Barney strolled around the apartment, sniffing around. Clint was still sad and depressed, that made him sad too. It wasn't fun around here, he missed the huge blond, the crazy engineer, the color changing guy, even though he's scary, and the red-head who rubbed his belly every time they watched a movie. But he missed Phil most, his smile, the way he made Clint smile and his love. The older man loved Barney very much and Barney adored him.
He gave him a home and people to love.
Barney watched his friend for a long time before he made a decision. He jumped on the door handle and opened the door with his nose. The only problem was to close the door, he couldn't leave Clint behind without protection, or at least a closed door.
"Woof," he barked loudly. "Woof, woof."
Clint stirred blinking in Barney's direction, "Do you have to pee?" He asked half asleep.
"Woof, " Barney would have rolled his eyes if he were human.
"I'm coming," the archer got up, stretching his back. Wincing as his joints popped back in place.
Barney had different plans, once Clint reached the door he stormed down the corridor, hurrying down the stairs.
"Barney," Clint tried to follow him but lost sight of his dog between all the people on the sidewalk. "Where're you going?" Even his dog got bored of him.
Barney had two choices, HQ or Stark Tower. He had no idea where his second best friend was. He set eyes on the tower and decided to look there first.
JARVIS let him in, informing the Avengers about their little visitor.
"Barney," Cap scooped him up into his arms. "I missed you buddy."
Barney nuzzled Steve's neck, looking over his shoulder to find a trace of Phil.
"Doggiiieeee," Tony cheered. It was the first sign of happiness since Barton left.
"Why are you here? Is Clint here too?" Bruce put away his glasses.
"Agent Barton is not here, sir." JARVIS chimed up.
"Is he in trouble?" Steve asked worried.
Depends on how you look at it, "Woof."
"What are you looking for?" Bruce noticed that Barney's gaze wandered through the room.
Barney sniffed and sniffed but Phil's scent wasn't fresh.
"Are you looking for Phil?" Natasha appeared behind Bruce.
Oh he loved that woman, "Woof," he barked enthusiastically.
"He isn't here," she motioned him to follow her. "He's still in medical. Or rather in his office instead of resting in medical like he should."
Barney hopped off Steve's arms and followed her into the elevator. The Avengers decided to stay behind, it wasn't their business. Not yet anyway.
Barney hated rush-hour, waiting in a hot car while thousands of people honked and yelled was more than nerve-wrecking.
Thirty-five minutes later they reached HQ, Barney jumped out the open car window before Nat killed the engine.
He didn't need a scent to find Coulson's office, he knew the way. He had spent many hours there together with Clint. Sleeping on the couch or scaring fellow agents.
The door was locked and he couldn't open it. He whined with frustration while he scratched against the door. Phil was in there, he could smell it.
Phil stared at the door, he knew the sound. Barney's paws, scratching over the wood of his door. He put his hand on the doorknob before he even registered that he had moved.
He took a deep breath and opened the door, "Barney." Phil crouched down next to the young dog, scratching him behind his ears. "Oh, I missed you." He pulled his dog into a hug, clinging to him for dear life.
Barney barked happily, wiggling his tail. He had missed the man too. His scent was soothing and gave him hope just like he gave Phil hope with appearing in front of his door.
Phil's happiness faded as a horrible thought crossed his mind, "Did something happen to Clint?"
Barney put a paw on top of Phil's knee in a reassuring manor before he pulled on his trousers with his teeth, urging him to follow him.
Phil did what Barney wanted and followed him. After an hour they stopped in front of an apartment complex. The neighborhood was whether shabby nor rich, it was a nice place to live at when you belong to the better paid employees in town.
An old woman opened the front door and let them in, she was on her way to shop for groceries. She knew the dog and thought Phil belonged to William. It made her happy to see that the young man wasn't as lonely as it seemed.
Phil stared at the door of apartment 408. It was one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s safe houses. He knew that because he helped Fury to find suitable objects to build a network of safe houses around the world. He lacked the gut to knock so he decided to pick the lock and let himself in. It was better than getting the door slammed into his face.
Phil heard the safety lock of a gun, he turned around. Seeing his husband, well and alive, took a weight off of his mind.
Clint didn't lower the gun but his gaze wandered from Phil to Barney. The dog hung his head, laying down in front of Phil's feet. Barton returned his attention to Phil, the older man looked terrible. The circles under his eyes got darker, his skin lost even more color and he didn't fill out his tailored suit.
Phil remained silent, holding Clint's gaze while he ignored the gun aimed at his head.
The archer finally lowered the gun and put the safety lock back on, "Why are you here?"
"To take you home," Phil's eyes followed Clint's every move.
"So you can accuse me of cheating again? Look, I have no idea how I ended up pregnant even though you're infertile but she is yours."
"I got tested again. I had to know," Phil swallowed hard. "I'm able to father children, I don't know why and to be honest I don't care. All I know is that she's mine, and yours. I'm sorry."
"So you can knock me up?" Clint felt lightheaded.
"I can," Phil moved closer but Clint stopped him with a wave of his hand. "I'm sorry I accused you of cheating. I- I'm insecure and let the fact affect our relationship. I'm sorry for that. And the moment you told me you're pregnant I-,..., I was sure I can't create a baby, Clint. I believed I'm useless in that regard. An affair was the most plausible explanation for your pregnancy."
Clint closed his eyes for a moment he felt dizzy, he opened his eyes as strong arms enclosed him. He felt safe in his husbands arms despite the tiny fear that warned him from violence.
"Sit down," Phil guided him to the couch before he got a bottle of water. "Drink, slowly."
Clint nursed the bottle of water Phil gave him.
"Drink, it's not poisoned," Phil sat down next to the archer, not close enough to touch but close enough to feel his body heat.
"You hurt me," he finally drank some water.
"I know."
"Why?"
"What exactly? I did a lot of stupid things."
"Why doubting us?"
"I'm fifty Clint, I'm old and not as fit as I used to be. There are things I can't give you, or at least I thought I couldn't," he pointed at Clint's swollen belly. "A pretty girl can give you pretty children and a real home. A younger man can protect you better than I can, he can satisfy you more."
Clint exhaled loudly, "I would never have married you if I wanted a wife and kids. Adopting kids with you was what I dreamed of. I don't want a younger and, more potent, man. I want the man I love. I don't love you because you satisfy me. I love you because I love to talk to you, I love to laugh with you, to joke around, to have you around. Holding hands and cuddling is way more satisfying than sex, Phil. I though you knew all that."
"Deep down I do but..., call it midlife crisis. I doubt my worth, you're too good for me."
Clint began to understand what Phil was feeling, it still hurt but it made a lot more sense.
After ten painfully uncomfortable minutes of silence, Clint took Phil's hand and placed it on his swollen stomach, "Say hello to your dad, sweetheart."
Phil went still, his mind completely blank. He could feel a soft flutter within the bond, her presence beneath his palm, "Oh my..."
Clint smiled his first true smile in weeks, "she's happy."
Phil remembered how to think, "Hi little one. Nice to meet you." He scooted closer to Clint, leaning into his personal space. "That's incredible."
"Our girl," Clint whispered against Phil's cheek. "Do you want to keep her?"
Phil stared at Clint with wide eyes, "What?"
"I-, I never asked if you want her. I made the decision without you."
"Of course I want her, she's a part of you and me. She's our baby. Call me insane but I thank Loki for your gift and my, ability to impregnate you. I want her, Clint. I want her so much." The doctors crushed his dream to have children at the age of eighteen. The world stopped turning the moment he heard the word infertile and incapable to have children of his own. He mourned the children he would never have, avoiding day care facilities, play grounds and children in general until the pain faded into a dull ache whenever he saw happy families.
"I never thought I would be a father, sure I want children but...," Clint was scared to fail.
"You will be a wonderful father," Phil put an arm around the archer, pulling him against his side. "You will love her, spoil and educate her. She will love you to pieces."
"What if...?"
"You're nothing like your father or your brother, don't even go there. You are you, gentle, loving and able to provide everything a child needs. I may have doubts but not these things. I know what you're capable of and I know who you are." Phil kissed Clint's temple, one hand still on his husband's belly. It was hard to believe that his baby was growing in there. It was exciting and frightening at the same time.
"I'm not sure about me but I'm sure you will be the world's best dad. Your parents raised you well and your aunt did a damn fine job too," Clint leaned into the embrace. "You will make a righteous girl out of her."
"Of course I will," Phil's eyes were glued to his husband's lips. The cut was gone and there was no trace of a bruise left, as if it never happened. But it did, haunting him every night.
Clint was oblivious to Phil's inner struggle regarding his punch to Clint's face. The archer was tired and not able to comprehend what was happening around him. He fell asleep in Phil's arms.
Phil pecked Clint's lip before he laid him down on the couch, tucking him in. Clint snuggled into the fleece blanket's soft fabric while a content sigh passed his lips.
Coulson sat down in front of the couch, watching over his family.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Phil came by every day for over a week. He left his paperwork at work and focused on his family. Clint asked him about his work two days after they met again. Phil smiled at his husband and said that his work could wait. Hearing such a comment from Phil felt like a peace offering, or rather making amends for his crime.
"Dinner is ready," Phil did most cores around the apartment.
Clint put down his paperwork, he was still an analyst, "Smells nice."
"It's your favorite," the agent waited patiently for his husband to join him in the kitchen.
Clint enjoyed dinner with his husband but the distance between them was still there. They spent the day together but it was like walking on eggshells around each other. Phil was careful not to touch him too much, especially out of the blue, and Clint didn't know what to say to break the invisible barrier between them.
"You should take a break," Phil sat on the couch next to Clint, avoiding body contact if he could help it. Clint's beaten face still haunted his dreams and the hint of fear in his husband's eyes whenever he moved too fast burned through his soul.
"You're the one who could need a break," Clint put his laptop away. "You don't look well."
"I'm fine," Phil argued. He didn't want to sleep.
"No, you're not."
"But I will be," the older man smiled despite his depression. "Can I?" He looked at Clint's stomach.
"You don't have to ask," Clint shifted into a more comfortable position before he lifted up his shirt.
Phil's hand stopped inches from Clint's belly, not sure if it would cause discomfort for Clint or not.
The archer took Phil's hand and kissed his palm, "don't worry." He moved their hands to his belly, holding Phil's hand firm in place on top of it.
Coulson swallowed hard, closing his eyes. Clint's skin was so warm beneath his palm. He loved touching his husband, not only in a sexual way. He felt close to Clint whenever their skin connected, be it holding hands, a hug or sex. Phil was painfully aware of the fact that he threw it all away, all they had and all they could have. He threw it away because he was too proud to listen. To hurt to think straight.
Clint watched his husband like the Hawk he was. Phil was lost in his thoughts and his expression mirrored his mind's darker sides. Something haunted him. Something tortured him. But there was nothing he could do to help.
Their baby girl sent a happy flutter through the bond, taking her daddies by surprise. Phil's eyes opened instantly. He stared at his hand on the belly and let his gaze wander to his lover.
Clint's eyes were glued to his husbands slightly parted lips and the expression of wonder on his handsome face was plain adorable. He leaned forward and captured his soft lips with his own.
The kiss was slow and meaningful. Phil was unprepared and his mind needed a moment to register what was happening but he kissed happily back.
He needed Clint, he needed him so much.
"Come," the exhaustion in is handler's eyes grew. "Let's go to bed."
"I'm not up to naughty business," Phil caressed Clint's cheek. Slightly ashamed after the confession that he couldn't get it up.
"No sex," Clint led him into the bedroom. "Just sleep."
Phil borrowed one of Clint's shirts and crawled hesitantly into bed with his archer.
Barton pulled Phil's head onto his chest and placed their interlaced hands on top of his swollen stomach, "Sleep, Phil. You need it."
The agent closed his eyes, listening to his lover's heartbeat. It was way too fast, not soothing as it used to be. "Is she the cause your hearts beat so wildly or is it my fault?"
"It's the pregnancy," it truly was. Having Phil in his arms was soothing.
"You need more rest."
"That's the plan," Clint said amused. "Good night."
"Good night, love." After staring at the by moonshine illuminated baby belly for a long time, Phil finally closed his eyes and let the bond and his baby lull him to sleep.
It was the first night after their fall out that Phil slept peacefully, nine hours straight. Maybe their marriage wasn't lost at all.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"Here," Tony offered Clint his sandwich.
"Thank you," he took it with a smile, making Tony happy.
"Nice to have you back son. We missed you," Steve dumped three more pillows onto the couch.
"Missed you too," Clint took the pillows and build himself a comfortable nest. "You have to thank Barney for betraying me. In this case absolutely justified." He scratched the dog behind the ear.
It was awkward being home again, surrounded by his friends. He left them without a goodbye and they waited with open arms for his return.
"Yeah, good boy," Tony gestured Barney to follow him. Clint was sure Tony bought a steak for Barney or something.
"Can I?" Steve pointed at Clint's belly.
"Sure," it made him happy to know his family had his back.
"Wow," Steve gasped. "I can feel her," he envied his friend for a moment.
"Say hello to uncle Steve," Clint talked to his belly. "He will spoil you rotten, not as much as uncle Tony but enough to feel loved."
"Uncle Steve and uncle Tony?" Steve had tears in his eyes.
"Of course, you're family and you look too young for grandpa Steve," Clint chuckled.
"Grandpa," Steve frowned. "Uncle is fine."
"Thought so."
"Where is Phil?"
"HQ, something came up and he has to handle all the paperwork," Clint new Phil avoided him sometimes.
"He regrets hitting you," Steve was too observant for his own good but Clint loved that about him.
"I know," the archer let his fingers ghost over his lip and jaw. "I never thought he was able to raise his hand against me."
"It was a shock," Steve understood both sides.
"I know. We talked about it last week."
"You did?!"
"Yes. I understand his reasons but I need some time too. I got abused most of my life by people I loved. A part of my trust died that day, Steve. But I know that Phil will never repeat his mistake. I know him, he doesn't make the same mistake twice."
"That's a lot of trust."
"It's a last chance," one more hit and they were over. He endured enough pain to last a lifetime, he didn't need an abusive husband on top of it.
"Sounds fair," Steve turned on the T.V., "Super Nanny?"
"Sure," the archer leaned back, watching Super Nanny without Phil was strange but Steve made it alright. He wasn't alone, his daughter wasn't alone.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Clint had another appointment with Roe to make an ultrasound scan. "I know you're here," Clint said while he waited for the doctor. He could feel Phil.
"Hey," the agent gave him an insecure smile. "Why didn't you tell me?" He sounded so sad it broke Clint's heart. "I never got the chance to accompany you to one of your appointments."
"Then stop hiding from me," Clint reached out, offering Phil his hand.
The agent stepped closer and took Clint's hand into his own, "You're scared of me." He could feel it every time he moved too hastily or was in a sour mood.
"I can't lose my fear when you're never around. I have to relearn to read your intentions, I can't do that without you."
Phil took a shaky breath, squeezing Clint's hand, "I know."
Clint tugged his lover closer, Phil stumbled against the bed, "Heyyy." Coulson protested.
"I'm too excited to be sorry," Clint interlaced their fingers, resting their joined hands above his wildly beating heart.
"Your heartbeat is too fast," Phil worried. "That's not good for you."
"I know," he got meds against his high blood pressure. He wondered sometimes if he was strong enough to survive childbirth. He asked Roe for his opinion once and the older man told him with a grave expression that he couldn't answer the question. Giving birth bore many risks, even for strong and healthy women. No one could foretell the outcome.
"Clint?"
"I'm fine Phil, really."
Coulson kissed his lover, "I will be there, every step of the way. I'm not leaving you."
"I hope so," Clint returned the kiss. Doctor Roe's, 'aww aren't they cute,' forced them to part. They blushed furiously.
Phil watched in awe how his little baby moved inside his husband's belly. Doctor Roe said that Clint was right, it was a baby girl. She was healthy and strong much to their delight.
It felt so surreal to see her, her little head, hear tiny fingers and toes. She was so beautiful and perfect.
"Stubborn little gal," Roe shook his head. "She will out-stubborn both of you."
"She might become a doctor," Clint cheered. "Torturing the nurses and her fellow colleagues."
"No thank you, one Barton down here is more than enough. We love you Hawkeye but seeing you once a month is more than enough."
"Heyyy, that's mean," he whined dramatically.
"She will be an Agent, I'm sure of that." Roe scribbled something down on his clipboard, "She's a Coulson-Barton after all."
"I prefer a less dangerous profession for her," Phil disliked the thought that his girl could become an agent.
"Did you listen to your parent's?" Clint deadpanned, raising his brows.
"Shut up," Phil ordered.
Clint wore a smug grin, "Make me."
And Phil did, he captured his archer's mouth kissing him senseless.
"Love you too," Clint panted. Lips swollen from the kiss, "don't forget."
"Never again," Phil leaned forward continuing where they stopped seconds ago.
::::::::::::::::::::::
"What the hell were you thinking?" Phil yelled. Clint had joined the fight against Sabertooth and his men. "You're pregnant, Clint. In case you forgot."
Phil didn't trust his own eyes, as an arrow split a mutant's spine. The mutant had attacked him, wielding a huge knife. Phil wasn't prepared and had ducked just in time to avoid the first blow. A second later he heard the familiar sound of an arrow cutting the air. He looked up and caught sight of his pregnant lover. The archer stood on top of a thirty story building, gazing down at them.
"I didn't but he would have killed you," Clint followed them. He did that on a regular basis but it was the first time he got caught. He couldn't sit at home while his husband and friends risked their lives out there. He couldn't bear the thought of Phil dying without him around. What scared him most was one of the dreams he had since they ordered him to stay behind.
He dreamt about being in the tower, cooking dinner for his family. Their baby was still within his womb but it was about time for her to come. The scene shifted and he stood in the middle of their bedroom, surrounded by photos of Phil, and his buzzing phone in hand. Fury was on the other line, telling him how sorry he was and that Phil died in the line of duty. He was a hero and his death not useless. His legs gave out under him and the moment his knees touch the carpet he wakes up, every time.
"He could have killed YOU, and HER," Phil was so angry he shouted like a drill-sergeant.
Clint took a step back, he wasn't sure Phil could keep his hands to himself.
Phil made one step back too, he saw the fear in Clint's eyes and read the signs right. Some tension left the archer's haunted eyes once the distance between them grew.
"She needs you too," Clint couldn't bite back the anger that seeped into his voice.
"I will never meet her when you get yourself killed before she's born." That sounded mean even in his own ears.
"I can't lose you," Clint started to yell. "I can't do this without you."
"None of us will do anything when you get yourself killed. I don't want to bury both of you," Phil couldn't stop yelling. His anger was too strong. Their bond vibrated with anger and disappointment. Their friends could literally feel the tension around them.
"I was careful, I stayed far away and hid. It wasn't my smartest move but I don't regret saving you, but if it sooths your fears I will promise not to get myself killed before she's born," Clint couldn't shake the feeling that Phil was more worried about the baby than about him.
"I can defend myself." He ignored Clint's snippy remark, he knew he aimed to hurt with that one.
"I'm your right hand man," Clint was damn proud of it.
"You're not on active duty," Phil gesticulated in an aggressive manner. "Your new job is plain and simple. Rest, stay out of trouble and keep the baby safe. Simple isn't it?"
That stung, "No. It isn't." Clint felt like crying he hated his mood swings and wondered how women lived with them, "It's not easy to sit at home, wondering if you come back in one piece or not. It's not easy to carry her. It's not easy to have mood swings, aching joints and cramps because you're not cut out to carry a child. It's not easy to handle cooing nurses and grinning doctors, watching you like a lab rat. It's not easy to attend prenatal classes without a partner because said partner is busy rescuing the world." He panted heavily.
Phil stared at him with open mouth, not expecting such an outburst.
"Come, sit down for a moment will ya," Tony shoved him out of the room. "Bed, now," he changed his mind. The archer needed more than sitting down. He needed sleep, lots of sleep.
Steve was angry too but considered it not wise to get into his friends face. They needed to talk about an alternative. Clint wasn't the kind of guy to stay back when shit hit the fan. His action showed that he was aware of his duty as a parent, and not ready to sacrifice his own life. It was a good sign.
"You should take a walk," Cap suggested. "Calm down."
Phil clenched his jaw ready to argue but in the end he did as he was told and took a long walk.
Tony kept Clint company until the young man fell asleep.
"How is he?" Steve waited in front of the apartment, leaning against the wall close to the elevator and arms crossed in front of his chest.
"He sleeps," Tony put an arm around Steve's middle. "I worry about him. The stress takes his toll. He doesn't look healthy."
"I noticed that too," the blond guided his lover to the elevator. "I give, what was his name Roe right? I give Dr. Roe a call."
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Roe was anything but happy with his patient. "You need rest," he chided.
"I know," his head ached.
"You need more fluids, sleep and rest. And don't fight so much."
"I have a temper," Clint shrugged.
"Coulson and you are the most ill-tempered agents I know and I worked with all of them, including Fury and Hill."
"The funny thing is that we are still very much in love," Clint clung to his beliefs. "But we can't do it right."
"I saw you, the day Deuce stabbed you. His desperation broke my heart and I didn't know you back then."
"I have no idea why we can't talk like we used to." He missed their quiet nights on the couch, arm in arm and talking about god and the world. Their relationship worked very well for over ten years until now. Is it the baby? Doesn't he love me anymore?
"One more month to go," Roe hooked Clint up on an IV. "One month."
"About time," Clint chuckled. "I feel like I might burst any moment. I'm fat."
"Not fat. Pregnant, that's a difference." George injected a mild sedative into the IV line. "Sleep."
Clint closed his eyes and fell asleep almost immediately.
Phil returned from his two hour walk and went straight into his room. He moved as silently as possible. He could hear Clint breath, steady and regular, that meant his husband was asleep.
He slipped under the blanket without jostling his lover. He was proud of himself.
After a few thoughtful minutes he decided not to avoid body contact. He put an arm around Clint and snuggled closer. his fingers made contact with something familiar while they traced up and down his arm. An IV line. Phil switched on the lamp on the nightstand.
The IV bag was a little more than half-full. That explained why Clint slept so heavily, the doctor must have sedated him.
Phil's fingertips ghosted over Clint's handsome features, he had more wrinkles and his hair wasn't as faire as it used to be. It got a little darker over the years and it suited him well.
The last time he took some time to watch his husband so thoroughly was about two years ago, after a mission almost cost him his life. Clint's face wasn't the face of a 25 years old kid anymore. He looked his age but that made him even prettier in his eyes. Phil let his thumb slide over his archer's lip, staring longingly at them. Clint was so beautiful, it was hard to believe that he would turn 41 in a few months. Phil pressed their lips together, feeling slightly guilty for stealing a kiss. "I love you. I love you so much." His hand moved to Clint's cheek, caressing the smooth skin. He kissed him again.
