A/N
Must thank all the readers who stopped by and read it and special thanks to those who reviewed it. Dan makes an appearance in this chapter and I hope you guys like what you read.
July 2012
"Pregnant? Does Mister Lonely Boy know?" Dorota asked.
"Stop being so stupid Dorota, I just found out like half a minute ago, how can Dan know this? And can you stop calling him Lonely Boy; he obviously has not been that lonely of late if he has fathered a child," said an exasperated Blair.
Dorota has the grace to look to look sheepish, and said, "but you never cared much before if I called him Lonely Boy."
"Now I do and you would not call him that," stated Blair.
Blair comes back into her room and stretched out on her bed. She knew exactly the moment her baby was conceived. She remembered all the details vividly ….
May 2012
Blair has just come back from the craziest day of her life and she just discovered that Bart bass is alive. All she wanted was a hot meal, a hot bath and tell Dan all about her super fanatical day of strange brothels, scheming and seeing a dead man alive.
Dan was waiting for her in the loft when she got there. She asked him to go out and grab a bite and he agreed. And just as they were out on their way Dan stopped for a second and said, "I love you, you know that right?"
Blair was in a shock for a moment. Never in her life has she imagined that Dan would say those precious three words to her for the first time when she is half way out into the hallway with a neighbour's bicycle in audience! All should could say in response was, "I do, now."
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
'I do now! Who says shit like that!' she cursed herself.
But there was no way she could have taken those words back. They went out for dinner but she could sense that Dan was a bit quiet and Dan is hardly ever quiet, at least not with her.
She tried to make small talk as they were getting ready for bed but he remained withdrawn. She got angry at Dan but decided not vent it. I mean who says I love you for the first time when they are going out to a late dinner after a day from hell? She was expecting a romantic night, perhaps some champagne, something far more personal than the entrance of the loft and an offhand, "I love you, you know that right?" Fuck it and fuck Dan Humphrey!
It was only when they went to bed that he relaxed, spooned her, kissed her shoulder and went to sleep.
Blair was relieved that at least he was his normal loving self in bed.
She woke up to the smell of coffee wafting through the loft. She went up and sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen counter and watched Dan working in the kitchen. He gave her a smile but did not say anything. She watched him for a few seconds and all of a sudden her heart rushed with feelings of fondness, incredible affection and … perhaps love. She had to show him even if she is not brave enough to bare her heart and tell him how she feels. She slid off from the stool and hugged Dan from behind.
"Are you mad at me for staying away the whole day yesterday?" she mumbled into his back.
Dan turned around so he was facing her and said, "No I am not mad but I would have liked it more if you had kept me in the loop."
"I am sorry Dan, I really am," she said.
Blair stood on her tip toes and kissed him – lightly. Dan deepened that kissed and made sure that she opened her mouth for him. She tore her mouth away from his perfectly sculpted lips and moved onto his neck. She grabbed his hair which were still slightly wet after the shower and ran her tongue across his jaw line. He smelt fresh, of after shave and promise of happiness. She started unbuttoning his shirt and kissed his chest and then followed the path down with every button undone. He shrugged his shirt away the minute the buttons were undone.
Blair was down on her knees and was unbuckling his jeans when he halfheartedly said, "I was making eggs and the pan is hot already."
"Humphrey! I, Blair Waldorf, am down on my knees and unbuckling your trousers! Can you seriously think of pans and skillets at a time like this?" She cried in typical Blair Waldorf fashion and Dan gave up his faux fight, chuckled and switched off the stove.
She looked up at him, suggestively rubbing her hands up and down his thighs for a moment before pulling down his boxers and reaching for him. "Let's get ready for the time of your life Humphrey; if anything, I can assure you that your kitchen will never be the same."
An hour later, they were both panting on the kitchen floor amidst two spatulas, a woven basket, three kitchen towels, garlics, napkins, and several potatoes that escaped the sack of potatoes under the table when Blair's foot hit it.
Blair was playing with the hair on Dan's chest when he moved his body a little and took out a potato from under his back and held it in his hand.
"Gawwwddd! I will never be able to look a potato in the eye after this!" She exclaimed.
"hahaha, not only have you had your wicked way with me, you kind of mishandled the potatoes in the process," Dan laughed.
"What! I had my wicked way with you, and you were sleeping through it all like a baby, right?" Blair was indignant.
"I was just basking in all the care and attention I was getting from my very loving girlfriend," Dan appeased her.
Dan then sat up with his back against the Kitchen Island and pulled Blair in his laps in a way that she straddled him. He kissed her again and said, "If anyone enters the loft right now, the first thing they will see is your shapely but very naked back."
She smiled into that kiss and said, "Well that's what they should look at, it is the most beautiful thing in this loft."
Dan laughed out loud at that and Blair smiled softly and said, "Perhaps, not as beautiful as your smile."
Dan groaned at that and opened his mouth. "Oh Blair, what will I do without do," Dan asked.
"It's a good thing Humphrey," she punctuated the sentence with tiny little kissed across his face, "that you won't have to do anything without me, except perhaps going to that really shady gym you insist on being a member of and those soccer games that you go to with Nate."
He pulled her body closer. "Not a chance Waldorf, I am sticking with you, even during the soccer games" he said before kissing her again, with a passion and desperation that she had never felt from him before.
After another glorious hour of passion, as they lay side by side, they decided to abandon the idea of a breakfast and headed out to an early lunch after a quick shower.
Blair didn't think much about that morning the, but ten weeks later, sitting in her penthouse after traipsing across half the world with Chuck, she came to realization that she had unprotected sex with Dan that spring day – twice – on his kitchen floor with spatulas and potatoes by their side. That was when she conceived her baby, amidst, all things beautiful – food, books, fun, laughter and love.
xxxxxxx
August 2012
Because Blair was so excited and wanted to know about Dan's whereabouts, she called up Nate – her only friend with whom she can talk about Dan – to invite him for dinner. Nate said that he would love to have dinner with her but invited her instead over to his new apartment; he wanted her opinion about some artwork that was sent to him by his decorator. She agreed.
Blair arrived when Nate was setting up places on the kitchen island as he still did not have a dining table. Nate was hungry and asked if they eat straight away and Blair complied. They ate in silence and Blair was thankful for Nate's focus on food otherwise he could have asked why she was not drinking any wine.
After dinner, they discussed the art pieces that were sent to Nate and Blair rejected them all as they did not go with the very modern architecture and fixtures of the apartment. They later settled on the lone couch in front of his huge glass window, Nate with a glass of bourbon and Blair with a cup of coffee.
"You know what Nate, when Serena was dating Dan and they were on one of their many break ups I told Serena that the only thing worse than dating Dan Humphrey is mourning Dan Humphrey. Who knew one day I would not only be dating and mourning Dan Humphrey but would also be pining for him, and feeling physically sick because he is not around," she was looking outside the window.
Nate Chuckled.
She turned around and raised her eye brow in question.
"You have got it bad Blair; real bad. I just wish that Dan is back here already. Listening to you rambling on about the virtues of Dan is definitely affecting a drop in my testosterone levels, if he is not back soon, you will want to braid my hair" laughed Nate.
"I do have it bad, don't I?" She smiled.
Nate shrugged.
"And I can still braid your hair, now that you have mentioned, you do have really nice hair. How do you feel about corn rows?" She said while touching his hair.
"Stay away from my hair Blair, anyone messing with my awesome hair merits the harshest punishment," Nate pulled away from Blair's hands.
Nate refreshed his glass of bourbon and returned to the couch.
"Blair, don't get me wrong, I root for you guys and all that but he has been gone for close to three months and you guys did not part on good terms – or any terms at all – a lot can happen in those three months. He is traveling, meeting people; he may have started dating someone else for all we know. I am not raining on your parade but I want you think of all possible scenarios before you get your hopes up," Nate hesitated when pointing this out to Blair.
"Thanks for being so concerned Nate, I am really touched, but I have a feeling that things will go my way, I have an ace up my sleeve," she smiled mischievously.
"And what would that be?" asked Nate.
"Dan has to hear it first, I promise you will be the next to know," Blair touched his arm to reassure him.
They both sat quietly and then Nate looked at her and said, "I am glad we are reconnecting, it's like we knew each other but never really hung out since we graduated from high school. You are my oldest friend and I am glad that you feel comfortable enough to confide everything me. Despite all the awkwardness of the past."
"Oh Nate, so am I. I had forgotten how kind you can be, I am just as glad to rediscover an old friendship. But enough about me tell me what is happening with you and what happened to Serena lite? I thought you guys were serious or something," asked Blair.
Nate filled her up with everything that has happened with Lola, talked some more about Spectator, his family drama with his mom and grandfather and ended up the visit with eliciting a promise from Blair to help him with decorating his home.
.
xxxxxx
.
Blair spent next couple of weeks working with Nate's decorator on his apartment. She stalled the remodeling in her penthouse and decided to turn Serena's room into a nursery instead of an office. She was waiting to find out the baby's sex before she plunges into the plans for nursery.
August 2012
It was during a visit to a baby store that she saw the gossip girl blast about Dan's return. She immediately returned home, changed into that plaid skirt she bought, refreshed her makeup and headed to Brooklyn.
She was a bundle of nerves when she was climbing up the stairs of Dan's Brooklyn loft. She knocked softly and waited.
The door opened and she looked up in hope but was disappointed to see Rufus on the other end of the door.
"Oh Blair, what can I do for you?" asked Rufus. He clearly was not expecting her.
"Umm hi Rufus, how are you doing?" Blair smiled nervously. She was not prepared to see Rufus.
"I am good Blair," and then after a brief pause Rufus asked, "I am sure you are not here to ask about me, so let's cut to the chase, what brings you here?"
"I heard Dan is back and errr …. I was wondering if I can speak with him," Blair asked tentatively. She has no idea how much Rufus knows about their break up and how much she can tell him. She decided to play safe and not talk about it.
"Yes, Dan is back but he is out, may be you can come later," Rufus said and was about to close the door but Blair stopped him with her hand on his arm.
"I know I may not be your favourite person at the moment – or ever – but please, can I wait here for Dan. I really need to speak with him. It is kind of urgent," Blair pleaded.
Rufus thought for a few brief seconds and then stepped aside and let Blair in. She stepped in and thanked him.
Rufus asked if she wants anything and she asked for some water.
Rufus asked her to make herself comfortable, handed her a bottle of water and he went inside Dan's office. From the sound of it, he was moving things in there. She waited for about half an hour when she received Nate's call.
"Are you at Dan's" Nate asked.
"Yes, are you tracking me through Gossip Girl?" She laughed.
"Is Rufus around?" Nate asked again.
"He is in Dan's office, what happened? You are scaring me Nate," Blair panicked.
"Just make an excuse or something and come to my office, Dan is not gonna be home anytime soon."
"What?" Blair was flabbergasted. "He is avoiding me to the extent that he is not even coming back to his own home?"
"Listen, get out of the loft and come to my office, I can set you guys up and do it quickly," said Nate.
"I am on my way," said Blair.
"Errrr Rufus, I just received a call and have to rush. But can you please tell Dan that I stopped by and waited for him?" asked Blair.
"Sure, I will," Rufus smiled a little tightly, as if he is in an uncomfortable position.
Blair headed out to her town car and headed straight to the Spectator's office. She called Nate on her way; he was actually waiting for her in the lobby. Apparently Rufus called Dan to let him know that Blair is waiting for him at the loft, Dan said that he dreaded meeting Blair and went to Nate's. Nate knew how badly Blair wanted to speak with Dan so he sent him to his new apartment saying that he is heading out for a meeting but he will see him as soon as he is free and then called Blair so that he can set up a meeting between the two estranged lovers.
"Blair, I am putting my friendship with Dan at risk by letting you see him in my apartment, just don't do anything stupid okay," Nate had a worried look when he handed her the keys to his apartment.
"Don't worry Nate, it will all be settled before you get home," Blair smiled but she was not as sure about the outcome of the impending meeting with Dan. She is hurt that Dan is avoiding her.
The elevator ride to Nate's apartment seemed like the longest elevator ride ever.
She stood outside the apartment door debating whether she should ring the bell or open the door with Nate's key. She mustered all the courage she had and opened the door.
"Nate is that you? That perhaps was the shortest business meeting if you are here in twenty five minutes flat," said Dan as he headed towards the door. He stopped in the middle of Nate's hall when he saw Blair.
"What are you doing here? Has Nate sent you here? I am going to kill that bastard," Dan declared.
"Hi Dan," said Blair in a small voice.
"Nate is not here, if you want to see him, go to Spectator's office, you may catch him there," said Dan.
"I am not here to see Nate, said Blair while looking at her very nervous hands.
"I hope we could talk Dan," she dared to look up at him.
"Why? There is nothing left to say."
"Please Dan, let me explain what happened back in May," Blair begged.
"What's there to explain, you were confused, you shacked up with me during that confusion and as soon you were able to clear your head, you went back to your epic love."
"I am not with Chuck Dan, that's what I have been trying to tell you."
"Ha, do I look like I give a damn?" sneered Dan, "You can set up house with Kim Jong-un in North Korea for all I care."
Blair is shocked, she has never seen Dan like this – livid – not even when he was fighting with her after she banished Jenny from New York. "Dan, it is very important that we talk, I have to tell you that I am not with Chuck, I am not in love with Chuck and if you can forgive me, I would like us to try again," she says quietly. "You...you're too important to me."
"Oh please, you now want to get back together with me but who knows for how long would you want me? Three months, six months or a whole fucking year? You came to me broken and wanting to discover yourself, you then fixed yourself and went back to him and now you want me back? Am I some kind of rehab for people suffering from the crack called Chuck?" Dan was angry, "Should I put out a sign outside the loft and set up a webpage for Chuck Anonymous?"
She was quiet, very quiet. "I know it is too much to ask ..." Her voice is low, husky, threatening to crack. "But I really want you to forgive me." She looks at him. "I have changed Dan; the old Blair would probably have difficulty saying she is sorry and that she has made a series of horrible decisions in her life. Here I am, admitting that I was wrong and I am asking, no, begging you for forgiveness. Please forgive me and take me back. I am not the same without you, in fact I am half the person without you," Blair was crying openly, tears streaming down her beautiful face.
"You have changed, yes, but then you will change again, like you did last time" he rubbed his eyes as if he is really tired. "I did not run after you Blair, I just told you that I wanted to be with you and backed off, you came to me, promising me the world when you told me that Chuck does not have your heart anymore. And the fool that I was, I believed you."
Blair was sobbing and her face was down, Dan looked at her and said, "You know what I wanted most for you? I wanted you to be happy, even before I fell in love with you; I couldn't bear to see sadness in your eyes that is why I helped you through all your crazy plans, when you wanted to defy Chuck's dating fatwa or when you wanted to take down his prostitute of a girl friend. I helped you get your internship back at W, went through all your pregnancy and paternity drama because I wanted you to be happy. Heck, I sent you off with Chuck even when it was breaking my heart. Do you know why I did that? I wanted you to be happy and more than anything in the world, I wanted to be the source of that happiness in you, even if meant denying myself and sending you off with Chuck," Dan said quietly, "but you had to come back and give me hope that I too can have my fairytale."
Dan sat down, he was angry and hurt and he too was crying. "I was broken when you left me without a word Blair. I keep going back to everything I said and did and wondered if it was anything I did that pushed you away."
"No you did nothing wrong, if anything you were the perfect boyfriend," Blair tried to interject but Dan hardly listened.
"The thing is that I don't really care anymore, I don't care if you are happy or miserable or content. Whether you are with Chuck or a prince or a movie star, I don't feel anything and I had to work very hard to be here, to not feel," Dan looks up at her bent figure still standing in Nate's hall.
"After you bailed on me, I decided to go to my writing program in Rome but I could not survive a week without you, I would just sit like a zombie the whole day staring out of the window. I then went to Prague and drank every alcoholic concoction available to dull the pain of losing my love and the insult of being dumped oh so unceremoniously, I ran after every girl with chestnut hair calling your name. I tried scuba diving, paragliding, bungee jumping and what not to not feel the pain of my broken heart. I have worked really hard on myself, please don't ask me to forgive and work on us being anything other than strangers. I don't know for how long you want me around this time and I don't think my poor heart can take another such beating."
"Saying goodbye is important, Blair, at least I deserved that, but you could not even fit that in your schedule after you decide to run after Chuck!" Dan was devastated.
"Dan please, don't be like this," Blair was crying with tears streaming down her face.
"I'm not saying this to be cruel, Blair," he continued, he is no longer angry, just resigned and very very tired, "it's just that if I am broken again, I may not be able to heal."
"Okay, I will go away for now, but I will keep coming back until you believe that I mean business this time around," Blair tried to smile and then added, "before I go, I just wanted to share something with you."
Dan looked at her with a raised eye brow, Blair looked him in the eye and quietly said, "I am pregnant."
Blair waited for Dan's response but there was none; he just keep staring at her blankly. She thought he did not listen what she said, so she said it again, "Dan, did you hear? I am pregnant."
Dan just stared at her and then laughed like he just came out of a trance.
"Wow! Blair Waldorf, getting knocked up twice in a year? For a girl who always took pride in her meticulous planning, two unplanned pregnancies are a tad clumsy, don't you think? Or was this one planned? Should I congratulate you and Chuck and or is there another guy in the scene? Where do I send a gift, are you registered somewhere?" Dan tried to mock her but it was obvious that he was in pain.
"Stop it Dan, the baby is yours, I have not been with anyone since you!" Blair cried.
"Yeah right, and I am supposed to believe that? You cheated on every one of your boyfriends with Chuck, why should I be an exception? In any case, we have not been together for a very long time and I've always used protection. Don't pin this baby on me, Blair Waldorf, I am done with your pregnancy dramas," Dan was scathing.
"Last time, it was I who pushed you into having the paternity test, with me out of the scene; you probably have not even bothered to find out who is the father, right?" Dan asked.
"Enough Dan, I am willing to beg you for forgiveness and I am willing to work hard to gain back your trust but I won't have my child begging the father for acceptance. You know that I am pregnant and your child will be here, in this world, in about six months' time. Just for the record no protection is fool proof and we did have unprotected sex – twice," she turned to come back but then looked back at him. Dan was looking at the wall behind her with a painful expression on his face. "And Dan, I don't need a paternity test when I have only been with one man since the beginning of the year," she added quietly.
Blair wiped away her tears and resolved to be strong for her baby; she is hurt that Dan is questioning the paternity of the baby but she is willing to give him a time to process the news. They both are here and she is determined to wear him down.
"Before I go, I can promise you two things Dan Humphrey. One: I'll never give up on you... ever. Two: I will never ask you for anything for my child; because a baby should not have to ask the father for anything. You had a loving and present father in Rufus; you know how a dad is supposed to be. If you want to find me, you know where I am and how to reach me. Even if you decide to not want to be with me, I just hope that you have it in your heart to be there for a child that you created with me," said Blair with tears and her mascara running down her face and stepped out.
She waited in the foyer for five minutes hoping that Dan would come after her, she ran out to her town car when he didn't.
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A/N
So what did you guys think? I am open to suggestions of you have and please please review it even if you have to criticize anything, the story, the narrative or the style. looking forward to hearing from you guys.
