Wow… a lot of people like this fic… yay! lol. They said I couldn't do it, and by they, I mean that hobo outside McDonalds. Thanks again for all your delicious reviews guys! I ate every last one!

To get things straight, a lot of people have been notifying me about the whole Japanese name thing. To make it perfectly clear, I will NEVER use honorifics (i.e. san, kun, chan, sama, etc.), nor will I reverse the name order. (i.e. Kurosaki Ichigo, Kuchiki Rukia, Abarai Renji, etc.) It's not that I'm lazy… well… alright, it's partly because I'm lazy, but mostly because the whole thing confuses me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, but I do own this stylish swivel chair I'm comfortably planting my enormous butt on.


Previously on Bleach

"But I'm not Ichigo. I'm his evil twin… Ricardo!"

Gasp!

"Urahara… I'm carrying your baby."

DUN DUN DUN!

"We're the only ones that know the true identity of the killer!"

HOLY CRAP!

"There's a bomb underneath the car!"

WTF?!?!?!?!

"The name's Ichigo Kurosaki, and I'm your captain."

OH EM GEEE!!!!!!

Everyone just stood there, mouth agape and eyes wide open. A few of the girls were blushing and looking down at their feet.

"I'm a bit insulted." He said, scowling. "My first day and already you guys are dissing me. Let's just hope your bite is as bad as your bark."

Ichigo scanned the new recruits with squinting eyes and snorted when he was done. Suddenly, he launched a rock at the nearest recruit's head and knocked him out. The fact that the kid wasn't able to dodge it or sustain the blow dissatisfied Ichigo. Ignoring the gasps and "WTF's?!?!?!?!?!" from the crowd, he flicked his head to the side, whispering "Bunch o' weaklings."

Ichigo began pacing back and forth while scratching his face with his right hand. He turned to the crowd and said, "Alright, by the looks of it, you all suck at most forms of combat. Don't worry though, by the time I'm finished with you guys, you may actually be able to hold your own ground. First things first, you need to meet your second-in-command. OI! RUKIA!"

From far away, Rukia flash stepped and appeared next to Ichigo, leaving a rising trail of dust behind her. She was wearing her lieutenant's armband and Shirayuki in her obi. Ichigo pointed his thumb towards his sub-ordinate.

"This is Rukia Kuchiki, or as you'll come to know her, Lieutenant Kuchiki. She looks sweet and dainty, but she's got a hot temper, so you better watch yourselves."

Rukia glared at her captain angrily and said, "Dope. I'll ignore the fact that you insulted me, but get this straight: I'm highly capable of introducing myself. I'm not a child."

"Well, with your height you could've fooled me." Ichigo said as he compared himself with Rukia using his left hand.

It wasn't that Rukia was small, it was just that… who am I kidding, she's small. But when put next to Ichigo she seems even more diminutive. This was one of the things she hated when she was with him.

"Shut up! You're such a jerk! Why do you keep making fun of my height? I'm taller than Captain Hitsugaya you know!"

"So is everyone else."

"Gah! You're such an insensitive bastard!"

"And you're such a whiny bitch!"

"For the last time, don't call me a bitch you ass!"

"Bitch!"

"Ass!

"Bitch!"

"Ass!"

As the two continued exchanging pleasantries, the confused recruits just looked at each other questioningly.

"Are they really together?" someone whispered.

"Maybe it's one of those love-hate relationships." another whispered back.

"Doesn't seem like it."

"Well… maybe more on the hate side than love."

"I wouldn't mind getting yelled at by him."

"Same here."

"My god, is every girl in Soul Society horny for him?"

"No, just the freaky ones."

Finally, someone spoke up.

"Um, aren't we supposed to start our training right now?"

Ichigo was now literally head-to-head with Rukia. Hearing a voice that wasn't his lieutenant's brought him back to reality. "Bi-, what? Oh yeah. Um… let's see…" he mumbled as he leaned away from Rukia. "Well, I guess we should start off with some basic combat techniques. Before I forget, has anyone here attained their zanpaku-to's shikai yet?"

Six people raised their hands.

"You there, what's your name?" Ichigo asked he pointed his finger at a girl raising her hand.

The small girl jumped back a little in surprise. "It's Nanami Kobayashi, sir!"

"Alright Nanami, come up here and show me what you can do."

Nanami moved her way through the crowd towards Ichigo and Rukia. She stopped in front of her commanding officers and pulled out her zanpaku-to from its sheath. She held the blade in one hand and the handle in the other. She shouted "Hae! Tsuinotori! (A/N: In Eng: "Fly! Twin Birds!" This isn't a direct translation, but it's the best I could do) Her zanpaku-to split into two discus shaped blades with handles in the middle.

Ichigo smirked and demanded, "Now attack me."

Nanami was shocked. "But captain, I can't hit you! What if you get hurt?"

"Ha ha, you sound almost like Rukia."

"Hey!" the petite lieutenant shouted.

"Oh, fine, sorry. Anyways, it's ok, I won't get hurt, trust me. Even if I do, I can take it. Don't worry, just take a deep breath and throw your zanpaku-to whenever you're ready."

Something in her captain's eyes reassured Nanami, and she threw her zanpaku-to at him. They flew at break-neck speed, but Ichigo easily deflected them. They returned to Nanami's hands and she threw them again… and again… and again… and again, with Ichigo dodging or deflecting them.

The other five who had achieved shikai went through the same embarrassing process. One of them even hurt themselves in the process. He had to have members 4th Division carry him off to the medical relief stations.

Quite annoyed, Ichigo spoke to the group. "See? This is what you guys need to work on. Your guys' zanpaku-to may look impressive, but without a strict battle strategy, you will never win. I learned that the hard way." He started pacing back and forth again. "What we'll be working on first is a solid attack and defense. For these next exercises, everyone find a sparring partner. Since Kaito injured himself, one of you will have to partner with Lieutenant Kuchiki."

Rukia glared at Ichigo. "What the hell did I just talk to you about speaking up for me? And besides, I'm not that good at sword fighting, just kidou."

"Rukia, this is basic material. Nothing fancy, no parries, no intricate maneuvers, just regular sword fighting. And what was that talk we were having yesterday about 'Responsibility', huh?"

"Don't lecture me about ethics you unrefined cow."

Ichigo just twitched at her remark, but soon broke out into a rage when she started mooing and picking up grass with her teeth. By the time the two were done arguing, everyone had paired up. Ichigo stopped shoving Rukia's face into the ground and turned to his students.

He whistled with his fingers and yelled, "Oi! Everybody! Watch me and listen to my instructions. I will be demonstrating various attacks on this dummy next to me. And no, it's not Lieutenant Kuchiki."

A few snickered, but the rest remained silent since they saw that Rukia had just kicked Ichigo on the back... hard... onto the ground... He got back up, but paid no attention to her. He just picked up Zangetsu and pointed it towards his audience.

"This, as you may have guessed, is my zanpaku-to. Copy exactly what I do, and you'll soon know how to execute a basic attack. The first attack I'll show you is to simply swing your zanpaku-to towards your opponent, like so." Ichigo swung Zangetsu quickly and hit the dummy. The gigantic cleaver bounced off since the training object was made of dense spirit energy, rendering it nearly unbreakable.

"The next thing you should know is the counter to this attack. Again, very simple. Just hold your zanpaku-to vertically on your left, right, or front side, or hold it horizontally above you. This is the best defense against a swinging attack, next to parrying. Alright, now face your sparring partner. One of you go on offense, and the other on defense. After five minutes of practicing, switch positions. Ready? Go!"

The sounds of clashing swords echoed throughout the field along with screams of joy and excitement... for about ten seconds. Soon after they had begun, the recruits either dropped their zanpaku-to or had it knocked out of their hands. Ichigo began massaging his temples.

"You guys have got to be the sorriest bunch of shinigami I've ever seen in my life." Ichigo sighed and looked back at his group. "Pick up your zanpaku-tos, keep a good grip on it, and try again."

The same thing happened over and over again. Clash. Clang. Drop. Clash. Clang. Drop. Clash. Clang. Drop.

"Ugh, you guys are killing me. Alright… enough of the swordplay, we'll continue this tomorrow and hopefully make some progress. For now, let's have Lieutenant Kuchiki teach you some basic kidou."

"I'm going to kick your ass again if you keep talking for me."

"Just shut up and start teaching Rukia."

She gave him a swift kick in the shins and turned to the recruits. She showed the group a simple binding technique, and two destructive spells. Unfortunately, they stank at this as well. They would either say the wrong chant, resulting in them trapping or burning themselves, or say the wrong chant and trap or burn their friends. They practiced late into the afternoon, once going back to sword fighting since Ichigo got bored watching the young shinigami blow each other up. After much complaining, the tired graduates left for home from their first day of training with "Captain Strawberry" as he was now known.

Ichigo and Rukia were lying down together on the grass looking up at the golden sky slowly fading into the black night.

"Nice group of kids." Rukia told Ichigo.

"They're all idiots." he coldly replied.

"Oh, don't say that Ichigo. I'm sure that with time, they'll grow up into strong, suitable shinigami."

"They're gonna need one hell of an instructor for that."

Rukia merely sighed and went back to staring out into the sky. She remembered something that might lift Ichigo's grumpy mood.

"You know Ichigo, it's that time of the month."

Dumbfounded, the shinigami turned his head to look at his lieutenant.

"… Your period?"

Whack.

"No you idiot, think again."

Finally realizing what Rukia meant, Ichigo actually smiled a bit and let out a big breath of air.

"I can't wait to see them." he replied.


A/N: Cliffhanger? Not quite, haha. Long chapter this one. Whatever, the more the merrier!

In the last chapter, something happened to my sentence explaining why I don't reply to your reviews. The reason is that I'm too lazy to talk to all of you, ha ha ha. If you have any questions or concerns, I might include my reply before the beginning of each chapter.

So, I'm working on the next chapter, and I'll probably post it within two days… so… keep on reviewing! lol