Thought about writing this in second person… never done it before so don´t be too hard on me! J
Thanks to Becca for helping editing it!
III (Engaged)
You´ve already lived with someone before; only for four months but you know what Living together feels like. What if feels like opening the front door after a long day and finding someone else inside, waiting for you with some nice surprise.
What you didn´t know was how incredibly different it felt seeing Will instead of Carl at the end of the day. So unbelievably chest engorging.
Numerous times you´d wandered what would it be like being married to him, even when he had a wife and you were dating Ken. You know it was wrong, especially as you became a married woman as well… as you´d be starting your own family with a man you didn´t even like.
But you love Will… You love him so much you accepted his proposal to move in with him after you'd only been dating for a couple of months. Because you couldn´t stand saying goodbye every night and spending a weekend classifying your new cleaning articles instead of lazing with him on a Sunday afternoon. You´re not a slothful person, you are lively, but you can´t help to surrender to his arms every time he holds you close. He´s charming and you can have him all for yourself. After all this time. It feels like a dream.
And now you´re getting married.
You´re a bundle of joy. Constantly. And can´t wait until he watches you walking down the aisle wearing the wedding dress. Your wedding dress. Not a dress owned by your cousin or some dress you´d try on for another man. You want a dress for him; a dress to take his breath away. And then you want him to rip it off you. You want to indulge him. He´s been so patient. And you´ve been so insecure. Especially at night when his mouth would trail a soft path across your neck and you´d pull away after kissing passionately. You can´t help to feel guilty every time your eyes lock with his, every time you notice his darkened stare glued to your swollen lips. You can tell he wants you and so do you. But you can´t stop thinking about the mess involved.
Progress has been made, though. ´s therapy sessions work for you. You get to talk and she gets to offer a line or two that´d work miracles. But the implications of intimacy have been left aside for now. You know yourself so little.
Your cousin Betty called you last week. She´s getting married for the second time and invited you to the engagement Party. You´re not sure if it´s a good idea; the last time you saw your whole family was in 2002 and it didn´t go so well.
You remembered why the minute you walked into the room with white and lavender dressed walls. Everyone adored Betty; your parents in particular. Her hair was redder than yours and she was engaged to a ginger man called Bruno. His parents were German and unlike Will, he surely had ginger genes, according to your mother´s words.
You felt everyone´s eyes settled on you the entire evening, you could even hear the murmurs when Will kissed your cheek and whispered he would be outside. It was a lovely night.
Then someone called your name and you are surprised to meet who used to be your High School crush. Thomas. You couldn´t help to blush when realizing he knew your name and who were you, and asked him what was he doing there. He was the groom´s best man.
He lived in the Red Oaks, along with most of the people attending the party, that´s why you haven´t seen him in so long. You chatted and shared one or two drinks. The man with you caught his attention and you told him you were engaged as well; there was a sympathy smile he didn´t bother to hide crossing his lips. The Bloody Mary went down your throat and burned it; you didn't like his grimace and wondered what was on his mind. Maybe he reproved your relationship too, but you didn´t care. Thomas meant nothing to you but conversation flowed naturally. You couldn´t tell if it was the drink or his affability, but after a while you found yourself confessing you wished Will was ginger so he could avoid the awkwardness every time there was a family reunion. Thomas chuckled and mentioned something about how people were what people were, while directing you to a quieter corner of the room; the loud noises bothered him, he said.
Betty came minutes later to invite you join the dancing couples; you guessed her intentions. You knew she thought Thomas was a better companion than Will and you began questioning where he might be. You danced and then sat down on the bar, alone. Will was nowhere to be seen, but you´re glad for him. The questions and interrogations about his background were uncomfortable for both; it was better for him to keep his distance. Your parents were the only people who approached you to confirm your future wedding. You hadn´t told them yet, and had no idea where did they got that piece of information from. They looked upset, even offended and you were mortified; that was why a nod was your only reply and you allowed your mother to keep jabbering about not having ginger grandchildren and Will not being suited enough for you. They left and then Thomas came once more. He took you to the corner he liked so much and talked about something you didn´t pay any attention to. He was whispering something about Will rather close, something about how curious he was at your fiancée's lack of interest on your family. But you couldn´t listen, because you spotted Will walking decidedly towards you.
His hand was firm on your back, his whisper hoarse in your ear, urging you to accompany him to the bar you were at minutes ago. His mouth twitched when pointing to your ex-High School crush with his head and asking you why you let him corner you like that. His voice was hurried and he barely breathed between each word and you cocked an eyebrow at him, not knowing how to feel; whether you should be amused or offended. Some friends of Bettys are looking at you and you knew what were they thinking; that was ridiculous and you told him so. He took a deep breath and stared at you, realizing you´re not happy by his attitude, so he dropped it. But you´re perfectly aware he´s reluctant about it.
He disappeared again stating that he needed to get some air, and you wished that he would attempt making conversation with your family instead… Although it had pros and cons, you hated seeing him alone, but your aunts were pulling you constantly to them. You knew it´s your fault he´s all alone too, you could have gone to him, instead you thought it was better appeasing relatives you haven´t seen in years.
Minutes later, you found yourself in that corner Thomas was so fond of. How he managed to convince you to go there with him again, you don´t know; he asked you if you were ok. Of course you were, you only had a little argument with your fiancée. All couples did that, but he didn´t look persuaded and you began to feel bothered.
You didn´t know how much time had passed before a familiar voice reached your ears. There were your shaky legs directing you a couple steps away from Thomas to get a better view, to catch Will standing outside, talking heatedly to your parents.
Then you heard the word 'ginger' and 'freak' in the same sentence and your cheeks began burning. You could feel every single person in the room gawking at you and eventhough you had no idea what was going on, those two words were inappropiate to be said together; you just couldn´t believe his tactlessness. The place was crowded with redheads and your mind was running wild; you didn´t know whether to go shut him up or drag your feet to the car and drive fast back home. You couldn´t make up your mind because instantlyWillwas storming in, his voice raised, calling your name.
There was no one else speaking but him and you rushed to him, humiliation and upset written all over your face.
Soon you were both outside, on the porch, and he hissed for an explanation you couldn´t deduct. He declared something about not dying his hair and you couldn´t help a light smile from drawing your lips. He didn´t smile and acidly suggested you to marry some ginger fanatical to move in Red Oaks with the rest of the clan. Your voice was pitched when asking him what was he talking about and his was hoarse when replying that your ex-High School crush wanted to keep you away from him. The whole idea seems so absurd to you, but he kept stammering on about being left aside and you complying with Thomas attempts to be alone with him.
You were ready to reply when Betty interrupted you. She asked you to keep your volume down, because you were killing the mood and your apology came with tears and more apologies for leaving early. You could literally feel every pair of eyes from inside fixed on your nape.
Now Willis following you to the car and you call him a jerk. You have never called him names; you´ve never call anyone names, but you feel powerless.
You feel his eyes glued on you, but you don´t consent his need. The road is shadowy as the car advances through the lonely road. He says something but you sob and he shuts up. He tries again once more, but your choked words about jealousy and being deaf to other voices make him go quiet again.
You´re too upset to wait for him before closing the bedroom door behind you, he´ll come but this time you don´t know where to begin to tell him how mistaken he was. Anything like this has even happened. And you hate it; you always talk, and tonight there´s no easy path to take.
The door opens and his silhouette appears on the adjacent wall; you hear him move across the bedroom and grab his pj pants under the pillow. You can´t see the look on his face; the window is your only landscape.
"I´ll sleep on the sofa", you can tell he´s sorry and you´re sorry too.
"You can sleep here; I don´t mind", maybe the silence of the night would help you solve this.
"But you don´t want me to"
"Don´t say such a thing. You don´t know what I want", you want him to stay, but you won't play the victim role.
Almost a quarter of hour later, the mattress plunges under the weight of his body; his side of the bed is cold, and after mere minutes he decides to slip under the covers. It´s not usually like that. Usually, you would let your lower half wander to share a little of its warm with the sheets he´d use to wrap around himself. Not this time, though. Your back rises and falls, simulating composure that wouldn´t make any sense after an argument. You´re not calm, you´re upset and you know Will can feel it.
He sighs noticeably, "Em?" you can tell he feels bad "I´m sorry"
"I know", your words are whispered with a hint of frustration, "I know you´re sorry"
You can´t turn around; it wasn´t ok as he expected you to say. "Would you talk to me? Please…?"
"Why do you feel insecure about us?" You know him so well; his quirks and thoughts, but sometimes you don´t understand him, "I don´t know what my parents told you… or Thomas… I don´t care. You realized that was my cousin´s party? And the things you said…", you still can´t believe his behavior.
"I went mad…" you can´t tell he doesn´t even know how he let his jealousy make him so blind.
"I´m marring you", maybe he has forgotten that tiny detail, "How could you say I can marry someone else?"
"I know… You- I didn´t hear all the bells-", he breaths deeply and transfer his weight to his elbow, to face you. But you don´t comply his attempt to reach you.
"We´ve been living together since June…"
"Yes", he was ashamed
"Then why are you going insane?"
"I´m sorry"
"I know, but what about next time?"
In that moment you realize the how much your question has made him panic, "Em-Em, I-I", you felt his hand curling around your waist and his back completely pressed against your back, "There won´t be a next time. It scares me"
"Wh-"
"Losing you"
"Will…" his love was overwhelming and his lips brushed the spot behind your ear and the grip on your belly tightened, "You won´t lose me"
"We´ll be together?"
"Yes…" you want this man so much, he loves you and you have loved him for so long. You and him is all you can see. But you need him to understand that, instead of his diffidence. You need him to be strong, because you have never done this before. You don´t know how to. "We´ll have a family", you want a family so much. Your own family, "You want a family with me, don´t you?"
"More than anything"
"I want it too; but Will… You can´t-"
"I won´t ever embarrass you again… or hurt you, Em… For a moment, I thought that was what you wanted", his voice is low and reveals a tad of defeat, but you refuse to let him believe that.
"I want you. Us", you wish you can explain yourself better.
"I want so many things with you. I want you", he says huskily on your nape and you shiver and look at him above your shoulder. He means it differently than you, he has never put things so clearly on the table, "I really do… For so long".
You can feel the heat of his chest, his breath hot, so close to your mouth. And you don´t know what to do. Just by staring at you, he can send hot waves through your entire body.
His lips ghost yours and then his tongue is pushing inside your mouth, gently, although you can feel his desperation to mend himself.
The kiss is slow; your tongues slide together so easily it´s natural for you to relax and let his hand move down to your hips; up and down you your leg. It tickles a little. And the sensation spreads to your lower half, where his fingers are playing with the hem of your nighty.
You don´t want to pull away, because you know you´d have to tell him something and you have no idea what to say, except for 'it feels good'. But you´re too shy to do so. So you keep kissing him; you love the way his lips nibble yours and his breathing goes heavy. You notice yours going heavy too, but you are not expecting to moan when his palm finds the warmth of your belly. He smiles and you shift closer, attaching your bodies completely.
It´s odd not listening to that inner voice that would tell you to worry about where his hands were before touching you. For once in your life, you couldn't care less… as long as things don´t go where you can´t handle them. The limit in unknown; you´re not absolutely sure what that limit is.
The brushes on your nipples reveal you can manage that; in fact, no barriers are delicious and you suck on his bottom lip, suddenly you feel like not wanting any sheets or nightgown between you.
You find yourself panting the minute he touches you. Really touches you. You can´t tell how his fingers got to run across your dressed folds, but soon you´re bucking your hips on his palm and arching your back to press your behind on him. That´s when you feel him. His desire for you. And you gasp, slightly excited. He stops for a second and you look at him, eyes clouded with arousal you´ve never felt before. He smashes your mouths together and mumbles something you can´t quite catch. You whine softly and grind on him. You feel possessed, and your fiancée moans in your mouth. You´re both moving and the bed cringes. The sounds… you never considered them. It turns you on. The headboard, creaking so very low; the springs of the mattress creaking even lower… And Will´s growls; hot and guttural against your mouth.
For a moment, you can´t think; you try to understand the sensations hitting your virginal body but it´s impossible: if you break it down, it loses the spell. And it feels like magic, the wetness on your cotton panties, his tongue running breathlessly with yours and then making love to your shoulder.
"Will…" you can´t help to moan his name, this time louder, because you feel fire between your legs. You know this could be an orgasm; you read about them, but never experienced one. Maybe this is it… you struggle for breath when you feel your insides tightening and it suddenly holding back is impossible. Your thighs quiver and Will is wrapping you tighter in his grasp while you stiffen and call his name again. Maybe he knows… you pray he does, because you´re about to explode and don´t know what is coming next.
Everything is burning and his palm massages your core, to bring you down your peak. Your minty breath is uneven, never been so uneven, and he´s smiling but you´re shocked. "I love you", he says kissing your parted lips and you grinning coyly. He did know, after all.
But you don´t know a few things: you´re soaking; so you come back a minute later with a fresh pair of underwear and he excuses himself before disappearing behind the bathroom´s door. You know what he´s doing, but never imagined he´d be so edgy. You don´t want him to be.
You´d be husband and wife. And you want to learn how to be one. A real one.
He comes back moments later and hugs you, before apologizing for the last time in the night. You apologize too and kiss him lovingly while cuddling on his chest.
There´re still throbbing in parts of your body you never imagined there´d be.
Maybe marrying in white would be a metaphor.
A/N: Not really pleased with this chapter… Idk, it didn´t turn out as I expected…
