Caroline and the Sperm Donor

By: Jana

Chapter 3

XXX

--Caroline stood up in front of her friends, all of which were dispersed around the apartment and engaged in various conversations as they nibbled off plates of food they held.

"I'm sure you've wondered why I've thrown this little party," Caroline started, speaking loudly to get everyone's attention. "Well," she added, sounding scattered, "Maybe not all of you have wondered. But, some of you might have, and I do have a reason for asking you all here tonight-"

Richard rolled her eyes as she babbled.

"Anyway," she continued, looking into the faces of her friends, "I have an announcement to make."

"You're a man trapped in a woman's body!" Charlie exclaimed. A simple-minded man, he was always coming up with odd statements, so the group as a whole, pretty much ignored him.

"No, Charlie," Caroline answered with patience. "It's not that."

Richard briefly thought to himself that if the child she carried were to be born with some kind of disability, she would certainly be more than capable of handling it. But as soon as the thought hit him, he forced it from his mind. The idea that the baby would be anything but perfect was incomprehensible.

"Lately, I've been feeling like something has been missing from my life," she explained to the room filled with confused and curious expressions. "And finally, I figured out what it was. So, I did something about it."

It felt like every eye in the apartment would actually bore into her brain, they stared so intently.

"Everyone," she announced after taking a deep cleansing breath, "I'm pregnant."

Gasps could be heard as everyone looked around at each other in shock, the only ones not responsible for the commotion being Annie and Richard, and of course, Caroline.

"Who's the father?" Del asked finally, and all attention was back on Caroline in an instant.

She had rehearsed what to say. But when the moment came, she found herself blurting out something closer to the truth.

"A friend," she answered softly, only daring to glance at Richard through her peripheral vision. "He didn't want to be here tonight," she spoke the half truth; Richard was there, but she knew he didn't want to be. Especially now that she had deviated from the original plan. "He thought it would be awkward, to be here," she added when the room still remained silent.

"What friend?" Vicky asked, holding her own very young child in her arms. The child Caroline and Richard had actually helped deliver.

"He doesn't want people to know who he is," Caroline replied. "He only donated his sperm to help me out. He doesn't want to be a father."

Annie could see Richard, out of the corner of her eye, shifting and staring intently at his own shoelaces, obviously uncomfortable.

"Donated sperm?" Del asked. "So, he didn't sleep with you?"

Richard felt his face flush, and he quickly turned away under the guise that he was looking for a refill on his coffee.

"No," Caroline explained, looking embarrassed by Del's very direct and personal question. "It was done through in-vitro."

The silence in the room that followed was deafening.

"This is a good thing, guys," Caroline assured them, breaking through the awkwardness. "I'm happy about this! I should be," she added with a slight chuckle, "It cost a small fortune!"

The tension then started subsiding, making way for hugs and congratulations.

"You guys knew about this," Del asked Annie and Richard, "Didn't you?"

"We did," Annie admitted. "I went with her," she elaborated, "And Richie here caught on when Caroline was puking for eight weeks straight."

Del seemed satisfied with her answer and explanation, so he returned his attention to Caroline, completely missing the look of gratitude Richard shot stealthily in Annie's direction.

"Thank you," Richard whispered as Annie inched up beside him, leaning against the kitchen counter as he was.

"Hey, who loves 'ya, baby?" she whispered back, nudging his shoulder with hers.

"Let's not get crazy, here," he quipped, a smirk showing itself slightly. "This doesn't even begin to erase all the crap you've given me over that letter I wrote."

She laughed softly, murmuring, "Yeah, good times."

XXX

--The three occupied the room in virtual silence, comfortable in each other's presence. As Caroline and Richard worked at the desk, Annie lounged on the couch, flipping almost absently through the day's newspaper.

"Hey," Caroline broke through the quiet, "You wanna go with me to my ultrasound appointment, Annie?"

"Sure," Annie agreed easily. "When? What's it for?"

"What's it for?" Caroline repeated, finally looking away from her work and at her best friend. "Just a routine, kind of thing. Why?"

Annie shrugged. "Just thought, maybe, it was to find out the sex of the baby."

"Oh," Caroline muttered, her mind drifting away in thought. "When can they even determine that?"

"Sixteen to eighteen weeks," Richard interjected, then glanced briefly at Annie, almost challenging her to break the promise she had made to him.

Annie, having caught this, only smiled slightly, offering a softly spoken, "Good to know."

"I think it might be too soon," Caroline supposed, oblivious to the subtle looks being exchanged between her friends.

"You're fifteen weeks tomorrow," Richard offered, his attention back on the panel in front of him.

Annie suppressed a grin. "And when's the appointment?" she asked Caroline.

"Next Thursday," Caroline answered.

"So, a day before you turn sixteen weeks?" she asked, her tone indicating that her next statement was obvious. "What's one day! Maybe they can tell after all!"

"Maybe," Caroline replied distantly, in thought.

"Maybe she doesn't want to know," Richard said to his work, never moving off task.

"Why wouldn't she want to know?" Annie asked, amazed. "I would want to know!"

"Caroline is not you," Richard pointed out flatly.

"You wouldn't want to know?" Caroline then asked Richard, carefully. Some subjects she broached with him, he didn't seem to have issue with. Others, he seemed to just, shut down. Unsure of how he might respond to any given topic, she usually found herself treading lightly, as the saying goes, trying to gauge his potential reaction.

"That's not my decision," he stated simply, giving away nothing in tone or words.

"Ok, but, do you want to know-?" She caught herself quickly, before she fully asked the question, realizing the context of the sentence. "I mean, if it was your decision," she corrected, "Would you want to know?"

She was trying to kill him, he decided. He couldn't successfully detach when she kept pulling him in. "Maybe," he said with closed eyes. "I don't know."

Annie saw his inner struggle like it was a tangible object in the room. She would help, in her own special way, she decided. "What would you want, Richie?" she asked, wording the question hypothetically. "Boy or girl?"

If he could shoot daggers from his eyes, she would've been dead right then and there. Caroline perked to hear his answer.

"Doesn't matter what I want," he snipped, then promptly stormed off to the bathroom and slammed the door.

"Testy," Annie muttered, returning her attention to the newspaper still in her hands.

Caroline stared in the general direction of the bathroom, deep in thought. He said he could do this without it affecting our friendship, she mused. But it was. The pain was so bad, she didn't know which was worse, losing him as a friend, or witnessing his irritation for her each day.

"You ok?" Annie asked, noticing the sad, far-off look in Caroline's eyes.

"He hates me," Caroline whispered.

"Trust me," Annie assured her, "He doesn't."

"I think he's starting to regret doing this," Caroline confided in her friend. "I want to ask him, but any time I ask him anything even remotely like that, he just says he's fine with it, which I don't think he is."

When they heard the bathroom door open, the conversation dropped from the tense air instantly. Richard retook his seat and began working again, appearing unaffected by the previous topic.

"Oh, shoot!" Annie exclaimed suddenly, "I just remembered! I have a mandatory meeting over at the theater next Thursday! Apparently, top brass thinks we need a feline refresher course."

Annie could see the disappointment cross Caroline's face. But more importantly, she could see Richard eyeing her warily. She cracked a smile at him before suggesting, "Take Richie! He wouldn't mind," she added, then asked him, "Would you?"

What she was doing was blatantly obvious to him, but with Caroline now staring at him hopefully, there was no way to reprimand her.

"I can take you," he answered plainly, shooting Annie a brief glare before returning his eyes to the panel he had yet to finish, due to all the distractions. "Wouldn't want Annie to miss that all-important meeting about how only real cats get nine lives."

The implication was clear, and Annie chuckled softly before turning into a cough to cover.

"Gotta go," she groaned, her voice sounding scratchy. "It's time for my cough medicine."

Caroline looked confused, and back to Richard. "Is she sick?"

"In the head," he muttered dryly. "Don't worry," he added, "It's not contagious."

XXX

--The waiting room at Caroline's Ob/Gyn's office was even more obnoxious than the one at the fertility clinic, in Richard's opinion. Every twelve inches along the wall was some picture or painting, depicting newborn babies, children at various ages of growth, and happy families consisting of husbands and wives with children playing and laughing in the foreground.

They mocked him, reminding him of what he didn't and could never have. His stress level was such that he could literally hear his blood pumping and his heart pounding in his ears. The expression on his face was that of pain, and it didn't go unnoticed.

"Another headache?" Caroline asked, concerned, and he nodded simply in response. "You seem to be getting them a lot lately," she said, showing just how close she had been paying attention. "Maybe you should see a doctor."

"I don't need to see a doctor, Caroline," he muttered. "I know why I've been getting them."

"Why?" she immediately inquired, turning slightly in her seat to better face him.

"Stress," he told her, avoiding her stare.

"Stress," she asked worriedly, "Because of me?"

"No," he lied.

There was no way of knowing where the courage suddenly had come from, but without pausing to analyze it, Caroline found herself asking, "You regret doing this now, don't you?"

"No," he returned instantly. "I don't regret helping you, and I will never regret it. Stop dwelling on that, Caroline," he stated firmly. "Stress isn't good for you or the baby."

Sighing, frustrated, she said to him, "I just wish you'd talk to me."

"I talk to you every day," he reminded shortly, knowing full well what she meant, but hoping to avoid the subject.

"I mean about this," she clarified. "About the pregnancy."

"We talk about the pregnancy every day," he countered, throwing up another hurdle for her to jump.

"Yeah," she muttered, unwilling to be deterred, "But not about how you're feeling."

"What I'm feeling is irrelevant," he stated with a detached sense of calm. "This isn't my pregnancy," he added. "It's yours."

"Technically," she conceded, "But, you helped."

"If I was just some sperm donor from a registry, my feelings wouldn't matter. You just happen to know me."

"Yes," she told him, "I do happen to know you. You happen to be my friend!"

"And I've been there for you in that capacity, haven't I?" he asked her.

"You have," she admitted. "But, sometimes, it seems, begrudgingly."

He sighed, suddenly asking a question that seemed to come from nowhere. "Why did you use my sperm?"

Confused by the abrupt, slight change is subjects, she answered hesitantly, "Cause, like you said, the DNA is important."

"So," he pressed further, "Why not use Del? Or Charlie?"

She couldn't help but laugh. "Cause, the DNA is important."

In spite of the anxiety he was feeling, he cracked a smile. The significance of her statement wasn't lost on him, either.

The newly learned information seemed to clear his headache at once. She didn't use his sperm out of desperation, or to save thousands of dollars. She used it because she actually thought his sperm would help create a decent child.

"Wow," he whispered, seeming to get serious for a moment, only to add humorously, "I hope my genes don't disappoint."

She laughed again, then did something unexpected. Something that surprised them both. She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. "I'm sure they won't," she said with a contented sigh, at peace in the wake of the conversation they'd just had.

Partly because he didn't want to upset her, partly because he was enjoying the closeness, he opted not to pull away. Instead, he gathered his courage and wrapped his arm around her, leaning his head against hers.

Caroline's heart leapt when she felt Richard's arms slip around her. She wasn't sure what part of the conversation had turned things around for them, she just blindly accepted with gratitude that it had.

"Caroline Duffy?" the nurse called out, and Caroline felt an odd sense of disappointment over having to leave the cozy moment she was sharing with Richard behind.

X

--The exam room was set up in typical fashion, looking very much like any other patient room at any other doctor's office, except for the large poster on the back of the door that showed every detail of a woman's reproductive system.

Cabinets and drawers lined two of the walls, a sink situated in the corner where they met. An exam table sat just off the center of the room, with a cart holding a large machine to the side of it.

The ultrasound machine, he guessed, making mental notes of mundane things to help keep his mind occupied, and from exploding.

He was about to see his unborn baby, and the idea of it frightened and thrilled him, all at the same time. Caroline was nervous too, he surmised; the tension radiated from her hand to his as their fingers sat entwined.

"Nervous?" he asked, his throat constricting and dry.

"Excited," she replied, unaware of how tightly she was gripping his hand.

"I'm nervous," he admitted, then immediately cursed his loose tongue. He had to learn to guard against making such statements, if he was ever going to get through the pregnancy without blowing it and leaking his feelings for her.

Quickly, he covered. "I'm nervous that I will never be able to paint again, after I lose my hand due to lack of circulation. You know," he added lightly, "My hand still hasn't fully recovered from the shopping trip disaster."

Suddenly realizing what he was implying, she eased her hand open and pulled it away. "Sorry, Richard."

"Caroline," he sighed, "You can hold my hand if you want to. Just, not so hard?"

She smiled appreciatively as he held his hand out for her to take once again, which she did, but gently.

"So, how are we doing today?" the chipper ultrasound tech asked, announcing her presence as she entered the room. To stop himself from returning a smart-ass remark, Richard grit his teeth.

"Ok," Caroline answered, hiding a smile when she sensed Richard's struggle to restrain his sarcastic side.

"Hmmm," the tech hummed as she glanced through Caroline's chart. "Sixteen weeks tomorrow. If we can determine gender, do you want to know what it is?"

Caroline looked up at Richard, silently asking his opinion.

"It's up to you," he told her; there wasn't the slightest hint of irritation to his tone.

"I want to know what you think," she near whispered. "I value your opinion."

Quickly weighing the pros and cons, knowing Caroline and the tech were both awaiting his answer, he leaned in, asking sotto, "Do you want to know?" She smiled sheepishly as she nodded. "Knowing might be good," he said as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze, offering her the reassurances she was silently requesting.

"Ok," the tech chirped as she started the machine up, "Let's get this show on the road!"

The machine roared to life with a myriad of beeps and foreign noises as the tech asked Caroline to pull her pants down past her stomach, to the edge of her pubic hair line, and her blouse up 'just enough'. Richard blushed and turned away as she did, shifting uncomfortably.

The gel the tech squirted onto her abdomen was cold initially, but warmed up quickly as she moved the ultrasound wand across to spread it. The image instantly jumped onto the computer-like screen.

"And there's your baby," the tech said with a congratulatory smile. "Are you the daddy?" she then asked Richard, her attention remaining on the fetus in utero.

"Yes," Caroline answered, surprising him; she returned the gesture when she felt him squeeze her hand.

"Congratulations, Mommy, Daddy, you're having a healthy baby boy."

X

--The forced childlike high-pitched voice caused Richard to wince with every new sentence. He was sure that at any moment, blood would start pouring out of his ears.

"And here's his itty bitty arms," Caroline announced, pointing at the sonogram picture with each body part she named off. "And here's his itty bitty legs! And here's his itty bitty penis!"

Annie couldn't help but smile at her friend's enthusiasm. "Everything a boy needs to live a successful life," she quipped, giving Caroline a half hug before turning her malicious attentions over to Richard. "So, Richie, a boy! Mazel Tov!"

Richard rolled his eyes. "Ok, let's try this again," he snipped, annoyed, then held his pen up as he added, "Sperm donor."

"Yeah, yeah," Annie scoffed, then focused back on Caroline. "Have any names picked out yet?"

"Well, I always liked the name Phinneas," she answered, unaware of the horrified look that leapt across Richard's face, "But, you know, kids can be cruel. And I don't want to be the one responsible for saddling him with a name that gets him beat up every day in the school yard."

Annie suppressed a laugh when she saw Richard's expression jump from shock and horror, then back to disinterested.

"I was actually thinking about going and picking up a baby naming book," Caroline said as she placed her child's first picture on the counter.

Annie immediately pounced on that idea. "Excellent!" she exclaimed with an approving nod. "Let's go grab brunch, buy a baby naming book, and then go shopping for itty bitty baby clothes!" By the end of her suggestion, she was standing by the door, Caroline's purse in her hand. "Unless there's some rule about not buying clothes at sixteen weeks." She directed the almost question at Richard, whose only response was to shake his head briefly.

"Good! Then it's settled!" Annie exclaimed, shaking Caroline's purse as an encouragement for her to join her.

"By the way," Caroline asked, plucking her purse from Annie's possession and slipping it onto her shoulder, "Why are you supposed to wait till after three months to go clothes shopping?"

Without looking up, Richard informed solemnly, "The first three months is when you're most likely to have a miscarriage, if you were going to."

Caroline considered his words carefully, a sad expression crossing her face, until Annie chimed in seconds later.

"Ok, enough of that! Sadness and shopping don't mix!" She linked her arm with Caroline's and pulled her towards the door. "Richie, you want us to pick you up anything while we're out?" Annie asked, and he looked up at her suspiciously. "Like, say, a personality?"

She waited a moment for a retort, but upon receiving none, she rolled her eyes and walked out the door, yanking it shut as she went.

The elevator arrived with a ding, and Richard strained to hear as the voices on the other side of the door grew faint, then disappeared.

He turned in his swivel chair, peeking out the window discreetly, watching as the two women walked out of the building, then down the street and around the corner. Confident that they were gone for the afternoon, he hopped off his seat and headed for the bar, where the sonogram picture still sat.

In awe, he lightly traced the image of his son, smiling as he remembered seeing his movements. Seeing and hearing his little heartbeat. Watching him swim about and do summersaults without concern.

The peaceful father/son moment was shattered minutes later, however, when Charlie came roller-skating through the door. Richard instantly dropped the picture back on the bar with the intrusion.

"Hey, Richard," Charlie greeted casually. "I'm here to pick up those sketches for Del."

With a nod, Richard stepped over to the desk and produced instantly, a large manila envelope.

"What's this?" Charlie asked as he plucked the picture Richard had just been looking at off the counter.

Richard had to force himself not to jump and snatch the picture away from him. "Don't muck that up, Charlie," Richard demanded. "That's Caroline's sonogram picture of the baby."

"Oh," Charlie said simply, putting it back where he found it before adding, "He has your eyes."

Unceremoniously, Charlie snatched the envelope away from Richard and headed for the door.

"Charlie. Charlie, wait. Wait!" Richard yelled to get his attention, finally receiving it when he spun around in the hall and poked his head back into the apartment.

"Yeah?"

"Why would you say that?" Richard asked him, trying not to sound anxious. "Why would you say he has my eyes?"

"Cause he does," Charlie answered, unperturbed.

"No, Charlie," Richard tried again to reason with the unreasonable, "Why do you think he's my child? Did Caroline tell you that?"

"No," Charlie said, then added, "I just figured it out."

Curious, Richard asked, "How?"

"Well," Charlie began his long explanation, "At the party, you were acting weird. At first, I thought it was cause you were bored, but then, when Caroline told us she was pregnant, you spent the entire time staring at your shoes. I know your shoes aren't that interesting, so I figured there had to be another reason for it. Then, I remembered, the only guy friends Caroline has is me, Del, and you. Since Del isn't the dad and I'm not the dad, that leaves you."

As soon as he finished, he skated onto the waiting elevator.

"Charlie, wait," Richard asked of him, physically standing in the way of the elevator doors so they couldn't close. "Have you said anything to anyone about this?"

"Why would I?" Charlie asked. "It's not my kid."

"Good," Richard breathed a sigh of relief. "Good."

"Why?" Charlie asked, his brow quirked.

"Caroline doesn't want anyone else to know," Richard explained, his patience running thin.

"Oh, don't worry," Charlie assured him, "No one knows."

"Good. Thank you, Charlie," Richard muttered, moving so the doors could close and Charlie could leave.

"No one, except you, me, Caroline, Annie, and Del."

Richard lunged for the door to stop it closing, but he wasn't fast enough. "Charlie! Del knows?! Charlie!" He yelled at the door, and pushed the call button in the hope that it would call the elevator back, with Charlie still in it, but it didn't.

"Shit!" he cursed, running for the stairs. He ran out of the building, out onto the street, hoping to catch him, but with as skilled as he was on rollerblades, he was down the street and around the corner before Richard could even call his name.

Struggling to catch his breath, Richard gasped, "So much for keeping it a secret."

TBC

Author's note:

Little wave to my friend, Caroline! Hiya! Glad you're liking this so far! Can't wait to read yours!

Please review!

MTLBYAKY