Hiya you all!

Were you satisfied with the last chapter? Anything good or bad you want to tell me? No? Well then the Third chaptair is up for you all to read. Still very happy that you want to read it! You're making my day! ^^

Previous Readers, I'm done with the fix of the third chapter. I kept it pretty much the same, but a few minor changes is in it. The whole chapter is from Raph's point of view, so you Raph lovers should probably like it. I had a bit of a struggle with this chapter but I managed to get it like I wanted it. I hope you will like it too.

Well, here you go. ^^


A Great Lost

Chapter 3: Birthday Party


Still a bit rattled from the.. I don't really know what to call it. Episode? Daydream? Edge of insanity maybe? Anyway, I was leaning against the wall just by the door to the lair. Donny and I had been waiting on Mikey for about half an hour and it didn't seem like he was finding what the hell he was looking for. It was really beginning to piss me off, but funny enough, not as much as it did Don. It was pretty amusing to see our normally calm and level-headed brother about to lose his cool. I was just waiting for 'im to have enough and stormed up to Mikey's room and dragged 'im down 'imself. That would kinda make my day.

"Finally!" Donny hissed and threw his arms up in the air as he turned around for the door.

Mikey jumped down from the second floor with the present tucked underneath his arm. As soon as I laid my eyes on 'im, I lost the grip of my temper. "What the hell, Mikey, we were supposed to be there already!" I yelled at 'im. As soon as he came into range, I smacked 'im in the back of his head.

Forced to take a step forward to not lose his balance, he took his free hand and rubbed the sore spot. "Dude, chill out some. I didn't know what to get 'im," he said. "Geez, ya really have to do something about that temper, dude."

"Ya said that ya had it fixed, ya bird-brain." I was about to smack 'im again when he dodged it and put a little distance between us.

"Did I?" He looked at me with a cheap smile. "Eeep!" He took cover behind Donny as I charged at him.

"Can we leave now?" Don asked as he opened the door to the sewers, completely ignoring Mikey when he was in the way.

From over our brother's shoulder, Mikey stuck out his tongue. When I gave 'im a menacing gaze, he yelped again and ran out through the door. Shaking his head, Don followed. I was about to go after them when I hesitated.

The three of us hadn't really been out together since that night. There was always someone who stayed back, having something else to do when we should get out patrolling the city. Though we didn't really have an enemy to watch out for anymore, other than the common street gangs.

"I know ya will."

Yet there was always that reminder that I needed to keep my eyes on them. That I needed to protect them and if I looked away for just a second, one of them would be gone. I was also afraid that one of them would catch me in one of my episodes which occurred rather frequently whenever I was out topside. They didn't know about it and I didn't want them to know.

Breathing in deeply, I gathered the courage I desperately needed and ran after them. I managed to catch up with them pretty quickly.

"Why aren't we takin' the battleshell?" I heard Mikey ask Don as I caught up.

Feeling the need of teasing 'im a bit, I answered him before Donny had the chance, "Cause ya need the exercise."

He turned to me with a disapproving face. "I so do not! I'm in top shape." He flexed his muscles with a proud smile to prove his point.

"When did you last exercise? I haven't seen you in the dojo in months," Donny said over his shoulder.

"At work-" His stern face fell short and he dramatically put up his hands and flickered with his fingers as got a haunted look. "-when I'm fleein' from the monstrous kids! They pull at my arms, jump on me and throw stuff at me!"

"I would really like to see that," I said with a small laugh escaping my throat.

"I thought you liked kids. Isn't that why you took the job?" Don asked when Mikey threw 'imself at the ladder which would take us to the surface and began to climb it.

"No, I like kids. I just hate kids at birthday parties! But there should be a warnin' sign when ya apply for the job!"

Donny grabbed the ladder and shock his head a little amused before he climbed up. I grabbed it and was about to step my foot on it when a funny feeling crossed me. I hesitated and turned to the tunnel behind me, having my eyes searching through the darkness.

"You coming?" Donny asked when he reached the top.

I snapped my head back and looked up at 'im, then back at the darkness. "Yeah," I nodded, though not sure if he saw it. When I was sure there wasn't anything there, I climbed the ladder and out of the manhole. . As soon as I reached the surface in the narrowed alley, I saw that Mikey had already got to the roof.

"Ya're too slow, dudes," he said with a smile and then turned around to smacked his butt at us. Turning my head to Don, he gave me a devious smile as he must have known what I was thinking. Returning the smile, we grabbed a hold of the ladder and pushed ourselves up. Once Mikey realized we were coming for 'im, he made that girly shriek he was so famous for.

When we reached the top, he was already running for the next building. Occasionally he turned around to pull mocking faces at us. We didn't hesitate one bit as we ran after 'im, trying to catch up to the natural sprinter. When he saw us coming, he shrieked again and jumped over to the next roof.

"Catch me if ya can." Hearing Mikey laugh like he once used to and Don act a little more like his old self made me think that maybe it was a possibility to have some of the old back.

Back then I hated running in the back. For me it was like there was an unwritten law that we should run in rank. With Leo being the leader he was always first and I was determine to be close behind if not first as I wanted to be leader. If it was like that with my brothers, I couldn't say, but for me it was important that I was never in the back. But it was different now, I preferred it actually. From the back I could watch them and in the same time keep them from watching me. Particularly when we were heading to April and Casey's. It took all my will power not to turn and run away.

Once we finally reached our friends building, Mikey said with a victorious smile; "And Michelangelo is the winner!" He made the sound of a roaring crowed. "The fastest turtle on the planet, here is Michelangelo! No wait, includin' the moon." Mikey put his arms in the air, looking up at the sky as Don sneaked up behind 'im. "No, no, wait, the fastest turtle in the whole galaxy! Ha-ha!" He turned to look at me gave me the thumb up as he proudly said "That is the Battle Nexus Champion, for ya!"

A smirk crawled upon my face which in turn confused Mikey. "Hey Battle Nexus Champion, what's tha on yah shell?"

"What, What is it?" He turned to look as Don placed his bo staff against his knees and pulled forward, making our youngest brother fall with a yelp on his shell. Neither me or Don could hold from laughter.

"And the Battle Nexus Champion's fifteen minutes of fame ended with a fall," Don said amused as he put his staff back on his shell. Neither me or Don could hold from laughter.

"Hardy har har, real funny, you guys. " He said, not as amused.

Once I stopped laughing, which wasn't for that long, I walked over to 'im and reached my hand out. It had actually felt good to laugh, I hadn't realized how much I needed it. My brother eyed the hand I offered suspiciously before cautiously grabbing it, probably expecting me to pull another prank on 'im or smack 'im again. I can honestly say that I was tempted to do both.

"Thanks, I guess," he said when he got up on his feet.

"Come on, let's get downstairs already," Don said and turned to the fire escape.

Mikey beat 'im to it and the smile he gave 'im was impossible to miss. Once Mikey was in his competition mod, he turned everything to a contest. And if he didn't need to be the clown, he loved birthday parties. Though he didn't need a profession to be one.

It didn't take long before I heard; "Here's the great Mikey!"

Don rolled his eyes and followed 'im down.

A smile turned upon my feature but died soon enough as my eyes caught sight of the building a few blocks away. My thoughts went down the same road it had done for the last three years. All the guilt, a bit of self-pity I guess, and honestly fear. Fear of staying and fear of running. I tried to hide it the best I could, though it was hard. Every time we were at our friends' place it was the same. But if I could run, I wasn't so sure that I actually would do it, even though it hurt.

Shaking my head in frustration, I pushed all the feelings aside and walked down the fire escape. I entered the apartment through the window and April gave me a delighted smile when I saw her. By the look in her eyes, she didn't think that I would show.

"You're finally here, we been waiting for you guys." She said with her warm loving voice.

Don gave her a smile and put a hand behind his head as he said; "Sorry it took so long, April. Mikey had a little problem with finding Leo his present."

"A little? It took 'im forever to find that thing," I complained as I closed the window.

"I can't help my room is messier than usual," Mikey tried as a defence. "Next time ya go through it."

Turning away from the window, I jumped into the armchair next to me."There is no way I'm steppin' a foot in there, I would probably get lost too."

Ignoring my clear insult to his neatness, Mikey turned his head around, scanning the room. "So... where's Leo?"

Flinching by the mention of the name, I rearranged myself in the armchair to conceal it. Though I was pretty sure Don caught it. He turned away from me as I met his gaze.

"Are the guys here yet?" Casey's voice came from the hall. A second later he entered the living room with the little birthday boy in his arms. "Hi ya, guys."

"Leo, dude, happy birthday!" Mikey ran up to them with one of his biggest smiles and the first real one I had seen on his face for months. Leo got a little scared, and was on the urge of crying.

"For cryin' out loud! Mikey ya're scaring 'im," I shout at my brother when he didn't back away. I grabbed the pillow from my back and I threw it at 'im. It hit 'im right where I had intended, right on the side of his face.

At once Leo started laughing and pointed at 'im.

"Ya think that's funny, do ya?" Mikey said joyful but faking a frown and tickling the air in front of 'im. "I'll get ya."

The now three year old slipped out from his father's arms and ran away from Mikey, laughing. Mikey followed 'im through the room and repeated; I'll get ya, over and over again. Once he caught the little guy, he began to tickle 'im all over. The rest of us laughed and smiled at the two.

Taking a good look at my brothers, I realized that being here was something they needed. At times I saw them still hurting, though they had accepted the truth much better than I had. Seeing them like this, made it worth hurting a little more, at least for a while.

Leo crawled out of Mikey's grasp. Before Mikey could grab 'im again, Leo saw the presents on the coffee table and asked, "Are those mine?" He looking between me and Donny while pointing at it.

"Yeah," Don said and handed 'im one of the three presents.

Leo sank right away down to the floor with the present between his legs. He began to tear the wrapping paper and in a few seconds the box with the action figure was revealed. With a big smile, Leo broke the box open.

A shriek that made all of us cover our ears came from Mikey's throat and he snatched the open box. "No! It's ruined! Ya're not supposed to open it!"

Not at all intimidated, Leo grabbed a hold of the bottom of the box. "It's mine and I want to play with it!" Leo said stubborn and slipped the Silver Sentry action figure out of the box. Mikey dropped the now empty box and snatched the figure back and tried to put it back in the box once again but Leo took a hold of its' legs and soon the tussle was on.

Rolling my eyes with a small sighed, my eyes meet Casey's. I pushed a small smile on my face. April returned from the kitchen with a cake and Casey helped her serve.


It was almost after midnight when we left April and Casey's. Leo had been put in bed about an hour prior our arrival. Honestly, I couldn't be more relived to leave the apartment. Don't get me wrong, I love to hang out with our human friends, but it was hard being around little Leo. Yeah I do love the kid, but every time someone mention his name, I flinch and there is like a small stab in my chest. I know they named 'im after our brother to honor 'im and all. I know I thought it was a good idea when they had asked us when he was born, but I didn't think it would hurt so much. It was another constant reminder of what we've lost.

My plan was that we would take the same route back, when I got the feeling that we were being followed. As we run over the roof, I tried to keep my senses open and sharp, making myself more aware of my surroundings without my brothers noticing my suspicions.

When we were almost a block away from the sewer tunnel and I still wasn't convinced that we weren't being followed.

"I think someone's following us," I said and my brothers turned their heads back at me in surprise.

Knowing the drill, we kept running straight when we should have made a left. Whenever one of us had thought we were being followed, we all took it seriously. Even back when Leo was alive we didn't need to go into the detail until we were all completely certain. We just kept on running in circles in hope of losing the pursuers or they showed up.

"Think or know?" Mikey asked when he finally made me caught up to 'im.

Ignoring 'im, I took the lead which had been passed down to me three years ago. The weight of it came crashing down on my shoulders and again I began to question myself why I had wanted it from the very beginning. Three years ago I wasn't ready and that had not changed three years later.

We were running in circles for about an hour or so. The frustration of knowing that someone was pursuing us, but refused to show itself, made my temper flicker. I had never been the patient one and it didn't take much for me to lose it. Still I was running like I had no idea someone was out there. Just going from rooftop to rooftop like we were out in another one of our patrols.

"Are we still being followed?" Mikey asked rather bored.

Gazing through the buildings, I said; "Yeah, I think so."

"If Leo was here, he woulda known for sure," Mikey pointed out annoyed. "What?"

I didn't need to turn around to know that Don had given 'im the death stare. Still it didn't help the temper that was threatening to explode inside of me. When I turned around to ask 'im what the hell he wanted said with that, the wrath in my mind took control.

"Shut yar fuckin' mouth!" I roared at 'im. Even if a small part tried to fight the wrath off, it was worthless. My hands curled into tight fists and with everything I had, I slammed one hard in his face as I kept screaming; " I ain't Leo n' I'm never gonna be 'im. Stop expectin' me to turn inta 'im!"

"Are ya crazy?!" Mikey screamed at me as he got his balance back. He was about to come at me when Don finally took the stance between us, blocking the way.

"Raph, what the hell are you doing?!" He demanded.

As I stared at my brothers, I saw the anger and shock on both their faces.

It made the wrath subside and I realized what I've just done. Not really sure where the wrath had come from, I suddenly got scared. "Mikey, I'm- I'm sorry. I didn't mean ta..." I didn't know how to put up the words in a correct sentence, everything had just become so damned fuzzy.

Still furious, Mikey shouted; "What the hell's wrong with ya, man? Have you lost yar damned mind?!"

"I don't- I don't know," I said in panic. My mind was screaming to beg for forgiveness but the words wouldn't even form in my mouth cause of the shock. My hand went up to my forehead as I felt like I was about to lose it.

"We better get home before something else happens." Don eyed me with an angry stare which dared me to say anything else as he turned to Mikey, still eyeing me. "It seems like we're not being followed, if we were they would have caught up with us already."

Mikey eyed me a second more before he too, turned and both of them left me alone on the roof. I was about to stop them, to apologize, but I stopped myself for a reason I did not know.

Alone on the roof, I felt myself almost go crazy. My hands was placed on each side of my head and I walked around in a circle, panicking. I had done some serious stupid shit in my life, but this took the price. Leo would turn around in his grave if he knew about it. If not just to come back as a ghost and torment me and kick my head straight. Damned, that was never meant to happen. I swore to protect my brothers, not to hurt them myself!

What the hell was happening to me? When did I lose this much control of myself?

I wanted to run. To escape the responsibility that had been placed upon me. I was really bad at it anyway so I would just do Don and Mikey a favor. The most dangerous thing in our lives was me after all. Ever since Leo died I had done nothing right. I had disappointed 'im, broken the promise I had made to 'im. The feeling intensified and I wanted to give in to it. I allowed it, my body turned around on its own and went for the direction it choose. I barely managed to take one step until I froze in place. The brain tried to work at what the eyes was seeing.

Standing on the other building, a dark figure was staring back at me.


Ooooohhhh! O.O What? Who? Spooky! If it was me, I would be creeped out like hell!

Would you? Please tell!

Fourth chapter will be up next-

Thank you for reading!

TBC...