The bus reached its stop too soon, she was still prevaricating.
She convinced herself that it wasn't prevarication, she was simply being thorough, dotting the i's and crossing the t's. If she were honest she would have accepted that it was the t's which she'd dotted and the i's that she had crossed: her thoughts being far removed from the rational.
She stepped through the doors of Thames House, mind still elsewhere, trying to recall Harry's diary for the day, in the hope she could manage to avoid him.
"Ruth," exclaimed Harry as she practically bundled him over, such was her lack of attention.
She looked up at him and saw the beginnings of the unspoken question behind his eyes, the one that would want to know if she had an answer.
"Sorry, bit late," she blathered, thrusting forward a Boots bag, "...I needed toothpaste."
He smiled, lifting his hand and revealing an identical bag, "There's clearly a shortage."
They looked at each other awkwardly and then both turned for the lifts, but the thought of being enclosed in a small space with him, with no means of escape, was too much and so she nodded towards a conveniently passing analyst from Section C and made her excuses, leaving him none the wiser as to whether she had even seen his letter, let alone contemplated an answer.
And as the two of them moved apart, that was where they were: north and south, east and west; poles apart.
Harry dreamt of coming home with her, of sharing his tea, his toast, his bed. He craved the practicality; he was more than ready for the reality.
Ruth's dreams were just that ... dreams; ethereal, enveloping but never touching. She shunned practicality, in truth, where he was concerned, she shunned reality.
As she belatedly stepped onto the grid she had more questions than answers, but for the first time she perhaps began to understand something.
Had she lost herself in playing the martyr, she wondered?
Was it easier to lose him, than to love him?
Harry stepped from his office, "Ruth!" A tilt of his head completed the summons.
She took a deep breath.
She really wasn't ready for this.
