"How was it?" my mother asks the next morning at breakfast.
I swirl my spoon around my soggy cereal and shrug, "Fine."
She takes a bite of her toast and stares at me, waiting for an explanation. But the truth is I don't want to talk about it. I want to pretend it never happened. Because it's not like I'm ever going to see him again. It was just a wish, a special one day thing that I can remember until I die, which isn't long from now.
"Was he cuter in person?" She asks, and I have to laugh.
"Yes mother."
"I'm sorry if we upset you by not telling you."
I nod, "Yeah I was pretty pissed at first."
"But then you loved it?" Trish asks, appearing in the kitchen.
"No." I say.
She sighs and takes a seat next to me at the table, "Well why the hell not?"
"Well probably because after he left I remembered how shitty my actual life is." I say harshly, causing my mother to clear her throat and go back to focusing on her toast.
"Come on Ally, lighten up." Trish says.
"Lighten up?" I say through gritted teeth.
"Ally…" my mother starts.
"No. I am just so sorry I'm not in a great mood all the time. It's probably a side effect of you know; dying!" I scream and bang my fist onto the table.
Trish pales and I stand up so hard my chair almost falls over. I run upstairs and into my room, slamming the door behind me. I stomp over to my bed and lie down. I want to feel bad about my temper tantrum but I don't. And the sad part is Trish is so used to this that it won't even bother her. She'll be back tomorrow.
After I calm down and take a shower, I throw on sweatpants and a tank top before going downstairs and joining my mother in the living room. She is watching some old soap opera and eating popcorn. She hands me the bowl as I take a seat next to her, staring at the television.
"You okay?" She asks.
I nod, "How's the show?"
"As ridiculous as it always is." She says and I laugh. I never understood why she watched the show since she thought it was so stupid.
"That was pretty harsh of you earlier." My mother says.
"I know, but you know me."
"You're a moody bitch." She says, and we both burst into laughter.
After watching an all day marathon, she goes into the kitchen to start dinner and I head upstairs to my room to lie down until it's ready. I can't fall asleep so I scan through social media on my phone and a picture of Austin Moon pops up. It's from a popular magazine. He has a white button shirt on, that's halfway unbuttoned and he's holding on to the side of it to reveal more of his chest. He's smiling just a little bit and his hair isn't as long as it was yesterday. It must be an older picture, but it sure is gorgeous.
My mother and I eat dinner sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table and watch the evening news. I think that my mother and I get along so great not only because of how close we have gotten since I've been sick, but because she's young too. She had me at sixteen. Her and my father were together since they were in middle school. They were madly in love, well so she thought. They had sex for the first time and she got pregnant. He had a rich family, and was destined to be a success and a kid would get in the way of that, so he told her he wasn't going to have anything to do with me, or her anymore for that matter. But that's okay. I think we have gotten along just fine without him. I don't think he ever deserved her anyways.
"Do you think you will ever date again?" I ask her. She looks at me with a surprised expression and laughs nervously.
"Where did that come from?" She asks.
I shrug, "I was just thinking about how much of an asshole that Steven was to you and that you really haven't dated. I think you should, so you won't be lonely."
"I'm not lonely, I have you."
"Mom…"
She shakes her head, "Don't give me that you're going to be dead soon bullshit. We will worry about that when the time comes. What about you?"
"Huh?" I ask.
"When are you going to date?"
I laugh, "Why the hell would I do that?"
"Why not?" She asks.
"You know why." I say lowly. And that's the end of that conversation.
One week later…
"I can't believe you actually got me out of the house." I admit to Trish.
She laughs, "Well it's just the park. It's not a very big step."
"It is too." I say, tightly the shoelace on my converse.
She pulls into the parking lot and we walk slowly into the middle of it where there's a big fountain. There aren't many people around, just a few joggers and a couple walking their dog. It's the middle of the day so people are working or at school.
We take a seat on the edge and I can feel sprinkles of water hitting my bare shoulders. The sun feels nice on my pale skin and I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. "See, fresh air is nice." Trish says and I shake my head, laughing.
"Yes it is." A voice says suddenly, making me snap my eyes open.
And there he is, standing five feet away from us; black plaid shorts and a white tank top with blue lettering, sunglasses pressed against his face. Maybe some people wouldn't recognize him, but I could never miss that mop of blonde hair.
"Good lord." Trish says.
"Austin?"
"Sup?" He says and I shake my head, "What the hell are you doing here?"
"I was in the neighborhood and wanted to see you and oh look here you are."
"Oh my god…" Trish mutters next to me. I shoot her a glare and stand up, walking over to him.
"Are you crazy?" I ask.
He takes his sunglasses off and looks down at me with a cheeky grin, "Why?"
"You visited me like you were supposed to, there's nothing about another visit. You don't need to feel sorry for me." I state, crossing my arms.
"Ally, I'm not visiting you again because I feel sorry for you. I wanted to see you again."
"Why would you want to see me again?"
He runs his hand through his hair and glances at Trish who is staring at him before he looks back at me, "Because I can't get over how good we got along, it didn't feel like I was just meeting a fan."
"Well that's what it was." I say blankly.
"I don't think so."
"Look Austin, you can't just show up like this. You could be seen."
"I don't care." He says calmly.
"You should probably…" I start but Trish interrupts. She pulls on my arm and shoots me a glare before turning to Austin and smiling, "There's a carnival tonight. We should all go."
He smiles, "Sure."
"You'll be noticed." I warn.
"I have many disguises." He says with a grin, "I'll meet you guys at Ally's house at seven." And with that, he's gone.
I turn to Trish and punch her hard in the arm, causing her to winch and rub it, "What the fuck was that for?"
"You're an idiot." I say.
"Why!" She asks, following me as I start to head back to her car.
"We can't hang out with him."
"Austin Moon wants to hang out with you; you'd be crazy to decline."
"Trish, he doesn't know how sick I am."
"What?" She questions.
"He doesn't know I'm dying. What if he wants to keep coming around? 'Oh by the way Austin I'm going to die soon so this friendship is going to be short lived'" I say in mock tone.
"You are such a downer." She says, "But I didn't realize he didn't know. But I don't think that should stop you from being friends with him."
"I think it's a great reason." I say.
After hours of Trish trying to make me dress up to go to the carnival, I finally agree to wear a blue flowered sun dress to shut her up. Every summer in my town there's a carnival on Main Street, it's pretty much a really big deal, the whole town goes, which makes it really stupid for us to bring Austin.
"I can't believe he came back." My mother says as we wait in the kitchen for him to arrive.
"I can't either." Trish admits.
I shake my head, "He shouldn't have."
"Oh come on, just have some fun." My mother says.
"So you're telling me to go have sex and do drugs?"
Her mouth falls open, "When did I say that?"
"I can read you." I say, shrugging.
She rolls her eyes, "You're mental."
"I get it from you." I say with a smirk, and then the door bell rings.
