C.H.U.D., Hooch and Ecstasy

Disclaimer: Don't own Riddick (unfortunately) or his creators. Nor do I own Shazza, Zeke, Jack, Imam and his boys, Fry or Johns.

Summary: My creations, CHUD, Hooch and Ecstasy are shoved into Pitch Black in the hopes that they can…
1) Tame the beast known as Riddick? Of course…NOT!
2) Be the sudden and unrealistic savior of everyone from the crash? Again, of course…NOT!
3) Annoy the living fuck out every single last one of them? HELLZ YEAH!

THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!!!!


For as long as I can remember, I've been terrified of the dark. So when I see that model spin around and around and find that there's no light what-so-ever, I panic a little bit. Bad things happen in the dark (says the serial killer/cannibal). Bad things that I don't really feel like repeating. The dark is one of the reasons why I refuse to sleep. I realize that lack of sleep can eventually kill you and wear you out, but I've programmed myself, much like Mr. Macho has, into needing only a couple hours of rest a week. Like I said, bad things happen in the dark.

I think Mr. Macho (aka Richard B. Riddick, Dick, B.A.M.F., Big Bad) can sense my fear of the dark even though it's technically not here yet. I can see the suns lowering though, or is it the planet in front of them rising, and I know that soon this entire planet is going to become a huge fucking mass of fear for me. Hopefully though those monsters will serve as a distraction and I can turn my fear into anger and take that anger out on the bird-beasts. But as I was saying, I think Mr. Macho can sense my fear, because even though we've parted ways a lot since the skeleton, he always finds his way back to my side. Or is it that I always find a way back to his side? Either way people! Either way!

Anyhooters…

Heh…Hooters. Wonder if they still exist?

I turn the bend just in time to hear Riddick say "Bad sign to be shaking like that in this heat," or something like that. I turn to see Johns glaring at him. I walk over and stand next to Riddick, trying not to laugh at the mental image I have in my mind right now. Okay, picture a five foot tall girl with blue, green and purple hair, dressed in the most colorful outfit you've ever seen with two ginormous black dogs on either side of her standing next to big, bad Richard Riddick. (Hm, somehow his name doesn't sound that great without the B. in the middle)

"Jeez druggie from another mother," I say, comparing myself to Johns (only because we both love our drugs). "You gotta kick back some, relax. Even I'm not that hooked." All I get in response is a glare. Jeez, didn't know that hanging out with a futuristic murderer meant that people would automatically hate your guts. "What the hell are you glaring at Merc?" I growl. "You're no better than me or Big Bad over here. Face it Johns, we're all in it to win it for ourselves, not anyone else."

"What makes you so similar to the Pay Day over there?" Johns spats at me. I see Riddick tense out of the corner of my eye. Apparently he doesn't like being called Pay Day.

I smirk a smirk that could rival Riddick's and prance over to Johns. Before he can as what I was doing, before I can process my actions and before Riddick has even stopped scowling, I grab Johns by the shoulders and sink my teeth into the junction where his shoulder and neck meet. He howls in pain and I let him go, pushing him away hard enough for him to fall to the ground. He's holding his hand to his neck and blood's gushing out from between his fingers. I turn slowly, wiping the blood off my mouth with my fingers and sucking them clean. I wink at Riddick when I pass and practically skip towards the skiff to see what Fry and Jackie are doing.

Why am I so happy you might ask? Why, it's because I just tore off a piece of The Blue-Eyed Devil's neck, that's why!


THE CREATOR: Another short chapter, little more gruesome, little darker, little insight into Ecstasy's personal info. Give a review and you get an imaginary cookie!

ECSTASY: -singing- I bit Johns, I bit Johns, I bit Johns! Go me, go me, go me, go me!!! –stops singing and doing her little victory dance and stares at the readers- Told ya I ate people…

RIDDICK: Even I'm not that fucked up………