reached down and touched her cold cheek. He pulled back as if stung and closed his eyes. She really was gone, then. Gathering enough courage, he placed his large hand over hers.
"Hey mum." He said softly, "Merlin, you look gorgeous. But you know, you'd look even more gorgeous is you were smiling." He grinned lopsidedly, "I'll miss you. I mean, of course I will, but…I really wish I had gotten the chance to tell you how much you meant to me. I wish I could have said it sooner when you were smiling that dazzling smile…"
He broke off, having trouble breathing, "But that's how I'll picture you, okay? I'll picture you smiling and dancing and laughing. I'm going to try my best to remember all the times when you were happy. Because that's who you were Mum, a happy, loving person. And I love you so much. I'm…I'm going to miss you…"
James and Lily watched, trying to blink back their tears. Soon she released her hold on his hand and nodded, as if telling him it was okay. That he had to be there.
He crossed over to Sirius and stood next to him, finally looking down at his mother. Her brown hair was sprawled elegantly, and her cheeks were a soft shade of pink. She was wearing her favorite dress, and soon he found it too much to just stare at his forever sleeping mother. He shook violently and Sirius turned quickly to catch him, whispering words into his ear. James didn't know exactly what he was saying, but the fact that he was there was comforting.
James rested his head on his friends shoulder and stared at his mother once more.
"I don't think you know how much I'm going to miss you." He whispered. "I don't even know."
Sirius closed his eyes and pulled his friend closer, "It'll be okay, man. I promise."
James shook his head and reared back. "I'm tired of crying, Padfoot." He said. "It's not doing anything."
He nodded, "I know, James. But there's nothing we can do."
"We could have noticed!" James cried, and everyone looked away, trying desperately not to stare. "Why were we so concentrated on girls and jobs and each other, but not her?
Sirius stared at the ground, "I don't know. But it's not our fault."
"Of course it is." James hissed, "There must have been signs we missed. She had cancer for Merlin's sake! She must have had it for a while!"
"Stop blaming yourself," Sirius said quietly.
James kicked the wall, "Why didn't we stop this?"
"It's not our fault." Sirius repeated. "It wasn't ours to stop."
Lily ran up and gave James a hug, "He's right. This was no one's fault."
James just shook his head and allowed himself to be held by her, Sirius bowing his head sadly.
The rest of the day went by similarly. James' dad came, and he, Sirius, and James all held each other and soothed one another. James was incredibly quiet, and whenever he did speak, his voice was far away and distant.
Finally the day was over, and the kids all went back to their houses. James, however, went to go stay with his dad as he had been doing the past couple of days.
He apparated to his house, and soon Harold arrived.
"Hey son." He said, wandering into the kitchen. "Rough day, huh?"
James shrugged and sat down at a stool. "Lily said it was just like a muggle ceremony, only things weren't floating."
Harold chuckled quietly. "Yeah, well, I bet muggles aren't used to floating candles and such."
James shook his head and watched as his father sat down at a stool, also. "You okay, dad?"
He sighed and looked towards the ceiling, "Can anyone be when they've experienced this much grief?"
"But you're going to be okay, right?" James asked, some what desperately. He couldn't bear to have his father living out the rest of his years in misery.
"I will be." Harold said after a while. "But it's for her. Linda would have wanted us to keep smiling."
James nodded and they sat in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts.
Finally his father declared that he was off to bed, and with that he walked into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him quietly.
James covered his face with his hands and sighed.
---
It was roughly a week later, and James and Sirius were sitting on the floor at their house, playing a game of exploding snap. It was a silent game between them, however, for they had nothing to say. No laughs ensued; no snappy, witty comebacks came from each other. They wondered if anything would ever be the same again.
Lily sat cross legged on a chair, sipping on her tea. Her and Remus met each other's eyes and they smiled grimly, noticing the stone silence around the whole house. Peter was sitting at the table across from Lily, making patterns with his forefinger.
Finally, he stood up. "I've had it." Peter said quietly, "I can't stand to watch them be this sad, we have to do something."
"And what do you propose we do?" Remus asked, somewhat sourly.
"Let's throw a party." Peter said.
Lily shook her head, "I don't think that's such a good idea, they're probably not up for that."
"If we don't do something, they never will be." Peter said, "We have to let them know we're here for them."
Remus grinned, "You're a wise boy, Wormtail."
They all walked out of the kitchen and into a bedroom to plan. They didn't know what to do, all they knew was that they need to make them happier. If not that, then they at least had to make them smile… truly smile. It was almost frantic planning; they wanted to do it as soon as possible. It was hard watching the ones that always made them smile mope around the house, looking as if they possessed no emotion.
"We should bewitch something to become an elephant." Peter said, "And then give them elephant rides."
"How about something a little less noticeable?" Lily asked, "So the muggle neighbors don't notice anything."
"A llama?" Peter asked, and then he burst out laughing. "That would make them smile! Who on earth would think of llama rides?"
"Only you, Wormtail." Remus said seriously. "Anyways, maybe we could make them a card, you know? Telling them how much we're there for them."
"That would be sweet." Lily said, smiling warmly.
"Sweet, yes." Peter said, "But boring. What's wrong with the llama rides?"
"Everything." Remus said, "Trust me."
"We can get streamers and balloons." Peter continued, "Do you have any ideas Lily?"
"Anything that will make them smile." She said slowly, "I vote we do everything we can come up with."
"Agreed." Remus and Peter said simultaneously.
Two hours later, Remus, Peter and Lily were ushering Sirius and James into a bedroom.
"Stay in there!" Remus ordered.
They all three contacted Katherine, Marlee, and Brenna, and they apparated in just a few minutes, eager to help. Together, they did everything less than an hour, Sirius and James still in a bedroom silently playing exploding snap.
"Tell them to come out into the back yard." Peter said.
Lily nodded and scurried inside, stopping just outside the door. She knocked softly and opened it without waiting for a reply. "Hey boys." She grinned, "Would you come out with me?"
"Are you going to tell us why you locked us in a bedroom together?" James asked, "I'm in love with you Lily, not Sirius."
She laughed, "I know, so would you both please come with me?"
They nodded, looking at each other in confusion. They each took one of her hands and allowed her to steer them into the back yard.
"Are your eyes closed?" She asked. They closed their eyes and nodded, just before she flung open the door. "Okay." She whispered, "Look."
They opened their eyes at the same time and looked around. All of their friends were standing there, smiling sheepishly.
"Surprise?" Peter offered.
They had cast a spell on the backyard to make it invisible to muggles. The ground was covered with sparkles, for Peter thought that glitter could make anyone smile. Sirius and James grinned.
"What is this?" Sirius asked, walking further out.
"We decided you both needed something to lift your spirits." Lily smiled.
"Is that a llama?" James asked incredulously, looking at the brown animal beside Peter.
"Maybe…" Peter said, before they all burst out laughing. The circumstances weren't all that funny. Sure there was a glittery ground, and a llama, but the fact was that people were able to breathe. After all the tension and sorrow that had been built up, they finally felt as if something had been lifted off of their chests. It meant a lot to them that someone actually cared and was there for them.
Lily ran over to James and he enveloped her into a giant hug. "I love you." He whispered into her ear.
She grinned and ran her hands threw his hair, "I love you, too."
He sighed, "I'll get through this, you know? I have everyone here for me. I have you ."
"You'll always have me." She said, kissing him again.
He wrapped her arms around her waist and they all spent the night outside, walking around on sparkles and watching Peter ride the llama. And that night, Sirius and James smiled for the first time in quite awhile.
A/N: I sincerely hoped you liked it and I hope you stick with this story. For in a just a few chapters there's an event that's...well, you'll see. :) haha, i sound like a lame advertiser. Anways, please review. Thanks and love you all - Lilly.
