Under the microscope - part 3

Et voila, numero trois! Ignore my appalling French, I've just made up for missing the last 15 days of my advent calendar and I'm on a chocolate/sugar high. I know, I'm a terrible terrible person! Anyhoo, enjoy the chapter! Let me stress again that this is something I wrote years ago and its purely for fun. I don't stay perfectly in character all the time and there are moments that just make me cringe, but as I don't have time to re-write the dodgy bits I'm posting it as-is. It probably comes off as a bit high-schooly, which is what bothers me most about it. Anyway, just wanted to apologise again for that. Imagine that at the same time there's a strange chemical making everyone act like teenagers, and then I might just get away with it. Maybe.

Enjoy, mes amies!


D - Sam?

S - Daniel?

D - I just spoke to Teal'c.

S - Mmm?

D - And we had an interesting conversation.

S - That's nice. Really.

D - Don't poke fun at me. He said Mickey calls you 'Cat'.

S - Why the hell did she tell him that?

D - Why the hell does she call you 'Cat'??? Hey, that rhymes.

S - You know the colonel would call you a geek if he was in my place right now.

D - Don't change the subject.

S - Sorry.

D - So . . . ???

S - So . . . what???

D - Why 'Cat'?

S - Okay. About two weeks ago, she and I had a girl's night in and got a little bit drunk. In this slightly inebriated state, we had a conversation about what we would be if we were animals. It was pretty stupid really, and we must have sounded like right idiots, but anyway, Mickey insisted I was a cat, and that she was going to call me 'Cat' from now on. That and she thinks 'Cazzy' is short for Carter, and 'Cat' is short for 'Cazzy'.

D - Oh. I was hoping it was going to something embarrassing.

S - Thanks a bunch!

D - So what were we?

S - Huh?

D - If you were a cat, what were me, Jack and Teal'c? And Mickey?

S - I am soooo not telling you that!

D - Why?

S - Because that is embarrassing!

D - Will Mickey tell me if I ask her?

S - I don't know. She seems to be immune from embarrassment.

D - I'll go ask her. Bye.

S - Daniel!

*

D - Mickey?

M - Doctor Daniel Melbourne Leonard Jackson. To what do I owe the pleasure?

D - God, Mickey, you're worse than Jack. Are you ever going to stop teasing me about that?

M - I'm not teasing. I'm just addressing you the way Teal'c does. In full, hilarious, detail.

D - Ha ha.

M - Did I tell you I got him to call me just 'Michaela' now?

D - You did? How?

M - I asked him to call me Mickey in big capital letters and he offered a compromise.

D - Do you think if I ask him to call me Danny in big capital letters he might call me Daniel?

M - Unlikely. You don't have my charm.

D - Ha!

M - 'Ha!'?

D - I have plenty of charm, thank you. I'm very charming, Sam said so.

M - Oh well, if Sam said so . . .

D - What's that supposed to mean?

M - Daniel, charm is supposed to be a flirting technique. I highly doubt you've ever flirted with Sam. Plus you two have zero chemistry, and are more like brother and sister than anything else, so her opinion on whether or not you're charming is completely null and void.

D - Doesn't mean I'm not charming.

M - No, but I doubt any charm you do have would work on Teal'c.

D - Good point. Oh, I almost forgot, Teal'c told me that you told him that you call Sam 'Cat'.

M - My my. Word does travel fast.

D - And then Sam told me why.

M - Did she now?

D - Well, she said it was cos you two got drunk and you were attributing animals to all of us, and you said that Sam reminded you of a cat. What I want to know is why Sam reminds you of a cat. Amongst other things.

M - Why does Sam remind me of a cat?

D - Ah-ha.

M - You mean you don't see it?

D - No. I don't see it.

M - Have you ever seen Sam drunk?

D - Ah, yes, but whenever Sam's drunk I'm mostly too far gone myself to notice what she's like.

M - Okay, well, firstly she gets all giggly and girly, then she starts acting, well feline.

D - Sam acts feline?

M - Well, she curls up in a very cat-like manner, and the way she moves is very cat-like, and that's before we get to the fact that she loves cats.

D - I think maybe you were a little bit drunk yourself, Michaela dear.

M - Never say 'Michaela dear' again. Ever.

D - Sorry.

M - And yes I was pretty pissed, so yeah, I guess my obsession of Sam-as-cat was a little exaggerated, but hey, if you had to attribute an animal to her, which would you pick?

D - Okay, yeah, I guess a cat seems reasonable.

M - Thank you.

D - So what were you?

M - Huh?

D - If Sam was a cat, what were you?

M - A rabbit.

D - Why?

M - Cos I'm bouncy and small and my hair is the exact same colour of my old rabbit, and I like lettuce.

D - You like lettuce.

M - Indeed.

D - Well. Lettuce.

M - Daniel?

D - Yes?

M - What did you think of the kiss?

D - The what?

M - Sam and Jack's kiss. What did you think?

D - It was just . . . Jack had to pretend Sam was his wife or they'd have taken her prisoner.

M - I know that, but Teal'c and I think there's more to it than that.

D - Meaning . . .

M - Meaning it stirred emotions in them that they've been trying to ignore.

D - Yeah, well, that's kind of old news.

M - The kiss isn't!

D - It's not like it's the first time they've locked lips.

M - IT'S NOT???? SINCE WHEN?????????

D - Since Sam jumped him in the locker room when she got that alien disease. Were you around back then?

M - No, or I think I might have heard about that one.

D - It was a long time ago.

M - You not going to elaborate on 'that alien disease'?

D - It basically reduced infected people to a Neanderthal level, so that the men got all aggressive and violent, and the women, well . . . I'm sure you can guess.

M - Got all horny and jumped everyone?

D - Not everyone. Well, with Sam it wasn't everyone. She just went for Jack.

M - Big surprise.

D - Well actually, this was fairly early on. We'd only been a team for nearly two months, and I hadn't noticed anything between them back then. Janet said she just went for Jack because in her regressed mental state she saw Jack as being the 'alpha male'.

M - Yeah, but you implied that all the other women were being fairly indiscriminate. Going for lots of guys. Why did Sam only go for Jack?

D - I don't know. Maybe he was the first guy she found and she didn't have the chance to get anyone else because he carted her off to the infirmary so quickly.

M - Or maybe it was the beginnings of their developing attraction.

D - It's a strong possibility. Jack did get pretty possessive of her when he got infected. He attacked me when I said I was gonna go see her. You know, to check she was alright.

M - So what exactly did she do?

D - As far as I know, she turned up in the men's locker room in a tank top, said 'I want you' to Jack, and then kissed him. He tried to fight her off and ask her what the hell she was doing, she wrestled him to the ground, he realised she was infected, managed to get them both upright again, and half carried her to the infirmary.

M - She floored him? Isn't Jack supposed to be black ops trained?

D - Yeah, but I imagine having his 2IC jump him took him by surprise. And his mind was probably trying desperately to think sensibly, while his baser instincts were egging her on and blocking all logical thought.

M - Whatever. I still think it shows their attraction.

D - You certainly can't deny it's there now.

M - Nope.

Pause

M - Any other kisses I should know about?

D - Not to the best of my knowledge. Unless you count alternate realities.

M - What if we do?

D - Then I got stuck in an alternate reality where they were engaged, once.

M - Engaged? Wow. The universe really is trying to tell them something.

D - If they'd only listen.

M - Yeah. Stubborn little soldiers.

D - Ha! I'm gonna tell them you said that!

M - Go ahead. I'm not scared of Jack.

D - What about Sam?

M - Now she, I imagine, would be scary if she heard that, but I have ways of calming her down.

D - You do? Go on, I'm intrigued.

M - I could pretend my cat died and act all upset. She'd forget all about it.

D - You don't have a cat. And Sam would see right through you.

M - Maybe.

D - Listen, Mickey, I gotta go. Catch you later, though, right?

M - Sure.

D - See ya.


Hope you enjoyed it!

Beka :-)