3: Despair


Law was lost in thought as he swept the empty, quiet hall of the main building's lobby. The incident at the grocery store wasn't the first time he'd experienced that. His brain always felt like it had been wrung by a vise after – similar to a postdrome, the exhausting hangover of a migraine. The hangover was exhausting and difficult to work through, so he took some ibuprofen and inserted headphones to avoid talking. His tongue had difficulty forming words during this phase. He'd always assumed it was because of the drugs and the car accident – posttraumatic stress maybe. The car crash had been a blessing and a curse – it sobered him but caused him to lose everything.

There were people moving through the area; late night students and seeming non-students with flyers and uncertain looks. He didn't pay them any attention. He kept the brim of his hat pulled down low and wore a terse expression that discouraged any sort of interaction. He was well aware of what he looked like to others, and it worked to his advantage. His blue black hair was often in a messy state, controlled somewhat by a hat; his face reflecting sleepless nights and haggard days, lined with early age. His height appeared intimidating as well, but he felt the weight on his shoulders. The permanent limp seemed to add to the overall picture – most bright eyed students hurried away from him once he appeared with his janitor cart in tow.

He envied those students. They had been him, once. He graduated early from high school and had aspired to be a surgeon – then his habit took over, and he was reduced to this. It was a bitter weight in his chest, a churning feeling of regret that never seemed to stop. Despite it, he wondered if his family missed him.

He paused in mid-sweep to change his playlist. He felt like hearing a little sad-core tonight. He then continued on down the hall, glancing at the wall of paper flyers to his right. One of them that stood out was a study being offered to those that may have experienced an alien abduction. The picture of ET reaching out with a glowing finger caused an involuntary twitch that seemed to ripple his brain. The flash of memory images showed the bright lights of his headlights falling onto a dark country road. Something about it caused his face to twitch again. His brain gave a strange twinge that caused discomfort.

What is that? he heard himself ask incredulously in that memory.

Before he could investigate it any further, something caused his shoulders to stiffen. The sensation in his body turned heavy, breath pausing in mid-inhale. He took off his headphones and glanced behind him, because he was absolutely sure he'd heard his name spoken by a familiar voice. Sure enough, Sanji was standing there a few feet away, looking at him like he'd just seen a ghost. Law wasn't sure how to react – he wasn't expecting to run into him. He never had, before.

He was scared he was hallucinating, but Sanji was quite real. Dressed in multiple layers of clothing to pad a very thin form, his hair dingy underneath the lights above. He wore shadows on his face, too, indicative of sleepless nights and fast aging. But his eyes were round and large for his face as he lowered a flyer to his vest pocket. Law wasn't sure what to say. All the words left him. Everything that he'd imagined he'd say if he ever came face to face with the man just faded away from existence. He looked away as shame and regret filled him with hot intensity, snatching up the broom.

Sanji approached him quickly, stepping into his path. His expression looked desperate despite what Law had imagined – he'd always thought Sanji would be angry at him, hate him for the things that he did. For being the cause of the crash, for those things that addicts do when they needed the next hit.

"It is you," Sanji said, his tone incredulous, thin fingers clenching at his side. His skin looked clammy and shiny with sweat, and when Law managed to glance at him, he noticed that Sanji looked slightly manic. So his eyes lingered, unsure of the reason why. Sanji's right hand unclenched, fingers shaking slightly as they knocked the brim of Law's hat upward so that he could see into his face. Before Law could think of something to say, Sanji then wrapped him up in a clumsy hug, exhaling heavily.

Law was struck dumb as Sanji's arms squeezed him tightly. All the familiar smells of the other man hit him all at once, but he could not detect the one that told him Sanji was still a user. Cigarettes, shampoo and male musk – it occurred to him he hadn't been touched like this in a very long time. The moment made him so incredibly weak that he couldn't move.

Sanji gave an edged laugh, shaking as he clung to the other man. His hands felt the familiar thickness of hair he'd only dreamed about touching again, the accustomed feel of body landscape – the jutting shoulder blades, the touch of spine pressing against tanned skin. Every part of him felt uplifted and amazed, and he felt slightly hysterical, all emotions overwhelming the other. He had to lift himself to near tiptoes to fit where he used to. He then remembered that this wasn't the time or place to make assumptions and find comfort, and he quickly pulled away.

"I never thought I'd see you again," he whispered, finding it difficult to talk. His eyes scanned the other quickly, turning incredulous. "Were you here all this time?"

Law wasn't sure what to say. Sanji's emotions surely were a lie, because he couldn't believe that Sanji was this happy to see him. His tongue was heavy, though, clumsy with words. So he just nodded. Sanji looked confused, but he then hugged him again – holding desperately onto him as he struggled to rein in his emotions. He pulled away and fisted his hands into his vest pockets to keep from doing it again, his expression battling with uncertainty.

The silence between them turned awkward. Sanji waited for Law to say something, but he noticed that the man wasn't looking at him. His darkly rimmed eyes were averted away from him, and Sanji felt that his feelings weren't appreciated. Why should they? he thought morosely, thinking about their past together and understanding that it was peppered with drugs and bad decisions. His jaw set grimly as he stood uncomfortably in front of a man he'd only thought of with desperation. He turned his attention to the floor, feeling the crumbled weight of the flyer in his pocket. The distraction of seeing the man again, so close and so real – it had forced him to forget his anxiety of nighttime, the stars shining brightly above the small valley.

His mouth moved awkwardly with a murmured, "I'm sorry…"

He trailed off, sure that it didn't mean anything to the other man. Maybe Law had been trying to avoid him, moving away from their previous city to put things back together. Maybe he'd ruined it, now.

Law looked at him with a start, confused. "What are you apologizing for?" he mumbled, the words difficult to release. He recognized that Sanji was subdued. He'd ruined this. He'd ruined this because he was shocked and surprised by the man's appearance, by all his desperate gestures. He just knew it was his fault all over again – he could never atone for the things he'd done.

"I didn't…" Sanji didn't know what to say, or how to say it. All he knew was that he'd misinterpreted all of Law's languages and selfishly exuded his own. For all that he knew Law was desperate to get away from him and all the things that Sanji had done. Shame colored his face. "I'm sorry."

"Are you apologizing to me?" Law asked gruffly, pulling away his other headphone, the straps dangling against the collar of his work shirt. "What are you doing that for?"

"I don't know, I don't know if you wanted to see me, I don't know – I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to ruin your life, I didn't think – if you were trying to get away from me, or…"

Law finally realized that Sanji was sincere, and the feeling it gave him was hot and desperate. He set his broom aside and tentatively reached out to him. Once Sanji noticed the movement, he looked up with reddened eyes and a downcast frown and it was Law who enveloped him into a squeezing hug. He could finally breathe again, the air shaky as it left and returned to his lungs. Unmindful of his own strength, he held desperately onto the other man, feeling the reassuring weight of the other man against him all over again. Sanji gripped him tentatively until he gave in, and both of them held onto each other like they were the only ones in the building.

"I didn't think you'd ever forgive me for what I did," Law said in a strangled whisper, amazed that this was happening.

Sanji gave a sputter, burying his face up against a collarbone that felt too bony. It was too painfully familiar, and he wrapped his arms around Law with renewed strength, finding that perfect spot he fit right into. All his feelings and his very soul felt rejuvenated being held again. He felt like he hadn't been touched in so long that now that he had it, he couldn't bear to lose it again.

"I left you alone because I didn't think you'd want to see me again," he heard Law say against his head, and the very idea of it rocked Sanji. He felt like losing it, but he felt like slapping him for the hint of learning that Law knew exactly where he was.

"Did you come here because of me?" he asked, voice muffled against his clothes.

"I moved here and only saw you on accident…"

"How long ago?" Sanji couldn't help but cry, uncaring of how his voice broke. He couldn't breathe, but he didn't want to separate from this. When Law told him, he angrily hit the center of his back but once again gripped him with strength. "Idiot! Stupid! Don't you know how long I had been thinking about you? Why didn't you say something?"

Law felt overwhelmed. It honestly caused his eyes to burn hearing that.

"I thought you hated me!"

Those words caused Law some anguish. He gripped Sanji's shoulders tightly, pressing his face against the sweaty temple he'd only dreamed of touching again. The scent of Sanji had him inhaling deeply, like it were oxygen itself.

"I thought you did. After everything I did, I thought you never wanted to see me again."

Sanji pulled his head back to look at him with disbelief, the area around his eyes wet. Law saw that they were obscenely bloodshot, reaching between them to use his thumbs to wipe away the moisture there.

"What happened - ?"

Sanji closed his eyes, the feel of Law's hands on his face causing him intense weakness. He released one hand to press his over one of his, holding it there. "I missed you so much. I feel like I'm going to fall apart."

Impulsively, Law kissed his forehead and Sanji's arms went around him once more, holding tightly. Law's fingers swept through Sanji's hair, pressed up against the back of his head. His fingers clenched at the curly strands at his neck, and he breathed in the scent of the other man, the lower half of his face pressed against the enclave of Sanji's left eye and curled eyebrow. He kissed that then the closed eyelids, in complete disbelief that this was happening. Sanji's fingers swept up to stroke the back of his neck and combed through his hair and touch had never felt so damn good. Law needed this contact – his very soul cried for it.

They held each other for several long minutes, reluctant to let go. Despite standing in the main hall, they were fondly ignored as passerby politely averted their curious gazes. Law's tongue felt loosened, and he gently guided Sanji's face up to he could look him over.

Sanji wiped his eyes before dropping to clench into Law's shirt again.

"What happened?" Law then asked him again, observing the broken blood vessels. Sanji shook his head, pulling back so they at least had some space between them. Law desperately hoped that someone wasn't hurting this man, dropping his eyes to the sight of Sanji's neck to look for injuries.

"It's stupid," Sanji then said, wiping his nose with the edge of his scarf then pulling that down to get some air. He found the crumbled flyer in his vest pocket, unfolding that. Law recognized it as the same flyer he was just looking at as Sanji attempted to smooth out the wrinkles. "I was just…one of my clients was talking about this, and…I thought…"

Law was confused by the topic, but he refused to look away from the other man. He felt like Sanji would disappear if he did. He had the startling thought that perhaps this was one of those waking dreams he had, and ended up reaching out to grip the other man's hands.

"Sometimes…I have nightmares about that night, and…I don't know, I just…I don't know if I'm just…like, PTSD, or something, but…" Sanji trailed off awkwardly, fisting the flyer in one hand. He used the other to touch the other man's face, finding it difficult to look away.

Law nodded in understanding. "Me too."

"You have…nightmares, too?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes I'm awake when it happens, too," Law muttered uncomfortably, pressing Sanji's palm against his face and closing his eyes at the feel of him.

Sanji's expression turned concerned. "You think it's because we were high that night? Like…I know we weren't good people, and…we were coming off things, and…"

"I don't know." Law had to look away. His heart felt overwhelmed. His lungs squeezed, and he tightened his grip on Sanji's hand. "I just hope this isn't one of those things…"

"It's not," Sanji assured him hastily, tilting his head down so that their foreheads were touching. He breathed in the scent of the other man, amazed that he could do so. "I missed you so much…!"

"No one is hurting you, are they?" Law had to ask.

"No…no, it's…it's just me," Sanji answered, finding it difficult to speak. There was that tone of Law's, something he'd missed so much. Reassured by that single sentence that this man cared about him. "I woke up like this. After having a nightmare."

Puzzled, Law glanced around. They were still out in the open. Expressing themselves so desperately and so openly that nothing about it could be interpreted as anything else. He started to feel some self-consciousness in the admission, but also discomfort from the weight distribution in his feet. He shifted from one foot to the other to alleviate the pressure. Sanji noticed the movement, eyes dropping then lifting to Law's face with concern.

"I broke my hip and leg back then," Law muttered self-consciously, wishing he wasn't that physically broken.

"It didn't heal right?" Sanji asked, touching his left hip gently.

Because there was no easy way about it, Law gripped his pants leg just to show Sanji his prosthetic. Sanji's chin trembled and his eyes filled and overflowed. He ended up clinging to the other man, suppressing his words.

"I'm so sorry!"

"It wasn't your fault. It was mine, I was driving."

Sanji pulled away from him again, frantically wiping his face. He shook his head. "We weren't even going fast! Nothing – we weren't even moving to generate that type of damage! Don't you ever think back about it and think something was weird?"

Before Law could answer, Sanji gripped both sides of his face, looking at him with unblinking eyes. "You don't remember seeing that thing?" he whispered.

Law frowned. All he could recall was how bright the headlights were; acknowledging that the speedometer had only perked slightly with the gentle press of his foot. But something tugged at his memory with Sanji's words, and the headlights caught onto something that wasn't anything he could identify. Something he couldn't fully see.

"Both of us saw the same thing," Sanji insisted, still on a whisper. He glanced around them, keeping his voice lowered.

"Someone must have come around that corner and hit us from behind, Sanji," Law said. "And we didn't notice them because we were too busy being…stupid. I regret everything about that night, Sanji. All of it."

"It wasn't all your fault," Sanji told him desperately. "I did it, too. Both of us were to blame for our stupid decisions, both of us…we did it to ourselves."

Despite the subject, Law just couldn't believe that Sanji was right here in front of him. Talking to him, touching him – they lived in the same town, but he'd kept his distance because he didn't want to be the one to ruin his life again. He heard a chime from Sanji, and Sanji reacted with a start to it. He pulled his cellphone out from his pocket and made a face, texting rapidly before replacing it.

Down to earth, Law asked tentatively, "I'm not interrupting, am I?"

"That was my roommate," Sanji explained awkwardly. "Making sure I got here."

"Roommate?"

"Yeah, I…guess I freaked him out that night. That's why I'm here," Sanji mumbled, reaching between them to grip Law's hand with renewed strength. "I have these nightmares and…I said something to him when I woke up, and he swears it's…a dead language. He's into that sort of thing, I guess, scaring himself. Told me to do this or get out."

Law wasn't sure what sort of face to make. The impulse to offer Sanji a place was there, but he held himself back because…

"He wants to know if it's because of ET?" he asked skeptically.

Sanji gave him an amused smirk, but he nodded. "I don't know…maybe my hallucinations are out of control…"

Because Law had a similar problem, he gave him a curious frown. Sanji locked onto that expression, his hand tightening on his as he looked at him. "You get them, too?"

Law gave a reluctant shrug.

"You see people out of the corner of your eye? Do you have the feeling of…not being alone? Being…paralyzed and unable to move while knowing something is there?"

Law looked at him with consideration, a little puzzled. But seeing Sanji's expression was enough to convince him that he wasn't alone in this. So he nodded, reaching up to adjust his hat. Sanji looked up at him with something akin to relief.

"Nosebleeds?"

"I attribute that to my bad habit."

"But after a nightmare?"

Law was silent, so Sanji took that as a confirmation. He looked at the balled up flyer in his other hand, reluctant to let go of the other man's hand. But he threw it away into the small trash can in the cart Law had abandoned.

Sanji looked up at him with a fresh smile on his face. "There's no point in getting involved with others that don't get it. This was probably a stupid thing, anyway. What time do you get off?"

"Late. You should just go home – "

"I'll wait. Take me home with you."

Law always felt like he was yanked into a current he didn't feel he had to fight when he was with him. Before he could attempt to argue with him, Sanji kissed him. It was a brief touch, but it was enough for Law to fall for him all over again.

"I'll wait," Sanji insisted, before reluctantly pulling his hand away. He walked towards the lobby, intending on taking advantage of the university's Wi-Fi. Law watched him go, then straightened his hat and turned his music off. After a self-conscious glance around, he pulled his cart after him, retrieving his broom. He felt a sensation of relief in him. He felt like he wasn't alone.

You weren't ever alone.

Law turned at the sound of those words, but Sanji was sitting down in one of the chairs, mouth unmoving. Law had a feeling it wasn't from him. The crazy thing about it was that he heard that voice before. It was familiar, something he'd always known. He glanced around once more, sure he'd only heard the voice of someone that worked here.

: :

He wasn't expecting company so he was a little embarrassed as he opened his home to Sanji. It was a small house on the outskirts of town, within a known area of low-income properties and a high crime rate. The bars on the windows were indicative of the neighborhood, but Law felt like he belonged here after what he'd done. Inside the open spaces of a combined dining/living room, most surfaces were covered by books and DVDs. He had a comfortable folding chair he had set in front of a television stand, with a small screen tv. The blinds were always closed. The kitchen was bare, but the tile creaked in a comforting way when Law was in there and the sink gave him acceptable water. He didn't have bugs or vermin, and his heater worked fine.

He hoped Sanji wouldn't rush things to look into his bedroom. He actually felt nervous at the thought.

Sanji wore the expression of someone that understood. "My roommate drinks," he said, scratching at his ear. "And doesn't like to clean after himself. Living with someone else – it's like living in a cell."

"How long did you have to serve?"

"Long enough. But you had a longer sentence…"

"For the gun. That weapon was once used in a robbery before I got to it. That took some time to sort out."

Sanji nodded again. After a few moments, he asked nervously, "Can we turn on some lights? I'm sorry."

Law didn't find it a problem. As Sanji looked for a place to settle, Law turned on all the lights in the area, including those of the hall and bathroom. He closed the door to his room with a reluctant expression. He shuffled back to the kitchen, looking nervously at his cupboards. "I can heat up something. I don't cook much. Just…some rice and canned stuff."

Sanji looked at him with sympathy. "It's fine. I'm not hungry. Go ahead and warm something up. Or, let me do it, you – do whatever you do after work. I can find my way around."

"No, don't." Law didn't want Sanji's pity, or his boundary-crossing eagerness to please. He wasn't the person that deserved that. "I have soda. Would you like one?"

Sanji recognized he was being invasive. It took a lot to step back. "…Sure."

After settling in the kitchen with some awkward action, Sanji fiddled with his can of generic brand soda and murmured, "I'm sorry for acting like such a goober, earlier. I was so excited to see you."

"Don't apologize."

"I had been living my life hiding in shame," Sanji continued, "because of the things I did. I felt so lonely, but I couldn't…I didn't feel worthy of bringing anyone into my mess. I think about the old man and my friends a lot, but I don't have the balls to contact any of them. Like…why would they want to hear from me? Maybe they're happy I'm not around."

Law nodded because he understood. His family was where he'd left them. No doubt living their lives like they'd lost him. He'd stolen from them, emptied a single bank account. Wrecked his father's car, broke his mother's heart. Destroyed his little sister's confidence. He'd called them names and insulted them, broke material possessions. Disappointed them. He couldn't ever face them again.

Sanji reached out to touch his shoulder. "It's almost like it's just us again."

Law thought about them sitting in run down houses, in running cars, approaching strangers for money. The hours spent with him talking non-stop about fictional worlds while Sanji humored him. The way they shared dirty clothes and rifled through trash cans for a "snack". It was just them because they'd ruined all their relationships with others.

He swallowed uncomfortably. "We're not those men, anymore."

"That's right. We're new people. Sober. Right?" Sanji waited for Law to confirm this before saying, "But we're in a place of our own making. We can help each other."

The idea was lovely. Law felt lonely, out casted. And he did have strong, lingering feelings towards Sanji that felt just as fierce had they were back then. But Law felt a reluctance inside of him in that thinking they deserved a happy ending.

"Let's not rush," he heard himself say. He looked at him. "I…being that we're not the same people we were back then, it might be best to take it slow."

Sanji reluctantly took his hand away. He fiddled with the can once more. "You think…we're not good for each other sober?"

Law looked at his own hands, pulling back on his fingers one by one. "I'm saying…I don't feel worthy enough to extend what little I have to offer to another human being."

"I'm not just another human being, Law."

"And we're not the same…sober. We're different people."

Sanji considered his words, visibly upset. Law didn't know how to make it more clear to him that he didn't feel he was capable of being a good person at this point in his life. Sanji set the can down on the counter.

"You only felt something for me when I was doing something for you?" he asked stiffly.

"I'm saying that I don't feel I'm capable of being a good choice for you. I'm not that addict, anymore. I don't know how…to be correct," Law said, fumbling with his words. "I'm not that same person, my way of thinking has changed and so…I feel like a new person. An incapable one."

Sanji was silent for some time, head bowed as he watched his own fingers entwine and clench together. Law wanted to make him understand, but his thought process was just screwed up.

"I want to be a good person," Sanji then said with a low tone. "And I know I can be. More than anything, I want to recapture what was there on the grounds of a new beginning."

"What was there, Sanji, were two people who were comfortable making bad choices while under the influence. The premise of us being…us against them was that we'd made that ground with our own hands."

"All this time I had thought you'd discarded me," Sanji then said. "Deliberately used our incarceration to put distance between us. Because I did things for you that - !"

"Our incarceration separated us for our separate crimes. It wasn't something we would've decided on our own. Those things that we did…that I made you do – "

"You didn't make me do them, I made that choice to do them!"

"If I didn't convince to do them, you would've never done them."

"Don't think that I was some easily influenced person, Law! I took advantage of others to do that, that was my fucking choice."

"Don't yell at me."

"We helped each other out doing shitty things, but now that we're straight and clean, we can help each other do different things," Sanji persisted. "Because of our actions, we've only got each other – "

"Correction – after our court appointed stays at different prison facilities, we are single and functioning on our own. Both of us have already proven that we're capable of taking care of ourselves as single persons. Just because we're now aware of each other living in the same town, that does not mean we automatically stick together."

Sanji stubbornly shook his head. His mouth was tight with frustration and Law felt bad for the things he was saying. But he was convinced that they were truthful and right. He didn't want to ruin Sanji's life again by inserting himself into it with the blind optimism that it would work out. As much as Law craved the other's company, sober, they were strangers.

He reached out to touch him but Sanji swatted his hand away. He pushed away from the counter, putting space between them and Law felt his already fragile heart breaking.

"Prove to me that you had feelings for me," Sanji then demanded, struggling to look composed but failing. "Prove it."

"My reaction to you…wasn't that enough?"

"But you don't want to be with me. Because you think I'm not good enough."

"I didn't say that. I said I wasn't."

"I'm not good enough for you clean."

"I never said that." Law grasped at words to try and make him understand. "It's not that either of us are angels, or anything, I just feel like I'm incapable of being a person that feels and gives to you in the same…manner as you felt I had when we were together. The feelings I had for you back then were screwed by what we were doing, and - "

"So, the drugs made you feel some way about me." Sanji nodded bitterly, hands on his hips then at his sides. He was growing visibly angry and he started backing away towards the clear pathway to the door. "Now that you're clean, you can't possibly…"

"Sanji, that's not…"

"No. Fuck you. Fuck you. Law. Fuck you. All these years and months and days spent thinking that…you could just…" Sanji couldn't finish his sentence. He turned and stalked off to the door, and Law could only watch him leave, feeling the heavy ache in his chest as he did so. It slammed shut behind Sanji and in the silence, Law felt like a piece of him went with him.

He wiped his nose with a shaking hand, shifting all his weight onto the hip that didn't ache. He didn't have the mobility and speed to give chase, but he felt it was pointless, anyway. When it became apparent that Sanji wasn't coming back, Law thought it was best. It hurt, stinging from deep inside of him. He felt like he was grieving. He braced himself against the counter, struggling to hold himself up. Once he felt he had the strength, he sluggishly pushed away and limped around the house to turn off the lights. He headed to his room, discarding his work clothes for something comfortable, then gingerly pulled himself into bed. He removed his prosthetic and set it against the night stand. He ended up staring at the remains of his knee, the silence of the house closing in around him.

The memories after the car accident were broken into images that burned him whenever he took the time to sort through them. He'd woken up in the hospital, handcuffed to his bed. He'd discovered the state of his leg and was confused by seeing only half of it. There was a deputy standing nearby, looking at him with disgust while Law demanded the return of his stolen leg. Withdrawal had created a monster of Law in that time, but he remembered thinking no one would want him after this. He was broken.

Why couldn't Sanji see that of him, now?

He rubbed his aching hip – it was distorted, now, scarred by pins and always aching whenever it turned cold. It rendered him stiff in the winter and made him a target by those looking for one. There were things that happened to him in prison he desperately wanted to forget and as such, he felt unworthy and unclean.

He thought about his family once more before reaching over and turning off the lamp.

: :

The rest of the week passed by without any sight or sound of Sanji. Law kept to himself, going and returning from work, acknowledging the faint hope that lingered in that Sanji could forgive him. But part of him hoped that Sanji didn't. He was on the second floor with a glass cleaner in hand and his music playing when he became aware of a faint buzzing sound. Slowly, feeling like he was moving underwater with how sluggish his movement was, he pulled his headphones out. He was positive there was no one on the floor with him.

He did acknowledge the faraway sound of women's voices, but he couldn't separate them to understand the conversation. The buzzing grew louder until it seemed like a nerve-twitching sound that drowned out everything else. He closed his eyes to steady himself, his skin rippling with unease. It was enough for him to open his eyes, facing his reflection in the window. He could see movement behind him; but the lights of the building, combined with the reflection, made it difficult to tell exactly what he was looking at. It seemed like something tall and stringy was approaching him, the overhead lights flickering overhead in its ascent. Law caught only after images of something he could not identify, but his eyes locked on the swiftly moving thing that lurched towards him. Before it could even close in on him, something gripped his shoulder with a squeeze. His entire body jumped, eyes darting away from one thing and looking into the face of another.

Before he could actually see the face, the memory of the night came back to him in vivid color, sound and weight. Almost as if he were reliving it all over again. There was the sound of a cow in the distance, the sound of Sanji touching passing brush. Law's headlights illuminated the road he was turning back onto from the shoulder, and the figure caught within those lights was that of a tall, stringy humanoid that looked down upon them with a gaping mouth. The feeling of horror hit Law as he peered through the windshield at the thing, hearing Sanji brace himself against the dash. They weren't even moving that fast, so it stopped walking just to stare back at them. It looked like it could be part of the trees – with skin fitting of bark and limbs that resembled branches. It ducked to peer back at them, mouth opened wide as the car's front bumper continued towards it. Law couldn't stop moving towards the thing, his fingers clenching the steering wheel tightly.

What is that? he heard himself say as one long arm whipped to the side.

I am here, that thing said in a voice that made Law's senses ring, but it was a strange sound emerging from a gaping mouth that didn't move. I am here. There is none other than me.

The sound of the car jerking upward and twisting violently away from it was a tremendous crash of sound that caused Law to jerk back in reaction, automatically reaching out to brace himself. But instead he crashed into his cart, arms flying clumsily as he sent everything scattering across the hallway floor. Panicking, caught between memory and waking life, Law was unable to brace himself as hit damaged hip first. The blow of the floor caught his head and knocked the waking nightmare out of him.

Confused, Law laid there for a few moments, breathing hard. That buzzing sound began to fade away, and he grew aware of the heat coming from his nose. Touching his nostrils, he realized he was bleeding heavily. He used the sleeve of his shirt to staunch it, clumsily twisting about until he could pick himself up. His hip and leg immediately protested, causing him to wince. His brain squeezed, like somebody was wringing all the fluid from it. His ears felt uncomfortably runny.

"Hey, hey, hey, you okay?" someone asked, darting towards him with panic in their expression. It was one of the security guards, someone whose name Law had yet to catch. Law looked around himself frantically, looking for the face he was sure he'd seen before that memory hit him. But he just could not remember what it was he'd seen.

He was caught between wiping his nose and bracing himself as pain flared up and down his leg. The phantom pain he experienced in the part that was missing caused a ghostly foot to twitch, registering a twisted ankle. Law ended up gripping his prosthetic by its ankle joint, confused with the weight of it rather than the warmth of an actual joint. Once he remembered he no longer had that leg, his face flushed with humiliation and shame. He batted the hand away that reached down to help him up.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he gasped, wincing as he stood on his own. The security guard made to steady him but Law slapped his hands away. "I said I'm fine!"

"Sorry, man," the security guard said hastily, taking a couple of steps back. He observed the mess of Law's overturned cart, the strewn items across the hall as Law recovered. "You okay? Hit your head?"

Law mopped up the blood from his nose with his sleeve, nodding. "I'm fine. Just…"

He trailed off, his head ringing with a painful headache.

"Migraine," he then finished clumsily. "Must've…I probably just fainted."

The security guard picked up the glass cleaner and rag Law had been using. Law snatched those items away, and shuffled painfully over to the things that had been flung from his overturned cart. The other man's attention was caught to the window, brow furrowed. Law was too busy picking things up to notice the man's confused stretch, hand upraised against the window. Despite his height and effort, he couldn't touch what he saw.

He tried to fit his raised palm and spread fingers against the heat imprint of a hand that was much longer than his. The imprint faded away as he watched. Just to make sure, he pressed his palm against the glass where Law had just cleaned, and watched his fade just as quickly. His skin rippled with goosebumps and an uneasiness he couldn't explain as he then looked over at the quiet man that fumbled with what was left of his dignity in picking up his things.

At the end of his shift, moving painfully, Law paused by the flyer board that still had the ET sign attached to it. He took it down, handling it carefully in one hand. He wasn't that familiar with the faculty members, so the name and number of the group in charge of the study were strangers to him. He thought about what Sanji had said and the things he experienced.

But was it really what it was suggested to be? Or just rampant continuing bad memories of what he did to himself? These things that happened to him regularly and the events of that night – was it really enough to call attention to it?

After some minutes of careful consideration, he hung the flyer back up and headed out the door.


HS: Oh yah. Definitely hard times for these two in this fic! Take your time – the story will be here when you get back :D