I think my brain is frying up. The average temperature during the past few days in my little area of SoCal has been well into the 100's (highest so far is 111 degrees). Luckily it's early right now so it's still cool.

So here is Chapter 3! Yes, yes, I know in How to Read in Matt's profile it says he dislikes going outside, and with him as an adult I have no problem picturing that. However, Matt as a child is a little different in my mind. I can't get rid of the idea that he would have liked playing outside when he was younger. I'm just not one of those who can stand to characterize Matt as the sad victim or the gloomy loner or the corner moper. I imagine him differently :)

On to the chapter!


As many little boys do, Matt enjoyed playing in the dirt. Now, he certainly liked his video games and activities that required one to be an absolute coach potato, and could remain enthralled with said activities for hours, but getting himself as filthy as possible outside in the mud was not something he would pass up. Perhaps it was because of the video games that this appealed to him; after all, what was more heroic than valiantly charging through bushes with a stick-sword, or crawling through mud with a plastic gun and army hat, or perching high in a tree as a lookout for your group of elite warrior-spies? It was called imagination, and after it had been fed on a steady diet of RPG plots and shooter-game action, it was more than ready to strike out on its own, bringing these video game fantasies to life. He didn't mind that he was usually alone in these activities. Mello didn't understand how one could win in a game that was purely in the imagination, so it didn't appeal to him. As for the other children, Matt found it far too much of a bother to have to describe his entire plot to them. Even if he did so, they wouldn't remember it and would ruin the whole thing. He didn't want to talk about what he was going to do; he simply wanted to do it.

He'd been particularly enthralled with his adventures that morning, during which time he'd finally had a playmate in his games that wouldn't demand explanations or mess up the plot. Of course, Roger had put an end his associations with that playmate rather quickly by shipping the dog out of the house. Regardless, that is rather off the subject.

Matt was usually able to avoid baths for days at a time, getting away with merely scrubbing his face and then settling into bed before anyone managed to see how dirty he was. He honestly had never thought of a good reason for why he didn't like baths. Perhaps it was the smelly soap; perhaps it was that he hated getting water in his nose. Perhaps was that he looked so ridiculously pink when he was clean. Most likely it was a combination of the three, along with the fact that he had gotten it into his head that being clean was somehow very girlish and being dirty was certainly the masculine thing to do. After all, the heroes in his video games were always dirty, and they looked very brave and warrior-like when they were covered in dirt from their long journeys and heroic quests.

He could never tell Mello this of course. That boy was almost always clean.

At any rate, resisting a bath was simply a necessary action if one was going to be forced upon him. Especially on this occasion, since Matt was certain Roger had something particularly nasty in store. On the way back to the House the man had begun babbling all these nonsense quotes about cleanliness that had been said hundreds of years ago by dead guys. Not that they had been dead then, but they were now. There could be no doubt that Roger planned to have every last speck of dirt scrubbed off of them, and not just today. He'd want them to be perfectly clean on Sunday as well and probably on every day leading up to Sunday!

Oh, the horror! The wretched unfairness of the predicament! Matt felt he was perfectly old enough to decide for himself when he should get a bath. So the moments they stepped onto the Wammy's House grounds, Matt was off and out of sight. He barricaded himself up in the tree house in the old oak tree behind the house, and there he remained as the sun began to set, playing his GameBoy. Unfortunately this wasn't an especially good hiding place, especially since Mello was gleefully against him in this case. Mello knew perfectly well where Matt would be hiding, and after letting Roger and L search about vainly for a while, he made the grandest "saving the day" act he possibly could, leading the other two traitorously to Matt's hideaway.

"He's right up there!" Mello said, as he lead L and Roger to the tree house. Near was back within the house waiting for them, and Roger simply didn't have the patience to deal with such a situation. He put his hands on his hips as he glared up into the tree.

"Matt, come down from there at once!" he said. There was only silence in response. "Oh, bother! Mello, go up get him down."

"I can't open the door," said Mello. "I think he's put bricks on it. A lot of bricks. The door won't budge."

"I don't have time for this nonsense!" said Roger. "Matt, do as you're told!"

Something suddenly sailed through the air out the tree house window, landing and splattering just at Roger's feet. A green water balloon. A goggled face peered cautiously down at them out the window.

"Stop bothering me!" Matt called down. "I'm not coming out!"

"Come now, child, this is preposterous!" said Roger. "You're filthy; you can't possibly live your life like a pig!"

"I can if I want to! This is a violation of my rights!"

"Rights! Rights? Ridiculous! You are a minor; you are to do as I say!"

Matt stuck his tongue out at Roger from the window, before disappearing again and launching a barrage of water balloons. At least one of them was bound to hit their target; and indeed one did. A particularly large red balloon popped upon Roger's head, drenching his suit. Both L and Mello winced slightly at the impact, and Roger slowly wiped the dripping water from his face.

"Roger-san," L began, only to be swiftly cut off.

"Not a word," said Roger. "I am going inside. I can't deal with these wretched beasts another moment. I want them bathed thoroughly and put into bed, all three. I don't care what it takes; I don't care if you must stay up all night. This will be done even if I must enlist Her Majesty's royal guards to do it! L, I never ask you for a thing. The least you can do is ensure this is done for me."

"I actually had a criminal report to finish, but-"

"I'm sure this easily takes priority," said Roger, his voice leaving no room for argument. "Now, I'm going to go have a nice large glass of brandy and go to bed. Good night, to the lot of you."

Roger turned and marched off, and Mello said quietly, "That man is going to have a heart attack any day now if he keeps this up. He's way too uptight."

L didn't say a word, instead circling the tree house slowly with his thumbnail between his teeth. Mello followed close behind him, nearly bumping into his leg when the young man stopped abruptly.

"Matt-chan!" said L, and half of Matt's face appeared above the windowsill. "Will you come down now?"

The little face frowned. "No."

"Are you sure?"

"Very."

"Ah, well then." L leaned down and whispered in Mello's ear, "You can climb there into the window, can't you? I'm sure you know how to make him come down."

Mello grinned. "Of course I can!" He gave L a salute before skipping off to the tree, climbing half way up with the rope ladder then taking an alternate route through the branches up to the side of the tree house. Matt looked down at him in horror.

"I'll push you!" he said.

"I don't believe you," said Mello, reaching up and getting a hold on the windowsill. Matt yelped.

"No! Stop it! I'm not coming down!"

"Sure you are," Mello tumbled inside, landing on top of Matt and wrestling against him for the GameBoy. "You're going down just like this is!"

Back on solid ground, L cocked his head curiously at the sounds of the scuffle. Several moments later, the GameBoy flew out the window, landing with a soft thump in the grass, and a shriek sounded from the tree house. There were several thumps, then the door flew open and Matt was down the rope ladder as fast as he could go, sprinting over to his precious toy. Mello followed much more calmly, looking terribly pleased with himself, and L got a hold on Matt before the boy could run off again.

"I'll take that," said Mello, plucking the GameBoy from Matt's grasp as L carried him over his shoulder toward the house. "Ooooh, level 23! I hope you saved it!" His fingers crept threateningly toward the off-switch.

"Mello-chan, don't make this anymore difficult than it needs to be," said L, beginning to sound rather tired. "Save the game for him."

Mello pouted, but did as L said and saved the game before stuffing it in his pocket. Matt had yet to cease his protests, none of which were very original or convincing, and L said at last, "Matt-chan, please think up a reasonable argument before you decide to debate with me. As it is I can think up a perfectly good response to every one of the points you've brought up. Your babbling is useless."

Matt almost immediately lapsed into silence, hanging limply over L's shoulder for the rest of the trip inside. Near was waiting for them just outside L's room, holding a yellow rubber ducky in his hands, and he rolled his eyes as he caught sight of them approaching.

"I saw Roger go into his room a few minutes ago," he said. "The lot of you have exasperated the man."

"As if you hadn't helped!" said Mello. "Remember? Just earlier you were being a pain about your clothes!"

"That matter was peacefully resolved. This does not appear peaceful to me."

"Well, at least I haven't caused anyone any problems," said Mello pompously. "I've been just perfect all day."

L set Matt down at last, holding him steady until the boy caught his balance. "No running off," he said. "You may find this terribly unpleasant, but there's no way around it. Besides…" he paused a moment in thought, running his thumb over his lip before clicking the nail between his teeth. "I think this may not be as bad as you like to think it is."

"How's that?" said Matt gloomily.

"You like to imagine don't you? You like to bring your video games to life and pretend the places in them are real, don't you?" Matt responded in the affirmative, and L took his hand to lead him into his room, motioning for Mello and Near to follow. "I've never done much imagining myself, but I suppose I could try. In fact, while we were coming back inside I tried it and I realized something: this house's bathtubs are very boring."

Matt's eyes widened slightly. "They are, aren't they? The only thing I can imagine about them that they're smelly old trunks filled with dirty water. And the soap is slimy and smells funny."

"That's because Roger chose that soap," said Near gravely.

"Yeah, its old people soap," said Mello.

"Exactly," said L. "And heroes can't get baths in old trunks filled with dirty water, or lather themselves with old people soap, can they?"

Matt shook his head quickly. "They can't at all."

"Where do heroes get baths then?"

"Usually somewhere exotic! Like a clear river in a forest. Or under a tall waterfall. Or in alabaster halls."

"Alabaster halls?" said Mello with a skeptical look.

"Yes," said Matt. "With marble pillars, and oils in fancy little glass bottles."

"Those are very good imaginings Matt-chan," said L. "Those things do sound rather pleasant. You are setting your standards high for your bathing locations, evidently."

"Yes I am," said Matt, sounding rather proud of himself.

"So average bathing facilities simply won't do, will they?"

"They won't."

"Then perhaps you will like this better," said L, pushing open the door to his own personal bathroom. It was very like Matt's "alabaster halls" come to life, albeit in a smaller way. There was plenty of space in the white-tiled room, with a bathtub that was large and deep and was fed by three little faucets of water. Opening a silver-lidded glass jar beside the tub and withdrawing a cherry sucker from it, L said, "What do you think?"

Matt grinned. "I think this could work quite well."

As it turned out, bath time went well after all. Under Matt's instruction, the bathwater became a pool hidden in a quiet grove on an enchanted island and soaps and shampoos – none of which smelled like old people – became magical potions. Then, just as quickly, the bath could become a sea filled with pirates, or the Fountain of Youth itself. Mello joined in the games despite the fact that there was nothing for him to win, and even Near quietly assigned himself roles when he was asked who he was going to be in each new scenario. Though he never actually did anything in those roles, being much too occupied slowly moving his duck through the mountains of bubbles.

"The three of you are shriveling up," said L, who had sat back to simply survey the games once the boys were scrubbed clean. "And it's getting rather late."

"Yes," said Near, setting his ducky on the side of the tub and holding out his arms demandingly. "I'm done."

L lifted him from the water and toweled him dry, and Mello and Matt followed despite their protests. As soon as he had the towel around him, Mello sprinted for the bed and burrowed under the white sheets and blankets, dripping hair and all. "This is my spot!" he called, popping his head out only to have it disappear among the mounds of fluffy pillows. Matt ran over to join him, giggling as the two of them collided among the blankets.

"I don't recall inviting you to use my bed as well," said L.

"Doesn't matter," said Mello, trying to fend off Matt's hands as they launched a merciless tickle-attack against him. "I invited myself, and that's good enough."

L leaned over the bed, looking down at them as he tapped his finger against his lip. "I suppose you'll make a fuss if I try to remove you?"

"Of course," said Mello.

"Please L, can we stay?" said Matt, deciding to be polite. "We're very deep sleepers, so we don't kick or anything." Which wasn't quite true, as Mello had a habit of ending up with his head at the foot of the bed with his blankets twisted around him in a strangle hold, but of course that was information best left out in this situation.

"I'll go get our pajamas!" said Mello, springing from the bed and disappearing off down the hall, his damp feet nearly slipping on the tile. Near came up behind L and tugged his sleeve lightly for his attention.

"May I stay as well?" he asked, his tone of voice making it seem as if he didn't care either way what L's response what be.

"Yes," was the reply, so Near crawled into bed beside Matt, who quickly put one arm around his neck and ruffled his hair. Mello returned after a few minutes, tossing around the various articles of clothing, already dressed in a pair of loose blue pants himself. A bit of a fuss was caused when he crawled into bed however.

"I get one side of L to myself," he said. "His right side. And I want to sleep farthest away from Near.

"Jeez Mello, you're such a priss," said Matt. "Now I have to be next to Near."

"Too bad," Mello pushed the other two aside, then held out his arms to L. "Come on! Oh, and tell us a story too!"

"I don't know any good stories," said L, settling between Mello (who latched onto his arm) and the other two, then automatically putting his thumb in his mouth.

"Then make one up," said Matt. "I want to hear a story too!"

"I don't think I can come up with anything that would entertain you-"

"Well whatever story you make up, just make sure the main character is an amazingly dashing blond man who owns a chocolate factory and rides a motorcycle," said Mello. "And he's so rich that he can wear feathers and leather every single day!"

"Mello, I believe you've just given a perfect example of the literary term 'Gary Stu'," said Near.

Mello lunged at him, trying to get a hold on his hair as L held him back until he settled down and sulked quietly, glaring at Near with narrowed eyes from across L's body.

"Are there any other character suggestions?" L asked.

"Oh! I have one!" said Matt excitedly. "He owns one of those nice old American cars, and its bright orange, and he plays video games really well. And he's really tall."

Mello giggled. "Yeah, good luck being tall Matt."

"It's just a character!" said Matt, blushing slightly.

"What about you Near-chan?" said L. "Do you have a suggestion as well?"

"No," the boy said softly. "I can't imagine anything."

Mello smirked and leaned forward slightly. "Loooseeer," he hissed, as if simply by lowering his voice he could prevent himself from being heard. L pushed him back onto the pillows pointedly.

"Come on Near, you have to be able to imagine something," said Matt. "You're the number 1 kid here, aren't you?"

Near was silent a moment, twirling his finger his hair. He then said, "Well…how about…a man who is a detective like L. And he… he has one friend."

"Only one?" said Matt.

"I suppose he would want more than one, but I thought more than that would be too generous. Many people don't like him because…well I'm not sure why."

"Because he's an annoying know-it-all," Mello grumbled.

"Go on then, L. You have your characters!" said Matt. "Now for the story!"

"Let's see then," said L. "The story starts in London." There was a long pause, filled with hard thinking, before L continued. "It's raining there, because it often rains in London. At least in this story it does."

L was certainly not the best storyteller, but he managed to tell his tale for a full half hour, and completed it well with all the loose ends tied up. It was only once he'd said "The End" and looked to the boys for a reaction that he realized they were already asleep. Mello and Matt were snuggled close against him and Near was beside Matt with his fingers tangled in his red hair. All of them quiet, peaceful, and – at last – out of trouble for the day.


Yes, I suppose it was more fluff than funny, yeah? Regardless, this was a very happy chapter for me to write, because fluff is sparkly and tastes like strawberries. If that made any sense at all :)

Poor Near, I keep feeling sorry for him. He needs love and cuddles, even if he doesn't think he does! I can hardly believe I used to dislike him (loooong ago). Somehow I shall turn the lot of you into Near-lovers yet! You shall all see the cute shyness that is Near! Muhahahaha!

Hehe, sorry about that. Anyway, farewell for now! Until the next chapter :)