For the next two or three nights, I barely slept a wink.

Of course, Eric was on my mind all the time. I thought about the few recent conversations we'd had, and I brooded over my talk with Pam. I went over and over the things she'd told me. Eric had sacrificed a large portion of his life and his freedom in exchange for my protection. I would never be able to repay him, and I realized that the weight of this would be forever on my mind. How would I ever be able to continue life as normal, carrying that knowledge?

I wracked my brain trying to think of things I could do. I logged onto my computer and searched 'how to get out of vampire marriage contracts', but came up with nothing. I dreamed up ways of dispatching the queen, some as simple as finding her and staking her, others more complex and tricky, but each plot as hopeless as the next. I thought of favors I could call in, friends I could contact to ask for help, but I knew that it would be wrong to involve any of them.

I even considered speaking with Freyda myself again, to try to reason with her, or cut some kind of new deal. Free telepath services? Regular blood donations? I didn't have much to offer, but I would have given what I had. Ultimately, I knew that it would never be enough. The queen knew what she wanted, and was obviously determined to get her way. If I were to try to bargain with her myself, I might only end up making things worse for Eric, and that was truly the last thing I wanted.

Every single idea I had turned into a dead end.

What I wanted, more than anything else, was to speak to Eric. I dialed his number a couple of times, but hung up before anyone could answer. I typed out messages that went undelivered. I hardly knew where to start. Nothing I could possibly say would make the situation any easier for either of us, yet there was so much that I needed to tell him. Not being able to articulate how I felt was only part of the reason I found myself unable to reach out to him; I also knew that I might be taking a huge risk for the both of us, and that I'd probably get Pam in deep trouble, too.

So I tried to go about my life as normally as I could manage, though I wasn't at all myself. I felt like I was floating through my days, never quite present, but somehow able to function. For most of my waking moments I had a niggling feeling in the back of my mind. "You should be doing something," a voice kept insisting. "You could have done more. Stop being so hopeless." It was like an itch that went unscratched. I thought I might go mad from it.

I felt unable to share my burden and talk about the situation with others, in hopes of easing my mind. I considered getting a new cat, since I could at least offload my problems to an animal without worrying about the risk, but then I thought about poor Tina, and my old friend Bubba, and decided against it.

One night I decided to walk the short distance across the cemetery, to Bill's house. My intention was just to say a neighborly hello, but of course, I would also be interested to hear any vampire news he might be able to give me. He'd been strangely quiet, keeping to himself, though I wondered whether he still kept a watch over my house, now and again. I hoped that he was allowing me some space to come to terms with Eric leaving, rather than the fact he pitied me.

The woods were dark as always, but the moon was bright, and there was just enough light to guide me. Or at least I thought there was, until I tripped over a stump and banged headfirst into a low-hanging branch. Before I could fall flat on my face, a pair of arms were around me, and I was lifted back up.

"What the-" I went straight into survival mode, ready to kick and punch whoever had me in their grip.

"Shh. It's me."

"Eric?"

He must've been there in a shot, because I hadn't even noticed the void behind me. My lack of sleep was really beginning to show.

"Why are you out in the woods?" he asked me.

"What the hell?" He released me from his grip, standing me back up, and I pressed my hand to my forehead where the branch had slapped me. I took a quick look at my fingers, checking for blood, but there was none. "Why are you in my woods?" I snapped back.

"They're very scenic, and... woodsy. I was taking a stroll."

"Bullshit."

My heart was beating fast, first from the trip, then from the unknown arms, and then, from seeing my former husband standing right in front of me. I looked up at him, and my shock and fear melted away, my breathing returning to a more reasonable pace. I stood there, frozen to the spot. I'd never imagined I would see him again. I had almost accepted it.

"Are you really here?" I whispered. I reached up to touch his face, making sure. His skin was so pale in the moonlight. He took my wrist in his hand, closed his eyes and leaned his cheek in to my palm. "You're here. I thought you'd gone already."

"Tomorrow," he said.

"Oh."

I let my hand slowly fall.

"I'm not supposed to be here," he said. "I can't be long. I had to tell you something, in person, before I... Since I'll never be able to... I just couldn't leave things this way."

Eric seemed at a loss for words. I took his hand in mine.

"I'm glad you came," I said.

"You know I tried," he said, squeezing at my fingers. "Don't you. You know me."

"I know. And you know why I had to-"

Suddenly he took a step forward, and he pressed his lips to mine, stopping my words with a kiss. Being in his arms again was so familiar, and made me feel so safe. After a moment I allowed myself to melt into him, pretending that everything was okay. I felt the weight of the world lift away.

"Yes," he said, when he finally pulled back. "I know."

There was so much warmth in his eyes, so different from the eyes I'd looked into a week or so previous, when I'd visited Fangtasia. But there was still no hope in them. I took his hand again and turned over his palm, tracing my finger over the place where I'd sliced him with the knife. There was no mark, of course.

"I wanted to tell you," he said. "You should have known what was going to happen. I don't expect you to forgive me for it. I must have seemed like a stranger, that I had no care at all for how you would feel. But you know how it broke me to have you cut me and sever our marriage, and have to behave like it meant nothing to me. It means everything." His hand gripped the back of my head, and he leaned down to look me dead in the eyes. "You know me."

I nodded.

"Yes, I do." I knew more than he understood. "And you know I forgive you. None of this was your choice. You did everything you could."

Eric seemed to relax slightly at my words, as if the possibility that I might think he didn't care had been plaguing him every waking minute. He stroked my face, his fingers gently tracing my skin, his thumb brushing over my lips. He looked at me as though he was trying to etch every line, every single part of me, into his memory.

"Isn't it tragic that the two of us, creatures both so desperate to control our own destinies, so stubborn and reluctant to bow to anyone's orders, such fierce fighters, should find ourselves so completely powerless."

It hurt me deeply to hear him say that, and I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him as close to me as I could.

"I hate her," I said petulantly. "Maybe even more than I hate Appius."

"Try to use your energy elsewhere," Eric said, stroking my head. "I know how consuming anger can be. You have much to give to the world. It would be a shame if you wasted the precious time you have with hate and regret."

He was right of course, it would consume me, and make me miserable. That didn't mean that I wasn't going to spend plenty of time hating on Freyda. It was so frustrating, being unable to tell him that I knew about the sacrifices he'd made for me, and being unable to thank him for it. I couldn't betray Pam's confidence, and I couldn't add to Eric's misery, since it would only make him feel worse. So instead, I let my lips do the talking. I reached up, wrapped my arms around his neck, and I kissed him. Though we no longer shared our blood bond, I tried to pour all the love I had for him into my kiss, and hoped that he'd somehow still be able to feel it.

As our lips parted, our eyes met once again. There were so many things that would have to remain unsaid, but in that moment, I knew that we both understood what was important.

"Stay," I whispered. "Stay with me."

He bent to kiss me again, as if capturing the words as they exited my mouth, then pressed his forehead to mine, cupping my face in his hands. I could tell that he was struggling to hold back, that there was much he still wanted to say, but he knew that ultimately it would only make it more difficult for the both of us when he had to leave. We were both only delaying the inevitable.

"I love you, Sookie," he breathed against my lips. "Remember that I will always love you."

He let me go, and stepped back. I felt a rush of panic, and reached for him again.

"Eric-"

"Live," he said, taking another step backwards, and then another. "Do not waste a single moment. You are strong, and you are brilliant. Never lose your audacious spirit, Sookie, but can you promise me that you will at least try to stay out of trouble?"

I held back my tears, and nodded. A faint smile appeared at his lips. I ran to him, but when I reached out with my hands there was nothing but cool air in the space where Eric had stood. With barely a sound and in the blink of an eye, he was up into the night sky.

"Wait!"

But it was too late. Eric was gone, forever.

"I love you, too," I said, to the stars.