A/N: I think I hate this chapter, but voila!
Ginny finally fell asleep well into the morning. The night had been difficult. Turbulent. Sadly, today wasn't destined to be any better.
A sharp knocking woke her at 11 o'clock. No. Freaking. Way, she thought tiredly.
"Ginny?" Hermione had evidently let herself into the front hall. Ginny prayed she hadn't heard yet.
"In here, 'Mione." Hermione walked into the living room so purposefully that Ginny was forced to reluctantly let go of her hope, raising herself into a sitting position. "You heard about Blaise, then?"
Hermione's look was piercing. "Harry's devastated."
She allowed that. So was she.
"How could you, Ginny? How could you hurt him like that? We all knew you weren't happy, but to cheat on him… I just… I can't understand that." There was a trace of helplessness in her voice, like she had absolutely no idea what to do. She'd allow that, too. Neither did she.
Ginny dropped her face into her hands, struggling to emerge from the fog of sleep deprivation. A year ago, before Blaise, this girl had been one of her best friends… She had to explain this properly. Hermione deserved that.
"I can't either, really," she began. "After Harry left… I just, I started thinking. It feels like... like I haven't thought in ages, in months." She looked imploringly at her friend, begging her to listen, to try to understand something she didn't even fully get.
Hermione sighed, torn between indignant fury on behalf of one friend, and the absolute need to hear out the other who had been distant for so long. She dropped gracelessly into the chair opposite Ginny, a silent signal for her to continue.
"When he proposed, 'Mione, it was like… like everything I'd ever dreamed of. I wanted it, you know? So badly I wanted my happily ever after. And I had this picture, this perfect picture in my head… of what it was all going to be like. The sweet gestures and the romance and the fairy tale ending. I had this list in my head of all the things he was meant to do… meant to be. But everyone was right – we weren't ready, or at least I wasn't ready. I didn't love him. I loved the idea of being married to him. And when that picture in my head turned out to be a fake I felt so cheated."
Hermione listened sadly, letting her long-silent friend speak.
"And I guess I twisted how I felt and I just blamed everything on him. But I never- I- Well, I've thought, and I've remembered and I was so wrong, 'Mione. How could he even stand me? I was so… useless. I just blamed him in silence, and I let everything fall apart – I made everything fall apart. And looking back now, you know, he was so sweet – so wonderful – and I never even noticed." She looked desperately into Hermione's eyes.
"What if I can't love, 'Mione," she whispered fearfully. "I know I have no right to be making this in any way about me. I know I have no right to be feeling so hurt inside, but-"
Hermione scoffed. "Why not?" Ginny looked at her so blankly that she had to hold back a, perhaps slightly hysterical, laugh. "You did something awful. You made a lot of mistakes. The hurting part is important. The hurting part is what sets you apart from the awful specimens of humanity."
Ginny burst promptly into tears. "You should hate me," she sobbed. "You should hate me. Everyone should. God, 'Mione, what do I do?"
Hermione reluctantly rose from her seat to sit beside Ginny on the couch – as much comfort as she could provide for her just now. "You take your time. Mourn for the things you've lost, for the decisions you've made. You figure yourself out, and then you fix things as best you can, and you move on to whatever comes next. You learn from what you've done, and you never do it again."
She sighed, feeling almost traitorous for what she was about to say. "People do awful things every day, Gin. Cheating… Cheating on Harry was awful, and it will take time for us to forgive you, but we love you, and so we will. It's not something I'll ever understand, but I can see that you have reasons – that things got out of hand, and I believe that it's not something you'd ever do again. In my eyes, that makes it forgivable."
Ginny's sobs grew louder, and she buried her face in the pillow once more. "I feel so dirty. I went along and it all seemed so justified… But it never was, and I feel so unclean. So hateful…"
"Good," Hermione winced internally at the harshness. She'd come to give her the benefit of the doubt. She'd come to find out the truth. She had. And the truth was ugly. And this girl needed to know it.
Ginny blinked, startled, and then she nodded. She squared her shoulders, wiping the tears away. "In all this mess," she said quietly as though only just realizing it, "I lost myself. I'm not the girl that sits in silence when she thinks something's wrong. I'm not the girl that cries into her pillow when she messes up. I'm not the girl that backs down from a challenge, or the girl that acts despicably."
Her gaze shifted intensely to Hermione. "Thank you. For coming. For being understanding, and for being honest. It's time I pull myself together." She nodded once more, decisively. "It's time to remember who I am."
She stood, ignoring Hermione's bewildered look. "And that begins with a shower."
