Chapter II
The Bigger Picture
Actually, my dream ended up being more of a nightmare.
In my dream, I knew Jasper wouldn't feel anything towards me, much as Heathcliff never cared for Isabella. I pursued him anyway, and he repeatedly told me, "No. Alice is my life Isabella, she is my only love."
I tried to hold him to me, by flirting. The dream Jasper turned to me finally, and decided to make me pay for my bad behavior. He wrestled me against a wall. He pushed me against it by pressing his muscled body against mine.
I was pinned and unable to move. Jasper smiled at me like a rogue, and leaned down to kiss me, he wasn't kind. He was rough, and somehow he pressed hard enough to make my lips bleed. Suddenly he was sucking my bottom lip, and though I was in ecstasy from the feel of his body being so close to mine, I realized he was draining my blood.
He stopped kissing me, and pressed himself even harder against me, I could feel that he wanted both my blood and my body, when he did this. I could feel the passion burning my whole body. I was wild with lust, but I was also scared out of my mind.
I screamed at him to stop. I was struggling against him, but he was so strong. He held me so tightly. I pushed against his shoulders with my hands trying to force him back; I might as well have pushed a brick wall. I realized I wasn't going to be able to stop him. I was going to die. I began to scream and struggle as loud and hard as I could.
"BELLA! WAKE UP!"
I sat up in bed and realized someone was in the room with me. Then I heard his voice, "Jesus Bella. You're hard to wake up." It was Jasper.
He was leaning against the bed on his left hand; his right was on my shoulder. He'd obviously been trying to shake me awake with that hand. Leaning over me, it brought the twin moments of both that night weeks ago, when he'd been in here last, and the dream I'd just had together. He was talking as my heart began racing again. The feeling was maddening.
I tried to get hold of myself, I looked at him, "What are you doing here?" My tone was impolite, I hadn't meant it to be. He looked a little stunned. "I'm sorry, Jasper, you just surprised me. Carlisle said you'd gone on a shopping trip to San Francisco with Alice and Rosalie."
"I did, I got to the airport and after listening to them, realized I didn't want to go. Alice realized it as I did of course, and sent me back home. Then I get here, and I'm downstairs, thinking no one is home, when you start screaming like you were being attacked. I tore up here expecting to find a werewolf or something in your room, not," he leaned down and picked the book up. "Emily Bronte?!"
I flushed as the book reminded me of the dream. Jasper was looking at me with a smirk because of the book, when he noticed the blush come into my cheeks. "Is this what you were dreaming about?"
I reached up and grabbed the book out of his hands. "What if I was?" I could feel the warmth in my face.
"Oh, were you having a nightmare that dogs were at your feet, and no Edgar to save you from them and nurse you back to health." I blushed again, to my great embarrassment.
Jasper found this hilarious, he started laughing loudly, "You were! Oh my God. Bella Swan, you're really funny." He laughed a moment more, but must have picked up something in the emotions coming off me.
"No. That wasn't it, you were dreaming about the book, but something was a little different." His face became quizzical as he tried to draw what I was thinking from what I was feeling. Ha, I thought, fat chance. I stood up and moved to the desk, setting Wuthering Heights down on it. Then I walked around the room picking up things I'd left out, and putting them away. Jasper followed me with his eyes.
"Well, whatever you were dreaming, it scared the hell out of you. I've never heard such noise. I won't lie, for a minute there I was truly afraid."
"So was I." I muttered, forgetting their perfect hearing abilities.
"It was just a dream Bella." He smiled, "You'll be fine. Would you like me to sit with you so you won't be too scared to fall back to sleep?" he was teasing me.
After so long of being nothing but moody and quiet in my presence, why was he suddenly so good at unsettling me? I shot back at him defensively, "No thanks! I'd like to stay away from the nightmare thank you very much."
He stood looking at me for a moment too long, I looked at him and saw the comprehension dawn across his face, "Oh." He said. He was smirking.
Oops! Damn, why couldn't I learn to keep my mouth shut.
"Away from the nightmare, is it? Was I part of what was scaring you Bella?" he asked in a very taunting tone.
"No." I said too quickly, I didn't even convince myself.
He took a slow step towards me, and I involuntarily took a step back. Then he suddenly stepped forward in the incredibly instant way he and his family were capable of, and I inhaled in surprise. He stood right in front of me. He was so…close, and I'd been so close to him too recently in my dream. I couldn't help the desire, which welled up in me at that moment.
I could feel my face flush hotly; I was trembling from head to toe and suddenly something in his face changed. Jasper reached a finger up, and pulled a small lock of my hair that was clinging to my lip, his finger tracing against my cheek as he did so. I shuddered as he did it. Somewhere in my mind I knew he was likely feeling the emotions behind the way I was feeling, but I couldn't stop it. After tracing my cheek with his finger to remove the hair, he wrapped his hand around my neck, moving his thumb to the front of my throat. This should have scared me. Instead, it thrilled me. His eyes intensified, and he spoke, his voice suddenly hoarse and lustful, "I warned you Bella."
His kiss crashed against my lips, then he sucked lightly first at my top, then at my bottom lip with his lips. He bit my bottom lip lightly with his teeth, pulling it as he had with his lips, then he flicked his tongue across them.
He reached his arms under mine and around my waist. Hands on my back, he pressed me so closely into him I was afraid I might break in half. I was so overwhelmed by the feelings of passion he washed over me then, that I completely lost control. I wrapped my hands around his neck and parted my lips and kissed him in the way Edward wouldn't ever allow me to.
We were moving and I was suddenly being lowered to the bed. He kissed down my throat, and then down the neckline of my shirt. I moaned and he moved to cover my lips with his again. He gave himself over to kissing me thoroughly. He pushed me further up onto the bed, and laid himself on top of me.
He placed himself strategically between my legs, then moaned himself as he began to press his hips into me. He lowered his face down my torso, dropping fluttery kisses on my skin as he moved. He lifted my shirt up began to cover my stomach with kisses.
I was moaning out of control, I couldn't breathe right, my heart raced too fast. God this was exciting, what was I doing? I felt exhilarated, amazing. What was I doing?
Jasper lifted my shirt until he reached my breasts; he undid my bra, and pulled it and my shirt off. Then he pulled his own shirt off. Our bare skin touching pulled me over the edge. I reached over his shoulder and knotting my hand in his hair pulled him against me.
Jasper responded by pressing his hips into me with increasing urgency. He reached between us and was moving his hand into my pants. His fingers finding that place he could use to make me, gasp. I was now pushing my hips against his in response; my thoughts were entirely selfish at that moment. Jasper was groaning while I thought of nothing, no one but myself, at least until I felt his cold finger move inside me.
My eyes sprang open and I realized suddenly what I was doing, and who with, and who I wasn't with, and who would see it in her mind and know. I froze and pulled away from him a trying to push him up.
Jasper looked at me, in his eyes was an animal; blood lust, and carnal lust warring. He was completely overwhelmed by passion, and I felt horrible.
I slapped him. I knew it wouldn't hurt him. He looked at me with surprise, but the animal at least began to leave his expression. He withdrew his hand, and pulled himself to a kneeling position at the end of the bed, still between my legs, his hands on my thighs, but now upright and looking at me.
I looked back at him. "I'm so sorry Jasper. This is my fault."
He looked at the floor, letting go of me. "No," and his shoulders slumped. "It's mine." He stood up, and reached for both of our shirts. He handed me mine, along with my discarded bra. I started redressing, as he pulled his shirt over his shoulders. "In my defense, I didn't realize you'd be here alone. I've been trying to avoid you."
After we were both dressed again, Jasper brushed my hair out of my eyes, across my forehead and lifted my chin up towards him. He kissed me kindly then, "I can't deny that it's been a temptation to force just this situation. But honestly, I never really thought it would come to pass." His eyes looked very sad then, and he looked out the window, "Edward's going to be furious, of course he'll still forgive you. But Alice…"
"Alice will forgive you too Jasper. You two love each other the way Edward and I love each other. No one in this family is mistake-free." I watched him worry for a minute. "You know Jasper, I adore Emmett, but I think I love you as a brother best."
He looked at me strangely then. In light of recent events, I couldn't fault his expression, "What makes you say that?" He asked
"You keep me on my toes." I smiled.
He laughed then, and I stood up. I looked him straight in the eye, "I really am sorry about this Jasper, not just tonight, but for all the feelings Edward and I made you go through."
Jasper smiled back at me, "I'm sorry too," he stepped forward and we hugged. I laid my head against his chest in relief, "though not as sorry as I'm going to be when Alice gets home." We chuckled.
"You've got that right!" Alice's musical voice called over his shoulder.
Jasper and I both froze, mid hug.
