Image Training
By: Aviantei
Sunday, April 21
Suzuki woke without her going off and rolled over in bed, using the blankets to cover her head. It was barely three weeks into the trimester, and here she was, already waking up early on her days off. Part of her missed her high school days when she could just sleep all Sunday, and that would be all she wanted from her weekend. Now she had started the habit of getting a head start on her assignments, and that apparently meant waking up roughly around the time the sun came up.
She tried not to think. She really did. But fifteen minutes proved that sort of thing useless, and Suzuki threw the covers off, heading for the shower. If she was going to be awake, she might as well be properly ready for the rest of the day, too. It took until she was halfway dressed to remember.
Her planner was open on the table in the middle of the room, the remains of the previous week already marked as having past. Each assignment had been checked off, and there were a few notes marked for the day of studying and review reminders. Written under them in substantially messier script was Fukube's name, followed shortly by his number.
She had almost forgotten. That was really bad, especially since she and Fukube shared a class the previous day, during which he had given her the reminder and his number. Suzuki scowled, pulling off her indoor clothes and heading for her closet.
What the hell did people wear on dates anyway? She knew girls were expected to go for dresses and heels and makeup, but Suzuki adamantly refused to own any of those things. She doubted that Fukube would care too much, though. Even if he did, he was going to settle for the casual approach anyway. Besides, whatever he planned to do, it couldn't be too fancy considering they were both jobless.
It was definitely too early to call him—or to call anyone for that matter. Looking over her schedule again, Suzuki decided to go over her test material again, especially since there were still a few segments that were still fuzzy. She pulled together some breakfast, trying to at least save enough to make lunch the next day, and ate while looking over her notes.
It was a wonderful time living alone, not having to worry about manners in front of other people.
Suzuki had cycled between her notes and some new reading material to keep her brain sharp at least three times before her phone rang. Ignoring her racing heartbeat, Suzuki answered without checking the caller ID. "Hel—"
"Good morning, Akiko-chan!" the voice on the other end sang. It was female, which eliminated the possibility of Fukube calling. That was good, considering that Suzuki hadn't given him her number. In fact, he hadn't even asked for it. She made a mental note to make sure he didn't already have her number on file before returning her focus to the phone call. "Wow, you sound like you're already awake, too! How do you always manage to wake up so early? Weren't you, like, insanely lazy in middle school, aru?"
The familiar intentional slip of the accent made Suzuki relax a bit, even if the words did make her frown. Hasegawa Jing Hua was as comforting as ever, and the only person that Suzuki could manage to even consider a friend throughout high school. She pushed her books away, knowing that once her friend starting talking, there would be no point in attempting to get back to work.
"Please stop confusing the past with the present. People do change, you know, Jing Hua. You should try it yourself," Suzuki retorted. Hasegawa only laughed on the other end. Suzuki still didn't know if the mixed nationalities girl wasn't bothered by what other people said about her, or simply didn't notice the intention. "Besides, some of us like the benefit of studying every day, so we take account of our time when we have other plans."
The words were enough to perk Hasegawa's interest. "Oh, Akiko-chan has plans that don't just involve homework?" she said, genuine skepticism in her voice. "But I thought all you did was classwork and running, aru!" What happened to me being lazy, did you forget just saying that? "It's coming! The end of the world is definitely coming!"
Suzuki stood up to pace. Now that it had been mentioned, she hadn't gone for a run today. "You watch too many apocalypse movies."
"Ehehe~. That's 'cause they're so good, aru." Suzuki didn't exactly agree with the idea, but she didn't exactly disagree, either. It was better to just not comment. Regardless of the answer, Hasegawa would always talk the other person's ear off as a result. "But anyway, if you're not doing homework all day, what are you going to be up to? I could barely ever convince you to go out with me, and here it's only a few weeks into school and someone already got through to you? You're replacing me, aru!"
Suzuki sighed. It was probably in her best interest then to keep it under wraps that the person dragging her out of the apartment was a boy, and this was a date, too. Sure, it wasn't the most conventional definition of 'date' in the world, but it still was one, even if Suzuki didn't like Fukube. Hasegawa's reaction was sure to be over the top as always if she found out.
But if she didn't like him, why had she even said yes in the first place?
"It's just a get together with one of my classmates," Suzuki provided as cover. "They were going out to the shopping center to do some things and didn't want to go by themselves. No one else would go with them, so they asked me." It wasn't technically a lie, since most of it was the truth anyway. Never before had Suzuki been so grateful for the gender neutrality of pronouns in the Japanese language.
Hasegawa hummed a bit, contemplating the words. "That just means you owe me then!" she decided. "Next time we see each other, you're going out with me, not once, but twice! I won't make you pay for anything, but you definitely owe me your company, Akiko-chan!"
Suzuki only laughed, not bothering to protest. There was no point in it. This sort of behavior was expected of Hasegawa, and it really wouldn't be so bad. When it came down to it, Suzuki owed the Chinese-Japanese girl for being her friend for so long anyway. Actually acting like friends and hanging out together was the least Suzuki could do.
"Alright, I promise the next time we're both in the same neighborhood, we can go out together," Suzuki agreed. She was about to wait for Hasegawa's reply, but was interrupted by her phone informing her that there was an incoming call. "Ah, I'm sorry Jing Hua; my friend's on the other line and probably wants to confirm our plans. Talk to you later, alright?"
"Okie dokie," Hasegawa said. "I'll talk to you later, aru. Hope you have a fun time today and good luck with your school work."
Hasegawa hung up her phone, and Suzuki pulled her own away from her ear. Sure enough, it was Fukube's number flashing on the screen, and Suzuki almost considered hanging up and calling the whole thing off without warning. It certainly would make her whole life easier, and she wouldn't have to worry about her motives. She could just avoid other people and go back to studying for the rest of her university stay.
But did she really want that sort of thing?
"Fukube," Suzuki greeted, a hard tone to her voice. She really wasn't that angry though, and she wondered if Fukube would be able to mark it off as annoyance or not. "Is there any reason why you happen to have my phone number? I don't recall sharing such a thing with you."
Fukube only laughed, obviously not fazed. "Sorry, sorry," he said, the tone of his voice light. "I happened to come across it when I was looking into you. I didn't write it down or anything, but it turns out I remembered it okay. Imagine my surprise whenever I was flipping through our class directory to find you and I already knew the number!"
Suzuki didn't know if she bought that. It sounded like a perfectly reasonable story, but at the same time, it had some sort of weird vibe to it. Fukube didn't seem the type of person to be a liar, though, but the best liars never did. She shook the feeling off, not wanting it to get in the way. "If you're going to claim to be a database, then you shouldn't act so surprised over retaining information."
"Oh, I guess you're right." Fukube laughed again. It was such a pure sound that Suzuki didn't know if she could handle it. "But, there will be plenty of time for us to talk later, Suzuki-san. For now, we should settle the matter of exactly when and where we'll be meeting up. I'm good to go whenever you are."
"Yeah, I guess I'm good to go, too," Suzuki said. She had bothered to get up and get dressed for the damn date anyway, might as well go on it. Besides, what else was she going to do with her day, anyway? Was this what university was all about, taking the chance to—
"Then why don't we just meet up at the main entrance to the shopping center in an hour or so?" Fukube proposed. "Our places would take different bus routes to get there, so it would just be a waste of time to try and meet up beforehand. How does that sound?"
The only objection Suzuki had was that he knew her address already but didn't bother to put it in words.
In addition to providing the cost of his tuition, Tanae's parents were the type to send him an obnoxious allowance. He had never really known what their intents were by doing such a thing—it could be a number of things, really—but he assumed it was their way of hoping he would at least lead a standard of living that was presentable. After all, if your clothes were clean and you ate well enough, you could at least look like you weren't a punk.
The thought made him want to roll his eyes. As if it was really that simple.
This approach hadn't really produced the intended result throughout high school. If anything, it only made it worse. Tanae had taken the opportunity to blow his money on games that he had wanted, taking his friends out for food, or just really making impulse buys that hadn't done much to improve his image. Regardless, his parents had kept trying.
Now, he was at a bit of an impasse. Right on time, the notice had arrived in his email that his parents had deposited the bi-weekly allowance into his account. As usual, it was far more than enough to live on and then some, but Tanae wasn't sure what to do. Sure, he needed money to eat, but that wasn't really an issue. As such, he was left with money to burn.
He didn't know what he wanted to buy, either, considering his desire to change his image. There was no point in making impulse buys as an acceptable member of society. It would probably be best to just save the stuff, but at the same time it seemed like such a waste to not buy anything.
Which was why he was in the shopping center, wandering around aimlessly. There were plenty of places to go, and that only made the decision harder. Looking around, Tanae spotted a book store and thought of Hiraoka, reaching for his pocket on instinct.
What the hell am I thinking, asking Kouna for advice? If it were her here, she would just go bankrupt on buying books, never mind how she would get it home or fit all of it into her apartment. That wasn't the goal that Tanae had in mind, but he guessed it couldn't hurt to try reading a book every now and then.
Tanae shoved his hands into his pockets and entered the store. The girl at the counter seemed to shrink away a little, eyeing him warily. Tanae realized he was slouching on instinct and stood up straight. He really didn't know where to start when it came to picking out books, but decided that maybe it wasn't the best thing to ask right now.
I guess I still look like a punk, huh? In that case, deciding to change wasn't going to be enough. He was going to have to actually do something about it. Tanae sighed and turned into a random aisle. This whole thing was turning out to be way more trouble than it had seemed like at first.
That wasn't the only thing that made Tanae aware of just how out of place he was. He could almost feel how long it had been since he was in a bookstore or library to actually find something to read as opposed to causing trouble. Maybe back when his sister had been young enough to not be able to go out shopping by herself? He had a hard enough time recognizing her age as it was.
The first aisle seemed to be a nonfiction section—hell no—and Tanae didn't take any move that would indicate interest. The wall display that he almost ran into seemed to be filled with titles consisting of way too many kanji to possibly be enjoyable, so he rejected that as well. A few aisles down he discovered the manga section. That was Hiraoka's thing, and there was no point in trying to buy her something that she probably had already.
The magazine rack was obnoxiously large, each cover assaulting Tanae with colors and bold headlines. Just looking at it gave the boy a headache, and he was about to turn down the next aisle.
"Ah, it looks like the new Mas Arai book is out! I've been wondering when the new release would be showing up since there hasn't been word from the author in a while."
"You know, I really didn't picture you being into such girly things…"
"It's not girly, it's a mystery! Don't go judging books by their covers, Suzuki-san."
Tanae felt like he was going to faint, and leaned on a shelf for support. Looking at the book spines in front of him, he realized he was in the children's aisle. Fortunately, it was empty, but he would have rather endured strange looks in opposition to having to deal with Suzuki again.
He hadn't even done anything since then, but he still felt paranoid as hell about it. The cashier's reaction had been enough to prove that others weren't going to look on him kindly, and they didn't even know him. Suzuki had watched him be a total ass to Mukui, and then beat him up for it. Sure, they were in public instead of a back alley, but for some reason, it didn't really feel like Suzuki would care.
"…That being said, I really didn't picture you as being a mystery fan, Fukube," Suzuki commented. Tanae tried to match the name to a familiar person, but came up short. Maybe the person was one of Suzuki's friends from before university.
"Oh, really?" the voice of Fukube asked, a lilt of curiosity in his tone. He sounded sane enough, but so had Suzuki before she had started rattling philosophy off at him. "Is there a reason for that?"
There was a pause, and Tanae could almost imagine Suzuki shrugging. "Well, you just seem really hyper. Mysteries are supposed to pull you in, make you think about the case at hand, right? Although, I guess it's possible to be a passive mystery reader and let the characters do all the work, but then you're not really 'reading'… Getting back on the topic, I just figured you'd be into action or romance."
Yep, Suzuki was the same head case as always. The scary part was that Fukube only laughed.
"You really are bad at relying on your first impressions, huh? That's a really bad way to look at things, especially whenever people are the worst at matching up to our expectations, both of ourselves and of others."
Suzuki scoffed. Tanae flinched, almost bumping his head against one of the shelves that looked a bit unbalanced, and he took a step back to avoid causing a scene.
"I never said that I was solely relying on my first impression," Suzuki retorted, but she almost sounded like she wasn't angry. Tanae shook his head; surely the stress was getting to him. "People inherently rely on their first impressions whenever they meet a person. There's nothing else to judge them by, so it's what we've got. If you don't use that, you don't know how to treat someone. The problem only shows up if people refuse to change those impressions over time."
Fukube laughed again, though this time it was less of a chuckle. "You know, if you're still stuck for a major in a few years, you could always go into philosophy."
"Ugh, no thanks, why would I want a degree that couldn't get me a job? They only thing I could do with that is teach, and there's no way in hell that's happening." The location of Suzuki's voice had shifted, heading out of the aisle. There was a chance that she and Fukube would head farther back into the store, but Tanae wasn't about to risk that. Knowing he didn't have time to be graceful, he bolted for the store's entrance, and went down to the next section of the mall for good measure.
He couldn't believe he had spent that much time eavesdropping. What if Suzuki had caught him? She might be willing to let him go if they were just in the same place, but listening in on her conversations was a whole different ball game. On instinct, he reached a hand up to the now fading bruise on his face.
If he was going to change things, he couldn't afford another one.
"That girl is completely nuts…" Tanae took the risk of saying. He frowned. Getting suspicious and thinking saying Suzuki's name would summon her like some goddamn incantation was ridiculous. Besides, there were enough people around that their noise would surely cover up his voice. "But really, what the hell was she talking about?"
Everything Suzuki had said had come to her so naturally, like she didn't even have to think to come up with stuff like that. Tanae thought back to the alley, suppressing a shudder. She hadn't hesitated to say a single thing back then, either. That sort of honesty made her far more of a monster than her strength did.
Agh, I came here to get my mind off this, not think about her! Normally, Tanae would have punched something to vent, but the nearest thing was a couple resting with their child, and even punching the bench they were sitting on was a bad place to start. Instead, Tanae looked around the stores for something to do, something that could help change things around.
I guess… maybe… I could…
Tanae shrugged. Getting a haircut was a good enough place to start as any.
It would at least be a hell of a lot more effective than sitting around in a bookstore.
For a date between two university students, it had gone quite well. Suzuki seemed to not be interested in anything in particular aside from exercise, and that wasn't something Fukube considered date material. He was certain there were far more active couples that would, though, and had to stifle a misplaced laugh at the unfitting image of Oreki attempting something like rock climbing for a date—which was enough for Fukube to decide to stop thinking.
Now wasn't the time to think about Oreki's words—not when Suzuki was sitting across from him. Now wasn't the time to worry if this was going to work out—so what if it didn't? Now wasn't the time to reconsider this whole thing, to wonder if it was best to call it off, go back home, dial that number that he still had memorized, to have to apologize to Suzuki for wasting her time—
It was far too late for that.
As it was, Suzuki was oblivious to the turmoil of her date, eyes locked on the menu in front of her. Fukube was glad for it, sweeping all thoughts from his mind. The date had been going well up to this point, and there was no reason to ruin that. Fukube chuckled a bit as Suzuki furrowed her brow.
"You can order more than one dish if you like," he offered, and the girl's head popped up in response. "We really didn't buy too much today, so I have enough money to splurge a little." That being said, this would have to be the last thing of the evening, considering how much Suzuki seemed to inhale when it came to food. However, this was well within the budget Fukube had set for himself.
"Thanks," Suzuki said, closing her menu with a satisfied smile on her face. "Since you're suddenly being such a gentleman, I'll hold myself back and only order two dishes." It was no wonder that she could spend so much energy on exercising; she certainly had the calories to burn.
Fukube decided that it was best to keep that comment to himself, putting on a playful pout instead. "Come on, don't be so cruel, Suzuki-san. Saying 'suddenly' makes it sound like I wasn't enough of a gentleman before…"
Suzuki rolled her eyes and scoffed without half of her usual annoyance. "That's 'cause I don't consider you as having been one," she stated, as blunt as ever. "The last I checked, gentlemen don't go around digging into women's private information and casually reference it like it's some sort of game." Fukube made a mental note to keep comments about her past to herself. "They also try to be more romantic whenever courting someone. You were just plain forward."
For a second, she looked like she was smiling.
Fukube let out a short, nervous laugh. He briefly held up one hand in imitation half-prayer. "Then as a gentleman I apologize. I'll also keep better track of my actions in the future." He lowered his hand to his drink, adding, "It was never my intention to hurt or insult you."
"That's right. It was your intention to see the 'real' Suzuki Akiko," she said. Her voice seemed to falter for a moment, but when she next spoke, the usual force was back in her words. "Fukube, I ran into Oreki-san the other day. He said that I shouldn't pursue a relationship with you." Fukube felt the moisture disappear from his mouth even though he had just taken a drink. "He said that there was something about you that wasn't good for building interactions with other people…"
Suzuki pushed her bangs out her place and ended up toying with a strand of hair. It was so out of what Fukube would have expected that he would have teased her for it if he could find his voice. The only reassurance that she was the same person was the way she narrowed her eyes.
"I didn't really, but I wanted him to fuck off. I get that he's your high school friend, but he wasn't making any sense. I tried to get him to elaborate on it, but he wouldn't budge. Said some bullshit about not understanding well enough." She took a deep breath and sighed. "The only thing that made sense was that he told me to ask you. I'm not gonna force you to say anything, but I guess that I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to know."
Suzuki locked eyes with him, and Fukube couldn't bring himself to look away, no matter how much he wanted to. Absentmindedly, he reached for his complimentary glass of water, taking a sip, the ice cubes bumping against his lips. Just as she had said, she wasn't verbally pressuring him, but something about her expression was convincing enough.
"Suzuki-san," he said, keeping check on his words, "do you want me to hurt you?" It wasn't threatening, but Fukube still didn't like how the sentence had come out. His voice was wavering, going away from the cheerful tone he worked so hard to present.
Despite his best efforts, he couldn't seem to reel it back in.
Suzuki scoffed. "If you think something like words can hurt me anymore, then you really don't know as much about me as you thought," she said.
Fukube laughed, the sound both genuinely happy and sad at once. "That's what this is all about, remember?" he asked. When Suzuki didn't respond, he lowered his eyes. "What Houtarou was talking about is kind of a long story, but I don't think you need to know all of it. Can I just bring up the main point of what he was getting at and leave it there?"
"Sure."
"I'm…not a fan of being obsessed with things," Fukube said. The words didn't seem right, but he didn't know how else to describe it. The last time he had had to, he hadn't been given an opportunity to think about it, just had been told to explain, so he had said whatever he wanted. Maybe this time…
Suzuki didn't interrupt. Now was as good of a time as ever.
"I guess when it comes down to it, being obsessed with things scares me. I used to be obsessed with things all the time. But when you think about it, being obsessed means giving everything you have to something. You give it your entire existence, you don't think about anything else, you make your entire world revolve around one little thing. And isn't that what being in a relationship is all about?"
Suzuki shrugged. It might have hurt less if she actually said something.
"Houtarou knows I feel this way. He acts like he understands, but it's kind of obvious he doesn't." After all, if he had understood then he wouldn't have… "Putting that aside, I guess it is relevant to share something like this with you, considering that I did ask you out. And I really am still scared of this; that much hasn't changed…"
"So then why'd you ask?" Suzuki didn't even seem annoyed that she had been dragged around on a wild goose chase all day. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Fukube had been paying for almost everything, but that still didn't seem like a satisfactory return. "If you're so scared of relationships, why'd you bother to ask me on a date and go with it?"
It was an honest question. Fukube didn't have the right to refuse in this instance. "Well, a date isn't really a sentence for a relationship," he said, providing the same defense he had given Oreki previously. It suddenly struck Fukube that Suzuki wasn't Oreki, which gave her the tiniest chance of understanding. "And I thought, maybe, if I tried something, I could get over it…
"So then, Suzuki-san, if you received this warning, may I ask why you came?" Fukube tried to put himself into it, but couldn't manage it properly. Suzuki never really seemed impressed by that part of him, anyway.
"Hell if I know," Suzuki responded. She didn't even need to think about it. Her resolve was amazing. "It wasn't like I was going to let Oreki-san's half-assed argument stop me. But beyond that, I just accepted your invitation because I did. Shouldn't you be glad that I went along with what you hoped for, at least on the surface?"
It was such a Suzuki-like argument that Fukube didn't doubt it for a second. Her lack of hesitation only made his much more prominent, made it feel like he wasn't ready for this sort of thing just yet. The thought was scary.
"Besides, Fukube, you're not the only one that does such selfish things in this world."
It was probably better to just leave it at that.
Mukui was almost certain that he wouldn't know what else to do with his life if it weren't for studying. When it came down to university, there were a couple of types of people, especially when it came to academic work ethic. There were obviously the slackers, then those who prioritized their studies but still made time for social engagements. And then, there were people like Mukui, who didn't socialize well, so they spent almost all of their time on reviewing material, pushing themselves to perform at a top level.
Mukui had far exceeded his personal quota for studying for the day, but he couldn't bring himself to relax. Whenever he tried—turning on some music, sitting down with a book—all he could do was get distracted. Studying automatically pushed everything else out of his mind as he worked to process the information. Whenever he stopped, he was stuck thinking about Suzuki.
She had said that she wasn't a suitable role model, but Mukui wasn't sure that he believed that. After all, Mukui could only hope to be someone like her, even if it wasn't reasonable. What was so wrong with wanting to be like someone who was strong? Whenever you were weak, it was all you could hope for.
Mukui cleaned up his desk of all traces of homework, packing up his bag for tomorrow. If he wasn't careful, he would burn himself out. And if Suzuki wouldn't help him, there had to be someone out there who would.
Sitting down at his computer, Mukui tried not to think about the fact that he was asking complete strangers for help.
And here's the update, and a day early at that! I'm gonna be busy tomorrow, so it's better to be early than late, right?
Thanks to Madin456 for your review on the last chapter! I'm glad you're enjoying the story and thank you for your patience.
Since I left my notes behind, I can't say for sure when the next chapter will be. But I have been working on this story and making progress, so stay alert!
Next time, Fukube and Oreki talk, Mukui and Tanae get dragged into things they're not prepared for and Hiraoka sticks her nose into everyone else's business. Please look forward to it!
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