Osaka, Japan; 2000.
"It's a hard dream to contemplate...
It's the reason to deliver."
The Sounder, G-Sides.
They had left their arguments and pet peeves behind in their manky tourbus and gone to a penthouse apartment for a party, and it had been amazing. The first big night of their success, all their friends with them at this new party world of lights and glamour, and it made 2D appreciate how well things were going. He was still riding the waves of their fresh, new success, and though Murdoc seemed to hate him, he seemed to hate everyone, so it didn't really matter.
And that was only on the outside. When they made music, when they did what mattered, Murdoc was all business and took everything seriously, even 2D. When they wrote and recorded Gravity, 2D had been singing on the roof in Jamaica with Noodle watching with the scratchy recorder, and when he was done, he noticed Murdoc in the shadows, watching; had been watching all along. Murdoc never said anything to him, but 2D sensed something pass between them, a new found respect from the other man. He didn't care if Murdoc hated him the rest of the time. If Murdoc's mission in life was to prove how much of a bastard he really was, 2D didn't care so long as they could make songs like Gravity. And maybe Murdoc knew this. Maybe it was the one thing that kept him from really losing it and killing him. But then Murdoc had knocked his teeth out less than 48 hours afterwards, so 2D didn't know what to think.
He was too happy to dwell on this at the party. The band hadn't seen each other much, sticking to different groups and having a much needed, refreshing break from their company after so long on the bus, each of them keeping a distant eye on Noodle, who'd been having a blast, running excitedly from group to group to demonstrate karate chops and roundhouse kicks.
By 3am, 2D found himself alone. Most people had gone, and Noodle had long been in bed, taken to the bus by Russel who had muttered about ordering pizza. Murdoc was nowhere to be seen. Probably up some girl's skirt somewhere. Probably a girl 2D had been talking to. Who cares, they had an album out. 2D laughed. It occurred to him that he was quite drunk. He looked around at the mess, pitying the owner while at the same time feeling quite happy that it wasn't their bus.
He wasn't tired yet, and decided he would go to the roof for a cigarette. He had to climb a lot of stairs, but the view was worth it. Pushing the heavy, creaking door open and crossing to the edge, 2D felt a little jump of pleasure when he was greeted by all those lights, hundreds and thousands of them. It was mesmerising, like being on top of a prettier world. Sharp intake of breath.
He had just lit up when he heard a noise behind him. Turning round, he jumped when he saw Murdoc. The older man must have been there all along, having nowhere on the roof to conceal himself, and 2D must have been too entranced by the lights, or too drunk, to notice him. He felt an automatic twinge of fear in his gut. Murdoc was his best mate, but he still didn't like being alone with the other man at the best of times.
"Hi, Murdoc," he said. He glanced behind the bassist to check for a woman lurking in the shadows, but found no-one.
Murdoc grunted and came forward to join him at the edge. He had a cigarette in one hand and a bottle in the other. "It ended sooner than I wanted," he grumbled, and 2D relaxed a little, recognising one of Murdoc's more matey moods.
"What you doin' up 'ere?"
He looked annoyed. "I could ask you the same question."
"I wanted to see the lights," he nodded at the view before him. "It's really pretty, innit? I 'aven't seen anythin' this beautiful in a city before. I 'ope we get a place with a great view, on a hill or something, anything with a balcony or.." He tailed off uneasily, and Murdoc didn't comment.
They stood for a while without saying anything. Normally, it would prey on 2D's nerves and he would start rambling again, but tonight he was feeling calm. He may be drunk, but the cool air and the threat of Murdoc's presence had sobered him up somewhat.
As if reading his mind, Murdoc flicked his cigarette away with one hand and offered 2D the bottle with the other. 2D was surprised but pleased, and took a swig. It was strong vodka, and 2D's taste-buds shuddered a little at the bitter taste, but he managed another few swigs, and was rewarded by the light and airy feeling returning to his head.
They did talk then, passing the bottle back and forth for a good half hour. 2D tried to step forward to put his second cigarette out the rail and stumbled mid sentence. Murdoc snatched his arm and said irritably, "For fuck's sake, watch it, you stupid bugger. Do you want to fall off a roof the week before we break America?"
For some reason, the thought struck 2D as helplessly funny, and he tried to smother his giggles with his hands and not look at Murdoc, not wanting to see if the bassist was equally amused or about to hit him.
When he had recovered, he stood leaning against the wall by the door, far from the edge, just to be safe. Murdoc threw the empty bottle in the distance, potentially blinding or killing someone, and 2D didn't have the heart to say anything about it.
They talked some more. 2D tried to explain how the song Gravity made him feel, how them being able to do that and bring it to the world struck him dumb, but he kept getting the words wrong. Murdoc listened patiently, as he tended to when it was about music, and eventually 2D just gave up and said, "It's amazing, isn't it?" Not knowing whether he meant the song or the view or their success or just everything, he just knew Murdoc would understand.
Murdoc looked at him a bit oddly then. Just as 2D was about to change the subject, he stepped up to 2D and kissed him. It was slow, firm and deliberate, not drunken, and not unpleasant. His abnormally long tongue entered 2D's mouth, which was slack with surprise, and he tasted of alcohol and cigarettes similar to his odour. 2D didn't know how long it went on for, Murdoc's languid tasting of him, but eventually a little sound worked it's way up and out of his mouth and he pushed Murdoc off. He felt hot and burning with embarrassment and fear, stumbling towards the door on legs he suddenly couldn't coordinate, and Murdoc didn't try to stop him.
He tripped several times on the stairs, and went down 3 flights before deciding to risk the lift. Struggling to unlock the tourbus door with shaking hands, 2D didn't relax until he had locked the door behind him and stood leaning against it. Russel was asleep at the table, a congealing pizza before him, and Noodle, presumably, was in bed. 2D went to bed himself, lying there in his clothes and shoes and on top of the sheets after giving up trying to pull them out. It was a long time before he heard Murdoc come in.
He woke up the next morning with a hangover and a stomach filled with dread, and frantic worry that he was drunk and confused and had somehow got things wrong, that it was he who made a pass at Murdoc and was about to be killed for it, but Murdoc didn't say anything to him. He'd never said anything since, and despite his comments about the singer's intelligence, 2D wasn't stupid enough to bring it up.
After 13 hours of travel, Murdoc locked himself in his winnebago for weeks, and 2D, Russel and Noodle only saw him sporadically when he emerged for food. 2D felt bad. He hadn't been able to help his reaction, but it hurt to think it may be his fault that Murdoc was behaving in that way. Yet, at the same time, he was a little relieved. It was hard to avoid someone in a tourbus, and he and Murdoc had just had to gone on like nothing had happened, brushing together to get past each other, sleeping in shared space, everything.
But most of all, he missed him. Murdoc barely spoke to him in the first place, before that happened, and now things were even worse. Finally, he got up the courage to go to the vehicle, to actually knock on the door on evening when he overheard the man say to Russel that he would be in that night. There was silence inside. 2D knocked again and waited. He knew better than anyone to attempt an entry. After a minute or so, noises from inside became audible, and the door was lurched open.
2D had to back up slightly from the smell. It wasn't exactly bad, as such, air freshener was mingled very heavily with it all, it was just strong. And 2D hadn't been in there for a while.
Murdoc was shirtless with his inverted crucifix prominent, in his usual low slung jeans with a cigarette dangling from his lips. He didn't bother addressing 2D vocally.
'What,' his eyes said.
2D cleared his throat. "Pizza?" he offered meekly.
There was a little interest in his eyes. He considered, and took the cigarette out. "Now?"
"If you want."
"Hm. Maybe. Hang on." He turned back inside and didn't emerge for a while. 2D could hear him rustling around. "Are they in the kitchen? Has someone cleaned it yet?"
2D frowned. He would have normally wrinkled his nose at the irony of the latter comment, but he was struggling to figure out the former. Then he realised. "Russel's uh, with Del," he said delicately. "And Noodle's eaten."
The rustling inside seemed to stop, and 2D was glad they weren't facing each other.
"You'd better come in, then," he called out finally.
He was nervous. Even more than he thought it would be, and although Murdoc behaved exactly the way he normally would, 2D sort of sensed he was feeling awkward, too. Not awkward. Murdoc doesn't get awkward. Something else. They ordered pizza, but they didn't eat much of it. They mostly drank, and played video games from what 2D remembered. He relaxed, Murdoc relaxed, they were back to normal. They fell asleep in a stupor on top of the purple at opposite ends the way they used to, and even through the haze of alcohol, 2D's relief was palpable.
