As always thank-you for everyone that commented on the last chapter. I'm always so grateful for any support for my fics. Anyways, here's chapter 3!
Enjoy x
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CHAPTER THREE - I Don't Know How
Is it impossible to see a way into the future when you cant even bear to look into the past? Is it impossible to forgive when your so sure your the one to blame? Is it impossible to fight to stay alive when you want so badly to be dead? The saying goes that nothing is impossible. Right now, I'm not so sure I believe that.
I'd managed to swallow four pills. I was four pills closer to death. I was four pills closer to her. But, before I could take another the door burst open and Nathan ran over to me "What the hell are you doing?!!" he yelled as he pushed me away from the kitchen counter were I'd sat to live my last moments "What the hell are you thinking?!" he screamed once again, the terror of what he'd just witnessed present on his face
"What else am I suppose to do…HUH?!!" I shouted back at him "There's nothing left for me now!" I was right. In my eyes there was nothing left for me. Brooke was my everything, and now I'd lost her forever.
"Nothing left for you?!" Nathan continued to yell "Are you freaking kidding me?" he began flushing the pills down the sink as he lectured me "Stop being so damn selfish, Luke!" his voice began to break, and his facial expression softened "It would break your moms heart if she knew what you'd just tried to do"
"I cant live without her, Nate" I confessed "I just…I cant do it" I sat back down on the stool and ran my fingers back and forth over the top of my head
Nathan leant on the counter opposite me and looked me dead in the eye "You gotta greave man" he told me "You gotta cry, you gotta let it out"
He was right. I did need to greave. I did need to cry. "I, I don't know how" I replied genuinely.
"Then let us help you. Me, your mom, Hales, Peyton, Jake, were all there for you man. You just gotta let us be there for you" he offered the help I needed so badly. I wanted nothing more than to let him help me, to let them all help me. But, I knew it wasn't going to be as easy as that. Nothing was going to be easy from now on. Not when all I could think about was her.
I looked over in her
direction. She was sat with Peyton on the floor, painting her toe
nails, whilst me, Nathan and Jake were spread out across the sofa
waiting for the commercials to finish before the basketball game
would resume. I smirked as I saw the concentration upon her face
replaced by a cute smile when she finished up with Peyton.
"Ok, who's
next?" her gorgeous hazel/green eyes scanned the room as she held
the nail varnish brush in her hand. Her eyes stopped searching when
she got to me and a huge grin appeared on her face
"No way!"
I immediately protested to whatever it was she had in mind before
taking a swig from my beer bottle and sinking deeper into the leather
sofa
"Come on.
I'm so bored" she was always 'so bored' when she had to watch
ESPN. I was always so bored when she'd force me to watch America's
Next Top Model or Greys Anatomy. But, my boredom would always have a
reward when she'd fall asleep under my arm, or against my chest
"You let me do it once before" she kinked her eyebrow at me,
whilst the others chuckled knowing Brooke had let on a little more
than I'd hoped
"Well, if
that's the rule tonight" I looked at her from head to toe and
grinned. I made it sound like it was all a big joke, but deep down I
knew that I'd give anything for another night with her. Anything
for another night to be close to her
"Pwease…"
her eyes dropped and her lips pouted as she pleaded with me. But,
before I could refuse her anymore she jumped up off of her place on
the floor and rushed towards me, but before she could reach me I
darted up off of the sofa and ran to anywhere in the room that wasn't
near her.
"No, no,
no" I repeated before tackling her onto the chair and playfully
pinching her sides whilst she screamed
"Lucas!
Lucas, no" she managed to say through the giggles
Haley then
walked through to the living area from the bathroom "Explain to me
why your not a couple again?" she narrowed her eyes and looked at
us like a disapproving mother
"Hey, not all of us wanna be married with kids by the time where like, what 12?" Brooke shot Haley a light-hearted mock grin at the exact same time Haley did the same thing to her.
Waking up without her the next morning was a lot harder than going to sleep without her the night before. Now it'd had time to sink in, to become real. I hadn't done my usual morning routine when I'd woken up. I hadn't made me and Brooke breakfast, or had a shower or a shave, I'd just thrown on some clothes and headed out the door, my feet taking me somewhere. Anywhere. When I'd finally stopped walking I found myself at the beach.
The beach always had been the place I'd go to think, the sea air would give me some sort of clarity whilst the washing of the waves would help calm me down. But, all the beach seemed to hold for me now was memories of Brooke. Memories I didn't want to forget. But, memories that were to painful to be remembered right now.
I turned to my right on hearing footsteps coming towards me. I looked up into the blinding sun and could just make out the form of Haley, her face red and soar and her eyes bulging clearly from the amount of tears she'd cried. For a moment we just sat in silence, and stared out into the soft blue sea. It was a beautiful sight, at a tragic time.
"You know she loved you, right?" Haley asked me, but didn't turn to face me, probably through fear of me realising the pain upon her face. The pain that I knew was already there
I nodded in answer before looking down at the sand that was giving me some comfort "That's what makes things worse" I replied in a whisper "To know that if I would have told her how I felt sooner, we could have had some time"
Haley still kept her focus on the quilt of blue in front of us "But, you didn't" she told me not with viciousness, or regret but with pure fact "And, now here we are"
I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly "Here we are" I repeated her words under my breath
Suddenly Haley broke down and tears began flowing down her cheeks "I don't know what were gonna do without her" she choked before I slowly took her into my arms and kissed the top of her head "What are we gonna do, Luke?"
I thought about Haley's question for a moment but replied with the only answer I knew "I…don't know" I stuttered, my eyes scanning the area surrounding us before I focused directly upon Dan's beach house. There was obviously some unfinished business I had to take care of.
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Pleaaassseeee comment and tell me what ya think!
Sophia x
