Disclaimer: Glee is not mine


The Bro Code Rules on Wingmen

Rule 13) All Bros shall dub one of their bros his wingman.

Rule 62) In the event that two bros lock onto the same target, the bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the bro who counts aloud to ten fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two bros has dibs. If they're the same height, the bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of the same length, a game of discreet roshambo (rock-paper-scissors for bros) shall determine the right of way ... provided the chick is still there.

Rule 78) A Bro shall never rack jack his wingman. Rack Jack is to steal your wingman's chick. To commemorate and solidify the unbreakable bond between the Bro and his wingman, it is recommended that before going out, each face the other, place their left hand on the Bro Code, raise his right hand and recite the wingman pledge.

Rule 102) A Bro shall take great care in selecting and training his wingman.

-Barney Stinson, "The Bro Code," How I Met Your Mother


"Dude, what the hell? What's with the Humper?" Puck greeted as he watched Finn stroll up to his table, Vlad in tow. "Why'd you bring him?"

"I didn't have a choice. Rachel is freaking out about her book, has writer's block and she's got her period. She kicked anything with a penis out of the apartment," Finn said as he sat at the outdoor table, looking down at Vlad, who was sniffing the ground around Finn's chair.

"People are gonna think we're fucking gay, dude! And by people, I mean the ladies," Puck hissed. "Who comes to Happy Hour with a Chihuahua? What kind of Wingman are you? I picked this table on purpose because the fucking hot waitress has this table."

"Whatever." Finn shrugged. It was fine with him if girls thought he was gay. He certainly hadn't asked to be Puck's wingman. He wasn't single and he definitely wasn't getting stuck with an ugly chick just so Puck could score with the ugly chick's hot friend.

He felt Vlad scratching at his leg and picked him up, letting Vlad sit upright on his lap. The Chihuahua stared at Puck, who was still bitching about Vlad's presence. "I mean really, a Chihuahua? You two couldn't have gotten a fucking Rottweiler or something?"

Finn stared at Puck. "Look, Vlad is a Ladies Man, but if you're so annoyed by Vlad's presence, you call a very cranky Rachel and tell her Vlad needs to stay home, cause I'm sure as hell not doing it."

"Hell no. Do I look like I have a death wish?" Puck sighed, running a hand over his Mohawk. "Can he at least lose the bling?"

"Nope, otherwise he'd have no collar."

The hot waitress Puck had been eyeing came over at that moment, ready to take their order. "Ooh! What a cute dog! Is he yours?" she squealed, looking at Finn. Puck watched in disbelief as she quickly gave Finn a once over and gave him a wide smile.

The fuck? She hadn't even looked his way yet.

"Yes, he's mine. His name's Vlad," Finn replied, watching as the waitress oohed and aahed over Vlad while she petted him, knowing that Vlad was going to slip into Sweet Chihuahua mode.

"I'm Whitney. What do you two want to drink?" the waitress asked as she softly petted Vlad between his eyes, still not having looked Puck's way.

"I'll have the beer on tap," Finn decided, looking at Puck to see what he wanted.

"And I'll-" Puck started to say, but was cut off by the waitress talking to Vlad. He scowled as he realized she still hadn't looked at him and by 'you two' she meant Finn and Vlad.

"And what will Vlad have?" she cooed, rubbing his head. "You know what? I'll bring him some water." She hurried away, never having taken Puck's order.

"The fuck was that?" Puck sputtered as soon as she was gone.

"I told you, Vlad's a Ladies Man." Finn looked down at the dog in his lap affectionately, scratching him between the eyes. Vlad stood up, placing his front paws on Finn's chest as he licked Finn's face, his tail wagging happily. His timing couldn't have been more perfect because Whitney the Waitress came back, carrying a beer for Finn and a bowl of water for Vlad.

And she wasn't alone. She'd brought the second hottest waitress over. "Look at him! Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen? And look at his necklace!" she exclaimed to her coworker, placing the beer in front of Finn as well as the water. Vlad immediately sat down, ready to be adored.

"Oh, he's adorable! Aren't you just the cutest thing?" the other waitress agreed, leaning over to pet Vlad, who thumped his tail happily. "His owner's pretty cute too."

Puck stared at the two women in shock, not quite believing what he was hearing.

"There's just something so sexy about a man out with his dog." She winked at Finn, slipping him a piece of paper. "I've got to get back to my tables, but call me. We can meet at the dog park." She gave Vlad one last petting before walking seductively away, Whitney right behind her.

"Dude, Vlad's totally rack jacking! I claimed that waitress!" Puck managed to say after several moments of simply opening and closing his mouth, temporarily rendered speechless by the scene he'd just witnessed. "And give me that!" He ripped the piece of paper with the waitress's number out of Finn's hand, putting it in his pocket.

"You're just jealous because Vlad's already gotten two girls and a number, while you can't even get a beer." Finn smirked, rubbing Vlad's head.

"Fuck you. Like a Chihuahua could ever beat Puckzilla with the ladies," Puck boasted. "There's no way that overgrown rat could get more action than me."

"Wow, this beer is really good. How's yours?" Finn asked innocently, taking a sip of beer. Puck sputtered incoherently, managing only to give Finn the finger. "What happened to Quinn? Didn't she give you her number months ago?"

"Yeah, but we're both keeping it totally casual right now." Puck shrugged, a hint of annoyance in his voice. Their casual booty call arrangement had been awesome at first, but lately he found himself wanting more.

Finn stared at Puck, noticing the change in his demeanor. "You not cool with that? Why don't you talk to her about it?"

"What are you, a fucking girl? Talk to her about it? You've been hanging out with Berry too much, dude."

It was Finn's turn to shrug. "Hey, talking's not such a bad thing…especially when you do it naked. Rachel likes to have cuddle time and talk after sex."

"Cuddle time? When was the last time you saw your dick, man?" Puck looked at him, horrified. "It's official. You need to leave Berry and the dog at home and hang out with me more."

"Whatever dude. You're the only one at this table who's not getting any on a regular basis. Vlad's got his bear, and I've got Rachel. Who do you have?"

"Fuck you. I'm a stallion, I can't be tied down," Puck boasted, again giving Finn the finger as he glared at Vlad, who'd attracted the attention of a nearby table of hot Sorority girls.

Sorority girls.

One of whom was currently making her way over to their table. He smirked at Vlad. He'd show that little Mexican Rat who the stud was at this table.

He winked at the Sorority Girl, who gave him a "you wish" look before turning to Finn. "Can I pet your dog? He's so sweet."

Finn held out Vlad for the girl to take, going through the usual spiel of introducing Vlad. She immediately cuddled him close to her chest, Vlad closing his eyes in contentment, which made Puck seethe.

"You know, my friends and I have some room at our table, if you and Vlad want to join us," she flirted, batting her eyes at Finn.

"Sorry, I don't think my girlfriend would like that too much," Finn said easily. He looked at Puck, determined to be a good Wingman. "But Puck here is single."

The girl's eyes flickered over to Puck for a second, as her hands continued stroking Vlad. "You know what, I should probably get going. Classes, you know." She gave Vlad one last head rub before handing him back to Finn and returning to her table.

What. The. Fuck.

Was he trapped in some sort of strange alternate universe where chicks didn't find him attractive? Puck's mouth dropped open in amazement while his eyes narrowed at Vlad.

"Sorry, dude. That was a real burn," Finn said, signaling Whitney to bring a beer for Puck. He felt bad, his dog was totally kicking Puck's ass in the Chicks department; the least he could do was buy him a beer.

"The fuck? I'm not getting beat by a cuddler and someone who spends his days humping a stuffed bear." Puck's eyes narrowed at Vlad until they were practically slits. "It's on."


This was not happening.

Somebody had to be punking him. He watched in complete shock as yet another girl slipped Finn her number. Despite the fact that Finn told every girl he had a girlfriend, these hot chicks still insisted he take their number in case they broke up. One girl even offered to show Finn what he was missing in the bathroom.

What the fuck was his secret? He'd been out with Finn before, and he'd never seen Finn get so many girls. Not that Hudson appreciated it; Berry had his balls in her grasp so tightly that he simply handed the papers to Puck. It couldn't be the fact that Finn had a girlfriend. The girls throwing themselves at Finn didn't find out about Berry until after they'd come over to greet Finn and pet Vlad.

Could it be…Vlad?

Puck looked his enemy in a new light. Vlad was currently in the arms of yet another hot chick, his tail wagging as the girl rubbed his belly and spoke in a baby voice to him.

The dog was fucking brilliant. An idea began forming in his head, one that he'd need Finn's assistance with.

He waited impatiently for the girl to leave, tapping his foot against the table leg.

"What's your problem? You have to pee?" Finn asked, as Vlad settled back in his lap.

"Huds, I take back everything I said about Berry wearing the pants in your relationship. You are the man!" Puck exclaimed, reaching over and giving Finn a high five.

"Alright Puckerman. What do you want?" Finn asked suspiciously.

"Why the fuck are you accusing me? Can't I just be nice?" Puck asked, taking a sip of his beer innocently.

"Nope," Finn replied. "Now out with it, Puckerman. What do you want?"

"Your dog."

"What? I'm not giving you Vlad!" Finn cried; gripping Vlad tightly as if he was afraid Puck would run off with him.

"Relax. I just want to borrow him," Puck answered, rolling his eyes. "That dog is a fucking gold mine."

"Huh?"

"Geez, Finn. Did you honestly think these girls were giving you their numbers because of you? No wonder Berry makes all the decisions. Vlad's getting all those numbers, not you. I'm demoting you from Head Wingman and promoting Vlad. You will just be a bro from now on," Puck decided. "Now hand him over. The dog is a natural; I don't think he'll even need any training."

"Are you serious? You want me to whore out my dog to you? Rachel will kill me if she finds out," Finn stressed. She'd already flipped out on him today because he'd left the toilet seat up, and he really didn't want to give her another reason to yell at him. "Seriously dude, she'll kill me and then use my body parts to kill you. Writer's Block plus Period Rachel equals Super Scary Rachel."

"That's why we're not gonna tell her. Keep your mouth shut during cuddle time and we're golden. Now give me the chick magnet," Puck instructed, holding out his arms for Vlad.

"Good luck, man. It is a genius idea," Finn replied as he handed Vlad over to Puck. The dog immediately began squirming, trying to get back to Finn. Puck tightened his holding on the writhing Chihuahua, making the little dog more upset.

"What's wrong with him?" Puck asked, holding Vlad out at arm's length. The dog seemed to calm as he got closer to Finn, but once Puck pulled him back on his lap he immediately began squirming again.

"Dunno. Hold him out towards me again," Finn decided. Puck did as instructed, with the same results. Vlad immediately calmed when he got close to Finn and became upset on Puck's lap. "I don't think he likes you."

"What? Why wouldn't he like me? He knows me," Puck questioned, holding Vlad out experimentally, hoping for different results and frowning when he didn't get them.

"Exactly. Every time you come over, you torment him by trying to take his bear. Didn't he bite you when you tried to sit on the bear?" Finn pointed out, causing Puck to scowl.

"That fucking hurt." He rubbed his arm, remembering all too well the feeling of Vlad's teeth sunk into his arm.

"I bet he thinks your competition for his bear's affections. I think you're gonna have to bribe him," Finn decided, as he took Vlad back, who happily settled back into Finn's lap, eyeing Puck warily.

"Fuck him. I'm not playing by a dog's rules."

"Then he's not gonna help you." Finn shrugged, finishing off the beer Whitney had brought him without even asking. "He's easy to bribe. A couple of Snausages or a bone and he'll disappear long enough for me and Rachel to have sex anywhere in the apartment."

"Wait, you have to get rid of him to bang Berry?" Puck smirked.

"It's so stupid. She won't let him be there because he stares at her, and 'he's a baby, Finn'," he mocked in his best Rachel impersonation. Finn rolled his eyes. "I'm the one who has to get rid of him every time and then let him back in after."

"Berry has you so whipped."

"Hey, if it means I'm getting some, I'll walk Vlad out naked every time." Finn looked at Puck. "Now you gonna make a deal with him or not? He's entertaining other offers, you know."

"You're telling me that if I buy him a bone, he'll help me?" Puck asked skeptically, thinking he must be really desperate if he was considering what he could possibly do to make Vlad happy.

"It's a start. Kurt had to buy him that blinged out collar, share his pretzels and buy him toys before Vlad would allow him to sit next to me or my mom," Finn said seriously.

"Fine. What do you want me to do?" Puck asked sighing.

Finn grinned, holding up Vlad. "Not me. Him."


"Come on dude, just drop a deuce already," Puck grumbled, watching as Vlad rejected yet another spot. "The fuck he so picky for? A tree is a tree."

"I don't know. He always does this," Finn explained, laughing as Vlad led Puck over to another tree, circling in front of it several times before rejecting it.

"How much longer? I already bought him a pretzel and he still won't let me hold him yet." He threw another glare at Vlad, who'd let the retractable leash extend as far as possible so he could sniff a suspicious looking water bottle on the ground.

"I wouldn't piss him off," Finn warned. "If I were you, I'd keep sucking up."

His words of warning were lost on Puck, who was watching two women jogging their way. Vlad also noticed the two women approaching, immediately stopping his inspection of the water bottle and trotting out onto the path in front of the oncoming women.

"Dude, this dog is fucking brilliant. The chicks have already noticed him. I should have thought of this years ago," Puck muttered under his breath to Finn.

The two women, a redhead and a brunette, slowed down as they approached Vlad, who was doing his best impersonation of Puss n' Boots from the Shrek movies as he sat blocking their way.

"Oh! Look at him, Tara! Isn't he the sweetest?" the brunette exclaimed as she bent down to pet Vlad.

The redhead bent down also, agreeing with her friend that Vlad was in fact, the sweetest, before beginning to talk baby talk to Vlad. Vlad permitted this for a moment, before standing up and weaving between Finn's legs.

"Your dog is adorable," the redhead named Tara said, as she stood back up. She laughed as Vlad began weaving between Puck's legs, causing the leash to tangle and tether Finn and Puck together. Not that Puck noticed; since he was too busy ogling the two women.

"Thanks. His name's Vlad," Puck said smoothly, seeing that Finn had opened his mouth to respond and beating him to it. He eyed Finn, willing him to go along with whatever he said.

"Vlad! What an adorable name! Which one of you thought of that?"

Finn stayed silent, placing a hand on Puck's shoulder, as he tried to focus on stepping out of the leash tangled around his legs and not having a lot of success, since Vlad was still weaving in between Puck's legs, tangling it more.

"I did," Puck responded. "I wanted to give him an unusual name." He ran his free hand through his Mohawk, his other hand dropping the leash handle.

"Yeah, he named him after Vlad the Impaler," Finn added unhelpfully. "He thinks it's a romantic name. He's very thoughtful and romantic like that."

Puck ignored that remark. "So ladies, now that you know Vlad's name, he wants to know yours."

"Oh, he does? Well I'm Amy and this is Tara," the brunette said. "How about you and your partner? What are your names?"

"I'm Puck," he said smoothly, still not noticing Vlad making an intricate web between his legs, which was now knotting. "And this is…wait, what?" He paused as Amy's words registered.

"Aren't you…?" Amy said tentatively. "I mean, his hand is on your shoulder and you're taking your dog for a walk."

"Fuck no! Hudson might be gay, but I'm not," Puck sputtered.

Finn smirked. This was too good to pass up. "How could you say that! I can't believe you're still denying us in public!" he cried dramatically, thinking Kurt and Rachel would be proud of his theatrics. "You're sleeping on the couch tonight, Noah!"

"Right. Well, it was nice meeting you, but, uh, we've got to get going," Tara said quickly as she jogged off with Amy, leaving a speechless Puck and a hysterical Finn in their wake.

"The fuck? This is why you got demoted to Bro! Not funny, man! Come on, let's get out of here," Puck managed to spit out. He attempted walk off quickly, but Vlad's handiwork with his leash effectively rendered his legs useless and he fell forward. The force of Puck's weight tightened the leash around Finn's legs, and he fell forward, landing hard on top of Puck.

"Get the fuck off me man! I'm not Berry!" Puck cried, trying to push Finn's weight off of him. He turned his head to see Vlad sitting next to his head, watching the two of them. He narrowed his eyes. "So that's how it's gonna be man? You work alone?"

Finn sat up, finally managing to free himself from the leash and stood up, waiting for Puck to untangle himself. He had more trouble than Finn did, since Vlad had woven the leash around Puck many more times than he did around Finn, and the subsequent fall made some more knots.

"Here. You hold Vlad and I'll work on the knots," Finn decided as he unhooked Vlad and handed him to Puck, who sat there scowling and holding the writhing enemy in his hands.

Puck launched into a running commentary about how Vlad violated the rules of being a wingman in front of those two women as Finn diligently worked to untangle the leash. He was just explaining the complicated system of calling dibs on a woman before Vlad does, when another woman stopped to admire Vlad.

"What an adorable dog!"

Puck looked up, ready to try Vlad out as a wingman again, when he suddenly went speechless. "Quinn?"

Finn, intent of getting the last of the knots out, looked up quickly. "Oh, hey Quinn."

"I didn't know you got a dog! He's so sweet!" Quinn leaned over to pet the Chihuahua, just as Finn managed to untangle the leash. Puck quickly stood up, holding the dog out to Quinn.

"His name's Vlad." He watched as Quinn eagerly took the dog, cuddling Vlad to her chest.

"Actually,-" Finn began, shutting his mouth immediately when he saw the death glare Puck gave him. He watched for a moment as Quinn stroked Vlad, who snuggled his head into Quinn's chest.

"So what's going on, Quinn?" Puck asked casually, wishing that was his head and not Vlad's resting on her chest.

"Nothing exciting. I'm working a lot, as I'm sure Finn is too." She looked at Finn for confirmation.

"Yeah, Quinn, about that. Vlad doesn't seem familiar to you at all?" he asked curiously. How the hell did Quinn not recognize him from when Vlad made his office visits? He thought back, trying to remember if Quinn had ever interacted with Vlad at the office.

"No, but I haven't seen Puck in two weeks." She turned to look at Puck. "Are you busy tonight? Maybe you, me and Vlad could watch a movie," Quinn said, batting her eyelashes at Puck.

"He's-" Finn tried again, only to be pushed by Puck.

"What Hudson's trying to say is that he's going to be banging Berry all night, so I'm free. Isn't that right?" Puck intoned.

"Uh, right," Finn rocked on his heels, afraid of where this was going.

"So you're free then! Great! I'll come over around 8 then. See you and Vlad later!" She gave Puck a lingering kiss before sauntering away. Puck watched her for a moment before turning to Finn.

"I gotta have that dog tonight."

"Aren't you forgetting one thing?" Finn asked as he snapped the leash back on Vlad and took him from Puck.

"What?" Puck asked; his mind focused on how quickly he could get Quinn naked.

"Rachel. She's never going to let you borrow Vlad for the night."

"Not a problem. Didn't you say that Berry kicked anything with a dick out for the night?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Vlad will stay at my apartment and you're free to have cuddle time with Berry. Think about it," Puck implored.

"I don't know. Vlad's only ever stayed at my mom's, Kurt's or Artie's. He's never even been to your apartment," Finn said, doubting the wisdom of this plan. "Rachel's very particular about where Vlad goes. You're not on her list of approved apartments."

"So tell her you left him at Kurt's for the night."

"I'm not going to lie to her. We swore no more lies ever after the bet fiasco."

"Look. Tell her whatever you have to, but I need the dog."

Finn sighed. "You're not going to drop this are you?" When Puck nodded no, he sighed again. "Fine. Let's go to your apartment."


Each time Finn stepped foot into Puck's apartment, it always made him realize the changes that had snuck up on him at his own apartment and in his life

Rachel, although she technically wasn't living with Finn, had nonetheless managed to put a distinctly feminine stamp on his place. At first, he'd been less than thrilled when his Jets blanket disappeared and Rachel's bright pink fuzzy blanket took up residence on the back of his couch, but he got over it pretty quickly when he realized how awesome that blanket was, particularly when they both snuggled underneath it. She'd gotten rid of the crazy stuff she'd placed around his apartment for that article but it hadn't escaped his notice that he was now the owner of something called a sham for his bed or that his bathroom had a distinct collection of girly shampoos and soaps, and the sight of a box of tampons and Vagisil in his vanity no longer freaked him out. He wasn't sure, but he thought his sheets were now scented, not to mention, cleaner. In fact, his whole apartment seemed cleaner. Slowly but surely, his apartment was showing signs that a couple lived there.

Puck's apartment, on the other hand, screamed bachelor.

A large pool table and a pinball machine took up one end of the Living Room, while an immense flat screen TV mounted to the wall dominated the other side. Puck's various game systems were scattered on the floor in front of the TV, and there were several controllers lying on the black leather couch. The open floor plan of the apartment allowed Finn to clearly see a cleaning lady working on the dirty dishes piled in the sink and empty beer bottles and pizza box next to it. A light up neon bar sign in the shape of a pin up girl proudly flashed "live nudes daily" above the pinball machine and there were several framed photographs of scantily clad women hung up. As he always did when he went over to Puck's, Finn examined the photo closest to him, a photo of the Bensen twins, both of whom were in nothing but their underwear, their hands strategically covering their breasts. Perhaps because he now had a girlfriend, which meant he saw boobs on a regular basis, he didn't notice so much the girl's bodies, but instead noticed for the first time that it was autographed.

"Dude, you got the Playmates of the Year's autograph?" he asked in awe as he put down Vlad. Vlad, his nose going into overdrive from all the smells, immediately took off in the direction of the pool table, nose close to the ground.

"Yeah, my uncle provides the jewelry for Hef, so I got to go to the Mansion for a party. Wanna play COD?" Puck called over his shoulder as he kicked off his shoes and let them land wherever.

"Hell yeah, Rachel only ever wants to play Just Dance," Finn exclaimed as he walked over to the couch. "Call of Duty's too violent, Finny," he mocked in his best Rachel voice, earning a laugh from Puck. He shoved aside the copy of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition (his own copy had mysteriously disappeared) that was on the cushion and sat down. "You really got to go to the Mansion?"

"Yeah, next time I go, you can come." Puck tossed him a controller before turning on the game. "Beer's are in the mini fridge under the end table next to you, Dude."

Finn obliged and got out two beers. Just as he was tossing one to Puck, Vlad emerged from his explorations and jumped onto the couch next to Finn, some material clasped firmly in his mouth. "What's that you got Vlad?" he asked, as Vlad settled next to his side.

Puck took one look over at Vlad and dropped his controller. "Dude! He's got my fucking underwear!"

Upon closer inspection, Finn realized that Vlad did in fact, have a pair of Puck's boxer-briefs in his mouth. "Gross! Vlad, put those down!" he directed. Vlad simply growled and shook his head, making the underwear wave like a flag.

"Dude! Get your dog to let go of my drawers!" Puck yelled, gesturing wildly to Finn. "Pull them out of his mouth. It can't be that hard."

"I am not touching your underwear, man. If you want them, get them back yourself." Finn sat back on the couch, watching in amusement as Puck attempted to walk towards Vlad, who immediately became suspicious and backed away from Finn and Puck, the underwear still firmly clamped in his mouth. He lithely jumped off the couch when Puck sprang towards him, causing Puck to land unceremoniously on the couch next to Finn, who didn't bother to hide his howls of laughter.

"It's not fucking funny, Finn. What kind of dog goes around stealing underwear?" Puck demanded, standing up and looking around for Vlad. He could just see a piece of his underwear before it disappeared under the coffee table and leaned down for confirmation. He glared at Vlad, who simply looked back at him from the shadowy far corner, the underwear between his paws.

"Did you leave the underwear on the floor? He thinks anything on the floor is his," Finn explained, once he was able to stop laughing. His laughter stared anew when he saw Puck trying to reach as far as he could under the coffee table, only to start cursing immediately when his arm promptly got stuck.

"Fuck you and fuck your dog too," Puck exclaimed, finally freeing his arm. He scowled as he sat up, massaging his arm. "How are we gonna get them back?"

"Easy. Watch this." Finn strolled over to the kitchen cabinets, rummaging through them until he found what he wanted. He held the box of Cheez-its up for Puck to see and immediately began shaking the box. Vlad shot out from underneath the table sans underwear, heading in the direction of one of his favorite sounds. He parked himself in front of Finn, placing one paw up in the air, his eyes focused on the box in Finn's hand. "Get the underwear, man!" he directed as he fed Vlad a few Cheez-its.

Puck immediately scooped up the underwear and marched off towards the bedroom, presumably to clear the floor of any laundry. Finn brought the box of crackers over to the couch, still chuckling as Vlad settled on his lap, begging for more crackers. "Since that was fucking funny, I'll share with you, just don't tell Mommy," he told Vlad, slipping him a few more crackers.

"Alright, here's the rules," Puck announced as he came back over to the TV area. "Vlad's my wingman. His job tonight is to sit there and look cute, but make me look good at the same time. That's all he needs to do. Sit on the couch and look cute. Got that?" he barked at Vlad, who didn't bother tearing his gaze away from the Cheez-It box. "I gotta get some, man. It's been two weeks and I'm going crazy."

Finn nodded in understanding. He hated when Rachel had her period because she cut him off a few days before it actually arrived, claiming she felt unsexy and gross. The fact that he used to go long stretches of time without sex before he met Rachel was long forgotten, because as he liked to point out, now that he had access to sex on a regular basis, his body was regulated to expect sex. The week and a half give or take that she cut him off each month was rough. "I hear you, man."

Puck eyed Vlad suspiciously, who ignored him as he concentrated on the box next to Finn. "Besides his underwear fetish, is there anything else I should know about Vlad?"

"He's gonna need to eat soon and then go out. He'll let you know when he needs to go out by sitting in front of the door." Finn frowned, looking around the apartment. "How's this gonna work? You don't even have a dog bowl or toys. Quinn's never gonna believe that Vlad lives here."

"Way ahead of you, man. My mom always sticks her poodle Priscilla on me when she goes away, so I actually do have a dog bowl and some food." Puck marched over to the kitchen closet, pulling out a bag of Pedigree and two bowls. He filled one bowl up with water and placed it on the floor, while the other was filled with dog food.

"Wait. If you have access to your mom's dog, why do you need to borrow mine?" Finn demanded as Vlad jumped off his lap to go inspect the food Puck put down. Cautiously, he took a few pieces out and sampled it, before running back to Finn and the Cheez-Its.

"Because Priscilla is a girl and unlike Vlad, repels women because she's a cranky old bitch." He glanced at his watch. "Q's gonna be here soon, so you need to get lost. Go boink Berry and pick up Vlad tomorrow." He started pushing Finn towards the door.

"Fine. I get the hint. Take good care of Vlad." Finn bent down to pet the Chihuahua who'd followed him to the door. "Stay here and help Uncle Puck, Vlad." He gave Vlad an affectionate rub on the head before he stood up and quickly walked out the door.

Vlad immediately sat down in front of the door, crying. Puck tried to pick him up, only to have Vlad growl and show his teeth, when he went near him. Sighing, Puck walked over to the Cheez-It box and shook it. The noise of the box attracted Vlad's attention and he turned around to watch Puck, although he still wouldn't leave the door.

"Dude, you better cooperate tonight," Puck grumbled as he threw a Cheez-It in Vlad's direction. It fell just short of Vlad, who took a few steps and ate it, sitting down again to stare at Puck. Puck repeated the process, each time throwing a Cheez-It slightly closer to himself, until Vlad forgot about Finn leaving and climbed onto the couch next to Puck.

He'd just slipped Vlad another cracker when the doorbell rang. "It's showtime, Vlad. Remember, you're the wingman. Your job is to help me score," he whispered to Vlad. "Do what you gotta do."

Vlad simply stared at him, thumping his tail.


Finn opened the door to his apartment quietly, unsure which Rachel would be greeting him, Normal Rachel or Scary as Hell PMS Rachel. Silently he hung his coat up and put his keys on the table. Apparently not silent enough, because the second he placed his keys on the table he heard Rachel call, "Finn? Is that you?"

He followed Rachel's voice into the living room, to find Rachel snuggled under her fuzzy pink blanket on the couch, Hello Dolly! playing on the TV. She smiled when she saw him, holding her blanket up for him to climb under. "I've been waiting for you to come back. I want to cuddle."

Hmm. She seemed to be Normal Rachel, so he crossed the few feet and sank onto the couch, allowing Rachel to mold her body to him and adjust the blanket over both of them. He glanced down at her as she smiled up at him before snuggling into his chest. Maybe she wouldn't be so pissed when she found out about Vlad's whereabouts, if she was being Normal Rachel at the moment. He decided to test the waters a bit before he told her. "Feeling better?" he asked cautiously, as he softly stroked her hair.

"Much. I got some writing done, and then I spent time trying to figure out ways to make it up to you and Vlad for kicking you two out." She smiled at him as she climbed on top of him, placing soft kisses along his jaw.

"Yeah? You come up with anything?" Finn asked, trying to figure out what she was up to. He knew she started surfing the crimson wave yesterday, so she couldn't be considering sex, could she?

"I might have." Rachel smiled seductively as she let her hand trail down between them to cup him through his jeans. "You know I won't have sex when I'm menstruating, but that doesn't mean I can't make it up to you inother ways." The hand she still had on his groin began stroking the arousal that was popping up in his pants, making Finn's eyes close and a small groan escaped his mouth. "And for Vlad…" Her hand paused its ministrations as she looked around the room. "Where is Vlad?"

Finn's hand snaked under the blanket to get her to resume what she had been doing. "He's at Puck's," he murmured as he reached his head up to kiss that spot behind her ear that drove her wild, hoping it would distract her from his words.

It didn't.

Rachel shot up, sitting back on her knees as she stared at him. "What do you mean, he's at Noah's? Explain, now." She crossed her arms, looking at Finn expectantly.

Damn PMS. He could practically see her morphing into Super Scary PMS Rachel.

"Yeah, uh, Puck kinda wanted to, uh, borrow Vlad."

"Borrow Vlad?" she asked skeptically, still staring at him.

"Yeah, uh, cause he's uh, such a ladies man," Finn replied as he sat up, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Ladies man?" Rachel's face was unreadable, and he couldn't tell how pissed she was yet.

"Yeah, uh, well, Puck was jealous because Vlad and I were getting all the girls, they kept buying me drinks and ignoring him, so he decided he needed to borrow Vlad," Finn blurted out, realizing too late what he'd said.

Rachel's eyes narrowed. "Girls were buying you drinks?"

Shit. He quickly tried to backtrack. "Ray, it wasn't like that. I told every girl who came over that I had a girlfriend. Ask Puck, he'll tell you. He was just mad because girls kept giving me their numbers after they petted Vlad and asking me to meet them in the bathroom, and not him, that's why he wanted to borrow Vlad."

Rachel's eyes were practically slits. She said nothing, which Finn knew from experience was far more dangerous than her exploding. He actually preferred when she exploded, because it meant that she wasn't that furious. A silent Rachel meant it was time for major Damage Control. "Baby, I-"

Rachel held up a hand to quiet him. "Putting aside the fact that girls wanted to show you a good time, I cannot believe that you loaned out our dog for a night of whoring with Noah. What are you, Vlad's Pimp?"

"They're not going whoring. Vlad's just hanging out with Puck at his apartment, watching a movie with him and Quinn," Finn defended, hoping this would alleviate Rachel a little.

"Quinn?" she hissed. "As in the Quinn who was in on that bet?"

Uh oh. Big mistake.

Once again, Finn found himself trying to repair the damage from the word vomit he'd just had. "Well, see, we ran into Quinn at the park, while Puck was trying to get Vlad to like him, and-"

"Save it." The tone of her voice immediately stopped him mid-sentence. Slowly she climbed off the couch, taking the pink blanket with her.

"Babe, where are you going?" he asked as he watched her walk down the hall.

"To bed." She turned around, one hand on her hip, as the pink blanket pooled on the floor around her. "Alone."

"What? You're locking me out of my own bedroom?" Finn cried, once again realizing what he'd said too late.

"Yes, and you can sleep on your couch. Good night, Finnegan." She turned to walk towards his bedroom.

Shit. She must be really pissed. She only ever called him by his given name if she was really furious. "But you took the couch blanket! What am I supposed to use?"

"Ask Vlad. Maybe if you're cold he could find you a girl to meet you in the bathroom and warm you up," she called over her shoulder before shutting and locking his bedroom door.

Finn listened to the lock turning dejectedly, flopping down onto the couch with a loud sigh. He hoped Puck's night with Quinn was worth it; because he was gonna kill Puck when he saw him tomorrow.


Puck was seething.

Quinn had been here for an hour and a half and not only did she still have her clothes on, she was currently sitting on the opposite couch from him, actually watching the movie. He glanced at Quinn's left hand, eyes narrowing when he realized what her hand was doing. He followed her hand as it idly stroked Vlad, who was currently on his back, little paws in the air, allowing Quinn to give him a belly rub.

The Chihuahua seemed to have taken Puck's directive to 'do what you gotta do' seriously, because from the moment Quinn had stepped through the door, Vlad had been in his 'Sweet Chihuahua' act, which would have been fine, except for one thing.

He refused to let Puck near Quinn.

It had started the second Quinn greeted Puck. He'd leaned in to kiss her, earning a growl and a bite to the pants leg from Vlad. He'd tried to shove Vlad with his foot, only to have Vlad clamp harder onto his pants. Quinn had noticed what was going on and immediately bent down to scoop Vlad into her arms. Vlad had immediately turned into sweet dog and Puck could swear he saw a dog version of a smirk on Vlad's face as Quinn rocked him in her arms.

Ever since then, Vlad had been at Quinn's side, growling at Puck whenever he attempted to get near Quinn or sit near Quinn. He'd tried everything to distract Vlad, but nothing could get him away from Quinn's magic fingers. The Cheez-It ploy had been rendered ineffective, since he discovered the box was now empty.

He glared at Vlad again. It figured that Berry's dog would be a pain in the ass like she was.

Quinn was no help, since she found all of it adorable, which made Puck seethe even more. She should be stroking his (preferably naked) stomach, not Vlad's. The dog was totally violating the Bro Code rule #62, which clearly stated the rules for calling dibs on a girl. Puck had known her for months, so Vlad had no case, yet Vlad was the one currently sitting next to her.

Wait a minute. Vlad was not sitting next to her. Puck looked around quickly, he didn't see Vlad but he could hear crunching, so he assumed Vlad was eating his dinner. Puck seized his opportunity and jumped onto the couch next to Quinn, pushing her back against the cushions.

"Bout fucking time he left. I've been lonely over there." He nuzzled his face into Quinn's neck, placing hot open mouth kisses there, while his hand snaked under her shirt.

"Jealous are we?" Quinn asked, as she trailed her fingers along his stomach.

"Like he could ever make you feel like this," Puck boasted as he felt Quinn arch her back once his hands found their desired spot on her chest, a small mewl escaping her throat.

Puck was so focused on removing Quinn's shirt that he failed to notice that the crunching had stopped. Vlad strolled back into the living room, ready to reclaim his spot on the couch next to Quinn. He stopped short when he noticed Puck there, and immediately, the hair on his back raised as a growl started deep in this throat. Puck continued to ignore Vlad, but unfortunately for him, Quinn didn't.

"Is he ok?" she asked from her position underneath him.

"He's fine," Puck promised, ignoring the growls coming from the floor, focusing on kissing Quinn and unbuttoning her pants at the same time.

"I think he thinks you're hurting me." Quinn pushed Puck away slightly to coo at Vlad. "It's ok, Vlad, he's not hurting me. Aren't you the cutest?"

Quinn's voice seemed to calm him slightly, since the raised hair on his back relaxed and the growling stopped as he turned and trotted away from the couch. Puck watched him go, a smirk on his face. That should show that rat who was the true Ladies Man here. "Good job Q."

He forgot about Vlad for a few minutes as he and Quinn continued undressing each other. Quinn was just reaching for the waistband of his boxer-briefs, the last barrier of clothing between them, when she paused, looking at something behind Puck. "What's that?"

Puck turned to see what she was staring at, but only saw Vlad's rear sticking out from under the coffee table. "It's only Vlad's ass. He likes to go under the coffee table." He placed her hands back on his waistband, more than ready to get his underwear off.

"No. He had something. It was clear," Quinn insisted, her eyes still staring at Vlad's rear end, which was now wiggling backwards as he shimmied out from under the table. "It looks like a condom."

"I don't know. It's probably one of his toys," Puck replied, getting annoyed. He was about to start guiding Quinn's hands in the removal process, when he realized that Vlad didn't have any toys here, which means that he had something of Puck's. Slowly, praying that he hadn't found another pair of underwear, he turned around to see what Vlad was up to.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that it wasn't a pair of underwear in between Vlad's paws; until he realized exactly what was there.

This was not happening. Vlad had somehow managed to find the sleeve that he used to 'relieve' himself during those times when he was alone and needy. The clear sleeve was meant to simulate a female's mouth when he slipped it over his junk, helping him to get himself off.

He glared at the small dog, who stared back with seemingly innocent eyes as he began chewing on the sleeve. Unable to say anything, he glanced at Quinn out of the corner of his eye, only to see her peering intently at Vlad, confusion written on her face.

He exhaled in relief. She didn't know what it was. He was safe.

His moment of relief was short lived, because Vlad promptly stood up and jumped on the couch between them, depositing the object in Quinn's lap. "That's not a condom, but what is it?" she asked as she held it up. "The shape looks familiar but I've never seen a dog toy like it."

Puck blanched as she held it between her fingers, examining it. He'd received it as a gag gift at a Bachelor Party, but this casual arrangement with Quinn had caused him to use it several times recently. "It's uh…" he stammered, wishing she'd drop it and finish getting naked. Instead, he watched with growing horror as she turned it different ways, teasing Vlad with it.

"Oh my God! Is that…?" Quinn asked as it dawned on her why the shape looked familiar, tossing it across the room in horror. Vlad happily scampered after it, bringing it back to the couch, as Puck nodded miserably. He glared at Vlad again, too embarrassed to look at Quinn.

If he had, he would have noticed her shoulders start to shake as she struggled to hold in her laughter. He looked at Quinn once her heard her start to snort and howl uncontrollably. Relieved that she didn't think he was some sort of freak, he started laughing too.

"It was a gag gift from a Bachelor Party," he managed to explain between bursts of laughter. He grabbed the sleeve from Vlad, who jumped off the couch prepared to chase it again, only to be disappointed when Puck placed it on top of the fireplace mantle, out of Vlad's reach. The dog began crying for his toy, staring at Puck hopefully. Puck ignored him as he pulled Quinn off the couch, picking her up and depositing her on top of the pool table. "Now, where were we?"

Quinn smiled and reached for the waistband of his boxer-briefs. She'd just succeeded in lowering them, when a small cry was heard. Quinn tore her lips away from Puck to look over at Vlad sitting next to the front door. "What's wrong with Vlad?"

"Nothing, babe. He just wants his toy. Ignore him," Puck directed, turning her head back towards his and capturing her lips in a searing kiss as Vlad cried again.

Vlad's cries snapped Quinn back to reality and she pushed Puck away from herself, looking at Vlad. "I think he wants to go out."

Puck groaned, looking from Quinn's naked form perched on top of his pool table to the Chihuahua at the door. "No, Q. I think he just wants his toy."

"No. He has to go out. Do you need to go bye-byes?" she called to Vlad, who wagged his tail excitedly. She turned to Puck. "Get dressed and take him out, I'll wait here."

"I can't go out like this!" he exclaimed, gesturing to his very aroused groin area as Vlad cried again.

"Well it's either take him out aroused or clean up when he pees by the door aroused. Take your pick," Quinn pointed out logically. Puck grumbled and pulled on his jeans and t-shirt, leaving his underwear on the floor. "I'll be in the bedroom waiting," Quinn promised, giving him a scorching kiss that did nothing to put a stop to his arousal.

"Come on, dude." He grabbed his cell phone and keys off the counter, trying to think of dead kittens and other horrible things to put a stop to the raging boner he had as he snapped the leash on Vlad and lead him towards the elevator.

"What kind of wingman are you? You've done nothing but cockblock me all night." He looked down at Vlad, who ignored him, sniffing the elevator walls. "I hope Finn's having just as much trouble getting in Berry's pants as I am getting into Q's ," he muttered.

Grinning manically to himself, he whipped out his cell phone. If Vlad was going to cockblock him, he was going to do the same to Hudson.


Finn flipped through the channels listlessly. He'd already watched the end of Mets game and the post game show, plus an episode of Seinfeld but Rachel still hadn't unlocked the door. He couldn't even change into his pajamas because they were in his bedroom. Figuring he'd give it a shot, he knocked on his locked bedroom door.

"Babe? I know you're mad, but can I at least get my pajamas?" He paused, hoping for a response. Not hearing anything, he continued speaking through the door. "Just so you know, I was only trying to help Puck. He really likes Quinn." He chuckled, thinking of Vlad and the underwear. "If it helps, I don't think Vlad's too willing to help him. He was running around Puck's apartment with a pair of Puck's underwear in his mouth."

Nothing.

Rachel really should have been a mime, he thought bitterly as he turned away from the door. She was excellent at giving the silent treatment when she wanted to. Sighing he went into the bathroom and took a quick shower, forced to put his boxers back on. He walked over to the hall closet, trying to figure out what he could possibly use as a blanket, frowning when the only thing he could find was Rachel's hoodie. Figuring it was better than nothing, he grabbed it and flopped back on the couch, draping the too small hoodie over his large frame before he resumed his channel surfing.

He'd just found one of those soft-core movies that Rachel never let him watch when his cell phone rang. "Hello?" he greeted, his eyes focused on the two girls on the screen.

"Your fucking dog has done nothing but cockblock me all night!"

Finn choked back a laugh. "I'm sorry, who's this?"

"Fuck you. Quinn's naked in my bed and where am I? I'm fucking standing outside with a raging boner, while your dog takes his sweet ass time picking a tree."

"Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go," Finn replied, not bothering to hide his laughter. "If that's the worst of it, consider yourself lucky. Thanks to you and your stupid plan, Rachel's beyond pissed and has locked me out of my bedroom."

"Good, you deserve it for having a dog like this. He refused to let me sit near Quinn, and kept biting my legs every time I tried to touch her, all the while getting Quinn to give him belly rubs. Then, when I made my move while he was eating dinner, he kept growling, until Q calmed him. So you know what that fucking dog did to cockblock me as revenge?"

"What?" Finn asked, muting the TV, the movie all but forgotten. "Lemme guess. He found a G-String and paraded it out in front of Quinn?"

"Worse. He found this gag gift that's supposed to help you get off. He brought it out and dropped it in Q's lap. She had no idea what it was, and was examining it until she figured it out and threw it across the room. Vlad thought she was playing and chased it and brought it back, to her disgust. Shut the fuck up, man, it's not funny!"

Finn howled with laughter, clutching his sides. "Oh, it's definitely funny. It almost makes my fight with Rachel worth it. Then what happened?"

"Pick a fucking tree, man! It's not that hard!"

"Puck!" Finn yelled trying to get Puck to concentrate. "What happened next?"

"I finally get Q back on track, naked and about go down on me, and your precious Vlad chooses that moment to decide he needs to go out! I've been out here for twenty minutes because he won't pick a fucking tree!"

A fresh round of expletives emerged from Puck's mouth as he heard Finn howling uncontrollably again. Finn managed to calm himself enough to say, "Well he should be good for the rest of the night. He'll probably go to bed."

He grinned to himself, purposely leaving out the part about how Vlad would expect to sleep on the bed with Puck and Quinn and would probably cry outside the door until he got his way.

That'll teach Puck for getting Rachel mad at him.

"Finally! I gotta go, Finn. Vlad finally took a crap, so now I can get back to Quinn. I...What the fuck? Dude, I just stepped in dog crap! He crapped again! I didn't notice and now it's on my fucking shoe!"

"Have fun tonight, man. I'll pick Vlad up in the morning." Laughter exploded from him again as he heard Puck spew even more expletives before he hung up the phone. He flung the phone onto the couch, clutching his sides as he gasped for breath.

Finally managing to calm himself, he lay back on the couch, trying to adjust the hoodie so that it covered more than a few inches of his chest. Grumbling about Rachel's diminutive size, he unmuted the TV, hoping it would put him to sleep. He severely doubted the wisdom of this plan when he realized just what the two girls on the screen were doing.

"Do I need to remind you that people are trying to sleep here?"

Finn froze at the sight of Rachel in front of him, her hands on her hips, although one hand was clenching his pajama bottoms. He noticed immediately that she was wearing the pink long sleeved pajama top and matching bottoms with the dancing bunnies all over them, pajamas she only wore when she was mad at him.

He hated those dancing bunnies.

"Sorry, baby. Vlad's-" he started, a fresh round of laughter erupting out of him.

"Are you watching porn?" Rachel demanded, throwing his pajama bottoms at him. "Ugh, I don't believe you!" She stormed back into the bedroom, slamming the door shut and clicking the lock into place.

Great. He'd officially made it worse.

Finn sighed, turning off the TV and pulling on his pajama bottoms. He sank into the couch, the hoodie draped over his chest doing little to keep him warm, one arm draped over his eyes. Laughter escaped from mouth as he thought of Vlad walking around with Puck's sex toy in front of Quinn.

Still chuckling, he eventually he drifted off to sleep, wondering what was going on over at Puck's.


"Alright, you little Mexican Rat. This is how it's gonna be. I'm gonna go in the bedroom and take care of business. You can go to sleep on the couch or under the table, I don't care, just stay out of my way. You're not rack jacking me anymore. Got it?" Puck bent down to Vlad level, since Vlad still wouldn't let Puck pick him up.

It had taken him a while to clean the shit off his shoes, since the doorman saw it and wouldn't let him enter the building with shit on his shoes. He'd been nice enough provide water for Puck, holding Vlad and watching closely as he cleaned off his shoes. Once he passed the doorman's test, he hurried into the elevator, anxious to get back to Quinn.

He entered his apartment, unhooking Vlad, who made a beeline for the underwear Puck had left on the floor. Puck watched as he carried his prize under the coffee table, not particularly caring if Vlad had them, as long as it would keep him busy. He hurried to the bedroom, his pupils dilating when he saw Quinn spread out seductively on his bed. Quickly shedding his clothes, he climbed on top of Quinn. "Now, where were we?"

Things were just getting hot and heavy when Quinn turned her head to the side for a moment, only to come face to face with Vlad, a pair of underwear hanging out of his mouth. Quinn burst out laughing, causing Puck to look up from kissing her thighs. "What the fuck, Vlad? Again?"

Vlad continued to stare, his tail moving from side to side across the comforter.

Quinn sat up. "Why don't you just call Finn and tell him to pick his dog up?" she asked with a smile. "He's really cockblocking you."

"You knew?" Puck asked incredulously, sitting up on his knees.

"Of course I knew; Finn brings him to work all the time. I just wanted to see how far you'd go to impress me." She leaned over to kiss him. "And I must say, I'm very impressed."

"Really?" Puck smirked, pushing her back on the bed. "Why don't you show me how impressed you are?"

"I will, but only after Vlad goes home." She handed Puck his phone. "Tell Finn Vlad's coming home."


"Hudson! Open up!"

Finn awoke with a start, falling off the couch and landing with a loud thud. He walked over to the door, opening it up before Puck could yell again and wake the entire floor up. "What the hell man?"

"If you'd answer your phone, you'd have known that I was bringing the rat back." Puck shoved a squirming, very excited Vlad into Finn's arms. "Hey, Berry."

Finn froze. He hadn't realized Rachel was right behind him.

"Noah. Are you done using our dog to lure girls? And why are you subjecting Finn to it?"

"Oh, don't get your fucking panties in a twist. You surfing the crimson wave? Besides, Finn wouldn't give any of those girls the time of day; he's so devoted to you. Every number he got he handed right to me and some of those girls were fine. You might as well stamp "Berry parking only" on his forehead. I gotta go. Q's naked and waiting." He ran off towards the elevator.

Finn looked down at Vlad for a moment before yelling after Puck's hastily retreating figure. "Wait! Don't you want your underwear back?" He grinned when he saw Puck's response in the form of his middle finger. He stroked the space between Vlad's eyes, avoiding the underwear still clamped in Vlad's mouth. "Sounds like you had quite the night, dude."

He walked back into the apartment, placing Vlad on the floor, who immediately took off for the bedroom, ready to get some well deserved rest. Finn watched him go; wondering what would happen if he made a break for the bedroom too. Not brave enough to try, he walked back over to the couch, laying down and trying to get comfortable.

Rachel stood silently in the hall, watching him struggle to cover himself with the hoodie before heading to use the bathroom. When she emerged, she checked on Finn, who was fast asleep, the hoodie having fallen to the floor. She moved to the couch intending to cover him with the hoodie, but instead found herself climbing on top of him, inhaling his scent. The pressure of her body on his woke him up and he immediately brought his hands up to weave through her hair.

"Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?"

"Did you really give every number you got to Noah?" she asked, her fingers playing with the hair on the back of his neck.

"Of course I did. I certainly don't want those numbers." He chuckled, thinking of what had happened at the bar. "Babe, I wish you could have seen Puck's face every time a girl came over. He couldn't believe they were ignoring him for Vlad. That's why he made up this whole scheme."

Rachel laughed. "That sounds like Noah." She kissed Finn's lips softly. "I have to say, I like the idea of Berry parking only stamped on your forehead when you go out with Noah."

"Baby, you know you have nothing to worry about right?" He kissed her forehead tenderly.

"I know." She snuggled into him, resting her head on his shoulder. Her fingers traced the contours of his chest muscles lightly. "I heard what you said before about wanting to help Noah."

"Ah, so you did hear."

"Of course I did. You know I can't sleep when you're not next to me." She leaned up to kiss his cheek, settling her head back on his shoulder. "I'm glad you're helping Noah. Maybe he'll settle down and stop being such a womanizer."

"I know you hate her Ray, but I really think Quinn might be good for him."

"I'll get over it," She picked up her head to stare at Finn. "Now tell me this. Why did Vladimir arrive back home with a pair of underwear clasped in his mouth?"

Finn burst out laughing, managing to tell Rachel everything that had gone down between Vlad and Puck. The two of them were soon rolling on the floor laughing, howling uncontrollably and clutching their sides.

Eventually, Rachel stood up, rubbing her eyes. "I'm going to bed."

Finn stared at her, hope in his eyes. "Can I come?"

"Stay on your side of the bed," Rachel cautioned. "I'm still mad that you whored out Vlad, but I understand why you did." She reached out to pull him off the couch. "Actually, there's just one stipulation."

"What's that?" he asked as they walked towards the bedroom.

"You have to get Noah's underwear away from Vlad and out of our bedroom."


A/N: It's super late, but I really wanted to get this posted, so hopefully there's not that many mistakes! The idea of Puck in competition with Vlad for girls makes me giggle, and I hope it does for you too!