Author's Note: Thanks again to everyone who reviewed/favorited/followed this story! I'd love to hear what you guys think, and any suggestions for how to improve my writing are welcome!
15 Years Later
I blocked a punch aimed towards my face and jumped to avoid my opponent's follow up kick. Seizing an opening, I coated my hand with a thin layer of reiatsu and managed to deal a blow to his abdomen hard enough to cause him to stumble back a few steps. Before he could recover, I darted back in with a flurry of punches and kicks. He recovered quickly and a jab to my throat caught me off guard. For a moment, I couldn't breathe and staggered. A hook to my kidney made me double over. The next thing I knew, my arms were pulled roughly behind my back and a knife was at my throat.
"Yield," I croaked out. Immediately, the knife was removed and my hands were released. I grumbled, rubbing at my sore throat. "Annnd…that brings our record to…"
"I believe it's ninety three to zero, in Mitsuo's favor," Tatsuya piped in, grinning, before handing me a cup of water. I gulped it down gratefully.
"Don't feel bad, Hisana," Kazuki added. "You've only started learning, what, a decade ago? And not full time either. Mitsuo's got at least half a century of experience on you."
"You've come a long way, Hisana." Horio said seriously. Then he smirked. "You've gone from being a shrimp who couldn't last two seconds in a fight to a shrimp who can't last two minutes in a fight."
"Hey!" I protested, scowling darkly. "I lasted almost five minutes that time. And don't call me a shrimp! It's not like you can talk. You're barely two inches taller than me!"
"Two inches taller is still taller, though," he taunted. "Midget! If I didn't know better, I'd say you shrunk during the last decade and a half!"
"DON'T CALL ME SHORT!" Having been five foot eight in a past life and not even topping five feet in this one had made height a rather sensitive issue for me.
"Any smaller and we won't be able to see you above the grass!"
"Why…you…" I growled and lunged at him. He blew a raspberry at me and danced away.
"Now, now you two," Tatsuya clucked his tongue admonishingly at us. It did nothing to hide the amused glint in his eyes. "Horio, try not to incense Hisana. Hisana, I'd prefer it if you didn't try to strangle Horio."
"Don't bother, Tatsuya," Kaori drawled. "Something about the other just makes them act like bigger morons than usual." I huffed, trying to ignore the way I suddenly felt like a little kid again. Sometimes, I wondered just how much being in a younger body had affected me mentally. At that moment, the door opened and Rukia peeked outside.
"Nee-chan!" She squealed, running over to me. "Are ya done? Didja kick Horio-baka's butt?"
"Oi!" Horio whined. "I can't believe you taught her to call me that."
"I didn't teach her nothing," I stuck my tongue out at him. "She came up with that all on her own. And no," I turned to face Rukia, "I sparred with your Mitsuo-nii today."
"Oh," she nodded knowingly, "So you got your butt kicked, then?"
"Why, you brat!" I ruffled her hair and she giggled. It was strange how people grew in the Spirit World. Hardly anyone died of old age, and it seemed to older you were, the slower you aged. At the moment, I was physically around thirteen or fourteen (meaning I still had hope that I would reach a decent height by the time puberty ended) and Rukia was around three or four. Mentally, she was closer to five or six.
"Is it almost time for dinner? Can we have pizza?" Rukia asked, turning to me with giant puppy dog eyes. In addition to French fries, I'd also managed to reinvent pizza, fried chicken, and funnel cake (a doctor introducing junk food to the world; there had to be some sort of irony in there).
"Nah, think we'll be sticking to rice and fish. Maybe we can have pizza tomorrow, huh?" I set her down and walked over to where Mitsuo was standing. "Okay, you know the drill now. Strip. Shirt off." I ordered sternly. Kazuki snorted from behind me. "Hisana, you're the only kid I know that can say that with a straight face."
"Comes with the job. When you're a doctor, modesty is the first thing to go," I retorted, staring straight at Mitsuo. He reluctantly pulled off his shirt and revealed a sizable purpling bruise, causing me to wince.
"Sorry," I whispered, hands already emitting a faint green glow. Brushing my fingers over it, I concentrated on repairing broken capillaries and numbing the pain receptors.
"You're getting better at doing that," he observed.
"Yeah, well, I get a lot of practice," I smiled wryly. He looked at me for a while.
"You are getting better at channeling energy when you attack, as well." I shrugged, uncomfortable with the praise. "Soon you will be at an acceptable level."
"And then I can start teaching her how to use weapons!" Tatsuya grinned, throwing an arm around my shoulders.
"I think I'll stick to patching you guys up for now. I get that I need to be able to defend myself, but sticking sharp objects into people isn't really my thing," I deferred. The thing was, though I was fine with dealing out a few punches and kicks, I still was a bit uneasy with attacking with a knife. Bruises and even broken bones could be recovered from relatively easily; a cut artery was something entirely different.
"Nonsense," Tatsuya waved my protests aside. "Your body type is much more suited for wielding knives. Besides, daggers are awesome! Mitsuo and Horio mostly stick to hand-to-hand, and Kazuki and Kaori both prefer swords. I need someone on my side too!"
I shook my head, walking inside to get started on dinner. "Don't bet on it."
"Nee-chan?" I felt a small hand tug at mine.
"Hmm?" I mumbled, from where I was preparing a salve that would help with healing bruises. "What is it, imouto?"
"Can you tell me about Kaa-san and Tou-san?" Rukia asked shyly. I went still, finally looking down. Rukia was avoiding my eyes while biting her lip nervously.
"Why do you want to know?" I asked carefully. To be honest, I should have expected this. It wasn't surprising that Rukia would want to know about her parents and it wasn't like I had any aversion to talking about them. It's just…sometimes it was easier not to bring things up from before the tsunami. The others had never asked, and in turn I'd never asked about their pasts; for most people, life before Rukongai was something of a forbidden topic.
"I was shopping with Kaori-nee-san, an' I saw a pretty lady carryin' a baby while holding hands with a guy. Kaori-nee-san said that the lady and the man were the baby's parents, and I was just wonderin' why we don't have them." I sighed, motioning for Rukia to sit down. Family was different in Rukongai. I'd never even heard of someone giving birth; if a couple wanted a kid, they'd usually just adopt. I assumed it had something to do with spirit energy, though I'd never been able to confirm it. People made their own families; it was rare to find family members who were actually blood related.
"You know that Kaori and your nii-sans aren't actually related to us right? Of course, they're our family in all the ways that matter, but they were all born to different parents," I started out. Rukia nodded.
"Yup! That's why me an' you look alike, but we don't look anything like Horio." She replied promptly.
"Thank Kami," I muttered, causing her to giggle.
"Kaori-nee-san tol' me Tatsu-nii found us a long time ago an' in-inmited us to join his family. But she doesn't know what happen' to us before that."
"Invited us," I corrected. "And that's right—we weren't always a part of this group. But back to your original question." I paused, hesitating. How do you tell your sister about the parents she had never known? Kaa-san's smile and gentle hands, Tou-san's enthusiasm and passion for his job…how do you put those things into words?
"We were born…in a village close to the sea," I began haltingly. "Kaa-san's name was Yukimura Asuka. She—she looked a lot like us. She had the same eyes as us, and long black hair that was always tied into a bun. Kaa-san was a wonderful cook; she could make a delicious meal out of the simplest things." I could almost see her then, welcoming me with a warm smile while chopping carrots and potatoes for dinner.
"Just like you!" Rukia exclaimed excitedly. I smiled sardonically.
"Something like that, though her meals tended to be a lot healthier. She was a doctor too, like me. Both our parents were, and she was brilliant at it. Always calm, soothing; she could make someone feel better just by being there. Tou-san's name was Yukimura Seichi. He taught me all I know about plants, and he was always so devoted to his job. He loved Kaa-san more than anything and was the best father ever; he'd tell me a story every night. He could always make me laugh," I trailed off, remembering evenings by the stove and his low, rumbling voice in my ear while Kaa-san laughed and sewed next to him. Something wet landed on my hand and I hurriedly wiped it off.
"What happened to them?" Rukia asked, eyes wide. I swallowed heavily before continuing.
"There was a tsunami—a giant wave. One day I woke up to an earthquake; nothing serious. But a few hours later, the sea was receding." Thinking back to that day was painful; I could remember the dawning horror and realization as if it was yesterday, the way I'd seen my death in that monstrously huge wave.
"It came back with a vengeance—a wave as big as twenty buildings stacked on top of one another. Kaa-san ran off to warn Tou-san; I don't know what happened to them. I took you and ran as far as I could, but it wasn't enough." Too late, I realized that it probably wasn't the best idea to tell a child how she died and lost her parents, and grimaced. Well, nothing to do about it now. I looked at a suddenly very quiet Rukia.
"They loved you, you know," I added. She looked up. "Even if you never knew them, they loved you. Kaa-san's last wish was for us to be safe. No matter what happened to them, just know that your Kaa-san and Tou-san love you very much. As do I." Rukia was silent for a moment.
"I wish I coulda known them," Rukia mumbled, fidgeting. I didn't say anything, just pulled her into a hug and gently started stroking her hair. In minutes, she was asleep.
The door creaked open, and Tatsuya peeked in, an uncharacteristically somber expression on his face.
"Listening in?" I asked, without looking up. "Hasn't anyone ever told you it's not polite to eavesdrop?" He shrugged, not bothering to excuse himself.
"I hadn't realized that you remembered your past. Most people don't," Tatsuya said instead.
"Most people don't want to," I replied. "It's hard, leaving everything behind. The living aren't the only ones who mourn."
"It's easier to forget," Tatsuya agreed, "And Rukongai is, before anything else, a chance for a new life. I'm surprised that you chose to remember—but then again, considering your situation, perhaps it's not such a surprise after all."
"Memories make up who you are," I shrugged, "And how can I hope to raise Rukia if I don't even know myself? I can't afford to forget." Tatsuya stared at me with an unreadable expression on his face.
"I don't remember much of my past life," he said suddenly. "And I never knew my parents. My uncle took me in for a few years before kicking me out, and I grew up in the streets. Funny, isn't it, how little things have changed for me? Street rat, vermin, trash; in life and in death." His voice was unbearably bitter and I swallowed, because Tatsuya was a lot of things, but uncertain wasn't one of them.
"You're more than trash," I said softly. "You told me, when you first met me, that I needed your help to survive. And that was true – I joined you because I needed to. But I stayed because I wanted to. I'm not speaking just for myself here; Horio, Mitsuo, Kazuki and Kaori, we all made the decision to follow you. None of us would choose to follow trash, and you've got a lot of audacity for thinking so." I glared at him. "Wallowing in pity doesn't suit you, Tatsuya. You're better than that." He rubbed at the back of his head, slightly embarrassed.
"Ah, you're right as always, Hisana." His face lightened, regaining its normal cheer. "Besides, with all the good karma I've been gathering over the past few decades, taking in little kids and cute little babies under my wing, I'm bound to be reborn as a king in my next life." I snorted.
"I wouldn't count on it, idiot. If you want to be reborn as a king, you'd better start praying to Kami now. And shoo—you'll wake Rukia." He smiled, dancing away. "Sweet dreams; you'll need your rest now. Because in a week, you'll be starting weapons training with me!" With that he walked away whistling, ignoring the way I rolled my eyes. At least he's not moping anymore, I thought. As creepy as his smile was sometimes, he just didn't seem right without it.
"So, where're the boys?" I asked, glancing towards where Kaori was giving Rukia a stealth lesson via stealing French fries. I smothered a smile; no matter how much she tried to hide it behind stoic faces and stony expressions, when it came to Rukia she was a giant softy. We all were, really. "And put those back; don't think I didn't notice that. Eat too many and you'll turn into a little potato yourself." Rukia pouted, but brightened up once Kaori whispered something in her ear. I didn't want to know.
"They're out at Watanabe's." Kaori replied. "Kazuki was bored, so Tatsuya suggested getting some quick cash." I nodded in understanding. Watanabe Hiruzen owned a casino, one of the more successful ones, and gambling was, ironically, one of the group's steadiest sources of income. It was amazing how good Tatsuya and Kazuki were at getting away with peoples' money without said people noticing. They practically had cheating down to an art.
"It's simple, really," Kazuki had once explained to me, "The trick to not getting caught is not taking too much at one time. Keep your wins relatively small, lose once in a while, and never go to the same place too often. The rest is all sleight of hand."
In the decade and a half I'd known them, Kazuki had only been caught a handful of times, and even then nothing major had come out of it. Hell, most of the gamblers there cheated from time to time, and so long as you didn't try to palm a couple thousand ryo, things rarely got serious. If things did escalate, well, that's what Mitsuo was there for. Kazuki was so good at what he did and he so rarely got caught that the idea that things might go wrong never even crossed my mind- which was why it was such a surprise when Kazuki burst through the door.
"Kazuki?" Kaori asked sharply. Both of us took in his panicked expression, the way he was limping slowly, the cut still bleeding sluggishly over his eye. Her expression hardened. "What happened? Never mind that, where are they?"
"Right around the corner to Watanabe's," he panted, "Horio got careless." I swallowed heavily, hearing the unspoken words he was all but screaming with his body language. A twitch of his hand towards the hilt of his sword; we have to hurry. A glance towards the door; they need me there. The fear on his face; things don't look good.
Kaori was moving before he even finished talking, grabbing her sword and dashing out the door. I was about to follow when a tug on my shirt stopped me.
"Nee-chan?" Rukia asked me with wide eyes. "What's goin' on?" I turned to where Kazuki was.
"I'll catch up. You go." He nodded before running out the door after Kaori.
"Your nii-sans just got in a bit of trouble," I said to Rukia seriously, "I have to go help them, okay? Listen to me. Until one of us gets back, you have to stay here. Please, Rukia, don't go after me."
"But I wanna help!" I nearly groaned at the stubborn set of her face.
"You can help by keeping yourself safe. If you follow me, then you'll distract all of us and we'll all be in danger. Just…just promise me you won't go anywhere." Rukia bowed her head for a moment before looking up again and grabbing my hand tightly.
"Then—then you haveta promise you'll come back!" She uttered fiercely. I paused stunned, for a moment hearing the echo of another child's voice, another lifetime. You're gonna be okay, right, Aunt Christina? The moment passed and I found myself saying, "Yeah. I promise you I'll come back."
The sun was setting by the time I made it to the fight. Sticking to the shadows, I watched unnoticed as the fight progressed and winced internally. Horio just had to go and piss off the leader of a battle-hardened group of thugs who were all easily three times my size, didn't he? And if that weren't bad enough, we were outnumbered two to one. Two of them were out for the count; judging by their continued breathing they were unconscious but still alive. Even so, they wouldn't be reentering the fight any time soon. Unfortunately, our side wasn't doing so well either. Kazuki's head injury had only gotten worse and was clearly impairing his sight. Horio was also limping and had a broken nose. Both Mitsuo and Kaori were bleeding from various cuts. Even Tatsuya, who was dancing around his two opponents with enviable grace and agility, was beginning to wear down from exhaustion.
In the chaos, I quietly made my way over to where two of the men were ganging up on Horio. Channeling a bit of reiatsu to my fingertips, I snuck up behind one of the men and, jumping up, pressed my fingers to the base of his skull. Within seconds, he joined his two partners in unconsciousness. Using the distraction, Horio punched his other opponent in the jaw before drop-kicking him in the gut.
"Not too bad for a shrimp, huh?" I asked smirking. He gave me the middle finger and went to help Kazuki out with his fight.
In hindsight, I really should have expected it. I had the least bit of fighting experience amongst the group and had the most reluctance to kill. Add in my petite, fragile appearance and all in all, it shouldn't have been a surprise that I would be the most targeted. With all my focus intent on simply keeping up with the gargantuan brute in front of me, I didn't notice myself being slowly led away from the others. Tatsuya noticed first.
"Hisana! Watch out!" He shouted. I faltered, hesitating for a brief second. The next thing I knew, I was being grabbed forcefully from behind and shoved into a painful headlock, thick arms cutting off my air supply. My hands reached automatically for my throat, trying desperately to do something, anything, to free myself. A knife poised straight at my jugular stopped me.
"Stop, before I slit her throat!" My captor barked. It's like a scene out of a bad Wild West movie, I thought hysterically. "Drop your weapons!" And I'm the damsel in distress.
"Why should we? Like we care what you do to her!" Kazuki yelled back. Only the faint tremor of his hands gave away how terrified he was. The knife dug in deeper and a whimper escaped my lips before I could stop it. I hated myself in that moment.
"On second thought," he glanced at me, an odd glint in his eyes. "She's quite a catch, for a street rat." Bile rose up in my throat as revulsion swept through me, sickening and vile. "How about we propose a trade? I'll forget about the…insult you've dealt me tonight. You'll be free to go and you have my word my men won't seek retribution. In exchange…you give me this sweet little thing. You have such pretty eyes," he murmured, now addressing me directly, "I'd love to see what they look like when you're begging me for mercy."
"You sick pedophile!" Horio screamed, breaking away from his position behind Kazuki.
"Horio, no!" My eyes opened wide and for a moment, I saw the world through the eyes of a spectator witching a movie, utterly powerless to prevent the events happening on film. I saw Horio tearing himself away from the group, lunging towards where my captor watched with taunting eyes. I saw Mitsuo reach to stop him, only a second too late. One of the men (monstersfiendsmurderers) intercepted him just before he reached me, grabbing him from behind, reaching up to his head and twisting—
It was so quick. One second Horio—idiot, idiot, reckless Horio—was rushing towards me, fury and righteous hatred and fear in his eyes and the next he was on ground, eyes blank, neck tilted at a horrible, unnatural angle, lying like a child's broken marionette.
For a moment, everything was still, the climax of a movie when everything freezes. Then reality rushed back and this was no movie, because no movie could ever, ever cause this kind of pain. I stared dumbly at the body, a part of me still disbelieving, because that couldn't be Horio, how could that be Horio? Horio was the loud, irritating brat who somewhere down the line became the little brother I'd never wanted but couldn't imagine living without anyway. The broken puppet on the ground wasn't Horio. It couldn't be.
But it was and the wall of denial began crumbling away, yielding to the tidal wave of grief and anguish behind it. Channeling my spirit energy had never come so easily to me before. Rage seemed to give me a focus and a determination that I'd previously lacked. Gripping the arm holding the knife to my throat, I sent a wave of energy down it, shutting down nerve receptors and muscles. His arm went limp and the knife he was holding dropped from suddenly numb fingers. I caught the knife before it hit the floor and, enhancing it with a layer of reiatsu, stabbed the man holding me straight in the chest. It slid through his ribs like a hot poker through butter. As he staggered back and collapsed, I stared at the blood covering my hands, stunned. Suddenly, I felt an urge to throw up and I bent over and heaved. It had been so easy, too easy, just a quick jab upwards to the heart.
A shove to my side caught me off hard and I tripped to the side. Looking up, I saw Tatsuya deflect a sword blow with his dagger. "The fight isn't over, Hisana. This is no place to be distracted." His voice was harsh, cold, with only the pain in his eyes giving away his grief. I nodded, pushing away my thoughts with the ease only years of meditation had given me. Everything from then on was a blur—stab, duck a punch aimed for my head, kick there, roll to avoid a sword. For a moment, it seemed like we would win. Mitsuo was taking on two of them at once, each move deliberate and utterly without mercy. Kazuki's face was absent of its ever-present grin, and from the corner of my eye I saw him slice his sword through his opponent's neck, nearly beheading him. Kaori's face was even more unreadable than usual and she calmly watched her enemy bleed out with cold eyes. I spun around, ducked in and tripped the guy sneaking up on me behind my back, sending him sprawling forward. And Tatsuya, Tatsuya was—
There was an odd buzzing in my ears. I stared in incomprehension at Tatsuya—Tatsuya who had a knife buried between his ribcage and continued to watch, unmoving, as the hand that knife was attached to ripped it back out, the silver now stained red. For an eternity, Tatsuya just stood there, a stunned expression on his face—and then he was falling, hand clutched to his chest, falling, falling, falling…
Vaguely, I heard a roar of rage coming from my left. Kazuki, I thought distantly, but I didn't glance back, couldn't remove my eyes from the impossible scene in front of me. Kept waiting for Tatsuya to get up again, to leap to his feet and continue fighting with that carefree, wild grin on his face. Get up! I wanted to scream, because there was something wholly wrong with Tatsuya, our protector, teacher and leader lying there helpless, weak.
A fist came towards my face and I blinked, avoiding it more out of reflex than anything else. I looked up to find the guy I'd tripped standing before me, an ugly sneer twisting his face.
"Aw, is the little girl going to cry?" He taunted. "Well, fair's fair. You killed our leader, so we killed yours." When I didn't react, he grinned. "What's wrong? Did you love him? You're a bit young to be spreading your legs, but—
Something inside me snapped and right then, I didn't care about morality, or self-defense, or the promise I'd made as a doctor (do no harm). I lunged forward, tackling him, managing to shove him down solely due to surprise on his part. Then my hands were at his chest, and I was channeling more and more reiatsu, shutting down arteries and veins until there was nothing but silence left. And then I was running to Tatsuya's side, kneeling down and checking frantically for a pulse. Tatsuya grabbed my wrist, smiling slightly.
"Hey Hisana," he said hoarsely as I hurriedly scanned him with my reiatsu. "Guess…I really messed up…this time, didn't I?"
"Don't talk, you idiot," I choked out. It felt like someone poured acid down my throat. I was beginning to panic; healing cuts and bruises were one thing. Broken ribs? Internal bleeding? A punctured lung quickly filling up with blood? I didn't even know where to start.
He coughed, and a trickle of red flowed down from the corner of his mouth. Dimly, I was aware of the sounds of battle slowing down. "Don't…cry," he said softly. I shook my head, wiping away my tears furiously and pressed my hands to his wound, trying desperately to stop the blood.
"You're going to be fine," I said instead. "You hear me? You're going to be alright." He smiled at me through bloody lips. "Lying…doesn't suit you." He choked slightly, his grip on my wrist loosening. "Pray…for me, will you Hisana?" Tatsuya closed his eyes, and went limp, the minute rise and fall of his chest finally stopping.
"No," I whispered, "NO!" Slamming my hands onto his chest, I sent burst after burst of reiatsu into his heart, trying to do something, anything, to restart it into beating again. When his heart remained stubbornly still, I began pounding my fists on his body. "You idiot!" I shrieked. "You…how dare you give up like that? You promised me that you'd take care of Rukia! You said that we'd be a family! Wake up! You…you can't die." I began pouring spirit energy into Tatsuya's body, hoping, praying that a miracle would occur, that my reiatsu would respond to my wishes and erase his injuries, that Tatsuya would sit up and grin and berate me for ever doubting him. A pair of arms slipped around my waist, dragging me away.
"Hisana!" I recognized Kazuki's voice. "Stop it! He's gone! There's nothing you can do for him now." I ignored him, struggling furiously against the arms restraining me.
"Mitsuo, let go!" I shouted. "You don't understand!"
The sound of flesh striking flesh seemed abnormally loud, like the clap of a bullet being fired. I lifted a hand to my cheek, still stinging from where Kaori's hand had struck it. "Kaori…" I said, stunned.
"You think you're the only one who's hurting? We loved him too! Him and Horio both!" Kaori was shouting, her emotionless veneer completely absent for once. Her eyes were red, and her tears mingled with the blood dripping from an ugly cut on her face. "They were our family too! So don't you dare say that we don't understand!"
"It's not the same," I screamed back. "I'm our doctor! It's my job to heal them and I failed! I failed! I couldn't save them! What use am I if I can't even do that?" I was crying now, eyes blotchy and choking on mucus, throat closing up.
"You're our doctor," Mitsuo spoke up, voice edged with pain but unwavering and steady. "And you failed in saving them. But we failed as well." Kazuki nodded, jaw clenched.
"We're the backup. You've never taken on the role of a fighter, but we…we should have been able to stop them from getting hurt in the first place." He looked away. "I couldn't stop Horio from rushing in and getting himself killed and I should have been there to stop that bastard before…before…" Kaori laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"None of us are free from blame," she said, looking me in the eye, "But the fault doesn't lie completely with us either." Her eyes hardened. "And we made sure that their killers regretted it."
"Come on," Mitsuo said softly. "I'll take Tatsuya and Kazuki can take Horio. Let's go home."
Funerals in the Spirit World were different than funerals in the living world. For one thing, souls were composed of reishi, spirit particles, meaning that after a period of time they would simply…evaporate, and their particles would join the others making up Soul Society. Maybe someday, the spirit particles that had made up Horio and Tatsuya would be reincarnated into new souls. It could be years before they were reincarnated, if ever, but looking into the flames as they devoured the two coffins in their midst, I couldn't help but hope that somewhere in the living world, two new babies were born.
Please, Kami, I thought, let them both have another chance at life. Let them be happy.
"Nee-chan?" I looked down to where Rukia was clutching my hand tightly. She'd hardly let go of it since I'd come back, covered with blood and stumbling in exhaustion. For all her youth, she knew as well as all of us that sometimes people went out and never came back. She'd taken one look at Tatsuya's and Horio's bodies and had known that they'd never wake up again.
"Yes, Rukia?" I asked. "What is it?"
"What—what will happen to Tatsuya-nii and Horio-nii now?" I closed my eyes, suddenly weary. Mature or not, Rukia was still very much a child.
"They'll be reborn someday, given new lives," I answered distantly.
"Do you think we'll ever meet them again?" She questioned, voice small. Pulling Rukia close to me, I bent down and hugged her tightly, burying my face in her hair. "I hope so, imouto. I really hope so."
"Hey." I looked behind me to see Kazuki leaning against a tree.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, lying back on the ground. It'd been two weeks since we'd lost Tatsuya and Horio and though the sharp pain of loss hadn't dulled, I was starting to get used to it. Sometimes, though, I'd look at Tatsuya's empty futon, or I'd be cooking dinner and automatically turn to yell at Horio to stop stealing food only to find no one there, and the house would just seem so empty without Horio's obnoxiously affectionate teasing and Tatsuya's quick, reassuring smile.
"It's getting late. Rukia was getting worried," he replied, walking over and sitting down next to me.
"I just needed to get away for a while," I answered his unasked question. "The forest—it's peaceful."
"And full of hollows," he returned, giving me a reprimanding look, but didn't protest further. "How are you holding up? And don't say you're fine," he added, shooting me a sharp look. "It's obvious you're not."
"Like you're one to talk, Mr. I'm-going-to-get-completely-smashed," I grumbled. "You're lucky I'm nice, or you would've been suffering from hangovers for a week."
"Ah," he said sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck. "Have I ever mentioned that you're the awesomest person ever? And don't avoid the question." I sighed, mentally saying goodbye to my relaxation time.
"It's just…I killed two people that night," I stated, looking down at my hands. Sometimes, I had to reassure myself that they weren't still covered in blood.
"That's right. I'd almost forgotten—that was your first time killing someone, wasn't it?" He said, before giving me a concerned look. "It's tough, I understand, and affects some people worse than others. You know you can talk to us, right? None of us will think any less of you for being bothered by it. A first kill isn't something to be taken lightly."
"I'm not bothered by it." I stated truthfully. Because I wasn't. Not at all.
And that's what really disturbed me.
Because I was a doctor and once upon a time, the idea of killing someone wouldn't have even occurred to me. Of course, in Inuzuri it was only a matter of time, but I'd always imagined that it'd be a last resort, self-defense, and that I'd be wrecked by guilt afterwards. Not once had I imagined that it'd be so easy.
Because in those awful moments of silence after Horio had crumpled to the ground, I hadn't hesitated to strike out with lethal force. And after seeing Tatsuya fall, blood dripping from his mouth, I hadn't hesitated when it came to dealing the killing blow. At that moment, straddling my opponent with my hands on his chest, all I could think about was that these people had taken two comrades, two friends, two brothers from me and I hadn't hesitated in using my reiatsu to stop his heart.
And that scared me, more than anything else. Because I was Yukimura Hisana, once Dr. Christina Dalton, and I was supposed to keep people alive. I wasn't supposed to feel a vindictive sense of satisfaction after seeing the pained expression on my captor's face when I'd stabbed him. I was supposed to feel remorse after stopping someone's heart, not a vague sense of regret that I hadn't made the death more painful. I wasn't supposed to take pleasure in the loss of a life.
"It's just…I hadn't realized how much I'd changed," I said finally. Kazuki looked at me for a long time.
"You know, it's only human to want to take revenge," he said. "You're not a monster just for being happy the people who took away your loved ones are dead." He reached into his yukata, taking out a thin, sharp knife I'd recognize anywhere, and handed it to me. My breath caught and my hand shook as I wrapped my fingers around the dagger's hilt.
"Tatsuya's dagger…why?" I asked, looking up with widened eyes. A bittersweet smile touched his lips, edged with something like pride.
"Keep it. He would have wanted you to have it." He got up and started walking away. "Take care of it, you hear?" I smiled slightly before getting to my feet and following, hearing the unspoken words. Look after yourself. It's what Tatsuya would have wanted.
Author's Note: I hope I kept the reactions somewhat realistic…please comment!
