Disclaimer I am not profiting from the production of this fanfiction. All rights, characters, universe and creations in this fanfiction belong solely to JKR and Bloomsbury Productions with the exceptions of the characters that have come out of my imagination… and Michelle, who I hope owns herself... oh, and Jude who was created by simonexsays from fictionpress who has kindly given me permission to use him; lets hope I use him well. Rawr.
Warning: This chapter is not suitable for Harry Potter nerds, Severus Snape haters, homophobes and your mum.
May Contain…: Paris Hilton's sex tapes, some mustard and photos of your grandda covered in tacos.
So…: Grab a kiddie, some toast and a wooden pig (for good wishes) and carry on.
Dedicated to: ajteel0203
Because: she reviewed last chapter rocks. which makes her awesome.
Special Thanks To…: Simmy for Jude, and Spearmint gum that really, really keeps me good company during long flights. Oh, and Harry Plopper, my very own wooden pig.
Chapter 3 – It's Raining Hot, Gay Men
"I have to say that I'm moderately impressed, Mr Lupin." Professor Dumbledore stated, eyeing the boy calmly over the rims of his glasses. His face was stern and emotionless, but his eyes were twinkling.
Remus spluttered, eyes widening at the unexpected response. "Y-you are, Professor?" His face was still extremely red from the re-telling of the whole story; done by Sirius with obvious exaggerations and minor changes that made them all look good. He'd expected some sort of retribution for cloning another student, even if it was by accident, and was already planning out his formal apology by letter to all the individual teachers when the Headmaster had spoken.
"Not many can clone another student, Remus." Dumbledore said, his voice soft, "And even less can do so with that particular spell or at your age."
Sirius clapped Remus on the back, a proud grin plastered across his face as though he were the one to personally teach him the spell. James grinned at him with Peter at his side, both too far away to physically congratulate their friend. Remus had no idea what to say, and so remained quiet. As if Dumbledore sensed that, he carried on.
"However, as impressive as your little stunt was, I'm afraid that we have a grave situation on our hands." The headmaster leaned back, intertwining his fingers and gazing intently at the four, obviously heterosexual boys and the one boy in grotesque drag. Raising his voice slightly, Dumbledore sighed and continued, "We now have two James Potters – a feature that is obviously a problem. It does not agree with the St Mungo's birthing records, and the Ministry will want to know why there is no mention of another Potter before this. If we tell them the truth, Mr Lupin could be in serious trouble – although no harm came to young Mr Potter, some of the more… challenging members of the Wizengamot could misconstrue it as an attempt on his life-" The Headmaster raised a hand to halt the protests of the three boys and gave James and Sirius – who had been behind the loudest of the noise – a gaze that silenced them.
"While I know that young Mr Lupin would never harm anyone intentionally, you must understand that a spell this denatured and of this calibre is unseen of in most fully developed wizards. The fact that Mr Lupin could clone another student at sixteen and with a spell not approved of, or designed by, the Ministry of Magic will clearly frighten those Ministry Officials who aren't as… open minded to people with Mr Lupin's… condition. They will want him taken care of."
Dumbledore paused and gazed at the four, who all had horrified – and terrified – expressions on their faces. "Th-they can't really do that, can they, Professor? It's illegal!" Peter spoke up, his voice stuttering with the power of his fear.
Shaking his head, Dumbledore spoke in a voice that betrayed sadness. "It should be, Mr Pettigrew, but it is not. Simply suspicion could land Mr Lupin in Azkaban – even at his age, Mr Lupin is considered a dangerous threat. I've had to pull tremendous strings to get them to allow him to attend this school, let alone the strings I've had to pull to keep the Prophet unaware of the whole situation." Here Remus hung his head, as though deeply ashamed. "Now, now, Remus –" Dumbledore used his first name in his affection, causing Remus to look up into Dumbledore's twinkling blue eyes. "-It wasn't as though it's all been for naught; you're one of my brightest students, and it's all been worth the effort."
The others grinned broadly as Remus smiled weakly. "Thank you, Professor."
Nodding, Dumbledore again leaned back in his chair, turning his gaze out to the window instead. "Never the less, Mr Lupin will scare some of those unfortunately ignorant Officials. This must remain a secret… but how to explain the sudden appearance of a new member of one of the highest ranking Pureblood families?" The Headmaster tugged on his beard thoughtfully, musing the newest predicament.
"Aren't there spells that can change Junior's appearance?" James muttered, thinking aloud. "I mean, there's Polyjuice Potion, and I'm sure you know a million spells that change your appearance. It's not as if Junior will really know what's going on, anyway. She's not really all that smart, you know." Whispering the last bit as though terrified she might hear and get mad, James looked at Junior, who was picking her nose and staring at Fawkes' flames, oblivious to the whole situation.
Dumbledore turned to stare at her too, trying not to smile at Junior's nosepicking. "I see what you mean, Mr. Potter."
"HEY! She's right here!" Sirius claimed, pointing at Junior with obvious dramatics. Junior, who kept her finger in her nose, turned to look at them, a dull expression on her face. Groaning, Sirius muttered, "Sirius Says take your finger out of your nose." Junior quickly complied, no emotion on her overly made up face.
"Fascinating… and she listens to whatever you say?" Dumbledore asked, eyeing Juior with a profound expression.
James and Sirius looked at each other and shrugged, turning to Remus to explain. "Only when Sirius says, 'Sirius Says', Professor." He offered, shrugging as well. "We've tried to get her to listen other ways, but she doesn't express any amount of intelligence… we're not sure why she only listens to Sirius, either."
"It's because I'm gorgeous." The boy in question interrupted. "She appreciates my rugged good looks."
Dumbledore, wisely choosing to ignore Sirius, continued to look at Junior. "This may complicate things," he murmured, "Or it may help solve the whole situation. Either way, I think it's best you leave Junior with me, and I'll see if I can keep her appearance quiet."
"We can't leave her with you! She doesn't listen to 'Dumbledore Says', or 'Professor Says'! Junior needs me." Sirius cried, flailing his arms, eyes wide. "Do you have any idea how this will devastate her?"
James looked at Junior briefly before turning back to Sirius, "Oh yes, she's clearly devastated." He said dryly, motioning to her bland expression; it was obvious she either didn't care in the slightest, or she just didn't understand the situation (and never would). When Sirius pouted, James sighed and continued, "It's what's best for her. How would she stay with us? She'd share a room with Evans and Harrison, and they're not stupid – they'd find out eventually. Think about it, Pads. She's better off this way."
Looking from Remus, to Junior, to Dumbledore helplessly, Sirius finally sighed and gave in. "I s'pose so," he said, his tone dull. "Just- just let me say goodbye." His lip wobbled and he turned to Junior with a dramatically sad expression on his face. "Junior – you were the butter to my muffin. I'll never forget you!" Sirius stretched out his arms for a hug, but quickly noticed that Junior's finger had somehow managed to find his nose once more during his 'heartfelt' speech. Recoiling, Sirius hung his head, "Ruined the moment, that did," He muttered dryly. "Sirius Says stop picking your nose – and keep it out!"
Junior complied and Sirius reluctantly stepped forward to pat her head awkwardly. "Goodbye Junior, you were the best best-mate's-clone-slash-little-sister a bloke could ask for." He sniffed loudly and step back, staring at James, Peter and Remus as though waiting for them to say bye to the hideous clone as well. Sirius eyed them all, his gray eyes narrowing and he coughed and cleared his throat expectantly.
Sighing, James stepped forward. "Goodbye then… err… James Junior. It was… erm… very awkward meeting you." He grinned quickly and stepped back, rubbing the back of his neck and looking away at the portraits on the wall, one of whom which winked at him and smiled.
Peter came up next, his watery blue eyes wide with his hesitation. "Bye then." It was precise and quick to the point; something to be said for that after Sirius and James' awkward farewells.
Groaning loudly as Sirius stared at him pointedly; Remus walked up to Junior and crossed his arms. "I apologize for bringing you into this world, Junior. Goodbye." He smiled weakly at the end, uncrossing his arms but making no move to touch the boy in drag.
A minute passed slowly and the four boys did not know what to say after that; however, Dumbledore quickly stepped in. "Well, it appears to be close to lunch now – why don't you four head down to the Great Hall while I fix matters up here. You may then proceed to your following classes." Dumbledore glanced knowingly at Remus, who smiled and nodded his understanding – he was to make sure they did actually head back to class.
Sirius stared forlornly at Junior, but nevertheless followed Remus slowly as he was pulled along out of the Headmaster's office and down the stairs. "Well, that takes care of that then." He pouted, failing to notice two Sixth Year Hufflepuffs eyeing him up.
"It won't be that bad, Sirius. Really, it's what's best for her." Remus came up and patted Sirius' back comfortingly, having grown quite worried when his best mate hadn't flirted back at the two well-endowed girls.
"Yeh, I know. I'll just miss having someone listen to whatever I say!" He sniffed and pouted again, "I mean, it's not like you lot turned out well at all! I failed to train you properly and here Junior was and she didn't need any training!"
Rolling his eyes, James huffed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "And here we all thought you'd miss Junior because you actually cared what happened to her." He said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at his friend.
"Well, that too." Sirius said, shrugging.
"Like, look who it is!" The four Marauders stopped as the voice sounded down the hall – Jude Phillips. They turned to see him strutting down the hallway; his hair was carefully gelled into a natural style, with stray wisps framing his gorgeous face – Jude was easily as hot as, or hotter than, Sirius and James. High cheekbones and full, pouty lips stretched as Jude smiled, flashing them with straight, white teeth. Unfortunately for the homophobic Sirius, Jude was gay. "You so didn't hit me up over the summer hols," Jude pouted, his voice turning an adorable sulky. "No letter or phone call, or anything." He crossed his arms delicately over his muscled chest, the Ravenclaw prefects badge glistening in the dim light.
Sirius gave off a high-pitched nervous laugh, "Oh we didn't, did we? I definitely remember writing a letter! Guess I must've forgotten to send it!" He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and avoided all eye-contact with Jude.
Rolling his eyes at Sirius, Remus folded his arms. "Well, I didn't write anyone much. Sorry, Phillips."
Jude nodded respectfully – of all the Marauders, Remus was the only one who treated him as a person, and not a homosexual man, specifically, "Well, like, has anyone seen Lily and Michi? I totally haven't seen them yet, and I've been missing my Lily, like, so much!" He grinned as he noticed that James had tensed when he'd said 'my Lily', "Relax, Potter, Lils isn't my type." Jude wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as he said this, causing James to turn bright red.
"Oh look, Lily! It's raining hot, gay men!" Michelle shrieked joyfully from behind them, running full-speed into Jude's open and ready arms.
Jude lifted her up into the air and flung her gracefully around before setting her on her toes and kissing her forehead tenderly. "Well, if it isn't my sex beast, herself." Jude grinned, turning and giving Lily the same treatment. James watched jealously as Lily laughed happily in Jude's arms, her fingers clinging to Jude's form-fitting black sweater, as though she didn't want to ever let him go.
"What's wrong, Potter? Jealous that Jude's getting all of Lily's love?" Michelle smirked, completely ignoring James' incredulous snort, and linked arms with Jude and Lily, "Come, mes petites nincompoops, to lunch!"
They set off, with Michelle and Lily laughing amiably with Jude – who was a particularly close friend of theirs – and with the Marauders following silently behind. Remus had gotten out his book and was walking as he read, and Peter was on his toes, looking for someone. James was eyeing Jude and Lily speculatively, as though doubting that Jude was, in fact, gay. Sirius was eyeing Jude too, though for completely different reasons.
"He knows!" He whispered dramatically, waiting for Jude, Lily and Michelle to get a safe distance away.
James side-glanced Sirius questioningly, "He knows what, Padfoot? Who's 'he' anyway?"
"Jude!" Sirius half-whispered, half-shrieked, "He knows!"
Remus sighed from behind his book, "Knows what, Pads? I'm sure he knows a lot, something specific would be nice." Unlike the other two, Remus didn't bother trying to whisper and spoke at a normal voice level; Sirius winced.
"He knows I don't like him… he knows." He flailed his arms theatrically, his eyes never leaving Jude's back.
The four finally reached the Great Hall doors and Remus carefully marked his page and replaced his book in his bag, snorting at Sirius. "Pads, the whole school knows. I don't know why you'd think they wouldn't – you freak out every time you see a homosexual man – oh stop it, Sirius!" Sirius had squeaked when Remus had said the word 'homosexual'. "I don't know why it bothers you so much."
Sirius scoffed, adjusting the hem of his shirt. "It's just not natural! I was raised to believe that a man and woman belong together, not a man and a man!"
"And we all know how much your parents knew about raising a child, don't we?" Remus said dryly, raising an eyebrow at Sirius.
"Oi, that was out of line, Moony." James spoke up suddenly, scowling at Remus.
Nodding, Remus muttered his apology at Sirius as they sat down in their customary seats. "Sorry, Pads, but I just don't think homosexuality is that big of a deal – you can't help who you fall in love with."
"Yes, but it's not natural!" Sirius persisted, tapping his fork against his plate incessantly.
"Neither is glasses, but James wears those, doesn't he?"
Sighing dramatically, Sirius finally put his fork down and muttered – just before Dumbledore's speech had begun, "Yes, but James' glasses aren't trying to kiss me, are they?"
More of a filler than anything, so I'm sorry for all my lovies that I disappointed with this. I had to get rid of Junior for now, though I may bring her back if people want me to. I'd like comments on Sirius' homophobia – do you want him to come to his senses, or do you think it'd be funnier if he was homophobic? Future interactions may be based on your responses, so reply please!
As to Jude… as I said before, he's all Simmy's.
Next chapter update may be awhile, but, then again, I have spring break right now so don't get too disappointed – I may spare some time from my planning to write. You know how spring breaks are, partying and all :) I loves me parties.
Carrie xxx
