The Life of Tommy Joe Ratliff:
Chapter 3: Battles with Myself

I do NOT own Tommy or Adam; They copyright their own sexy asses...

Sorry for such a short chapter... Chapter 4 is like 4 times longer


My stomach twisted in knots again as I left. I feel guilty! Why the hell do I feel guilty! That boy was nothing but a sweetheart...and I feel guilty! Savannah left me why can't I just get over it and just be happy...

I was drowning in my thoughts as the city passed by me in a blur. It seems like Adam lives on the nice rich part of town. Jaw dropping houses, and complex's, as well as shopping centers everywhere you look. Expensive cars rushed past me, honking as I crossed the street ignoring the cross sign, apparently I was soupse to stop; oh well.

The churning in my stomach began to pull the strings on my heart and was only getting worst...What do I do... to be feeling bad about it... unless this feeling I'm having isn't guilt at all; but what the hell else could it be? More buildings past, and the bar came into sight. My stomach did more flips and turns I thought I was going to be sick. I just walked past it, I was so not in the mood to drink. I can't believe the words going through my head right now... But they were.

I got to my apartment building and climbed up the stairs to my floor... my apartment wasn't as nice as Adam's top dollar house but at least it's a roof over my head. I turned the knob and walked in, ignoring the mess I grew to be accustomed to.. it became such a pigsty since the last four months. I picked up my bass, plopping on the couch and plucking at a few strings sighing as I did so.

I can't stop thinking about him...his face, his eyes...that little chuckle he does when he laughs, and the way his face looks when he smiles. Augh now I'm smiling... I'm fucking bipolar...thats it.. IM BIPOLAR..I figured it all the fuck out. I set my bass down covering my face with my hands. This is seriously not happening, I'm going mad...what am I going to fucking do? Just then my phone started vibrating in my pants pocket; I sighed taking my phone out and looking at the message, it was from twitter.


Adam Lambert:TommyJoeRatliff heyyyy there glitter baby you wanna chill ;D

I laughed before I replied, does ho not notice I just came from his house!

AdamLambert:(oh fuck that feeling is coming back)Umm no man, hangovers suck, Ima just chill at home; Mayb some other time (:

Adam Lambert:Tommy Joe Ratliff Awe shit man I forgot, I'll let you go and rest then sweetie, ttyl?

He is seriously to sweet... I frowned as I tweeted him back.

AdamLambertThanks, deff man :)


I threw my phone on the table and closed my eyes in attempt to go to sleep; but my feelings are eating away at me, and I know I'm going to loose sleep over it...whatever IT is... he actually finds Adam brave that he is so open with his sexuality, and so sure of himself. When I myself... is questioning everything I once knew... once... "loved"... once believed was the way of life... Ever since the breakup with Savannah happened.. I began to feel differently about everything.. and now.. I'm just questioing everything even more now.

Is that what all of THIS is about! The "thing" I thought was "guilt", is it fear... fear of what I may really be...of what I might want... of WHO I may want? Will this ever end... this NEVER ENDING battle with myself... Will I ever find my true sexuality...
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK...