Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong...but we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain......and an athlete...and a basket case...a princess...and a criminal..Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.
– The Breakfast Club
As I stepped into the house to head up to my room, I realized it was silent. Esme must be off at one of her many "functions" or whatever the hell else she does during the day. I mean I love the woman, but what DOES one do all day when they don't work and there is no kid at home…..makes me wander if there is some secret society of moms that party and lush it out while there high school kids are in school.
I head up to my room after grabbing a Coke from the fridge and lay on my bed. My mind is reeling from today. First I couldn't even make it through the first half of the day without having to take a pit stop for some demon chaining medication, then all the shit with the new girl, then somehow agreeing to meet her at Metro later tonight. WTF was I thinking. I mean really – I have never even considered eating at the place much less hanging out. I preferred places like Looney's where I can smoke, drink, engage in extra curricula's in the bathroom, and make some money at pool.
Exasperated I run my hands through my hair. I need to get out of this thing tonight. Just as I finally decide the best way is to call up Lauren and engage in a booty call of the let's get fucked up and screw all night variety, and my finger is scrolling through the contacts on my Blackberry to call her, my phone beeps.
I cautiously open the message from Alice – the pixie does scare me sometimes with her ability to know when I am about to do something she doesn't like. OPEN YOUR EMAIL NOW! – A
Jesus what the fuck has crawled up the pixie's ass I mutter to myself.
I drag myself off my bed and open my laptop. Logging into my email I see the message from Alice.
To: Edward
From: Alice
Subject: This is your dick……
Edward,
If you even THINK about ditching us tonight for Lauren or any of the other "fan club" members or multiples of them I will kill you. But if you need another deterrent, please click on this link and remember: This could be your dick if you continue to stick it in any of the aforementioned black holes that the "fan club" members call vaginas. .com/image/image_gallery?img_id=1406871&t=1240423528674
Be at my house no later than 7pm, we will leave at 7:30. If your not there, I will schedule your STD check, dump your stash in the toilet, take you to get a q-tip shoved up your dick, and then maybe consider killing you in your sleep. Remember, your mother loves me.
Your sweet angelic pixie best friend,
A
I made the mistake of clicking on the link, and as my eyes adjust to what I am looking at I immediately drop my drawers and look at my dick. Too many times I have barebacked with Lauren and the rest of those girls. I shudder quietly and gently pet (yes I said pet) my dick and in the best and most assuring tone I can muster say, "It's alright. I promise I won't let that happen to you. I will wrap you up nice and tight from now on."
After my one on one conversation with my dick, I look at the clock and realize that it is 6:15. Holy shit where has the afternoon gone. I pull of my shirt and head to take a shower. My mind is still going full throttle from the amount of crank I have ingested today making it hard to concentrate and after my crappy sleep last night and today's events even that amount isn't keeping the demons happy. I can hear them taunting me with small snippets of the past: remember having to watch, remember the belts, remember how good that first hit felt and how proud daddy was of you. As I step under the rain of the shower, I push the heels of my hands into my eyes trying to drown out the images. I turn up the radio in the shower trying to drown out the demon's continued walk down memory lane – but nothing is helping. I swear those demons are sitting in lounge chairs, toasting my minds descent into madness while drink a beer. The memories keep coming faster and I try to keep breathing but my legs give out. I look for the razor I keep in the shower, knowing that a blood sacrifice is what it is going to take to silence them for right now. I grab the razor blade, pushing it into the flesh of my bicep, enjoying the sharp feel of the blade on my soft skin. I slowly drag the blade across my bicep over the other scars hissing as I feel the release the reminder that I am here, alive, real, and okay. I pick up the blade and begin another cut and repeat it another 5 times until the demons are quiet and I can actually breathe again. I watched the blood run down my arm mixing with the water, diluting the memories. I start laughing and think if only it was really that easy.
I stand up and quickly finish my shower knowing that if I am late Alice will keep good on her promise. I grab my favorite button fly jeans, a gray tshirt, my leather jacket, lace up my combat boots, run a hand through my fucked up hair, and head out the door. Esme still isn't home and neither is Carlisle so I leave a note on the counter that I will be back. As I pull into Alice's driveway at 7pm she is waiting on the front porch.
"Like the email, Edward?" she asks so sweetly
"Yea, it was great. Thanks for causing my dick to almost hide itself in terror." I smirk back.
"Just wanted to make sure you didn't do anything stupid and fuck this up for me and you by visiting the black hole of sex." Alice laughs and jumps into my arms giving me a hug designed to crush the ribs of other mortal men.
"Come on, let's go." I look around for Jasper. "Pixie where's the sensitive art guy you hang out with and occasionally have sex with? Shouldn't he be pining away for your attention by now?" I ask.
"Fuck off asshole. I am right here. I had to take a piss. Sorry I wasn't here to roll out the red carpet for your over sized ego," Jasper states his eyes gleaming with humor.
"Okay, off to this Metro Diner place. I swear, Pixie, if I catch some fuck up disease or something from eating here…" I look at her menacingly though my lashes.
"Oh shut up and let's go spend some time with Bella. She is going to fuck your world up and I can't wait to watch the rollercoaster as you try to control and navigate this relationship. She isn't what you expect Edward. Just remember that and you should come out with your manhood intact…and maybe…," Alice mumbles the last of the sentence to herself.
"Whatever Pixie. She can be your friend and Jaz's but don't expect her to be more than filler for me. Okay?" I state as I slide into the driver seat and start the car.
I pulled out onto 21st street heading towards Lewis and then on towards TU. Metro was located right next to the University in town. Go figure, Tulsa was a small town trying to be a big city so we had a top rated University with a top rated Law school. GO US!!!!
Alice almost jumped out of the car before I had it in park she was so excited to see Bella. Jasper had to grab her arm before she hit pavement. I chuckled to myself and locked the car as I headed towards the door. Taking a deep breath, sucking my lip ring into my mouth, and having no idea what to expect since Bella said it was her and a few friends that didn't go to our school, I opened the door.
Alice was already at the hostess stand vibrating and bouncing on her toes. "Hurry up, Edward," she almost yelled.
I took a look around. It really was like a 50s diner. The hostess stand was the trunk of a teal Studebaker and there were old records and pictures all over the ways. The guy talking to Alice just laughed at her excitement and pointed towards the right saying that Bella was already there with the crew. I internally wondered what the fuck he meant by crew – she said a few friends.
As I rounded the corner into the section I stopped – few friends my ever pussylovin' mind. Almost every table on the left was filled with the strangest array of people all sitting together, drinking coffee, smoking, and talking. The two huge round booths in the back were full too.
Bella was sitting in the one to the left and I couldn't help but smile. She had her head back laughing at something this blond skinny guy next to her was saying. Her laugh echoed throughout the section.
Alice was already at the table scooting her butt over into a seat. Jasper joined her and I started walking over. As soon as I got to the table, she looked up through her lashes and smiled.
"So you made it." She taunted.
"Yep. Couldn't let you have all the fun tonight now could I," I stated.
"Well, welcome. Let me introduce you to the crew or otherwise known as the family. This is just the basic group," she casually stated.
I looked around at the amount of people and wondered how big this "family" was if this was just the basic group.
I sat down on the edge of the booth and Bella looked to the blond sitting next to her.
"Okay, here is a group introduction for this table," she began. "This guy is Scott, also known as Catfish; the guy next to him is Bryn, next to Bryn is Jesse, and next to Jesse is Carrie, also known as FiFi. On this side next to the pixie is Marshella. Wookie is the girl with the long dark hair behind you sitting with INDN, Jason, Bryon, and Shawn. The table behind that is Shane, Chicken, Michelle M., and Michelle B. The booth next to us is Mama Dyke and her girlfriend, Jacob, and Jack," Bella finally stopped taking a breath. Then in a loud voice she stated to everyone, "Everyone this is Edward, Alice, and Jasper."
I looked around not even trying to remember everyone's name and smiled. Alice yelled "HELLO" and Jasper just ducked his head. I pulled out my smokes and began to listen to the conversation at the table, however my mind kept drifting.
I couldn't figure this out. Everyone in this section was so different – Catfish was a bassist and looked like he had just walked off North Shore; Bryn was a drummer who looked like he had just left Seattle; Jesse looked stoned, but swore he wasn't; FiFi was like an even smaller version of Alice still dressed in her school uniform from Bishop Kelley; Marshella was dressed in a black dress with stripped stockings and had dark make up on; Wookie looked like a normal human; INDN was a huge Native American who honestly scared the hell out of me; Jason was definitely gothic; Chicken had liberty spikes on his head but was dressed in black jeans, leather trench, and had piercings galore; Mama Dyke was a mean looking biker chick; and then there was us. Everyone was so different yet as I listened to the other conversations I noticed that everyone was getting along – some were having deep conversations, others joking, and some just bullshitting.
I was pulled out of my internal Breakfast Club moment when Chicken stepped to the table sending a scathing look my way and leaned over the table to Bella.
" Hey mom, I am gonna head out. I have shit to do. I will call you tomorrow okay." He stated with a tone of endearment that didn't set well with me. Was she dating this fucker?
" Okay sugar. Please be careful," she stated as she slide under the table.
As she was coming out from underneath she grazed my thigh with her hand and I sucked in my breath. That touch made me think about how amazing she would look down on her knees sucking my cock under the table…hummmm that had some serious possibilities. However I was rudely pulled from my fantasy when out of the corner of my eye I see Bella hugging Chicken and kissing him on the lips. Next thing I know there are several others getting up to leave all calling her mom and hugging her. WTF?! What the hell is up with this nickname and how many of these guys is she fucking?
I turn to Alice with a questioning glance and she shrugs her shoulders. Leaning in she whispers, "All in due time Eddie. She will explain it. Besides, I like these people. It feels like home here."
"Are you high? This is like the most fucked up John Hughes movie in the world. This is like his wet dream or something," I state quietly. I light up another cig and continue to look around. Bella pats me on the shoulder, "Scoot over there Dark Angel. I need to sit and I don't feel like crawling under the table again and having to think about where your thoughts are headed."
I look at her in disbelief. First at the fact she called me out on my fantasy while she was hugging a million guys like a total cockwhore and secondly because she just gave me a nickname.
"My name is Edward. Not whatever the fuck you just said. Also, don't worry your pretty little head about where my mind went with you under the table. It was nothing more than a woman like you would expect. I am sure I can ask any number of these guys about that." I state in a cold voice.
She looks at me with fire in those eyes and grabs my chin. "Don't you ever go there again. These guys are my family and you have no idea why or what brought them into this group. I would explain but you don't deserve an answer. And I called you Dark Angel. You are that. You just haven't figured it out yet."
Alice looks at me with disdain in her eyes, and with a venom only reserved for me getting my ass handed too me, " Edward, just leave. You are a complete ass. Go find a blackhole to fuck. Jazz and I will catch a ride home with Bella or someone else. I am having fun and want to learn about everyone. Fuck you! You and your demons go play. I notice the twitch is calling."
Jazz looks at me with cold steel eyes, " You just couldn't be nice for one damn night. All you had to do was give it a chance. Go feed your demons, we will see you at the ramp tomorrow."
I look at them both with surprise and then look at my hands. I have been so wrapped up in this fucked up night that I didn't notice that my hands are shaking and I have gone through almost an entire pack of cigs. I take a breath, push Bella out of the booth with my hip, stand and bow dramatically, "Sorry the shadow has offended the great and powerful ones. I will take my leave fuckers."
I storm out of the restaurant as several of the family stand up. Prepared to kick my ass I am sure. I am pissed. I don't understand how or why Bella can get under my skin. She makes me want to slap her, fuck her, and then kiss her all at the same time.
Once I get back home, I crawl into my bed. My mind starts to empty out from the days events and the demons begin their nightly attempt at pulling me into dreams filled with my past – a past that therapy has tried to heal, Esme has tried to hug out of me, and Carlisle has tried to tame with compassion. Too bad I am too far gone for that. As my lids close, the dreams overtake me.
I was just walking in from school and Dad was sitting in his favorite chair. Bottles of Jack resting on the table and razors lay all around. I tried to be quiet, but my backpack hit the wall as I was trying to scoot to my room. Suddenly, he is in my face screaming. I try and block out the rage in his voice, blaming me for Mom fucking all these other men. I try and ignore him to get to my room so I can lock the door, but it didn't work. His fist comes flying to my face and rams into my jaw landing with that all too familiar thud. Next came the gut punches, slaps to the head and then a last punch to the back. I think to myself: Weird thing is he always uses the same pattern, it never really changes and this time I just let my soul float off and imagine myself somewhere else. Soon enough reality hits and I crawl towards my room to lock myself in for the night, but as I open the door I see…
I jolt awake, sweat pouring off of me. God, I feel so tainted I need someone to rinse out my soul. The demons are laughing calling me a pussy for not finishing the flashback. I sit up unable to breathe and do what I always do to bring myself relief when I can't fight between the dark and the light anymore. The demons continue to laugh like they know I will never be able to escape my past and that ever present pull into darkness.
My hand reaches for the communion of powder, then the razor from the table and then like a perfect salvation those lines – 2 up the nose and some in the syringe into my veins – so easy, so beautiful. Sometimes I forget what that initial rush was like that burn in the veins and the drainage in the back of the throat. God, this is heaven: the rush of being able to go forever is almost ecstasy.
It was time know for the wine of the ritual – the purification to rid myself of the people's blood I carry. I took the razor and did what had brought me control so many times. I started to cut into the soft flesh of my chest. The comfortable feeling of the razor cutting into the flesh, the gentle trickle of the blood down my stomach. It seems so natural; my hand just did everything on its own, like instinct. Soon the razor moved to my biceps again and the cool yet hot stream of blood slid down my arm to form a small pool in my hand.
The ritual of the cleansing was done. Tears, not of pain but of helplessness and depression fell mixing with the stain of blood down my chest.
