Chapter 3
A dark room, a helping hand
I was openly staring at my host. I couldn't help it. I'd been over a few times already this summer as Equius worked on various stages of his project but I still was surprised to find out that this of all things was his favourite show. I'd come over today because he wanted to make sure a certain piece fit properly which had only taken a few moments to check but he'd asked if I wanted to stay for the afternoon. I was grateful for the company, even if conversation was something that didn't seem to be in the cards. I'd brought a book with me so that I wouldn't be in his way as he worked. He had always seemed so patient before so when I heard something hit the floor with considerable force and what passed for an expletive in Equius's vocabulary I was startled.
"I'm sorry." He was fighting with his composure, his strong jaw working against what I assumed was another shout. Beads of sweat rolled down from his forehead, he was clearly upset over whatever was giving him trouble. "It seems that I need to take a break. That is a particularly difficult part and I am getting frustrated. Would you care to watch something with me?"
"Uh, sure." I didn't particularly want to stop reading, I was at one of the most exciting parts of the book but the older boy's project was for me in the end and I wasn't going to be rude and turn him down. He just nodded in response to my answer and grabbed the back of my chair. I squeaked unhappily which must have surprised him because I felt the weight drop away quickly enough to jostle me. "Uh, I'm sorry. Its just um, you should you know, uh ask before you just push me around."
My ears were burning. I hadn't mentioned it to him before because the only other time he'd done it was that first day and I wasn't in my right mind when he had. If he'd asked me then I would have told him no and probably end up in the same position my brother was in right now. He'd treated me with such respect that it never occurred to me that he wouldn't know it was rude to just assume I wanted to be moved like that. I was used to a few of my friends doing it, mostly the ones who I tried not to spend any time with but when Equius did it, it startled me.
"I'm sorry. I was unaware that I was causing such distress."
"Its um, okay. I just, wanted to let you know." My fingers twisted in the fabric of my jeans, too nervous to meet his gaze. I hadn't meant to upset him but there was a restraint in his voice that I had only heard before when he was frustrated with something. "But we can uh, still watch something."
Equius didn't say anything in return to my statement, though he did leave the workroom. It took me a moment before i realized I was probably supposed to follow him out into the hallway. Even though I'd been here a few times the sheer size of his house astounded me. Maybe that was because I'd grown up in a small three bedroom apartment but still, this place seemed needlessly big. Even with the workroom that looked like it took up half of the basement's space there was still clearly room for an entertainment room that was furnished as a home theater. The only real difference I could see was a couch rather than individual chairs in front of the screen. Equius vanished out of the room nearly as soon as I had rolled over to the couch's edge.
I could hear his heavy steps going up the stairs, had I upset him? He was so hard for me to understand, his face was always unreadable and he never said much. I tried not to worry about it as I locked the wheels on my chair so that I could hoist myself onto the soft cushions. I was thankful he wasn't in the room when I did that, I nearly slipped when the couch proved to be softer than I expected. My lack of coordination was something I didn't want him to see, he already knew I was useless. Seated properly I waited, trying not to fidget with my clothes. Why I was so concerned about what Equius thought I didn't know. I'd gotten so used to knowing that everyone assumed I was stupid and concomitant that I couldnt figure out why I so desperately wished he wouldn't see me that way.
The smell of butter and movie theaters wafted in the door and I realized why he'd left. A large bowl of popcorn and two cold cans of soda were cradled in his strong arms as he took a spot next to me on the couch, closer than I had expected. The he set the bowl down in the small space between us before handing me the drink. The condensation on the outside proved to be too much for my clumsy hands and I dropped the can after a moment of fumbling. I groaned, it landed at my feet, out of my reach. My face was on fire when Equius silently bent over to retrieve it, he stretched across me to place it on the end table. God, could I have come across as any more of an idiot? Still I was grateful that he didn't laugh at me, there wasn't even the slightest twitch of a smile on his lips. Most of my other friends would have used it as an opportunity to make fun of me.
I don't know what it was that I had been expecting when he pressed the play button, maybe a science fiction movie or something as serious as him but when the screen lit up with bright colors and blasted happy music I was taken aback.
"Have you ever seen this show before?" His voice was just as hard as always, a harsh contrast to the television's performance.
"Uh no, I haven't."
"Oh well then, I shall return to the first episode and we can watch it from there."
I knew I was supposed to be watching the show but as My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic spanned across the screen I found myself staring from the corner of my eye at Equius. Bathed in the ever changing light his usually mysterious face had broken into a large smile, he was clearly enjoying this. I'd heard nothing but good things about the show but usually those things had come from friends who usually enjoyed cartoons of some sort, Equius has always seemed like the kind who would have hated cartoons even as a kid. Something in my chest fluttered as I watched that smile. This was a side of him I had never dreamed of seeing. It was a side I would have never imagined existed. His friendship with Nepeta was suddenly understandable if this was the side of him she saw when others did not. Like he was still just a big kid, enjoying a lighthearted show about the power of friendship.
After the first fifteen minutes I finally managed to tear my eyes away from him, watching the show to try and distract my confusing thoughts. I actually found myself enjoying the show as well, the characters were just so adorable. Before we knew it bowl of popcorn was empty, time slipping by as episode after episode passed. My mind occupied with the show I didn't see that my hand was reaching for the last few pieces as his was. The large hand that rested gently on top of mine startled me. I started to pull away, to leave the last of the snack for him but the fingers closed around my hand before I could. The grip wasn't a tight one, I still could have tugged it away if I wanted to but I couldn't seem to make myself move. I turned to face him, his eyes were still glued to the screen but there was the barest hint of pink along his cheeks that wasn't from the screen. My gaze shifted to his hand on mine, it looked so strange, his pale flesh against my tanned skin. My hand, which I had never thought to be overly small, was nearly swallowed by his. I liked it.
At some point the bowl was moved, our wrists aching from its edge. Still nothing was said between us beyond a small chuckle or two over the show. I could feel it getting late, my eyes getting harder and harder to open after every blink but I didn't want to move. It was more than just being entertained by the show, there was an electricity running through my arm that started at his hand. It was something I hadn't felt since Gamzee had been locked away. Even then it wasn't the same, there was something softer in it, something sweeter. It made my heart flutter excitedly, it made me feel safe.
It was getting late enough that I didn't realize I slipped sleep until I woke up. My head had found its way to his shoulder, if by its own accord or if it was placed there I wasn't sure. The show still played, though the volume was softer. Beneath me I could feel his chest rise and fall with the same deep breathes that sleep had brought me. From here I could see the profile of his face, relaxed and serene as he dreamed of something I didn't know. In my ear his heartbeat thudded out a steady rhythm, I could feel my own trying to match it before it sped up.
I was struck with a courage I'd never experienced before as I slowly sat up, trying not to wake him. When I was certain he was still lost in dreamland I stretched up as best I could and brushed my lips along one of his high cheekbones. He didn't wake but a smile found its way to his lips. I settled back into place and tried to watch the show as I waited for him to wake up so I could go home. None of what was on the screen registered as I tried to figure out why I had kissed his cheek and why I wished I was brave enough to do more.
((A/N: Hey everyone, I hope you enjoyed this chapter~! I just wanted to say if anyone spots any errors, such as spelling, grammar or unrealistic things, please let me know. Often if I mess up its because I didn't know it was an error and I don't want to continue being ignorant. ANYWAY please enjoy, let me know what you guys think, I really appreciate you all taking the time to read my work~! Enjoy~!))
