Disclaimer: I do not own anything relating to Harry Potter. But I do own Virgo White!


Chapter 3: My humor is not to be shared with Black!

Revlium Thoughtatium Quatiatius Notebookats Follocundus Diaranius!

"So, Virgo, you're telling me that Professor McGonagall did this to you and Padfoot?" James looked so confused that I poorly hid my smirk. Remus shook his head at him. Lily rolled her eyes at his plight. Frank and Alice just look amused.

No, James. I am just yanking your wand. I sarcastically thought.

Finally after an hour, the other Gryffindors left us alone. The girls hissed angrily like geese and looked jealously at me. (In my noble opinion, there is nothing to be jealous of.) The boys hooted yelling at Sirius to "Get you some!" (Ew! Just Ew! Shudder! Are all male Gryffindor's nasty, dirty-minded freaks? Well, I guess so. Lucky, lucky me.) Greyhold looked as if he was punched in the gut and threatened to murder Black if he hurt me. (Acquaintances kill for other acquaintances, right? I will just ignore James's pointed look that read, Greyhold is in love with you, Dumbass!)

Before I can jump to the punch, Blacks said in a snarky voice, "No, Prongs, I am totally and completely in love with White."

In the corner of my eyes, I saw Alice and Lily sharing a look filled of mirth.

I continue in the same voice with a hint of exhaustion, "And Black and I are getting hitched."

"I knew it!" James said, pumping his fist in the air. Idiot!

"I believe they are using sarcasm, Potter," Lily said in her reasonable tone. I really hate that tone. It's when she begins to lecture. Not now, Lily darling.

"I cannot believe I am stuck with you, pig-breath!" I groaned crossing one arm and leaning back to sulk. It sucks that I can't use my other hand.

"Oh and your any better, wing nut." Black snapped, huffing. Titty baby.

"Yes, I am. I can actually carry on an intellectual conversation," I said mockingly.

We look at each other, surprisingly, we both bust out laughing.

"Oh my god, we almost sounded like Ravenclaws!"

"The shame!" he shouted, sending us into more leaps of laughter.

"Are we missing something?" Alice questioned, looking amused.

"I think we are," Remus answered dryly.

"Aww, how cute. Sirius and Virgo are sharing their first inside joke." Lily smirked, causing us to stop and glare at each other.

"Good job, Lily. Give them a reason to hate each other even more." Remus joked, chuckling.

Black and I shout at the same time.

"I don't hate him! I loathe him!"

"I don't hate her! I loathe her!"

Black and I glare at each other some more.

"Blockhead!"

"Ass muncher!"

Alice stands up with Frank, announcing, "Goodnight, everyone," she looks at me, "and have fun, Virgo." Smirking, she leaves with her boy toy following after.

I glare at her retreating back. Real witty, Alice.

"I'm bored," whined James.

"Goody goody gum drops to you!" I yell at him and feel shock when Sirius yells that too.

Stop stealing my lines, blockhead.

"That was totally creepy." Lily said, standing up. "Well I am about to go to bed."

I drop to the floor, causing Black to do the same but he hit his nose to the floor. Ha-ha, dung brain.

Pulling on Lily's leg, I retort to the last thing in the world. I beg.

"Please, Lilyikkns. Don't leave me with him!" I shouted, still pulling on her leg. "I'll do your homework! Stop giving you lame nicknames!"

She smiles wickedly at me before walking up the girl's staircase. You, bitch!

"Nooo!"

Dramatically, I clutched at my heart. I can feel the rips of abuse. I am totally feeling the love. I hardly hear James and Remus going up the stairs to the dorm, laughing at my anguish.

"Are you done?" Black snarled, clutching his nose. I shook my head yes.

"Good, I am bloody tired. Let's go," he replied lazily. Standing up, I sat still.

"White, get your arse up before I hex you."

"I am not sharing a bed with you!" And to my utter embarrassment, I began to blush. Oh, stuff it, diary. I'm only human and part witch. Hahahaha! I just had to add that!

Seeing my uncomfortable demeanor, he grinned cockily. "Is it because of my sexy body? Or my dashing good looks?"

"You big sodding arrogant jerk!" I hurled at him, but I can only feel my blush deepen.

Looking at him, I mimicked fake throwing up on him.

He narrowed his eyes at me though he looked amused.

I give him my best innocent, sweet smile.

Diary, I will admit I do get distracted by his good looks all the bloody time. Seriously, you try hurling insults at him while staring at his inhumanly impossibly handsome face.

He has nice, warm grey eyes with a tint of blue. He is tall, about six foot two inches, which roughly beats my short stature. Dark black hair frames his face perfectly and sometimes, I daydream about running my fingers through his glossy locks to pass time or I think about washing his hair for him. He has full, pink lips that any girl would die to kiss. My ultimate downfall is his cheekbone structure. They lift high to focus on his rounded aristocratic nose and the several cute freckles adoring said nose. Not to mention he has a thin, but muscular body shape. Dear lord, I will admit he is supporting spectacular pecs and muscular arms, which he has built up as one of the beaters for the Gryffindor team. Sirius Black is most defiantly a gorgeous piece of specimen—perhaps the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on.

Back the fuck up, Virgo White.

What the hell am I thinking!

This is Black that I am fanaticizing about like a dewy-eyed school girl. This is the guy who killed Chunker Munkers! The blockhead that got everyone to believe I was pregnant!

I mentally hit my self over the head, which I really deserve right now.

Pulling out of my trance, I see him smirking a smirk that makes me want to slit his throat. (But I won't. Because like I said before, Azkaban is not my cup of tea.)

Bloody hell. I am so stupid! I just practically drooled all over him in front of his face!

Good job, Virgo White, for boosting his over-inflated ego. Good job! Kudos to Virgo!

"So, White, checking out my goods?" Black demanded, grinning proudly. Oh, because that is so much to be proud of.

"No!" I protested, glowering. "Back to the matter at hand—no pun intended—seriously, Black, shut up! It's not that funny. I am not sleeping with you."

"Damn, White. I didn't mean that I was going to deflower you," he roared with more laughter. To my horror, I blushed even more to the point that my face is the same color as the red in my hair. Can this night get any worse?

"What, you embarrassed?" He asked, smirking again. If he doesn't watch it, I am going to slap that self-satisfied smirk off his stupid face.

"Everyone knows you're a virgin, Virgo. It's pretty much stamped on your freckled forehead."

Yes, this night can get even worse. Again, lucky me. So to save my dignity, I completely ignore his ass.

"Let's just get to your room, pansy."

Smirking, he leads me up the boy's stairs towards his room.

Opening the door loudly, he guides us to his bed.

And let me tell you, Diary.

Their room is complete and utter mess.

There are clothes thrown all over the room with books stacked on an unused bed. Porn magazines rested on Black's night table. Merlin, kill me now.

"Welcome to your new home," he bowed acting and failing as a benevolent host.

"Well, is there a bathroom? I gotta pee super badly." Again with the blushing. Smiling, he directed me to the loo.

"Now turn around." I pulled my knickers down as soon as he turned around.

This could be a muggle movie. Except in this brilliant case, the guy can't release the chick's hand.

When I began to reach for the toilet paper, I couldn't because of the distance. Stretching, I almost fall off the bloody toilet. Finally, I reached the toilet paper because I am that bleeding cool.

I really need to work on the arrogance I am building. Or maybe it's the fumes I am getting from being around Black. Yeah, that it's diagnosis.

Ha hum Ha hum Ha hum. Ha hum Ha hum Ha hum. Ha hum Ha hum Ha hum.

"Will you stop your humming?" Black shouted, sounding pissed off.

Smiling inward, I do an Irish jig. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! In your face, douche bag.

Externally, "Oh, I'm sorry. Does it bother you?"

But instead of answering, I could feel him glaring at me. Ha-ha, punk. You can't pull one over moi.

Wait a minute.

"Black, turn around!"

He smirked down at me, as I tried to pull my knickers up to successfully cover up my private part.

"Oh, stuff it, White. We're going to be seeing a little bit of each other than we will like."

Oh, because that makes me feel so much better.

"Oh, because that makes me feel so much better," I said out loud.

Rolling his eyes, he pulled down his pants to show his junk off. Shrieking, I placed my free hand over my eyes.

"Give a girl a warning won't you?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I can't help but hear the amusement in his voice.

Well excuse me for never seeing a penis before. Merlin strike me down for this atrocity!

Side note: I need to stop looking at Lily's dictionary.

Oh Merlin's lovesick aunt, I can hear Sirius Black pissing! A warm blush exposes my cheeks. I am defiantly having the worst night off my life. Can't I receive a break?

"Done." I heard him zip up his pants.

Uncomfortably, we walked into the dorm. I sat on the bed as he stands.

Taking out his wand to point at himself (what the hell is this idiot doing now?), he mutterd, "Trocar de roupa!"

His clothes changed. Instead of trousers and a shirt, he was bare chested and clothed in boxers. I avoided looking at his nice, toned chest by beginning to get my wand out when I almost cry.

Just my bloody luck! My freaking wand hand is glued to his hand!

Why couldn't I be right-handed?

With my right hand, I pulled my wand out of my pocket and placed it on his night table.

A tear ran down my cheek. I turned quickly, so he won't see my vulnerability, because I am not in the mood to be made fun of.

Again with my bloody luck because he saw my distress.

He whipped out his wand and does the same spell on me. I glanced down to see a sky blue shirt that would definitely match the same color of my eyes. To my embarrassment (again), I realized I am wearing red boxers that most likely belong to Sirius.

We both crawled in the bed.

Surprisingly, the bed was accommodating for the both of us because we both had room to move as we pleased without being to restricted.

Facing different sides and our linked hands centered in the middle of the bed, I pulled the covers over my head.

This is so humiliating! The first time I ever share a bed with a guy and it just has to be my bloody enemy—my bloody handsome enemy.

"No, funny stuff, moron, or I will choke you to death." I threatened.

"Don't count on it, White."

Before I drifted into a dreamless slip, I swore to the high heavens that I heard Remus chuckle.


"Trocar de roupa" means clothes change in Portuguese.


Last Edited: 4 August 2015