You had fallen asleep at some point with Dean holding you in bed, rubbing your back and humming Bob Seger until you passed out. He was gone when you woke up, but that didn't surprise you; you had attacked him after all. With that thought you remembered you had seen the woman's face and Sam needed this new information so he could track her down. You pulled on your big gray hoodie and slipped your shoes on, heading out to find the guys.
"She hit you?" Sam and Dean were in the War Room; their voices were low but still echoed in the expansive room. You hung back once again to listen.
"Yeah, and not in a sexy 'we have a safe word' kinda way. Punched me, twice." Dean's voice was deep and sad. You kept your back to the wall, hopefully out of sight, but that meant you couldn't see them either.
"Why? What did you to do her?" Sam asked.
"I didn't do anything! She's acting crazy, yelling at me over nothing, half the time she looks at me like she wants to rip my head off. You haven't noticed?"
Sam sighed. "I have. She jumped down my throat yesterday for no reason. She's becoming very angry and apparently now violent…" You heard the rustle of pages. "I think I've figured some things out, but it's not good Dean."
"We just need to fix her, please. Anything is better than this."
"OK, so from what I've heard…"
You turned the corner and made your presence known by clearing your throat loudly. "Ya know, I'm back here listening and I start to feel kinda bad about all the eavesdropping I've been doing lately, but then I realized, I can only do that because you assholes are talking behind my back constantly!" You pointed at them each accusingly. "You have something to say, say it to my face!"
They looked back and forth between each other with that brotherly connection you used to love. Now it just made your blood boil, knowing they were silently deciding what to do with you.
Sam spoke up, "Fine. I think you are cursed. From what I've seen in the video and what you've told us you remember, I think the mystery woman is Abigail Faulkner, a very powerful witch who used to be part of The Grand Coven. In fact she was actually convicted of witchcraft during the Salem Witch Trials but they pardoned her because she was pregnant and she walked away unharmed..." Sam rambled on, pointing to his book occasionally.
"What? A witch?" You slurred, your head pounding suddenly again.
"It seems to fit." Sam continued, "From what you've told us, you must have run into her on your hunt and she cursed you. Problem is, I don't know how or what curse it is because there's no hex bags or amulets or anything here or in your stuff…"
Your pulse quickened. "You went through my stuff?" The words came out harsh through your clenched jaw.
Dean stepped forward, "Yeah, we did Y/N. I'm sorry, but you haven't been super cooperative lately and we need to get to the bottom of this."
"You are such an asshole Dean." Your vision was blurring around the edges, heat rising in your chest.
"That's another thing: you're getting very angry with us and now, violent and we need this to stop before something big happens." Sam said calmly. His hands were out in front of him like he was approaching a rabid dog.
A crazed laugh broke out of you. "What, you think I'm gonna kill you or something? Come on Sammy." You seethed. Could they see steam coming out of your ears?
Dean moved closer to you, "See that? That look, that look right there is really scary Y/N." he said, pointing at you.
You knew he was right and tried to relax your face, but it was hard: you were so charged up with rage by just looking at them.
"Fine. So what do we do?" You managed to say, looking down at your feet instead of Dean.
"We track the witch down and kill her." Sam said plainly.
Dean chimed in, "Nice and easy."
"Right," You spat, your voice was filled with sarcasm and hate. You took another deep breath to calm yourself. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to act like this. I just…" You clenched your jaw again, trying to keep the words from escaping. "I just really want to kick your face in right now."
Sam and Dean passed another look between them. Dean shook his head, exasperated and tired he turned away and sat down at the glowing table. Sam kept cool and told you firmly: "We are going to undo this. I just need you to hang on a bit longer."
"Hang on a bit longer." That was so easy for him to say. You stood at the kitchen counter a few hours later trying to make something to eat. You drew a long chef knife from the butcher block and started slicing up a cucumber to add to your salad. "Just hang on there Y/N," you mumbled to yourself mocking Sam. You should have slapped him for that one. Hang on, what the hell. You'll show him how to hang on. You chopped the cucumber swiftly, tossing into the big bowl of lettuce and reached for a tomato. 'This is too much food, maybe Sam will have some...' you thought, cutting into the ripe red fruit. "Maybe he'll choke on it." You said aloud without meaning too.
Dean coughed behind you and you swung around, knife still in your hand. "You all right?" he asked, obviously he'd been standing there a while and heard you talking to yourself.
"I'm fine." you said and turned back to the chopping board.
"Really?" he asked. You turned back to him and saw his face, red and a little swollen from the punches you'd thrown at him. You wanted to cry and kiss him and tell him you were sorry, but you pushed the feeling down and kept your cool.
"How's your face?" The words came out nasty again; you didn't know why you were being such a bitch. He nodded a little and looked away from you. "Dean I'm sorry," You said and went over to him, putting your hand on his good cheek. He looked at you, his green eyes were watery and tired. "I truly don't mean to do any of this. I can't help it, it just comes out and I can't stop. I'm so sorry. I can't believe I hurt you."
He turned his face and kissed your palm, gently wrapping his hand around your wrist. "Its OK. I understand, believe me. Sadly we've all been there." He laughed solemnly. His hand burned against your wrist and you felt that heat come back to you, rising in your chest, the darkness moving to take you over. "Sam went a year without his soul; hell, I was a demon for a while. It happens. But we'll get you back to normal I swear."
He kissed your hand again and moved to take you in his arms. You closed your eyes and tried to calm your thoughts, push away the anger but it came flooding over you. You had to get away from him before you did something horrible.
"Dean..." you growled at him. He didn't catch you tone, or didn't care and leaned forward kissing your mouth, his one hand on the small of your back, the other still on your wrist. The pit in your stomach grew larger until you couldn't hold it down anymore. You ripped your hand free from him and pushed at his chest. He kept kissing you, the hand on your back holding you close. You squirmed against him, pushing harder with your free hand, the 9-inch chef knife still in your other hand. "Get away from me!" You yelled, pulling away with all your strength.
Dean released you, "I'm sorry..." You could tell he was scared of you and you were glad: he should be scared...
"Don't fucking touch me again." Your voice was hard and low, words spilling from your mouth like a threat. You held the chef knife up; twirling it in your hand till you held the blade down offensively, ready to strike.
Dean held his hands up and backed away slowly. "Just relax. I'm not gonna hurt you."
"No, you won't." You snarled. You felt nothing but hatred looking at the hunter, it burned through your veins, you shook with it, waiting for your moment to strike, to sink your blade into his chest and watch him fall...
"What the hell!" Sam ran through the doorway, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw the scene before him. "Y/N... what are you doing?"
Dean turned his head towards the door, taking his eyes off you for a second. You used that moment to attack and jumped forward at him.
"Dean!" Sam yelled to his brother and Dean turned back to you just in time to catch your arm as it came down to stab him. You screamed, struggling to free your arm, ripping at Dean's hands with your fingers. He twisted your wrist and the knife fell to the floor with a loud clang of metal hitting tile. You slapped him hard with your free hand and kicked at him, screaming the whole time.
The sound of wings suddenly filled the kitchen as Castiel appeared behind you. He reached out and grabbed your shoulders, pulling you back from Dean. You turned, ready to strike him but instead he reached up and placed his hand on your cheek. Instantly you relaxed. You exhaled deeply and with it you felt all the heat and anger and pain slip away. It ran like water down from your head, through your body, escaping from your fingertips and toes into the ground. The sudden shift in your body made you dizzy and you lost control, falling down into Cas's waiting arms. He lifted you and you threw your arms around his neck, hiding your face in his trench coat as the tears leapt from your eyes. "Help me please..." you cried softly.
Dean and Sam watched in stunned silence as Castiel carried you out of the kitchen. "What the hell man? She almost killed me!" Dean looked to his younger brother for help.
Sam nodded. "I know."
"This has to end. Now."
"I know. That's why I came in here," Sam said. "To tell you we found the witch."
Castiel carried you to your room and laid you down gently on your bed. You sat up and pressed yourself back against the headboard, hugging your knees to your chest. You replayed the last few minutes over and over in your head; you had truly wanted to kill Dean. There was nothing more important that watching him die. You closed your eyes and let the tears fall, you were exhausted mentally and physically and terrified of what you'd do next.
Cas sat down awkwardly at the foot of the bed and looked at you.
"I almost killed him." You said, your throat was raw from all the screaming.
"I would not have let you Y/N." Castiel replied.
"I wanted to kill him. Every bit of me wanted to rip him apart. Why? What's happening to me Cas? I can't go on like this." You wiped at your eyes with your sleeve. Castiel put his hand on your foot and patted. You laughed at his gawky gesture.
"Sam and I have located The Witch. He and Dean are going to go kill her and break you from this spell." He said, looking at you with kind blue eyes.
"You found her?" You were excited, hopeful. "Where? When are we going?" You moved to get up off the bed, Cas reached for your hand.
"You're not going Y/N." He said. "I will stay here with you and keep you safe."
"Are you kidding me?" You pushed his hand away and stood up. "I'm going. This is my problem. I have to deal with this." Your words were hard. Not with scary curse-induced anger, just your natural annoyance at being told what to do.
Cas looked up at you. "You cannot go. We've figured out what is happening and it's best if you stayed here. She cursed you with an obedience spell and spent last week training you to kill. Specifically to kill Sam and Dean."
Your mouth fell open in shock. "What? No…" But it made sense. The murders you were flashing back too, she'd been at each one… the voice inside your head when you attacked Dean… the hateful pit in your stomach every time Sam spoke to you… it had to be true.
The guys were loading up the Impala and you stood in the doorway watching them. You bit your lip and hugged yourself, trying to keep away the negative thoughts that filled your mind. "How far away is she?" You asked quietly, your voice carrying over easily to them in the cavernous garage.
Sam threw his duffle in the backseat and shut the door. "A few hours. If all goes well we'll be back tomorrow night." He said, throwing you a friendly smile. Despite it you could see how worried he was. He refused to make eye contact with you since the kitchen and it hurt you to think your best friend didn't want you around anymore.
He never did anyway…He always hated you…You took his brother away from him…
You shook your head and groaned, pushing away the voice.
Dean noticed and looked at you sadly. He would never push you away. He would keep on loving you no matter what you did, that was Dean.
He'll love you until he dies…Until you kill him…
You closed your eyes tight and dug your fingernails into your palms trying to distract yourself from the rising anger. When you opened your eyes Dean was in front of you, looking down into your face. He was crying again which would have normally broken your heart, but now you loved it, loved seeing him in pain. You tried to remind yourself it wasn't you, but the spell. How could that be? You felt it in your bones, deep down in your soul you wanted him dead.
Kill him and get it over with…
"I'm sorry I let this happen to you." He said, his words coated with heavy guilt.
"You didn't do this. You tried to stop me from going, remember? It was all me. I was stupid." You shivered as the memories tried to take you over again. You didn't have much more fight in you and you knew the longer you stayed this close to Dean the less chance you'd have of stopping yourself. You reached up and hugged him tightly, whispering in his ear: "I love you Dean. I really do. I'm sorry." You kissed his cheek and pulled away. He caught your hand as you turned and pulled you back towards him. The touch sent flames up to your face. You narrowed your eyes at him; you felt the rage growing deep within you. "You have to go," you said through your teeth. "Now. Please." Dean let your hand go and you took off running back to your room.
To be continued...
