Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't posted lately but school has kept be really busy! I can assure you that I will not stop this story and that this is honestly an amazing story to write!
I just won't be updating very often unfortunately! But I will try my hardest!
Thanks for reading! You are all the best!
"You cannot change what you refuse to confront."
-Unknown
"Dad," I say his name as though it were a question.
"Yes, Little Mockingjay?" He asks me as we walk home from the woods, his hand holding mine.
"Do you ever think you hear something wrong, but it's right?"
"All the time," he states. "But you know my love; that happens for a reason."
I look up to him curiously. "What do you mean?"
"We only think we hear something wrong because we base things on what we know, and what we're used to. Sometimes we forget that changes are real, and that not everything goes the way we think it will."
I had heard a familiar name called out into the microphone, echoing throughout The Square. And when it had finished echoing throughout The Square, it continued, much louder, in my mind.
All eyes were on me. A canvas of colours pouring their way into my soul, making me freeze. I was afraid that if I'd move, I would wake up from this dream.
Had my ear deceived me? Had I heard wrong, or had I heard right?
I didn't really know which one I wanted more. Both came with good and bad consequences for my family. But which one had better consequences for me?
Am I being selfish now? Already, and I hadn't even thought I heard right. Maybe it was the wind, or the sky. Maybe even the birds.
But it wasn't.
Effie repeated the name once again. "Katniss Everdeen!"
No, I had heard correctly.
I felt as though I were glued onto the concrete which held me up. As if I were a part of the ground itself. Suddenly, I felt two hands shove me forward lightly, as though indicating me to go up. And I was brought back to the world.
I make my way out of the crowd of glaring girls, wishing to take my place. Never would I have thought a Merchant girl would want to be in my place before. It never even crossed my mind. It was supposed to be me, who would envy them.
And I still do.
The stairs are narrow, yet I make my way up fine. I keep my eyes grazed onto the floor, not daring to stare up into the crowd of jealous girls who I know. But I have to.
Effie grabs my arm gently once I'm fully up on stage, and waddles me forward with her, instructing me next to Madge. Instead of staring down upon the crowd of glares and tearful eyes, I look to Madge.
She wears a fake smile, but her eyes are filled with nothing but pure kindness still. She makes me feel less heavy, and suddenly I'm afraid I'm too light as I look towards my mother and sister who grin proudly in the wave of people. I felt like a balloon tied up to a fence, waiting to be lifted higher into the air.
I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me when I realize how well my family will finally coop. Not one care about how Prince Peeta thinks of me, not one fear that he won't like me. Because for weeks, we'll be given food and dollars.
For once in my life, I feel safe.
Effie makes her way in between Madge and I, her words ready to boom into the microphone loudly.
"This years selected girls!" she exclaims clearly. "Madge Undersee and Katniss Everdeen!" Although the reluctance is evident, as is the tension, they clap. They clap loudly, and freely. Or I had just thought they were clapping freely. My energy seemed to reflect upon them. Or it might just be my mind.
How was this possible? How would, I, Katniss Everdeen, a poor girl from The Seam, be chosen to go to the palace for the prince? How had this happened? I'm certain I must be the first Seam girl in history to be chosen for The Selection. For anything this important, actually.
The next few minutes go by quickly. I'm escorted into a room. A room bigger than my actual home. Inside the room is filled with leather seats and cozy looking chairs.
I feel my heart beat quickly, excited, nervous and scared all at once. I was now forever guaranteed safety. A luxury I thought I'd never afford. No more fear, and cold winter nights sleeping by the fire. No more worry of not having enough to eat.
I was bound to live in The Capitol now, even if I wouldn't get chosen. We had been given a better future. And I had latched onto it more than I thought I would. My mother had never given me a better opportunity in my life.
I suddenly hear distant footsteps, and the door busts open within second. Prim is running towards me, her arms wrapped around my waist tightly. Mom joins in, her arms around the two of us.
"I knew you'd get picked," Prim insists giddily, a tone in her voice I didn't think I'd ever hear. "You're the prettiest, smartest and greatest of them all!" I laugh and pat her head lightly.
"Thank you Little Duck," I smile, kissing the top of her head. "But now I won't be able to see you every day, aren't you disappointed?" I ask curiously, and I feel another feeling kick in.
I won't be able to see my family. They'll be staying here until Prince Peeta decides my fate. Hopefully, I'll be able to stay for a while. The longer I stay, the more money we will receive.
"Of course! But I still hope you'll be there for long, I hear they bring pies sometimes!" Prim exclaims, and I laugh.
I have to try to make my personality more… appreciative. Make myself seem lovelier, and less scary. Although these were things I didn't want to hide, these were things I had to hide. For my family. Not for me. Not now.
"You're going to be amazing, Katniss," she smiles, tugging onto my braid. "You'll be an amazing queen." I laugh at my mother's words.
"Alright Mom, let's not go too far," I state, Prim giggling along.
"I'm serious," she argues. "The Prince would be silly not to fall madly in love with you. Anyone would." I bring her in for a hug, knowing that I'll be departing soon. Prim joins in, and we share our last moments together for what could be months.
"I love you," I say to the two of them, the three of us in a tangle of arms and hair and love.
"We love you too," they both say, almost in the same tone. Sometimes I wonder how it's possible that Prim and my mother could be so alike. It's as though there wasn't one trace of my father in Prim. It was a bittersweet feeling.
A peacekeeper opens the door, ready to escort them out. Prim hugs me once more, and then walks out, but my mother lingers by the door. I see a certain sparkle flicker in her eyes, her mind dazing off into far off places.
"Katniss," she speaks my name softly. "Tell the king I say hello." She casts me one last smile before all I see is her shadow from the sunlight creaking in through the open window. And then, the door closes, and her shadow is gone.
I'd never been on a train before. I've never really been in any stable, Capitol transportation before. Most of the District hasn't, and I'm certain it's mostly people of the Seam who couldn't even dream about it. And I was disappointed I hadn't.
The train was packed with luxurious pastries and goods. Every fabric in here was soft or silky. Or both. It was like living in a dream. I still felt as though I'd need to be awaken soon, that I would awake on the healing table, and my mother would tell me I had been unconscious.
But I'm certain dreams were not supposed to last this long, and feel so real. And impact me this much. The only dreams that truly impacted me, were the nightmares of my father's death. They came often, and managed to take up most of my nights.
Sometimes, most of the time, they weren't real ones. My father being torn apart aggressively by mutts. The Kings father, King Coriolanus, beating my father and the other miners to death. Or him dropping a bomb over the mines, laughing devilishly.
King Coriolanus always held a spot in his heart for District 12; the deepest darkest, most awful part. I was told by my mother, my father and many other citizens that they were always treated more unfairly by him than by any other of The Monarchy.
But Queen Dea was not much different. She was simply just better at being discrete, and hid her feelings towards us in the back of her mind. I turn my head towards Madge, who sits next to me on the leather sofa.
Effie is locked up in her room, and the only other people on this train are servants from The Capitol. Not all of them get to live in luxury. One of the servants, a blonde one, hands Madge a mug of coffee, and offers me one too. Reluctantly, I reach out to grab the warm drink and hold it to me tightly.
"Thank you," I whisper, the blonde servant nods politely, and walks away, no words being spoken upon her lips. Was she an Avox? There were rumours that most of the servants from The Capitol are originally from the Districts, but have committed a crime.
Instead of being brutally excited by a Peacekeeper, they're taken to The Capitol, and in punishment, their tongues get cut off. Unfortunately, yet unsurprisingly, most of them commit crimes as stealing food for themselves or family. Or clothing and blankets. Things to keep warm, and to keep living.
It's unfair. But maybe they're warmer in the comfort of The Capitol, where there are all types of blankets and clothes and food. Honestly, if they wanted to let them suffer, they would've kept them hungry, in their District.
Suddenly, the screen in front of us opens unexpectedly, and I almost feel blinded at the bright light it creates. Madge and I flinch, yet stay silent. We haven't spoken to one another since we've boarded the train.
"Welcome, welcome!" Immediately, I know who the giddy voice belongs to, and I groan internally. Caesar Flickerman was the most popular interviewer of Panem. He had tons of talk shows, produced most of the countries silly reality programs. He produced many long running drama and comedy shows which The Capitol couldn't seem to get enough of. He was certainly famous.
And of course, I would meet him. He interviewed the Royals all the time, and would interview all of the selected girls. And now, they're announcing all of the girl's publically. The 26 girls which would come to the palace all for one boy. How foolish. Yet, I was one of them. And I felt ashamed. I was only here for my family, but most of these other girls most likely aren't.
I wasn't one of them. I wasn't even close. My future was tied down to Gale.
Gale.
He hadn't come to say goodbye. Of course not. He would see me again, and I'd most likely bring him and his family to The Capitol as well once we marry. I still felt anger that I didn't get to say a meaningless goodbye to him, all because he didn't show up. But perhaps it was better that way.
I turn my attention back to the screen, and watch, trying my hardest to be attentive. But Caesar's bright outfit distracted from his words, and I couldn't focus on a word he was saying.
I didn't understand why he dressed like that. The Royals dressed much more… normally. Although what they wore was expensive and silly and warm and rich. It was much more comparable to what most of the Districts wear, than the citizens of The Capitol.
"So let's begin introducing the wonderful ladies!" Caesar exclaims, his straight pearly teeth blinding me. The crowd cheers at his words, and next to Caesar sits The Royals.
They're sitting on the long red couch, fake smiles and perfect postures almost taking away what makes them human. King Graham sits at the far left, his eyes look tired. It was something even the makeup and smiles couldn't hide. Yet the rest of him was clean and proud. And perfect.
The queen held much more pride though. A different kind. Where The King took pride in his son, Queen Dea took pride in her country. And she certainly showed her pride in elegance and beauty. Her blonde hair was tied up perfectly. But not effortlessly. And her makeup was put on elegantly. But not brightly. The King held more genuineness inside of him, and The Queen held perfection inside of her.
They were the furthest thing from in love. Anyone paying attention would notice. But no one in The Capitol had the time to pay as much attention as us. Because they might have beauty and money, but we get love. True love. So how was it possible for them to notice something they haven't truly gotten to know or encounter? And especially, to feel.
They based true love from movies and Caesar's romance shows. They based it off what they thought it was; perfection and beauty. Everyone in movies and shows were beautiful and perfect looking. Although they had flaws, fake stupid flaws, the characters always seemed to complete each other. Like they were the missing puzzle pieces to finish the perfect puzzle.
But true love wasn't fixing flaws, and creating perfection. It was dealing with flaws, and hating perfection. Because true love wasn't perfect; it was inconvenient and silly.
And I'm certain most people in The Capitol never got the chance to experience it. But maybe they did, but they just didn't get to keep it. Their ideas of love were based off of stereotypes, whereas mine were based off of real people.
"Are you looking forward to seeing the selected girls for the first time, Prince Peeta?" Caesar asked, smiling widely. That was a lie. Prince Peeta would get to watch the Reaping's live. But I suppose Madge only knew that because of her father, and told me because I was her only true friend.
"Oh, certainly!" Prince Peeta insisted, a small smile upon his face. I couldn't tell whether or not it was genuine. Prince Peeta was the only one who ever made me wonder. All the other Royals were obvious whether or not something was coming from the heart, but he always managed to confuse me. And I hated it.
"Fantastic!" Caesar exclaimed, and the crowd cheered even louder. When the camera pans to the audience all I see is a canvas of warm and cold colors. They looked like cartoons almost. It was completely ridiculous.
"Let's begin with The Capitol! Our lovely home!" The crowd cheers loudly, and I swear I saw the Prince flinch. I almost laugh. The screen cuts to a beautiful outdoors area filled with trees and fountains.
In a large square are plenty of girls with all sorts of hair colors. Purple, blue, green, and pink are the most popular. I don't think there's one normal hair color in there. Madge makes a noise which sounds a lot like a giggle. And I recite it.
A girl with a large purple wig taps the microphone twice and then we are cut immediately to when she calls out the first name. Her long fingers open the perfectly folded paper and she reads out the name clearly.
"Portia Styles!" She exclaims, and suddenly a loud squeal fills my ears and a girl runs onto the stage. She came up on stage, giddy and excited. Her milk chocolate skin seemed flawless, her hazel eyes shined in the sunlight and her yellow wig seemed too big for her head. Certainly, without all the makeup and wigs, she must be beautiful.
The next name is called out, I think I had heard something like Cressida, but I don't pay attention, considering Portia takes up most of the energy on stage. Her smile is bright and perfect, and her long legs look even longer with those monstrous shoes she wears.
I look to the other side of the screen, Prince Peeta smiling normally, but he doesn't look all there. Maybe he had already seen a beautiful girl he would dedicate himself to from when he watched them live. Or maybe he tried to hold the same look towards everyone, so there wouldn't be an assumed favouritism. I admired that.
And then, we're cut to District One. Once again, we only get to hear the names and see the faces. No description, just names and faces, and then next District.
"Glimmer Morris!" The name makes me cringe. But the girl makes me cringe more. The tall blonde practically skips onto the stage, her hair tied up, showing her perfect features. Her eyes are an emerald green, yet I can almost feel them burn their way into me.
"Cashmere Morris!" I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. Sisters? I wouldn't be surprised considering their similarities. The share the same hair and eyes, and most of their features are alike as well. But where Glimmer holds more sexiness, Cashmere holds more of an elegant snobby appearance.
Prince Peeta still holds the same look, considering he had already seen them before. Maybe they show the Reaping's before to hold back shock and the freedom to express his questions and feelings. Maybe it was preparation, and practice. Of course it is. How would they be looked at if they held normal emotions, such as shock and expression? It would take away their image of perfection.
But then I see Prince Peeta look over to his father and mouth the word "cousins," confirming that they were in fact related. The hair and eye color wasn't exactly what made them look alike, considering it was very popular in One. It was the nose shape, the eye shape, the face. And the same high cheekbones, which were higher than any Capitol skyscraper. And of course, the last name had said it all.
And then we cut to 2.
"Clove Ferland!" A girl with dark hair and matching eyes walks onto the stage. There was no excitement in her steps, she just walked onto the stage normally and smirked. She was much smaller than the four other girls, but seemed strong and persistent. But not in the way I would call myself. She seemed more… ruthless and dangerous almost.
I tell myself to keep away from this one. Who knows what her goal is.
"Enobaria Hollow!" A fierce looking girl in brought up on stage, and she wears a smirk as well. But when she opens her mouth a little, I can swear I've never seen teeth that sharp in my life.
Eventually, I lose interest and all I hear are waves of names in my head.
Annie Cresta, Johanna Mason, Lavinia Halter, Felicia Forth (who looks as sly as a fox), Rue Anther, and many other's who haven't captivated my attention.
But then, it's our turn.
Firstly, Madge is called up, her appearance beautiful and effortless. The camera then pans to her proud looking parents. When I turn to look towards Prince Peeta, he wears a different look. A much wider grin, and a bright look that I haven't seen before.
But then it's me.
I watch as I make my way on stage, dumbfounded. I walk slowly, completely shocked. It only occurs to me now how much of an idiot I appeared as. I wore a worn out dress, my hair was in a simple braid and I looked like myself. I looked normal.
I feel like my stomach twists when I look towards the Royals. King Graham is still smiling, as is Queen Dea. But I see something else behind her smile. Hatred. Of course; I was from The Seam.
I'm about to cast my eyes towards the Prince, that is until my family appears and I see the King's face falter for the first time is my life. I'm certain Madge has noticed to when she almost gasped. It was so odd.
For a matter of a few seconds, his smile turned into a saddened frown, but then he had regained himself only seconds afterwards. But the look in his eyes, and the way he looked at the screen looked as though he was hurting.
I knew that Mother had met King Graham, but I was never told they had anything more, and I'd never assumed. But now, when my mother had told me to tell him hello, and his face when he saw her, I wonder. How deep had this relationship been?
Suddenly, I manage to look towards Prince Peeta. But the screen has cut to Madge once more. And he smiles brightly, again. But when the camera goes towards my confused face I see something.
His face tugged into a wider smile, and I can swear his eyes turned a brighter shade. But he looks towards me in a way he hasn't looked at any of the other girls. With hope, with appreciation. With truth.
But maybe I had just dreamed it.
