Declaimer: I don't own KHR

A/n: I thank and give credit to Mizuki-Chin for Beta'd


The Varia family. The Varia were a dysfunctional family, if anyone asked. Their family consisted of 'papa' Xanxus, 'mama' Squalo, 'big sister' Lussuria. The role of children went to Bel and Mammon. Levi was, of course, Xanxus' personal servant.

'Papa' Xanxus mainly slept through the day and night. Xanxus was like a tiger, the big cat who slept 16 to 20 hours. He only woke up if he was hungry. He showed his love to 'mama' Squalo with throwing vases; (he just wanted to show him how beautiful the vases were) or the expensive liquor at Squalo's head (Xanxus had heard that alcohol was good for hair and since Squalo had complained about his hair loss, Xanxus thought he would share his alcohol.)

Xanxus was a very shy man. Usually, he was quiet. But when he talked, there was a lot of colorful language thrown in. He hid his shyness with strong language. The rest of the Varia family could discern Xanxus's grunts and managed to handle his rude behavior.

Here's an example:

"Trash, you'd be better off dead. We don't need weak people!" Xanxus said and fired his X-Guns towards the member who had failed his mission.

Lussuria's translation:

"You'd better get stronger. Here, take my shot filled with love."

But, of course most of them died. They couldn't withstand Xanxus's tough love. It gave the Varia a bad reputation. They killed any members who failed to eliminate weakness.

He also was a picky eater. He only ate meat and drank tequila and whisky. Even the doctor told him his calorie intake was too high. But, Xanxus was a man. He would live his life without regrets. Screw the vegetables.

'Mama' Squalo was a hard-working mom. He had been very busy, considering the eight-year absence Varia's boss. And when Xanxus finally got back, he thought it was a good idea to skip the paperwork, leaving it completely up to Squalo.

He was a very dedicated wife to Xanxus. His carefully grown long, silky, beautiful hair high was the proof. The vow he held in his heart did not waver, even while Xanxus had been frozen by the Ninth for eight years. Most people thought Xanxus had given up on the position of the 10th Vongola, and was simply a lazy bum. But they were waiting for the right moment to betray the boss-to-be. The young boy was but a cockroach, who was ridiculously hard to kill.

Squalo was ranked as the loudest mafioso in Futa's ranking book. But that was okay. It was part of Squalo's charm.

Squalo was also the only one who could wake up Xanxus and came back alive. He made sure Xanxus had three meals a day, including snacks.

It was no surprise that Xanxus's mood went south fast when Squalo went on a trip to beat up a hundred swordsmen. And he had taken Lussuria along, the only one who could decently cook in the Varia family, so he could video tape his performances. They had done this every day.

But, Squalo needed to stop doing such dangerous things, because Xanxus's heart jumped every time because of it. For example, when Vendicare had ripped out Squalo's heart. Thankfully, their child, Mammon, could replace it with an illusion until there was a donor.

Sometimes Xanxus was jealous of Yamamoto Takeshi because his 'wife' didn't pay attention to him anymore. But it was okay. His hyper intuition told him that Squalo didn't cheat on him with Yamamoto. Otherwise, he would blow off Squalo's head with his X-guns.

'Big sis' Lussuria. There was a reason why such a rowdy group could survive for so long. Of course, it was thanks no other than the charming 'big sis' Lussuria. He made sure to listen to anyone's problem within the Varia and provided the solution. That so-called solution, however, aggravated the situation most of the time. But it's the thought that counts, right?

It was not his fault if that idiot Levi decided it was a good idea to take Lussuria's advice to heart. Levi was transported to the hospital afterwards because he had received Xanxus's tough love. Fortunately, Levi was a masochist.

Lussuria was the cook and cleaned, as well. Since Squalo was the working mom and Xanxus (decided to be an ass) was sleeping most of the needed to do the housework. Squalo couldn't cook at all (aside from making sushi and sashimi, if one could call that cooking)

There was a reason why Varia's clothes were fashionable. Because Lussuria went through the trouble to design them himself.

Mammon had the role of the baby. Well he was technically a baby. It worried Varia's family that Mammon hadn't grown at all for eight years. But, after the Arcobaleno's curse was broken, he finally grew.

Many people mistook Mammon for a greedy person. But he used his savings to buy the rings for the Varia family. They couldn't fathom how wicked the old man, Talbot was. He took all of Mammon's fortune without any remorse at all.

he also had the role to keep track of their was Squalo's secretary. And he wouldn't tolerate any unnecessary expenses like destruction in his accounting book. There was a reason why Xanxus's high quality marbled meat was reduced to bacon for a month.

Lately, he had taken on a part time job. he charged 10.000.000 yen to Byakuran for an hour to make an illusionary organ. he could point out that his Funeral Wrath, Torikabuto, could do it in his place, but he wouldn't refuse free money. So, he decided to be quiet about it.

Bel was the troublemaker amongst the children. He was certainly a fallen prince. Whatever trouble he made, he would not feel guilty at all. His answer to that was simple. "Because I'm a prince." Bel always said.

Bel refused to have money on him at all, since it made him look like a peasant. He only carried his black card with him. So, despite being a prince, he was poor. When he wanted to eat at an ordinary Chinese restaurant, (it didn't accept the credit card, of course) he would either dine and run, kill the owner or simply said: "Why do I need to pay? I'm a Prince!"

He also had a lot of special skills. One of them was creating ice sculptures with his knives. Of course, it rivaled Vongola X's handmade ice sculptures (Tsuna had frozen his guardians with his Zero Point Breakthrough: First Edition)

Bel referred to the Boss (Xanxus) as scary, Squalo was noisy, Levi was an idiot, Lussuria was just perverted, and Mammon was cheeky but his cheeks were puffy. In short, he didn't hold any respect for these guys. He would stab them in the back if they let their guard down.

Levi was Levi. He was Xanxus's personal servant.

So, that was the Varia. They were clearly dysfunctional, but they were a happy family.


A/n: I changed the title; originally I wanted to do multiple one shoots about Tsuna. But, I'm a very fickle person. Chap 2 is Giotto and Daemon's one shoot and Chap 3 is the Varia oneshoot. and no Tsuna. Btw Levi was the best part to write. XD. Also, Please say hi or thank to Mizuchi- Chin,she had her fair share in this fanfic.

Beta'd, but please feel free to notice me for the smallest mistake. You can send me a request for the next chapter. Thanks for reading, favorites, fallows, reviews. I hope you're enjoying this chapter. See you on next chapter. Ciao-ciao