Alrighty, sorry it's taken so long to get a new chapter up. I've had a rough couple of weeks. I was hospitalized for four and a half days and then have been home since then and I just sleep and sleep and sleep from the medication they've got me on, not that I'm complaining. (:
This is the longest chapter I've written for this story, so I hope that makes up for the time lapse(:
I love all the story/author/favorite alerts and of course I love the reviews! Keep em coming(:
After that we fall into a sort of routine. We spend our mornings apart, with me venturing back out into the welcoming arms of the woods and Peeta baking loaves and loaves of bread to be given to the men and women working on cleaning up the town. Then we have lunch and spend the rest of the afternoon together relaxing or doing whatever. When we've exhausted our stores of energy for the day we fall into bed at night, me curling up into his warm arms and him wrapping himself around me; we fit together perfectly. Our lives merge seamlessly together and I find that I enjoy the feeling of its mundane typicality.
It's two weeks after his return when it first happens. I woke from my sleep with a whimper, shaking the hollow eyes and cracked lips of the dead out of my mind. But when Peeta's arms don't come around me like they always do, I turn to look at him and am frightened by what I see. His eyes are dark and clouded over and his whole body is rigid beside me. I immediately shove myself away from him, trying to put as much distance between us as I can. But he's just as fast as I am and he's got a handful of my hair clutched in his iron fist, dragging me back.
"I've finally got you," he hisses at me, and I see how his eyes are almost black with the size of his pupils, "You filthy mutt."
"I-I'm not a mutt, it's just me, Peeta, it's just Katniss," I say as calmly as I can. I'm not sure how to handle this exactly.
"Shut up," he growls angrily, clenching his fist tighter, causing tears to spring to my eyes, "Admit it. You killed them, didn't you? All those people; little Rue, my family and even your own sister. You're a monster."
"No," I whimper, "No, Peeta, I didn't."
"I said SHUT UP," he yells, throwing me across the room and into the wall.
I hear a sickening crunch as my back slams into the hard surface and I know I've cracked a rib or something just as bad. He's standing there just staring at me and I gauge the distance to the door and whether or not I could make it before he catches me. I eventually decide I have no other option and sprint for it. I'm just about to make it out but before I can slam the door shut behind me he's got a hand around my ankle. He yanks me down hard and my face smashes into the floor. I can taste the metallic flavor of blood in my mouth as it runs from my nose. He drags me back into the room and then he's on top of me, pinning me to the ground and gripping both of my arms so unnecessarily tight over my head I'm sure he'll leave bruises. I struggle to breathe under his weight, and the crack in my rib is screaming in protest. He leans down until our noses almost touch.
"I'm gonna make you pay…" he growls, then leans down further to whisper harshly in my ear, "and it's going to cost you, dearly."
And then I can't hold it together anymore. I scream and cry and try to fight back, but this just makes him angrier. He picks me up again and tosses me harshly across the room. I fall and hit my right arm on the bed post, almost certainly breaking it by the snap I hear, but the pain doesn't register because my body is more focused on the pain in my head that comes from hitting it on the corner of the bedside table. I feel the blood, thick and warm and sticky in my hair, dripping down the back of my head. The last thing I register before I black out is Haymitch bursting into the room with Sae right behind him. He wraps his arms around Peeta and struggles to drag him out of the room while Sae drops to her knees beside me.
"Do you have a phone?" she asks frantically.
And I think I manage to squeak out a yes before the world goes dark.
~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~
I'm floating again, the same way I was floating when I was blown up in the Capitol. Only this time I don't feel burning flesh, I just ache all over and my head is throbbing. Water fills my throat and lungs, but I don't panic because I don't need to breathe. I wonder what's happened this time, to land me here. I'm all turned around, unsure which way is up or down. And even though the water is warm and not unpleasant, I'm desperate to find the sun. When I finally think I know which way to go I feel a solid hand on my ankle, pulling, pulling me deeper and deeper under the water where I will most certainly be unable to find the sun again.
~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~
I awake in my bed, but there are strange machines all around me. There are tubes in my right arm attached to a hanging bag with some clear liquid dripping through it straight into my veins. There's also a machine to monitor my blood pressure and heart rate, and a little thing on my finger that tracks my oxygen levels. I look around through hazy eyes and all at once the memories rush back; the reason for all this fuss. Before I can think more on it the door opens and Haymitch pokes his head in.
"Well, it's good to see you awake for a change," he states gruffly, entering the room and sitting in the chair beside my bed.
"Is everything okay? How long was I out for?" I ask, my voice thick and scratchy, while I look pointedly at the plaster encasing my arm.
"You were only out for a couple of days, you're gonna be just fine," he assures me with an awkward pat to my head.
I roll my eyes. "What's with the hospital getup, then?" I ask with a snort.
"That was my idea," says a voice from the door, and I turn to see Dr. Aurelius himself entering the room, "Hello, Katniss, surprised to see me?"
"Well, yes," I admit, knowing better than to lie.
"Haymitch called me, and I was just visiting in District 11 when I got the message," he says, "So I was here as soon as could be, but they've taken great care of you. You'll be as good as new in about nine weeks. You've got a mild concussion from the hit to your head, and sixteen stitches to close that cut; two cracked ribs, and both your radius and ulna are broken. The good news is, the breaks were straight through and will heal quickly. You can get that cast off in just six weeks. You didn't break your nose, but there was a small cut there that we had to put three stitches in."
I sigh, and turn to look out the window. He starts to talk about medications and exercises to help with my arm, and breathing exercises to make it easier on my ribs, but I'm not listening. I watch as a mockingjay perches on the branch just outside my window and sings Rue's four note harmony perfectly back at me. They must remember me singing that in the woods days earlier and I drift off in my own thoughts. A cleared throat brings me back to the room and Peeta's standing awkwardly in the doorway, shuffling his feet and looking for all the world like he should be seven, not seventeen.
"Could I, uh, have a moment?" he asks hesitantly, obviously almost hoping that they'll say no so he can't give himself the opportunity to hurt me again.
"Of course," Dr. Aurelius agrees, stepping out quietly.
Haymitch studies him closely, and then looks to me. "I'll be right down stairs if you need anything," he tells me with a pointed look in Peeta's direction before stalking out of the room.
Peeta looks slightly frightened, but perseveres, walking the space between us so he's standing a yard from my bed. "I'm so…SO sorry, Katniss," he whispers, eyes filled with pain so deep it hurts me. But there's something else there too, that I can't put my finger on just now.
I just shake my head and give him a weak shrug. "It wasn't your fault; you didn't mean to do it. It was the Capitol's fault," I brush it off like it didn't even affect me.
He stares at me for a moment and I stare right back. I'm so lost in his baby blue eyes that it startles me when his hand brushes my face, and I reflexively let out a tiny squeal and flinch away from him. I can see when I look in his eyes, that this was the wrong reaction, but before I can say anything to right it, he's gone and I'm left alone, haunted by the look in his eyes before he disappeared.
~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~
I spend three more days in my bed with Haymitch and Sae as my only visitors. Two nurses from the small hospital that's been set up come to check on the tubes three times a day, and eventually take them out on the third day. But Peeta doesn't return. I see him out the window, across the way at his own house. He's planting flowers by the porch and looks distracted. He'll disappear inside for hours and when I see him come out again he'll be holding a dozen loaves of bread to be delivered. He's always so selfless, giving and giving and taking very little. But his brows are always mashed together now and he never smiles.
"Haymitch," I say one day, looking at the man in the rocking chair beside me. His blonde hair is shaggy and tangled in several places, sticking up in random directions. As far as I know he hasn't touched alcohol since the incident that landed me here, and my notions are strengthened every day when he shows up with the smell of alcohol severely lacking, and the way he can't sit without shaking his leg or twisting his hands around.
"Yea," he huffs, running his hands over his face. His eyes are still slightly blood shot, but I think they'll be completely better by tomorrow.
"How is he? Peeta?" I ask quietly, searching his eyes which darken slightly.
"He's…he's being himself; beating himself up like he always does. He won't forgive himself, ya know, for hurting you. Matter o' fact, I'm not sure I ever will either," his voice goes slightly dark at the end and I let out a sigh.
"It's not his fault, Haymitch, you know that," I say quietly, staring out the window to where Peeta is tending to the flowers in his yard, then whisper, "You're the one who told me not to give up on him…and I still won't."
Haymitch grunts by way of reply.
~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~HG~
Two days later I'm allowed to get up and move around. Dr. Aurelius is back in the Capitol but he calls and warns me not to move too quickly or over exert myself, because breathing too deeply too quickly will put too much strain on my cracked ribs. The machines are taken from my room and Haymitch makes a habit of sleeping on my couch. When I wake up screaming from nightmares he runs up to check on me, but after the first couple of times he stops coming. I'm alone with my thoughts and nightmares with no Peeta or even sleeping syrup to help.
I wake up on a Thursday a little past three am from the most horrible nightmare I've had in awhile. Prim was shouting at me, asking me why she had to die, begging me to save her. She screams in a way that tears straight through my heart as a small spark catches on the end of her hair and quickly swallows her up. I'm trying to reach her, throw water on her, anything to stop the flames, but nothing I do works. And at the end she's just a little pile of ash on the ground. Even after I wake, I scream; I just can't stop. I need Peeta; desperately.
As soon as I can calm myself enough to stop the screams I creep out of my bed. Using the hunter's tread that's been ingrained in me since I was young, I manage to slip out the front door silently without waking Haymitch. My feet are bare and the dew on the grass clings to my toes as I make my way to Peeta's house. My hand closes over the door knob and it swings open without a hitch. I climb the stairs and pause in front of his bedroom for a moment to take a deep breath. I push the door open quietly and see him lying in bed with the sheets tangled all around his body. Even in sleep I can tell he's upset by the way his face is slightly screwed up. I tip toe into the room and slip under the covers to curl up in his arms. He jolts awake and upon seeing me moves away with a scared look in his eyes.
"Katniss, I don't…I don't want to hurt you again," he whispers and I feel like the spear that killed Rue is piercing my heart.
I'm quiet for a moment before I reach out and place my hand on his face, trailing it softly over his cheek and down his shoulder until I entwine our fingers. "Please," I whisper, "I can't sleep without you."
He's hesitant as I tug lightly on his hand, urging him to lie back down beside me. Eventually he does and allows me to fit myself against his side. His breathing is deep where mine is shallow. He holds me softly, being overly gentle where he touches me. I know he's not asleep and neither am I, so we just lay there in the dark together, neither of us saying a word. I shift slightly, turning my head so I can look at him. He meets my gaze and I move my hand to his face, rubbing the pad of my thumb as lightly as the beat of butterfly wings across his cheek. His eyes are pained, scared, but not of me; he's scared of himself and what he can do. A tear slips out of the corner of his eye and I wipe it away quickly.
"It's not your fault," I whisper, "It never was."
Suddenly his shoulders are shaking and he's sobbing. I hold him against my body, his head resting gently over my heart and I play with his hair while he cries. I whisper soft words in his ear and soon his breathing slows and the tears stop.
"I'm so sorry, you should- you should find someone else," he manages to say, and his voice cracks on the last word.
"Don't," I whisper, "I'm not giving up on you; I will never give up on you."
"Katniss," he starts, pulling away to look at me, but I don't want his apologies.
So I lean forward impulsively and my lips brush across his. I wait, giving him the chance to pull away but his arms snake around my waist as he presses his lips to mine. This kiss is like the one on the beach during the Quarter Quell. A warm feeling spreads outwards from my heart and through my entire body, straight to my soul. He holds me tighter and I know that he feels it, too. I push against him so he's lying on his back and I'm laying over him. And there's absolutely no one around to stop us.
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