Shielded: I never thought that I would be back here at the Institute for anything more than a brief visit. But, here I am. I'm back where it all began and my life has taken a number of unexpected twists and turns. It's here of all places where I'm determined to find myself again, find the woman that was lost long before that tragic day my late husband died. Eventual OC/Scott, lots of OC/X-Men interaction.
Disclaimer: The X-Men and any other mentioned Marvel characters are not my property. I cannot claim ownership over them, and I ask forgiveness from their creators should they ever see how badly I've butchered their perfect creations. Eleanor Jenkins and a few other characters are my own, however, so please leave them alone.
Rating: There are adult situations in this story, but they are much later on in the story. That being said, however, it would be safest to assume that this story is rated M+ for Mature Audiences since there is some language and a number of alcohol/drug references as well as suggestive material. Chapters containing sexually explicit material will have forewarnings, however, so if you're uncomfortable with those type scenes you'll be able to skip ahead with ease!
"The softest hearts always have the toughest shields." – Claire Cross, Double Trouble
Shielded
~Chapter Three~
"What I don't really understand is what makes you think that your staff has the right to dictate my lifestyle to me."
Pacing was a skill I'd long ago perfected, and I put my technique to the test as I paced across the fancy handwoven rug in front of Xavier's large antique desk. His study hadn't changed from my days as a student, and while it was comforting it was also a little strange to find myself alone with him. It brought back old memories, and they weren't entirely comfortable.
"I can assure you that Scott and Dr. Reyes have only your best interests at heart, Eleanor. Why, Cecilia Reyes is a medical doctor. Surely you do not think that she'd be so spiteful as to say something crude for the sake of hurting you, do you?"
Deep down I wanted to say Yes, I think she's just being a bitch because she doesn't like me. But, it wasn't true. While the woman was gruff and standoffish, she'd been clinical and calm when she'd finished with the physical. We had spent a grueling forty-five minutes discussing important life changes after she had completed the exam, and I'd felt like a monster.
I dropped down into an armchair with a sigh and felt my shoulders sagging forward as I recalled the meeting with Scott that had directly followed my appointment with Dr. Reyes. Though he was no medical professional, Scott said that he had taken several courses regarding nutrition and physical fitness.
"Scott tells me that when he suggested that you do a trial to test your current abilities, you were quite upset," Charles offered softly, breaking me from my own thoughtful reverie.
If by upset he meant that I'd released all of the bottled up frustration that I'd been storing for the past year and a half, then he'd been accurate. I had to wonder if Scott had shared that I'd sobbed like an idiot and I'd kept telling him I'd always been a little overweight, and that I'd just packed on way too much since I'd lost Todd. Then I couldn't help but wonder if Scott had shared the fact that he'd just stared down at me where I sat on the floor of the gymnasium, snot trailing down my face, and hadn't said a word.
"It is only natural to grieve the loss of those that we love, Eleanor. You forget, I think, that I met Todd several times," he offered as explanation. I looked up reluctantly and met his thoughtful gaze for a moment before I stared down at my scuffed sneakers indifferently. Externally, I figured I looked pretty defeated. Internally, it took everything I had not to burst into tears again. "You coped with the loss of your husband in a way that is natural for most people. Your activity levels dropped significantly, though, and you put on extra weight. It's natural."
I glanced down at my belly briefly and wondered if it was natural to outgrow your panties in the space of a month, but didn't comment. After Todd's death and the Blackout, I'd taken two months' vacation from work and locked myself inside of our house to mourn. People brought me food, gave me their condolences, and asked if I needed anything. Nothing seemed to fill the hole that had formed inside of me, but I'd taken on the challenge of trying to fill it regardless - with food.
In a year and a half, I'd put on an additional forty-five pounds. Already overweight for my height and stature, I'd gone from acceptably curvy to practically bulbous.
"Todd and I were always very active. We went camping and hiking when we had the free time, and I was always so busy on the ranch. Then I just stopped caring," I mumbled sadly. "And I'm not sure that I'm ready to care."
"Your self-esteem has suffered greatly. You can deny all that you like, my dear, but you forget that not only am I observant, but I am also a telepath. You avoid meeting peoples' gazes, and you never look at your reflection when you happen across a mirror. The last time I saw you, before Todd passed, you were dressed with care and consideration. When is the last time you left your hair unbraided?"
When, I wondered, had Charles decided we were close enough that he could talk to me like this? Didn't we previously have a very professional relationship? Now he tells me I'm frumpy and fat and it's utter bullshit!
He cleared his throat and I winced in alarm. Sometimes I simply forgot that I was surrounded by so many mutants, let alone the most powerful telepath in the entire world. Of course he had read my thoughts.
With a faint smile, Charles slowly shook his head. "I am simply being open and honest with you. We agreed when you accepted this position that there would be no hand-holding involved in any aspect of your employment here. I wish to project an environment of complete transparency with the staff and student body, and I feel that honesty is important."
"You sure don't pull your punches."
He chuckled and I relaxed slightly, but couldn't quite bring myself to meet his gaze. "I can understand your hesitation as well as your concerns, but I assure you that no one has anything but the best of intentions for you. Scott's primary concerns are, and I presume will always be, the core of the X-Men. After the Blackout... He's taken it all so very seriously. Team training is vigorous, as you've heard, but he also works individually with everyone."
"I can understand that," I agreed quietly, nodding. I had once looked at the others with awe when I'd seen them don their latex uniforms to start training. "This is just a lot harder than I expected it to be."
"If life were meant to be easy, it wouldn't be a waste to squander our opportunities. Regardless of your decision in regards to joining the X-Men, or not, Scott believes that it is important that you be able to respond to a distress signal if needed."
I hesitated for a moment before I rose to my feet, arms folded across my chest. The man that sat behind the antique desk was dressed in an expensive suit that spoke of class and wealth. But, it was the kindness in his eyes that made my stomach clench and my chest ache with fear.
Blinking rapidly to fend off the unwanted tears, I exhaled and licked my lips. "And what do you think?"
He tapped his fingertips together and looked out the large windows at the beautiful school grounds. I followed his gaze and watched several students racing across the lawn briefly before I turned my attention to him again. His gray-blue eyes met mine and I felt myself begin to relax. Whether it was with his aid or my own body's final acceptance that I'd acted like a juvenile, I wasn't certain.
"I think that it is past time for you to accept that Todd is gone, Eleanor. Todd is gone and you are still here, you are alive and well and you have a full life ahead of you still. The ups and downs, the struggles and the issues you shared, they no longer matter. The love you two shared together before and during your marriage will remain with you forever." Forever, I thought, is a really long time. "And, most importantly, I think that it's time you come to accept that it was not your fault."
His last three words seemed to cause something sharp and jagged in my chest to twist with a searing flash of pain. Dark spots filled my vision and I struggled to draw in shaky breaths and the world around me seemed to tilt precariously on its side. The tears I'd fought so desperately to hide threatened to spill and I pressed my palm against my breastbone sharply, heaving desperate gasps of air.
"It was not your fault, Eleanor. The sooner you finally accept what you know in your heart and soul to be true, the sooner you will finally be able to move on with your life." His words sounded dull and far off, like I was swimming underwater and he was shouting at me from somewhere above. In spite of the layer of confusion and terror, they still penetrated the shell around me. "It is time to start letting him go."
I didn't hear him or see him move around the large desk to sit near me, the wheels of his chair inches from the tip of my scarred sneakers. But, I did feel the weight of his hand as he lifted it to grasp my forearm gently, with obvious affection. Something in his touch, in his presence, caused the terror to slowly seep from my pores. Minutes passed in relative silence and I was surprised to realize that I had regained my breath and my vision was no longer distorted.
He cleared his throat and I met his gaze levelly, aching for reasons he somehow could understand. "You're going to be fine. This is just the beginning."
The beginning of what?
