CHAPTER THREE
At the look of shock on House's face, Angel began to apologize. "House, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I've felt like a freak all these years and I was scared to tell anyone, thinking that maybe I'd done something so horrible I blocked it out. I've always felt—"Angel stopped, but continued trembling.
House recovered, and simply said, "Go on, it's okay."
"I've always felt like deep down…I was evil. And I didn't want anyone to know. That's why I changed my name." She hung her head in shame until House gripped her shoulders and she looked up at him, afraid.
"You are not evil, do you hear me? You are a good person who has had a tough life, but you didn't deserve it. You were only 15. You may have lost your memory but I see how you are. There's nothing evil about you." House realized the anger in his eyes was scaring her. "I'm not angry at you. But someone put that idea into your head. That's what's pissing me off. Not you." He released his hold on her, gently stroking one shoulder before sitting back. "Now, what's this about your name?"
Still shaking, but relieved at finally telling her secret, she slowly answered, "Angel Hoffman is my legal name. I had it changed when I was 16. But my real name was Anna Hamilton. I was so scared someone from my past might find me, or the police, or…." She shrugged "I changed it. I never meant to lie to you House."
"Don't worry about that. It's okay. We've got other things to deal with right now. You just need to rest." Angel settled back into bed, feeling overwhelmed, and showing it. "Want me to get Foreman?" She nodded, with a grateful smile. He gave her a hint of a smile in return. "I'll see you before I leave for the weekend." House left. Angel closed her eyes, exhausted from the anxiety of the day.
House headed to join the team in scrutinizing her scans, letting Foreman know that Angel wanted his company. Now that he had more information, he planned on digging through past medical records, anything that might help Angel heal from her past. The team was grimly silent as they observed all the fractures. They glanced over at House, but he looked angrier by the minute. They assumed correctly their questions should be saved for another time.
Soon House realized he was the only one in there; the remnants of his team were nowhere to be found. A text from pathology estimated results within the hour. He sent out a message to the team.
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Foreman entered Angel's room with a smile, but his heart hurt at the look on her face, like a wounded animal. "House said you were looking for me?" She nodded, and he sat on the edge of her bed. Angel paused for a moment, and then leaned into his arms. He held her, rubbing her back and stroking her hair.
"I have a gift for you," he whispered into her ear. She leaned back, a small smile on her face. He brought over a large box with a pink bow on it.
She opened it, delicately peeling back the pink tissue paper. "Oh Eric, it's gorgeous!" Inside was a robe, blush pink, in fabric that felt as soft as a cloud. She couldn't resist rubbing it against her cheek. He was quickly rewarded by a luscious kiss.
"When I was at your place I realized you didn't have something like this and, well, hospital gowns leave a lot to be desired for coverage," Foreman said, delighted at her glee.
"It's perfect, help me put it on?" Sore from the day's procedures, he helped her out of bed and soon she had the dreamy robe wrapped around her and was back in bed. "Mmm it's wonderful." Angel let out a happy sigh.
There was a knock at the door and soon the team and Wilson filed in. Angel smiled back at them, and then noticed they were all carrying gift bags. "What's going on…?" she asked, a half-smile on her face.
"We thought you could use some things to cheer you up right now, so…surprise!" Hadley said, giving Angel a hug and a bag. Angel pulled out three steamy-looking romance novels and some magazines, a few which made her blush. "I got you a few of each, to keep both sides of your fancy entertained," Hadley said with a wink. The men tried to get a glance, but Angel clutched them to her chest, and tucked them back into the gift bag. Angel had a good laugh with Hadley.
Wilson stepped forward next: she unwrapped a sweet little stuffed duck, which made her giggle. "I think I'll call him Murry." When Wilson looked at her confused, she spelled it out for him. "M-R-I...get it? Murry!" They exchanged cheek kisses.
Chase came forward with a small box. Inside was a small bracelet with beautiful polished stones. "I was raised Catholic, and…well, I didn't know what your faith was. So I got you some prayer beads. I hope they bring you comfort." Angel hugged him tenderly at such a thoughtful gift.
Taub, trying to be brave but looking sad, came up to her bedside. Angel put her hand on his cheek. "I'm going to be ok. I know you all won't let anything happen to me." He smiled and put a large bag on her lap.
Angel was speechless when she pulled out a lovely lap quilt. She began to cry when she saw that the entire team had each signed a block, even House, Cuddy and Rachel. "Oh, Chris," Angel began but was too moved to continue.
"Rachel's Aunt makes prayer quilts, and when I talked to her, she said her aunt had just finished one. I thought it was perfect timing." He beamed at her delight.
"Please thank Rachel for me. One of these days, she and I need to get together," Angel laughed as she hugged Taub tightly.
Angel noted it was getting close to the end of the workday and was ready to say goodbye. They all said again how much she was missed in the office, especially where coffee and treats were concerned.
"Yeah, I miss your muffins," sighed Taub, immediately blushing when the whole room, including Angel burst into laughter. He looked mortified until Angel patted his hand and winked at him.
"Baked goods! I meant baked goods!" He protested as the laughter got louder.
"Uh-huh, and just who gave me the nickname 'hot new assistant'?" Angel asked, hands on her hips, looking at him with an impish grin.
"Yeah, ok, that would be me," Taub confessed, embarrassed but smiling at her.
At that moment, House walked in with a handful of papers and the room went silent. They noticed the light go out of Angel's eyes as she stared at House. She could see it in his eyes, and it was confirmed when he handed the papers to Wilson and his face fell.
"Do you want us to leave?" Hadley asked quietly. Angel shook her head.
"Well?" Angel couldn't hide the shaking in her voice. She felt the hands of her friends comforting her.
Wilson took a deep breath. He didn't want to make her wait another second but it almost felt like he couldn't force the words out of his mouth. But one look in her eyes and his courage returned. "It's cancer, multiple myeloma, with secondary amyloidosis. I'm so very sorry Angel. But we did catch it very early and that's excellent news. Your other organs are completely fine," Wilson finished, rubbing her arm.
"We'll leave you to discuss the details. But if you need anything, give us a call," Hadley said, tenderly hugging Angel. The rest of the team reiterated the same sentiment as they filed out quietly, overcome by the drastic change in mood.
"So what now?" Angel's smile faded, and she braced herself for what Wilson had to say about her treatment.
"The good news is that you get to go home for the weekend. I'll give you a care sheet for the biopsy sites. You need to rest, and drink plenty of fluids. Light exercise is okay. Monday when you come in, we're going to run some allergy tests to see which medications we'll use. Typically we use 3 medications in your IV, and a shot once a week. We'll use the chemo medication, a steroid, and another medication such as thalidomide."
Angel looked alarmed. "No….I won't use that. I mean, I'm still young, and if I want to have kids…"
James took her hand. "Angel, most likely, the chemotherapy will leave you infertile. Insurance won't cover freezing your eggs. I'm so sorry." His heart felt like breaking again. How much more bad news did he have to deliver to her?
Her lip quivered but she was adamant. "No thalidomide." James nodded and wrote it in her chart.
"Monday we'll also harvest your bone marrow. You'll be out for the procedure. Basically we get the stem cells, freeze them and you become your own marrow donor. You may need to stay overnight for a day or two and then take it easy for the rest of the week." Wilson handed her a cup of water; she sipped at it in a daze.
"H-how much chemo and how long?" Her hands were shaking so hard she nearly spilled the water. Foreman held it for her.
"We'll start the following week. You'll have 4 days of chemo, then a break for three weeks. That's a cycle. I'm going to monitor your progress, but I think I'm going to have you do 4 cycles. We can do as many as 6. You'll come in once a week for your shot. I'd like to keep you in the hospital during the days you do chemo just to be on the safe side." Angel nodded and waited for him to continue.
"Side effects are different for everyone. But usually they will start the 2nd or 3rd week of the first cycle. We'll do everything we can to minimize the side effects: anti-nausea drugs, IV fluids for dehydration, pain medication. We also have alternative therapies here such as acupuncture, yoga, music and art therapy, plus group counseling. I know you'll be seeing Dr. Nolan."
"As for the bone marrow transplant, you'll have that after your last cycle is over. Unfortunately you'll have to stay in the hospital for about 2-4 weeks while your immune system recovers. Then you have scheduled checkups." James paused. The tension in the room was so thick and Angel was crumbling under the weight of it. He gently put his arms around her, tucking her head under his chin.
"I know this is so much to take in Angel. I-I just wish there was something I could do to make this easier for you. But I'm here for you. We all are." Wilson said a silent prayer for strength for Angel. She felt so small and fragile in his arms.
"What if I don't?" Angel spoke slowly, her voice flat. House noticed her eyes looked empty. He knew that look. He saw it in the mirror far too often.
"I…don't understand what you mean, Angel," Wilson turned so he could look at her. She picked up the picture of Connor and stared at it, fingering the frame.
"She wants to know what will happen if she doesn't do the treatment," House answered for her. Wilson and Foreman both frowned, feeling panic.
"Angel, best case, six months, maybe a year! You need the treatment, why would you not have it?" Wilson was flabbergasted and had the impulse to shout, but managed to maintain some composure.
"Maybe this is my punishment for Connor's death." She looked up, only meeting House's eyes. Surely he understood.
"It's not your fault." House said simply, limping over to her bedside, Foreman making room.
"But you don't know that—" Angel's voice began to rise when House forcefully interrupted.
"Actually I do. I pulled his medical records from the hospital." He let that sink in. Angel sucked in a deep breath, the last of the color fading from her cheeks.
"Hospitals don't like to admit mistakes. But they had a Morbidity and Mortality meeting—an M&M as it's called. And while they don't come out and say they screwed up on Connor, they did. Had you stayed around and filed a lawsuit you would have won."
"But nowhere," House gently put his fingers under her chin so she had to keep eye contact, "nowhere does it even suggest that Connor's death was your fault. You were a wonderful mother and you have to stop punishing yourself. You have to let this go. If you die, you won't bring him back. All you will do is cause grief and pain to your friends who care about you and love you." He stared at her, unblinking.
Angel closed her eyes as a tear slipped out and she nodded her head. House gently touched her cheek. "Good girl." He limped back to his chair and sat. It felt like the room could breathe again. Wilson mouthed "thank you" to House, who just nodded. Foreman stepped back to Angel and kissed her head.
"Angel, I'm going to give you some things to read, but please, keep the web searching to a minimum. I know this is scary but I don't want you over-researching. You can call me anytime with questions. Is there anything else before I get your release papers?"
Angel gave him a tiny smile and shook her head. He left the room, patting House on the shoulder, who stood up to leave as well. Angel spoke up."House? I…I don't know how to thank you."
"Just get better." House was almost shocked as Foreman came to shake his hand, thanking him. "You take care of her."
As Foreman helped her pack, he paused. "Angel, I know this is kind of sudden, but…I'd like to come stay with you, if that's alright. I'd feel better knowing you weren't alone this weekend. Plus I can help make sure the biopsy sites are okay, help with pain meds…"
The surprised look on her face almost made him smile, but she'd had such an overwhelming day, trying to process one more thing must be near impossible. "Um….yes. Yes, I think I'd like that," she said, pink coming back to her cheeks. They smiled at each other.
As Angel sat in the lobby waiting for Eric to pull the car around, Cuddy came up to her, giving her a tender hug. "I heard the news from House. If there is anything I can do, or the hospital can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask."
"Thank you Dr. Cuddy. I can't tell you how much it means to have everyone's support." Angel couldn't help but notice the pitying looks from some of the nurses. Word had spread fast.
"Please, call me Lisa. The nurses all signed a card for you," Cuddy handed it to her, "and Rachel colored a picture for you." Angel beamed at the colorful drawing.
"Thank you so much," Angel said, beginning to sniffle.
"Are you going to be ok this weekend?" Cuddy asked, concerned.
Angel couldn't hide the blushing, despite how tired she was. "Eric is going to be staying with me. We're a couple now." She didn't laugh despite the baffled look on Cuddy's face.
Cuddy bid them both a good weekend as Foreman helped her into his car. Angel nearly felt giddy with the idea of Foreman spending the weekend with her. Reality would rear its ugly head soon enough.
XXXXX
Wilson and House were worn out on the drive home. Wilson glanced over at House, deep in thought. "What's going on in your head?" he asked, mildly concerned.
"I'm thinking this is a good night for pizza, copious amounts of beer and porn," House said with a tight smile. Wilson wasn't buying it.
"What's really going on? Are you okay with Angel and Foreman?" House screwed up his face in annoyance instead of replying. "C'mon House, I know you. There's something between you and Angel. Spill. The dog tags were rather thoughtful, especially from you." Wilson's teasing got him nowhere.
"I found someone whose childhood was shittier than mine. I can't help but relate to that." House's retort was sobering enough to end conversation until they reached the condo.
