Chapter 3

In Which One Stays Behind

"You know that we'll have to tell dad someday, right?" Sam asked. He and Dean was spending time at the local library, looking for a project Sam had in history class. He already knew who he was going to write about: Marie Delphine Lalaurie, one of the most cruel women in history. Sam was wondering how he would be able to write about her, and not seem insane. Truth is, he thought that all people were fascinated by cruelty, but very few seemed able to admit it.

"Today's not that day." Dean grunted. He was looking through a book with American History 18th Century written on the cover.

"Dean..." Sam tried angrily, but the older brother wouldn't listen.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it." Dean said, dropping his book to the floor.

"I don't want to live in silence anymore!" Sam exclaimed loudly.

A tiny, middleaged woman with brown hair and rectangular glasses emerged from between the bookshelves. She grunted, focusing on Sam.

"I don't care if silent is not a way in which you object against spending your life in." She said, muttering."But in my library, silence is all there is. So either live in it for the following minutes inside of its walls, or find your books elsewhere."

"Sorry, ma'am." Dean said on Sam's behalf. Sam rolled his eyes, and grabbed the stack of books he had decided to bring back to the motel. He quickly flashed his library card, and walked out, Dean following him.
"Sam, talk to me." he said. Sam said nothing.

"Sam, really? There's no need to get upset, we already agreed not to tell dad..." Dean grunted. Sam spun around, his beautiful eyes filled with rage.

"I only agreed because you're so afraid of him! You're always thinking about what he's going to think, about what he's doing... I love you, doesn't that account for anything?!" Sam yelled. Dean blushed, muttering:
"Sam... people are looking."

"I don't fucking care anymore!" Sam continued yelling, dropping the books on the sidewalk. He waved his arms."I love you, I always have, and it means nothing to you! Not even enough to stand up to dad!"

"It's not like that..." Dean tried, but Sam had no intention to stop.

"This was beautiful at first!" he muttered, lower."But you destroyed it, Dean."

Dean felt his heart break into tiny pieces, silently wondering if he'd be able to pick them up. Sam turned his back, walking towards the motel, leaving the library books on the sidewalk. Sam never treated books like that, especially not borrowed ones, and somehow that made Dean feel even worse... He followed his, completely silent. For the first time in years, there was tears in his eyes, and he had to fight every second to hold them back. They burned, as a painful reminder of what he had caused Sam. Constantly reminding him that he hadn't managed to make his brother feel the love he needed. The love he deserved.

He saw Sam entering the room. Dean drew a long, shaky breath, expecting this to continue once he came inside. Instead, he found Sam, completely calm, packing his duffel bag.

"You never asked me." Sam said, with a calm that made shivers run down Dean's spine."But I did get accepted at Stanford."

"Sam..." Dean tried, but the tears clogged his throat, making it come out as a faint whisper.

"I wasn't going to leave, at first. I had you, I figured it would work." Sam said, still as calm as a summer day."But it's becoming clear to me that I don't belong here. I don't belong with my family."

Dean clenched his fists, silently wanting to break a wall. The motel walls were cheaply built, they would break like old bread beneath his fists...

Sam turned towards the door, not a single sign of emotion was to be seen on his face, and he said the five words that would forever haunt Deans mind.

"I don't belong with you."

And Sam left. Dean did nothing, not before the motel door slammed shut, and Sam's footsteps faded away into nothing. Dean broke. He could feel himself physically breaking, like little pieces were scattered all over the room, like a thin layer of what was once Dean had been layered over the motel room.

What was left of him fell to the floor, sobbing and screaming. The remains of him crawled into a ball and everything, including him, suddenly became silent. Painfully so.

Dean Winchester had never known a fear like this.