~Time skip to the following week~
"That's the last box," Armin said as he loaded it into my already stuffed back seat. He wiped his hands on his jeans and closed my car door. It gave a resounding thud similar to the first pile of dirt being heaved onto a coffin.
"Thanks, Armin," I say genuinely. "I don't know how I would have gotten all this into my car."
"I just wish I could be there to help unpack it." I knew he meant every word so I rushed to him and gave him a hug, squeezing him with every ounce of my strength.
"I know. I wish you could be there too." I slowly release Armin from my embrace. It was time to say goodbye…again.
"Well, I guess this is-." Armin covers my mouth with his finger.
"It's not goodbye. You'll be back to visit for the holidays and with technology these days, it will be like you never left." Armin said in forced cheerfulness. He didn't want me to see how much my leaving was hurting him on the inside.
"You're right. This isn't goodbye, just a small 'see you later until next time', ok?"
"You got it." Armin stood back while I got into my car and slowly drove off down the road and out of his life. He waved, a small tear escaping down his cheek.
~Time skip to the next day~
I was busily unpacking my things and rearranging them into something that looked like ordered chaos. Being the nerd I was I had first unpacked my drawing materials, paints, and books instead of the more practical things like plates, clothing, and towels.
My hands divulge the last of my books from a large box and I kick it to the side and take the stack of books over to my bookcase. I place the books one by one, taking care that they were in alphabetical order by author's last name. When I come to the second to last book, I notice that it didn't have anything written on its spine or cover.
That's weird. I don't remember owning a book like this.
I sit the other book down on the floor and take the unmarked one over to a pile of empty boxes I was currently using as furniture until mine was delivered. I flip open to the beginning page and recognize the handwriting immediately. It was Armin's.
To My One and Only:
We have been best friends since before I can remember. You've been the one guiding force in my life, helping me stay balanced and happy in this crazy world. You are precious to me and I promised myself that I would always be there for you, protecting you, and keeping you safe. It wasn't until that day that I saw how incapable I was of keeping that promise and how truly ridiculous it had been to make one as such.
When he touched you, everything in my mind snapped like a jolt of electricity. All I could think about was surviving long enough to pay the bastard back for what he did. While I lay there in the hospital recovering, I plotted and planned, seeing his image and his image alone when I closed my eyes every night. Then, finally, when I was able, I hunted him down like the dog that he was and watched the life leave his body in slow, ragged breaths.
The satisfaction I felt was indescribable. Knowing that he was off the streets filled me with solace and a sense of peace settled over me. You were safe and I had done my duty and protected you. You, my best friend. Unfortunately, his life was not the only thing I stole that night. I also stole our future together. I was selfish and in acting on my desire for revenge I lost a life with you.
Consider this my confession. Know that I love you. Know that I cherish you. Know, that if I had the chance, I would go back and change everything. Not because I am sorry about what I did to him, but because I am sorry about what I did to you. I can't be there when you need me…and to me…that is unforgivable.
Always and forever yours,
Armin
When I finished reading I looked down to see the page littered with tear drops.
Oh, Armin. And here I thought…
I slowly flip over to the next page and see a scrap book of sorts; an anthology of Armin's thoughts while he was gone. He lamented over missed birthdays, missed Christmas's, and everything else in general. Unable to bear it any longer I shut the book and leave it on the floor.
My mind raced at the enormity of what I just read. Armin and I were best friends but when it came down to it, what did it really mean?
It means that he would do anything for me and I would do anything for him...no matter what.
I reach for my cell phone and call Armin.
"Hey," I say as I wipe the tears from my face. "I've changed my mind...I'm coming home."
~Two days later~
I knock on Armin's front door with anticipation. I hadn't talked to him since I told him I was coming home. He had been upset, telling me I was being rash and stupid because I was giving up such a great opportunity.
'You can't play with your future like this', he said.
'I've made up my mind,' was my reply to which he countered:
'You're going to regret it. Maybe not today, but soon enough. Please, don't do this.'
I ended the conversation with:
'There's nothing you can do, Armin. I'll see you in a couple of days.'
And here I am.
The front door opened and there was Armin, as handsome as ever, in a simple t-shirt and jeans. He just stood there and looked at me, his face a mask.
"Aren't you happy to see me?" I asked softly.
"Not like this."
"Armin…" I began but stopped. My mind fell back to our first high school party, when Armin spun the bottle and it landed on me.
I pass through the front door and left Armin remaining where he stood. I went down the hallway and retreated into his living room. It was sparsely decorated with a single couch, a small entertainment stand, and a modest flat screen TV. There were no pictures on the walls, no frilly decorations, just the bare necessities of one trying to piece a life back together.
I plop down on the couch and beckon Armin to me. He didn't budge. I sigh and begin the conversation I had been rehearsing the whole way here.
"I need you to understand why I came back." Armin's face twitched. "I came back because I was curious." Armin slowly shifts towards me expressionless. "Curious as to why you felt you had to protect me all this time."
"You're my best friend. That's what best friends do." Armin replied, dropping his words like dishes crashing on the floor.
"That's not true." Armin looks at me incredulously, his mouth practically gaping at what I just said. "Best friends go to the movies, share secrets, and make each other laugh. They don't-" I stop, knowing I had said enough.
Understanding flashes through Armin's eyes and he immediately bows under the weight of what I was implying.
"How long have you known?" He whispers brokenly, making his way from the hallway to the living room.
"Two days."
"That's it?"
"I suppose part of me knew since before…you know…but I didn't want to admit it. I mean, you are my best friend and I love you…but, once I started looking more closely… Armin, best friends don't love each other the way-"
"I love you." Armin stated bluntly, his eyes burning with acknowledgement. I blink several times in shock. I had only planned for us to step lightly around the issue and finding some sort of solution. I hadn't planned on him saying it…out loud.
"Well?"
I sat there as Armin towered over me, waiting for some sort of response.
I'm not ready for this. What was I thinking?
I pawed and scratched for something to say but it was no use. I was absolutely speechless and had no clue as to what to do next. I looked up at Armin, helpless.
Seeing me lost in confusion, Armin did the one thing he always did. He smiled his warm, reassuring smile letting me know that everything was going to be alright. It was also the same smile he gave me when I was about to take a risk.
He knew me all too well.
I reach up and pull Armin to me, letting his soft lips fall onto mine. His kiss was sweet and tender, an echo of the first one we shared as teenagers.
This is where I belong…with him.
The tension suddenly released itself from my body, signaling to Armin my decision. He wrapped his arms around me in acceptance and my body instantly relaxed, melding itself into his embrace. Armin lowers himself next to me and deepens his kiss. He coaxes my mouth open with his and our tongues meet for the first time. His danced and flitted while mine licked and teased.
Armin lays me down on the couch, taking care not to break our passionate embrace. His hands roam my upper body lifting my shirt while caressing my hips and stomach. He eventually makes his way up to my breasts and squeezes them through the soft fabric of my bra. I break our connection and moan. The roughness of his hands through the fabric was enough to set my whole body on fire.
"Armin," I say with need. "Please…"
"Not yet." He lifts himself off me long enough to remove his shirt and mine before settling back on top of me. His hands immediately encircle my body and play with the clasp of my bra long enough for it to snap open, revealing the rest of me to his gaze. He looks at me appreciatively before taking one of my breasts into his mouth drawing on it lightly. In response, I dig my nails into his muscular shoulders. I was defenseless against his touch.
Changing direction, Armin released me from his torturous hold and focuses his attention further south.
"May I?" He asks quietly, indicating his intentions of taking off my pants. Tears gather in my eyes over this simple question and I nod in acquiescence. His kindness knew no bounds. He wanted to make sure that I had every chance to think about what we were doing and that I was okay with it.
Armin unbuttoned my pants and slid them off along with my underwear. He then followed suit. For the next few moments, we simply stared at one another, sensing the significance of the act we were about to carry out.
Armin kept his eyes on me as he lowered himself in between my legs, positioning his tip at my opening.
He asked me if I was ready.
I pressed my lips together and murmured a nervous yes.
I closed my eyes, waiting for the pain that awaited me but when it didn't come, I opened my eyes again to see Armin in the same position he was in when I had closed them.
Again, he smiled his warm, reassuring smile.
"I love you." He said, kissing me on the forehead.
This time I had something to say back.
"I love you, too."
Upon my response, Armin gently glided himself inside of me and to my joyous surprise, there was no pain; only sweetness and the soft touch of the man I knew and loved.
That day, we broke out of the confines of our relationship and the past events that had begun to define us. We took this risk of revealing ourselves to one another in order to form a new bond, not knowing how it would work or what shape it would take; only having faith that at the very least we would remain…always and forever…best friends.
