Silk

Just before sunrise I get drowned in sudden chills where the sky turns from black to sapphire and an indescribable feeling I know I've reveled in before rules violently through my blood. A feeling were I have no control, I need no control and crave no order. In this place, I don't need a name, I don't need a family and fear does not exist. Its lawed by a mundane stillness that can't be disturbed.

In my sleep.

Where total solitude soaks my mind in cool clearness, a universe that solely belongs to me. A reflection of my history, a feeling so cold it burns me drunk but at the same time whole heartedly fills me with a godlike breathlessness. Pushing me into a dream with no screams of pain or laughter of joy. I could stay here forever, in this place time does not exist, it falls like silk.

But in the real world, there's no more time.

Skylight fading as a dulling drag in my head mercilessly pulls me back.

"God please."

A Weight so heavy it crushes me from the inside.

"Leave me here." I heard my tongue whisper as my dream faded to nothingness and the every morning clink of a teacup shook me awake. I buried my face in warm sheets and muffled wearily "It's still early, why are you here?"

'I hate being here'

"The shipment has arrives this morning. If the contacts don't fit we'll just send them back so don't be afraid to tell me." His hair was roughly fixed and he looked more tired than he did the previous day. I gave him a brief nod and he slid across the room.

'Just let me sleep.'

We're all people with scratches on different sides of our story and we all see life the way we were taught to by strangers with hard voices and cold hands.

It's funny I don't know what it's like to have a family but for some reason I know exactly what I'm missing out on. Camping trips and walks on the beach, fun at the waterpark or visiting the zoo. I could tell scary stories when the power is out or eat dinner at the dining table with everyone.

"Okay."

But I don't need it anymore.

"Are you hungry yet?" He said, slowly adjusting the blinds to let a little more light into the room as my body shied away.

I was born with a condition called Alexandria's genesis. My skin is milky, my hair is snow white and my eyes are a light shade of lavender. I can't walk in direct sunlight or look at bright things. I rarely gather the courage to face the outside and when people see me they either worry, pretend they don't notice or burst into a mixture of curiosity and wonder. I'm still not sure how to react when people like my mutation. In some cases they'd say that they wished they had been born with it. I'm always filled with a tingle of pride and annoyance at the same time.

I don't go to school, I just pass my caged time sleeping and living in a world where I am infinite. To me, that's my life.

"Hey, wake up already or I'm joining in."

Aurora. The light shade of purple with the rising sun that had first illuminated my mother's eyes with years of laughter and happiness and an inseparable family, but my father left and everything shattered into fine powder.

He walked into our house and took two champagne glasses along with a duvet. He said he was going to the beach with the woman he was having an affair with and walked out untouched by the spiral of futures he had cut from my life. The camping, the walks on the beach, the trips to the zoo, telling scary stories and dinner at our dining table. In a flash it had been stolen from me.

But I have nothing to whine about because I shouldn't even know what I'm missing right. "That's fine too." My voice bounced off the walls of an empty house. 'It's always so quiet here.'

The lenses were expensive for a reason, made as an umbrella to shade my sensitivity.

"Would you like to go outside later today? " He yawned and clawed at his hair.

"Where would we go?"

"We could go pick up your contacts, but we're walking." He ripped the covers off my bed burying me in winter fever. He knew what it felt like and grinned as goosebumps shot through my skin. He was 24, still a kid but was smart enough to work for a rich family.

"Only if you carry me"

His smile was always sunny and warm and as much as he tried to hide it, he'd always smell like cigarettes smothered with a cologne to curtain his bad habits. He was my caretaker in a way, butler would be excessive. Not that we didn't have the money for it but he was my friend, my only friend.

When my mother came home on special occasions he would flatly ignore me and at dinner he'd pull funny faces behind her when I took a sip of my drink, making me choke and burst into random episodes of unquellable laughter.

When we were alone he would casually sprawl out over my bed and yawn like a big overgrown cat, He'd make me snicker at bad jokes and tell me how badly he wanted to have violet eyes and to "chill in bed all day." We'd then argue over life and later on silence our futile attempts for justification.

"Fetch me my coat"

"Now?" his voice was licked with sarcastic surprise and he eyed me over his shoulder as he turned.

"Did I stutter ?"

"No ma'am" He saluted and disappeared from sight, returning with a thick white coat and gloves to shut out the cold. 'Winter has already started.' It's good to shut out cold weather. If we don't our hearts will get sick and turn into gray dust.