"Bro bro, are you okay?"
"Hmm?" Dipper looked across the attic, not sure why Mabel was questioning him.
"You've just been sitting there forever, and the past couple days you've been acting really weird," she said. "And not your normal weird, either. Like… I don't think I've ever even seen this Dipper before."
Desperate to deflect her, Dipper picked up the book that he had just recently set down. "What are you talking about, Mabel? I've been reading, just like usual."
Mabel shook her head. "You're not talking to yourself like you usually do when you read. And you've had that book in your hands for two hours, but you've barely even started it."
"I…" Dipper tried to think of a suitable lie; he hated deceiving his sister like this, but he didn't know that he was ready to talk to her or anyone about what had happened with Pacifica. He couldn't even articulate his thoughts and feelings about her to himself; how could he possibly speak to anyone about it when he didn't even know what was happening?
"I… I've just been thinking, it's gonna be really terrible to have to leave here again," he said.
"Aww," Mabel said sympathetically, "But we've only been here a few days, we still have all kinds of time left. Just try to enjoy it while you're here, ok? Please?"
"Yeah… yeah," Dipper said, trying to sound upbeat. "I think I can do that." He set down his book again; one thing, at least, was clear – Mabel knew him too well, if he kept spending time around her, he was only going to get more questions and make her progressively more worried until he told her what was really going on. Maybe he should… but Mabel didn't feel like quite the right person to go to. He needed someone older, more experienced.
"Grunkle Stan? Could I talk to you?"
His uncle was sprawled out in his chair, with the TV blaring an announcer's voice - "Congratulations, you've earned another spin! We'll get right to that when Cash Wheel returns!" Stan flipped it off, muttering to himself. "They should have taken gimme… what's up kid?"
Dipper sighed. "Well, I'm having… girl problems."
"Oy," Stan groaned, "I feel you there. What's eatin' you? You're not still hung up on Wendy, are you?"
"What? No, it's a completely different girl," Dipper said. "Completely different," he repeated, when Stan looked quizzical. "It's… it's Pacifica."
Stan looked completely confused. "You don't mean Northwest?"
"How many Pacificas are there in Gravity Falls?" Dipper asked.
"Huh. Well, good luck with that one," Stan said, chuckling. "Girls like that don't give guys like you and me the time of day."
"Actually, she kinda already did," Dipper said, scratching his neck and staring at the carpet.
"WHAT?!" Stan slapped his knee. "Hey, good for you kid! I gotta admit, I didn't think you had it in you. Pacifica Northwest, the most popular girl in town!" A big grin was plastered on his face. "You got gumption! What do you need me for then?" His smile faded a bit. "Is it her parents?"
"What? No, I don't think they even know," Dipper said. "No, it's… ugh, I don't even know how to say it. She…"
"Look, kid," Stan said, "You like her, right? You wanna be with her? Spend time with her and do whatever crap it is you kids do these days?"
"Well… yeah," Dipper said, and there wasn't any doubt. Being around Pacifica made him painfully nervous at times, but he still didn't regret any of the time he'd spent with her. "I feel so awkward when I'm around her though! I get all nervous and sweaty, and I feel like I never know what to say."
"Hey, you're always nervous and sweaty," Stan said. "Look, this might be hard to hear, but you're an awkward kid at an awkward age. That's just you. But if you keep working on it, you'll get better about it. It just means you care about what she thinks of you. It's perfectly normal to be nervous; means you actually give a crap!"
"Thanks Grunkle Stan," said Dipper; he felt a bit better about things now. Maybe he was supposed to be feeling this way about it after all.
Stan mussed his hair. "You'll be ok. You're a good kid, and you'll always have your family. That's the important thing."
However better he felt about his talk with Stan, his fears had not been completely assuaged. Even if things went well with Pacifica, even if he started feeling more comfortable around her, he only had a short time there before he'd return to California. What would happen then? Would she forget about him, ignore him? And if she didn't, how could they keep a relationship going if the soonest they could see each other was next summer?
Dipper glanced out the window at the woods, wondering if there was something out there that would help him stop asking himself uncomfortable questions. After speaking with Stan, though, one thing was clear enough – he wanted to see Pacifica again. He didn't want to just show up at her house again; that ran the risk of her parents seeing him, and the last thing that he needed was another complication. But he didn't have her number; however, he knew someone who did.
I can't tell Mabel, though. And there's no way to ask without her suspecting anything.
He wracked his brains all afternoon, but nothing came to mind. It felt like bashing his head into a brick wall; it seemed like there should be a simple, obvious solution, and yet his mind was completely blank.
A sharp knock on the door interrupted his reverie. He heard Mabel squealing at an octave he didn't think humans should be capable of reaching; it must be another sleepover…
He sat bolt upright, listening intently for Pacifica's voice. Grenda was unmistakable, Candy was there as well… after a few moments, he finally heard Pacifica, and his heart started doing somersaults. Jumping up from his bed, he bolted halfway down the stairs before he realized that if he hugged her in front of everyone, it might tip them off. Come to think of it, he wasn't sure how he'd pry her away from Mabel, Candy, and Grenda. Maybe a few minutes here or there, but every moment they spent together, they risked discovery.
Slowly it dawned on him… there was a way, but even the thought of doing it filled him with dread. Besides, he ran the risk of utter humiliation in front of Pacifica; even if he somehow avoided that, the horrors he would be subjected to even if things went as well as possible were enough to give him pause. He would rather face Bill Cipher alone at the full height of his power, but there was no other way.
With every step down the stairs, his feet seemed to grow heavier; by the time he was facing the girls, he wanted nothing more than to bolt and hide in the furthest corner of the shack. Steeling himself, he spoke in as close to a casual tone as he could.
"Hey… another sleepover?"
"Oh, yeah," Mabel said, grinning, braces on full display. "Since I only have a couple weeks we're trying to make the most out of it. We'll try to keep it down tonight, but no promises! Sometimes we just gotta go cray cray!"
"Oh, no, that's not… haha," Dipper said, trying valiantly to hitch a smile onto his face. "No, it's not a problem. I was just wondering if I could… maybe… for a bit at least…. join... you guys?"
Mabel looked a bit taken aback. "You do realize that you're going to be reading romance novels with us that Grenda stole from her mom, listening to Sev'ral Times, and doing a bunch of girly stuff that you're always complaining to me about how horrible it is?"
"Yeah..." Dipper said, and even as he spoke, he had a fleeting, nonsensical urge to reach out and snatch the words from the air before they could reach Mabel's ears.
She shrugged and smiled. "All right! Tonight, you get to be one of the girls!"
"But one thing, no makeovers," he said quickly, hoping to forestall this particular tragedy.
"But Dipper, you'd look so beautiful," Mabel said pleadingly. "And as much as Waddles likes it, you can only put lipstick on a pig so many times."
"No makeup," Dipper said flatly, already regretting his decision.
"Oh don't worry, I'm sure we can change your mind later," Mabel said, pinching his cheek. "Grenda, do you have the books?"
"Yep," she said, holding them up. "The Secret Vision of Unbound Love, Lord Werewolfington of Werewolf Manor, and Passions of Nighttime Darkness."
Dipper didn't know how he would survive.
It was every bit the difficult evening he had anticipated. Worse still, his interaction with Pacifica was greatly constrained; between Candy, Grenda, and Mabel, he could barely get a word in edgewise. He was thinking of giving up on the endeavor entirely when he noticed the girls looking at a photo album and giggling. Lost in thought, he had no idea what it was, but the girls were clearly fighting to control their laughter, and it was clearly a losing battle. "Guys? What's going on?" he asked.
Pacifica put a hand to her mouth, but it couldn't contain her wide smile. "Dipper, don't be embarrassed, you look so adorable. I honestly think it's cute -"
Feeling his blood run cold, Dipper scrambled to snatch the album from his sister's lap. It was worse than he could have imagined; there, plastered all over the page, were various photos of him in costume doing the "Lammy Lammy" dance. One of the pictures was dated a mere three years ago. Red-faced, he looked at Pacifica; mercifully, she held back her laugh. "Dipper, it's ok. Really, I do think it's cute." She put a hand on his for a few seconds, but withdrew it when she realized what she was doing. Fortunately the others were far too preoccupied to notice, but it didn't matter – Dipper couldn't take another second. He stormed out of the room, slamming the door.
At that point, Dipper didn't even know where he wanted to go, just that he wanted to put as much space as he could between him and that photo. It was dark and snowing outside, but that didn't deter him; he threw on his coat and Wendy's old hat and ventured forth.
He paced the grounds of the Mystery Shack for several minutes, occasionally glancing at the forest. In spite of his sworn word not to seek out the supernatural over the break, he found himself sorely tempted. The trees whispered promises of adventures yet to come, thrilling and dangerous – a chance for Dipper Pines to show his quality yet again. Who knew, a greater evil than Bill Cipher might be hiding in there at this very moment, and they could be saved only if he went out at that very moment to investigate…
"Dipper? You're not thinking of going in there, are you?"
He turned around. Pacifica was standing only a few feet behind him; even with her winter clothing and the darkness, he recognized her.
"So what if I am?" Dipper asked, a bit defensively.
"So what? So what!?" Pacifica sounded almost hysterical. "You're an idiot. Do you know how lucky you were that nothing happened to you this summer? Mabel told me everything about how you used to go into the forest practically every day. You took on the Multibear alone, with nothing but a spear; you captured a live Gremloblin that destroyed half the shack when it escaped, that Shapeshifter almost..." Her voice was starting to choke up; startled, Dipper stood awkwardly, not sure what to do or say. "You could have died a hundred times just facing Bill. But you didn't. You're here."
"Yeah..." Dipper said slowly, still uncertain. "But… I know the forest. I survived for a reason. There's plenty of dangerous stuff in there, but I can handle it."
"And you know that!" Pacifica said, tears streaming down her face. "So why do you have to go back? At night, in the snow, alone – Dipper, you're practically asking for something to happen to you."
"Because!" Dipper yelled, and even he was startled that he'd raised his voice, and Pacifica glared at him. "Because," he said, a bit sheepishly, "I… I needed another adventure."
"Why?" Pacifica asked.
"Because..." Dipper took a deep breath. "I guess after seeing those pictures..." his voice trailed off, not quite sure where he was going.
"Dipper, you don't need to prove yourself to me," Pacifica said. "I've seen you do so much."
"I know, but I still feel like that kid in that picture," Dipper mumbled. "Just a stupid little kid doing the… stupid Lammy Lammy dance."
"You'll always be that kid," Pacifica said, and her tone was gentle. "No matter what you do or where you go in life, you'll always be that adorable little boy who got dressed up in that costume and learned a song and dance for his mom. And there isn't anything wrong with that. There's nothing saying you can't be that boy AND the man who took down Bill Cipher." Pacifica kissed him softly on the lips and laid a hand on his cheek. "You look so happy in those pictures. You don't care what anyone thinks of you, and trust me, that's a gift. I've spent so much of my life worrying about what the wrong people think of me; I barely ever stopped to take the time to just have fun without trying to win anyone's approval." Her voice was low and soft now. "You're still that boy, and that's a good thing. You're more than that now; you've grown a lot. But don't lose that boy." Pacifica hugged him tightly; he could barely make out her voice, muffled as it was by his coat. "I like that boy. He's cute."
"Should we go back inside then?" Dipper asked, and Pacifica nodded. "You were the one stupid enough to come out here in the first place."
"I'll take that as a yes," Dipper said, and he tentatively took Pacifica's hand. He felt her tense slightly but then relax, and grasp his in return. Elated, Dipper walked back to the Shack hand in hand with Pacifica.
