Dib tapped on the fish tank, a tiny green squid stared back at him, black eyes looking at him blankly. He could almost imagine what it was thinking.
"I'm just as bored as you are, but you can leave whenever you want. Stupid human."
He smiled despite himself, remembering the other little green thing that used to talk like that.
"Excuse me," a female voice interrupted his train of thought. He looked up; the secretary had put down her magazine and was frowning at him. "Could you please not do that? You're disturbing the fish."
Dib turned away from the tank looking dejected. "Do you know if Agent Darkbooty is done yet? I've been waiting here for hours. Where is he anyway?"
"Information pertaining to the whereabouts of agents is classified." She replied with a tut.
"But I am an agent! I've been telling you that for the past three hours!"
"Your ID expired four weeks ago; I actually went against protocol by not contacting security."
Dib hung his head. "I forgot to get my pass updated." He mumbled to his feet.
The secretary's reply was cut off as a floating comm-screen dropped from the ceiling behind her. The unmistakable, red-eyed silhouette of Agent Darkbooty appeared on it. Other red dots appeared from the darkness behind him, he must have been at a meeting.
"Hello Sarah, I think we're about ready for lunch now. Was everyone alright with McMeaties?" Agreements were murmured behind him. "So just send a field agent out to pick up the usual, though make mine a Diet Poop this time. I seem to be getting rather bloated of late."
A bug flew into Dib's open mouth, getting the attention of Darkbooty as he collapsed choking onto the floor.
"Agent Mothman? What in the name of the Mountains of Madness are you doing here?"
Dib hacked the bug out onto the floor, wheezing as he tried to reply. "I asked to take part in the next interview in Operation Impending Doom," he spat again, just to be sure. "You confirmed I could be in it yourself."
There was an awkward pause. "I see." Darkbooty replied carefully. "Then why are you waiting out here?"
"Oh, you're gonna laugh at this one." Dib stood, dusting off his coat. "Get this; I forgot to update my ID!" He chuckled for a moment, until he realised that no one else was joining him.
Darkbooty's eyes narrowed to red slits. "I think you'll find tardiness in updating agent identification is no laughing matter Mothman. In my youth I too was often late in updating my pass, my arrogance led to the death of ten good men when the agency was overrun by ghouls in 1987."
Dib's eyebrow rose. "Wait, I never heard of ghosts attacking the Swollen Eyeballs."
"They were 'ghouls' Mothman. And we who survived the attack vowed never to speak of it again, however if my warning you prevents a similar disaster in the future then I believe it was worth repeating."
"But…"
"Now get out of my sight, and don't come back until you're ready to take this seriously. Darkbooty out." And with the screen flickered off.
"NO!" Dib yelled, jumping to snatch at the screen as it floated back up into the ceiling. "Please Agent Darkbooty, I'll never update late again I promise! Just let me have that interview, I need it!"
Dib didn't remember much after that, though he assumed the hand that dragged him backwards by the hair belonged to a security guard, and the wall he was thrown against was the one behind him. But how he ended up in a dumpster behind McMeaties he had no idea.
He sighed, rubbing his bruised head and lying back on the bags of trash. It was already night time; the stars were coming out, twinkling down on him, like they were mocking him somehow.
Dib shut his eyes tightly. "No way, you're not gonna make me say it!"
They kept twinkling.
"Never, ever, ever! Even if it was true I wouldn't say it, and it isn't, so why would I?!" He peeped up again, the stars declined to respond.
"FINE!" He sat up, screaming at the sky. "I MISS HIM! I MISS ZIM!"
The stars didn't respond, though he got an answer of sorts. A bag of garbage was thrown in, bursting over his head and showering him in junk. Dib just shut his eyes; it wasn't like things could get any worse.
Awww! It would be cute if he wasn't actually going insane.
Anyway, what's up with the Swollen Eyeballs? And why was Dib so keen to have that interview? And what the fuck is 'Operation Impending Doom'? Plagerists are stealing the Tallests' ideas!
