Dear Harry,
If you're reading this, then that means its happened. You've fallen in love for the very first time. This letter isn't one of the more serious ones-some might even argue that its not completley necessary, but this is an important milestone, and , as your mother, I feel I have the right to add my two sickles.
I don't blame you if you're rolling your eyes right now. Merlin knows that if my mum had ever tried to give me romantic advice, or, worse, share her own experience, I would've plugged my ears and la la la'd until she finally got the hint and shut up. I'm sure you want me to do the same (you have better things to do, am I right?), but, again, its what I would do if I was alive. You probably won't even listen; at your age, it seems like there's nothing else to know, but hopefully, the knowledge that it was one of your mother's dying wishes for you to read this letter will be enough to guilt you into it. I promise, it won't take too long.
Now that I'm thinking about it, there isn't really much to tell you. I don't want to ruin the experience by saying too much, and I don't really know all the details, so the things I can say won't be very specific. Honestly, I'm not even the most experienced on the subject anyways; I've had about two serious boyfriends in my life, only one of which I was actually in love with. I married him. My first love has been my only love, so I don't really know anything about heartbreak or naivety- at least not in that sense. Most of the time, thats something to be greatful for; I'm sure most people wish their records could be as clean as mine, but, unfortunately, it means that I'm not very knowledgeable when it comes to teenage romance. Not that I haven't experienced it, because I have. Its just that not every relationship has the ideal fairytail ending that mine did, and if yours ends badly, there's really not much I can say to comfort you.
In most ways, your father would probably have been the better person to ask (not that you ever asked me specifically in the first place); he's had much more experience than I have. I know for a fact that he started dating when we were in our second year, which was much earlier than the rest of us- save for maybe Sirius. I can't even count the number of girls I was forced to listen to sobbing when he broke up with them, ever since I turned thirteen years old. Your dad was a bit of a playboy, and most of his flings were good friends of mine-older girls who made the mistake of falling for one of the infamous Marauders, none of whom ever maintained a relationship that lasted more than a month (I'm not exaggerating). As the years went on, more and more girls began to give in to their charms-even the ones in my year- until it seemed they had collectivley snogged at least half of the school's female population-excluding relatives and younger students, of course. Even Emmeline-clever, sensible little Emma, dated Remus for a few weeks, and I'm pretty sure Marley snogged Sirius at a party once-though she denied it later. It took me awhile to understand the appeal; for most of our school years, I was immune. In fact, I was disgusted. The fact that these four boys basically had a fan club that worshipped the very ground they walked on; that they could take regular girls and turn them into sad, squealing, excuses for human beings, ticked me off to no end. I didn't get what was so amazing about them-in fact, I found them rather irritating- and furthermore, I resented that usually calm, rational girls were reduced to tears by the antics of four decidedly unremarkable young boys who quite obviously couldn't care less. Every two weeks, there was another idiot who claimed that they were different-that either James or Sirius or Remus (and sometimes Peter) had changed for them. Of course, they always changed their tune when either James or Sirius or Remus made out with their best friend a few days later; I'll never forget the Pink Knickers Incident of fourth year, when Victoria Fernando and Sofia Keller, a terrible twosome from the year above us, had an epic falling out in the common room that lasted a full 24 hours, after Sofia found her friend's favorite pair of pink knickers under her then boyfriend, Sirius', four poster. I don't think my eardrums will ever be the same, and yet, girls just continued to fall for their tricks, and I'm quite positive that if Sirius had begged for Sofia to take him back (which he didn't; he spent the majority of that day laughing it up with his buddies by the Great Lake), she would've done so in a heartbeat. I'm almost glad that you're father won't be around to teach you any of his tricks; I would absolutely die if you ever treated a woman that way. And trust me- it just made it a lot more difficult when he finally found someone he actually cared about.
I don't know how to say this, love, but there was once a time when I considered your dad to be my worst enemy. Somebody- your uncle Sirius, probably- may've told you this before -Merlin knows there are a whole assortment of different stories that he could use to try and amuse you involving our little rivalry- but I don't want there to be any confusion. To be perfectly honest, I don't think I really ever hated James- like I always claimed to- but there was definitely a time when I belived differently. The first time we met, he managed to insult not only me but also my best friend and my choice of house. The next time we spoke, on the first day after the sorting, he made fun of my hair color (I was very insecure about it when I was younger) by telling me that all of the red in the Gryffindor common room made me blend into the wallpaper. Over the course of the year, he wormed his way into my life, slowly becoming the bane of my existence. He, Remus, Sirius, and Peter formed their little gang and quickly began making a name for themselves. They pulled many a trivial stunt our first year, but for some reason, I alway seemed to be the focus of their pranks. Once, during our first flying lesson, your father and his friends rigged my broom to go about five times as fast as it was supposed to. Another time, they charmed my skin to turn different colors every hour for a whole day- blue to purple to green to yellow; I looked like a chameleon, and Madam Pomfrey could not for the life of her figure out how to break the enchantment. I figured it was a Sirius Black original (he was always the one with the talent in the Charms department). Anyways, this pattern continued all the way through fourth year, until I was sure that my opinion of your father would never change. Don't get me wrong, I detested all of them, but there was something about James in particular that rubbed me the wrong way. While the others' antagonizing started and ended with the various tricks they enjoyed playing on me, your dad took it a step farther. For four years, all he ever did was make fun me, trip me in the corridors, and sabotage my potions when I wasn't looking, among other things. In my mind, he was an arrogant, rude, irresponsible, bullying jackass, and I wasn't lacking in evidence, so you can't really blame me that it took three more years for him to make a different impression on me. I've always been very habitual, set in my ways, suspicious of any sort of change. It makes me look like a bit of an idiot, now, that I misjudged him so completley when we were so obviously right for each other, but I'll go to the grave swearing that he's not the same person he used to be. He grew up.
The change began in the beginning of our fifth year, though I didn't notice it at first. I think this was because I was getting just as much attention from him as I always had; and it didn't register that it was a different sort of attention until about a month into term. It happened after lessons one crisp October day; I was sitting out by the lake with some mates of mine when we were approached by the whole lot of them. It was pretty awkward -Emma and Remus had broken up over the summer, and hadn't really spoken since- but as uncomfortable as the initial greeting was, it was nothing compared to what happened next. Because just then, after about a full minute of forced pleasantries, James Potter looked me in the eye, ran a hand through his hair, shot me one of his famous lopsided grins, and asked me to Hogsmeade.
Now you have to understand; initially, I thought this was a prank. I thought that he had finally run out of cruel things to do to me and had settled for the lowest of the low; that he was so desperate to upset me that he would risk his own happiness. Undoubtedly, his plan was to take me on a date, turn me into one of his drooling groupies (as if), and then leave me, just like he did to all the others. My answer was automatic and completley reflective of my feelings for him.
'Are you kidding me?' I laughed. Usually, I was more polite about these things, but I mean, this was Potter. When he didn't respond, just cocked his head to the side an gave me a bewildered look, I tried to make it more clear. 'This is a joke, right?'
Now everyone was looking at me like I was crazy. Was I missing something? 'You hate me, Potter.' And I hate you, I added in my head, but it seemed rude to say it out loud. Not that I hadn't told him before; indeed, I had said many things to him in the heat of the moment that I would later come to regret, but it just seemed like the wrong time. He still looked pretty confused. 'What are you talking about, Evans?' he asked, his eyebrows furrowing. 'Do you think I'd be asking you to Hogsmeade if I hated you?' I snorted. 'Oh yeah, that logic is just perfectly sound. Potter, I'm not an idiot. Go find someone else to fool into bed with you; I'm sure you have plenty of other options.' As I said this, a gaggle of fourth year girls stumbled by, giggling and stumbling into each other when they caught sight of James, who winked before turning his attention back to me. 'Is that a no?' he asked, seeming shocked. Can't say I blame him, I was probably the first girl ever to reject him. 'Yes!' he raised an eyebrow, and the corners of his mouth twitched up a bit. 'I mean, no! Yes, its a no. I will not go to Hogsmeade with you.' And that was the end of it. He swept off after making some cheeky remark that I can't fully remember, not seeming too upset at all. I brushed off this slightly disturbing experience, succeeding in putting it in out of my mind, and went to Hogsmeade with my friends. James ended up going with some girl from the year ahead of us, whom he dated for about a week and then dumped just like all the others. I had completley forgotten about all of it after a while; on top of school and my new Prefect duties, I was having drama with Sev, and I didn't have time to worry about James Potter's failed attempts to make me fall in love with him. It didn't occur to me that he hadn't pulled anything else that year (yet) until, during one of our fights, Severus pointed it out. 'He fancies you! James Potter fancies you!' Those were his exact words. And they got me thinking. While I reassured my best friend that I knew James was an arrogant berk, it was true that he and his cronies had yet to pull any big stunts since we had come back to school, and through rounds and Prefect's meetings, I had come to discover that Remus wasn't actually so bad after all. Certainly, he was less conceited than the rest of them. When I got back to the dormitory, I voiced my doubts to Marley, who confirmed that the Marauders had seemed a little more tame that year so far. Years later, when I asked your dad about it, he said that he had been a bit shellshocked during this time. True, he had originally noticed me because, as he put it 'the summer had been kind' but when I said no to him, he was intrigued. He had grown up rich and pureblood, with houselves, a governess, a flat in Paris, the whole nine yards. He wasn't used to being told no, especially when it came to girls, and it was a habit of his to always go after what he was sure he couldn't have. It became more than that, obviously, but that was the initial reason for his advances; the start of it all. Not that I knew any of this back then. Then, it just seemed like he was messing with me.
The next time he asked me out was in the Great Hall, in the middle of November. I refused. He asked again two weeks later. I said no. His persistance was beginning to get a little annoying, and now, people were talking. It wasn't only Severus who thought that he fancied me anymore; I swear, everywhere I went there was a new rumor about how I had tainted his morning pumpkin juice with Amortentia (I was a bit of a Potions nerd) or threatned to chop his bits off, or something equally as ridiculous and unlikely. As time went on, his proposals only became more and more extravagant, until I was sure that he was only doing it to piss me off. My uncertainty about him faded away into an even stronger dislike than I'd had before. While everyone around me, including James himself, seemed to be realizing that he actually had feelings for me, I was only strengthened in my resolve that it was all one big joke, and it infuriated me that it was affecting my life so completley. What right did he have to mess around with my emotions? To turn me into another one of his countless public spectacles? I didn't want all this attention, I didn't want to be known as another one of the idiot girls who fell for all of his stupid tricks only to be tossed aside once he got bored with me, and it seemed unfair that just because he was determined to carry out his little plot, I was becoming one. Not only did I now have legions of fangirls glaring at me everywhere I went and attempting to poison my food, but Severus was always extremley touchy, James was following around my other mates, begging for advice about me, and all of this stress was making it difficult to focus on my studies, which the professors were noticing. It got to the point where your father was asking me just about every day, and I was seriously considering saying yes just to get him off my back. It was clear to me that the only thing attracting me to him was the thrill of the chase, so maybe if I finally gave in, it would all be over. I would probably only have to go on one or two dates with him; nothing official. He would get bored eventually. Looking back, I am so thankful than my pride prevented me from doing anything rash. Your father is the love of my life, truly, but I'm not sure if we'd got together back then that it would've lasted. There were things that had to happen first, things that we had to go through in order to be ready to be together. And the first of those things, something that would change our relationship and each of us individually forever, happened that very same year.
I already told you about the whole DADA O.W.L. debacle; I trust you don't need a recap. It was the end of the year, tensions were running high, and things got a little out of hand. Mostly, for me, the whole incident marked the end of my relationship with Severus, but as I've gotten older, I realize it actually signified a much bigger, more important change in my life. As I stormed away from your dad that day, after having told him off and (to my and all of the witnesses' knowledge) crushed his hopes of ever being with me for good, something inside him shifted. I sort of figured this out on my own, but James has since confirmed my suspicions, so I know what I'm talking about here. While I was yelling at him, your father discovered something for the first time. He actually cared about me. This was news to him, but once he realized, there was no denying it. His heart broke when I walked away from him that day, and he decided that he was going to make himself good enough for me, one way or another. I was no longer just a prize that he felt he had to win in order to prove himself. One day, I would be his, because when he wants something, truly wants something, there's no stopping him. Unlike him, I had no life changing revelations that day, but it was a turning point, even if I couldn't see it at the time. My life was about to begin; not just because of your dad or what was about to happen between us, but because of the war, and my friends, and all of the tragedy and joy that I was about to experience. That afternoon, as well as several other episodes that would occur over the course of the next two years, determined the person I was going to become, and while I didn't necessarily believe that sort of hogwash when I was younger (I was always a firm believer in shaping your own destiny; I thought things like soulmates and fate and karma were only romanticised by the people who were too scared to take charge of their own lives-a bit of a cynnacil world view, but what can I say?) it can no longer be denied.
Sixth year was...different, to say the least. For one thing, your dad stopped asking me out three times a week, for which I was greatful. At the time it seemed like he had finally given up, but I would later learn that he was using that year to...remodel, if you will. Become someone that he knew I would want to be with. Since Sev and I no longer spoke to each other, I spent more time with Marley, Dorcas, Emmeline, and Alice, and we became very close. I threw myself into lessons; my ambition was officially to become an Auror, and my Transfiguration grade needed some serious improvement. The war was officialy becoming a crisis, and Dumbledore was scouting students to join his cause, unbeknownst to us. In all truth, this was really more of a transition year. The real, big changes were yet to come; especially where me and your father were concerned.
That summer was uneventful. I spent most of it flaunting the fact that I was finally able to apparate and use magic outside of school; much to my sister's irritation. All of my friends were either on vacation or engaging in activities that were exclusive to people with their pure blood- which I obviously couldn't participate in- so for the most part, I was lonely. I didn't expect anything extraordinary to happen, and it didn't, until the very very last minute, on the 25th of August-when the letter came.
Now, by this time, I had been a Prefect for two years, and I loved it. I loved feeling like I had accomplished something; like I was somehow the best of the best. Ever since I was eleven years old, I had felt like I had to prove myself , and to be considered special in some way, even among other magic people, seemed like a huge achievment. Anyways, I adored the title, but I never really imagined that it would grow into something even better. I figured whoever was going to become Head Girl, in these time, was going to be from one of the old families, the type of girl who cared much more about her social status than her academic achievments. In other words, the exact opposite of myself. So when my Hogwarts letter came, and the envelope was a little thicker than usual, I didn't pay it any attention. When I opened it, and something small and shiny fell out, I was still a little confused. Obviously, it wasn't normal- nothing of the sort had ever come in one of my letters before- but I never woud've suspected that I, Lily Evans, hot tempered, Charms devotee, muggle born Lily Evans, could be chosen for that sort of honor until I picked it up and saw what it was. A Head Girl's badge.
I was ecstatic. Shocked-but ecstatic. My parents were so proud, and my friends were extremley happy for me. In fact, the only person who wasn't extremley happy for me was my sister, who acted just as bitter about the whole thing as she did whenever I accomplished anything. In the midst of all the craziness and celebration, it never occured to me to wonder who Head Boy was; the person that I'd be working with constantly for the next year. I guess somewhere, in the back of my mind, I just assumed it was Remus. He was a reigning Gryffindor Boys Prefect, and had been for the past two years, after all. Not to mention he was just about the most brilliant boy in our year. I knew Remus; I wanted it to be Remus. We were mates, sort of, and I knew he would work just as hard as I would on everything, unlike any of the other candidates. Because there were other candidates. Other candidates that I probably should have considered more seriously.
On September 1st, my family and I drove over to Kings Cross. My badge was all polished and pinned to my sweater (I reckon I looked like a right swot) and I was more than ready for my first day as Head Girl. My new partner and I were scheduled to head the first Prefect's meeting of the year on the train. Naturally, I was the first one there. As soon as we pulled out of the platform, I said goodbye to Marley, Dorcas, Emma, and Alice, all of whom made fun of me for rushing off so early, and sped toward the Prefect's carriage, already mentally preparing what I was going to say to everyone. Again, I wasn't thinking about the fact that I was about to meet the Head Boy; it was the last thing I was thinking about, until I heard someone else enter the compartment. I was on the verge of greeting them 'Hey Remus!' until I heard them speak. That voice was familiar- it didn't necessarily have positive connotations in my mind- but it was...familiar. I couldn't quite place it. So I turned around, and who do I see? You guessed it.
Potter. James Potter. And pinned to his cloak? A badge, identical to the one I had on. And the rest is history.
I'm not going to bore you with the details; we're your parents, I doubt you have any interest in hearing. Long story short; your dad had changed. Big time. I hadn't noticed it last year, because we hardly spoke, but once I got to know him it was startlingly apparent. He had always been a good person, of course, you can't just change your entire personality like that, but he'd been immature. Most people overlooked it; let him get away with things because he was handsome, and kind, and funny, but I hadn't, and that's why he fell for me. At least, so I've been told. The next two months, we spent virtually all of our time together (not entirely out of choice). We shared a dorm, did rounds together, and ran Prefect's meetings; becoming friends perhaps a bit more quickly than was strictly considered normal. I suppose we were just drawn to each other. Apparently, we were quite flirty, and I found out later that all of our friends (Doras, Alice, Marlene, Emmeline, Remus, Sirius, and Peter) had placed bets on when we were going to get together. Of course, he still fancied me, but I was oblivious, and I didn't notice. To me, it seemed like he'd totally gotten over me, which was unfortunate, because now that he didn't try to hide all of his good qualities anymore, he was the most amazing person I'd ever met. I was falling for James Potter, and as much as I tried to fight it, tried not to turn into one of his naive idiot fangirls, for some reason, I felt as though I was different. Not in that he was in love with me or anything, like they all seemed to believe, but we were friends, and I'd never seen him treat another girl the way he treated me.
We got together just before winter hols, a few weeks before Christmas. It was big and romantic and gooey, basically including everything that I had sworn I would never do in my entire life and all of the things I thought it was impossible to feel. Our first date was to Hogsmeade, naturally, which was gorgeous in the winter time, and he met my family a few months later, during Easter Holiday. Once we started dating, there was no going back; we were in love almost instantly and everything moved very quickly after that. Despite what I'd always said, I felt that was the proper way to do it, at least for us. We were engaged mid way through summer and married the following spring. I think you can figure out what happened after that all on your own.
Like I said, not every person is going to find their soulmate like I did. Generally, people don't meet their future husband at eleven years old or fall in love over the course of just one school year. Its almost funny that I, one of the most cautious and unromantic people I'm sure you'll ever hear of, ended up married before any of my other friends (save for Alice) living out this great love story. In some ways, I hope you have more opportunities to find yourself, more experiences, and in some ways, I want the exact same thing for you. It would save you a lot of heartbreak, I've learned that from watching all of the other girls over the years putting themselves out there, and, in truth, it is the best thing thats ever happened to me. I want you to find that person, the one who makes you forgoe all common sense, the one that drives you absolutley mad in a way that you can't quite explain, because it doesn't feel the same as when anyone else drives you mad. If you're with her now, all I can say is that you need to hold onto her, and that I wish I could've met her and seen you as happy as you now are. Because if you have found her, then you are happy, no doubt about it. Despite all that we've gone through, I've always been happy, and will always be happy, as long as your father is by my side. It the best kind of happy there is possible to be, and I am so, so thankful that you get to be that way, if you are, and if you aren't- well maybe you chose the wrong time to open the letter.
Love Always,
Mum
A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Obviously, this isn't the ideal L/J love story, lol, but it wasn't really supposed to be about them, so I hope it worked well enpugh! Please please leave a review saying what you thought, or you know, anything else. Just review :)
Disclaimer: I haven't been doing these. Oops :/ Anyways, I wish.
