Chapter Three: Arda's Surface is 70% Water
Mary Sue lands in the Sea of Rhun...
And freezes.
Mary Sue lands on the Helcaraxe 10 days after the Noldor have been through...
And freezes.
Mary Sue goes to Far Harad
Where a tribal chieftain was extremely impressed by her exotic appearance. She became his sixth wife, but disliked him and ran away. She stole a canoe and paddled across a river known locally as the Khastag, but the current was very strong and she lost her grip on the paddle. She was swept out to sea, where she was found after nearly two days by Umbarian Corsairs intent on piracy. She never thought she'd be glad to see corsairs, but there it was. She was taken prisoner, and then went back to Umber with them. After two years of slavery in Umbar she finally succeeded in running away with a fellow slave to Gondor, were they were brought before Ecthelion the Steward.
Ecthelion looked on the escaped slaves with a mixture of pity and worry. The man held his head proudly like the former soldier of Gondor that he was, and for all his thinness and scars it was obvious he had not been broken. The woman would have been strikingly beautiful if she were not so thin and shabbily dressed. Ecthelion sighed. It wouldn't be the first time that escaped slaves had proven to be spies, and several of his counselors were urging him not to accept refugees, but he could not turn these two away.
"You will find refuge here," said Ecthelion. He turned to the soldier. "I have the greatest respect for the deeds you have done in order to return home. Go then, with my blessing and live in peace - or so much peace as is possible in these darkening days. As for you, my lady, what would you do now that you have reached refuge?"
"I would go with Amandur, my lord steward," she replied.
Ecthelion smiled. "Go then, and live in peace as a free woman in the land of Gondor." Amandur and Mary Sue bowed to him, and were escorted out into the city and their first day of freedom. The sun had never seemed so bright to Mary Sue.
The Suethor paused. She found herself rather impressed by this Sue, yet at the same time she felt almost sorry for her. Nobody should have to live through that. But they are just Sues, she told herself fiercely, just a computer program that produces hundreds all exactly the same. It's not as if I'm doing anything wrong...
Mary Sue lands in the middle of the Bay of Forochel...
And drowns.
Mary Sue lands in the middle of the Great Eastern Desert...
And dies of thirst.
Mary Sue lands four miles away from Bree...
And walks in the wrong direction. She falls into a bog and is never seen again.
Mary Sue lands in the middle of the Ekkaia...
And drowns.
Mary Sue lands in the sea off Far Harad...
Fortunately there was a small island nearby and she was a strong swimmer. She swam to the island, where she ate coconuts and wove herself a grass skirt, living happily there for four years until she was hit by lightning.
The Suethor frowned. Why did her Sues keep ending up in the middle of the ocean? She strained to remember back to her high school geography class - and groaned. On this earth at least, 70% of the earth's surface is covered by water. No wonder her Sues were drowning.
