Chapter 3: Breakfast for Three

The next morning had arrived in the home of Tseng of the Turks. He growled in his sleep, turning over so he could at least get some more. His eyes opened to the sound of snickering and his door opening. There in his doorway was Sephiroth and at the foot of his bed was a certain blue haired brat. He grabbed his comforter and pulled it over his head. The two people he really didn't want to see that early in the morning. A Saturday morning at that. That only made him feel worse. He didn't have to go to work.

How does one cope with something like this? Sephiroth in my house and some brat who thinks I'm her mother. If anyone thinks my life could be any more messed up, they are so wrong. He thought.

Sephiroth folded his arms as he leaned silently against the door way. It wasn't like him to just be standing there in someone else's doorway...unless Zak got into his stuff again and he wanted to scare the crap out of him. It really wasn't his idea to bother Tseng. It was her idea, his daughter's idea. He knew all to well about how grumpy he could be when he wasn't working. It was like waking the alpha male lion in the afternoon.

I don't understand how I got into this mess. I was chasing Reno and Cid for making fun of me. Then she looked at me and called me daddy. Why couldn't it be Reno or Zak. Y'know someone that Tseng actually knows. The only reason we ever talked to each other was because of our status in Shinra way back when. Even now we barely talk. It's only when I get blackmailed into little out tings do I even go somewhere with them. My only words are usually to Valentine, Zak, and Wonder boy Cloud Strife. Sephiroth went deep into his thoughts.

Kiwasaki stood at the foot of the bed. She was snickering with the wide grin. She was waiting for her mother to get up. Then again Sephiroth did tell her that he was probably tired from working the day before. That gave her the greatest idea she could ever think of. More like the greatest nightmare Sephiroth and Tseng could ever had.

She waved at Tseng, hoping that he saw her. She looked at Sephiroth with a big smile. She kissed his hand before running out the door with the biggest smile one could think of. She went down the stairs, jumping down the last two. She seemed to be happy to actually be able to do something to make her parents together.

Mommy and daddy wike foody. I make foody. Mommy no be made at me. Daddy smile at me. She thought.

Tseng sat up in his bed. He saw that Sephiroth was still standing at the doorway. There was a smirk on his face that said something bad was going to happen soon. After all he only smirked when something bad was going to happen to either one of them. He could only smack his forehead in frustration.

"What is she going to do?" Tseng asked.

"Well hello to you as well, Tsengy," Sephiroth said.

"I asked...'Tsengy'?"

"You're my wife now. The girl is my daughter and you're her mother. So that means we're married."

"No it means that the girl is gender confused and she doesn't understand the concept of how to have a child."

"Have a little fun. We're only given this chance to raise a child together once."

"You're enjoying this? How can the great General Sephiroth be enjoying being tortured?"

"I'm not being tortured. You are. After all I dislike you but I like the kid. She's..."

Sephiroth stopped talking only to notice the smell. It was like something was burning, literally. He looked at Tseng with a "What is that" face. He said nothing but went out the room as silently as he came in.

Tseng got out his bed as the smell registered in his mind. His kitchen was either on fire or there was just a fire somewhere near his house. Either way, he had a guess that a certain blue haired brat was the cause of it. In the record speed of three seconds, Tseng was down the steps and in the kitchen. He stared at the mess in the kitchen along with the fire on the stove. The fire was going to reach his ceiling if he didn't do anything.

Sephiroth pushed Tseng aside. He walked casually over to the fire with a bucket in his left hand. He threw it over the fire in order to stop it. He grabbed the little girl, who was holding a spatula. He smiled gently at her. He was trying his hardest to at least get along with her. He was her father some way or the other.

"What happened to my kitchen!!!" Tseng yelled.

There was pancake batter all over the walls and floor. There were three pancakes stuck on the ceiling. Eggs were in the blender along with their shells. The fire alarm was blaring like a crying baby. Then the sprinklers came on dampening everything and everyone in the room. Opening the stove was danger in itself. There was a serious fire in there along with burnt bacon. Kiwasaki was making breakfast, but it was more of a disaster than Reno doing his paperwork.

"I made you wekwas. Mommy, you no wike wekwas?" Kiwasaki started tearing up.

"Now look what you did, Tseng. She's going to cry," Sephiroth used sad eyes on him.

"Daddy, Mommy no wikes me or wekwas!!!"

She began crying. She only wanted her mother to like her. She loved her mother and all she wanted was his happiness. She should have knwon that he wasn't going to like her. None of her "parents" did. She was a pesk to some. To all the others she was just some brat. She shouldn't have gotten her hopes up about him. He was probably just like the rest of them.

Sephiroth held her tightly. He rocked her from side to side hoping to calm her down. When the crying became small hiccups, he kissed her forehead. He gave a glare to Tseng. How can one person be so mean to a child like her? Then again Tseng was pretty evil on his days off. Of course that didn't give him the right to be mean.

"Apologize," Sephiroth said.

"No way. Why should I? She destroyed my kitchen!!" Tseng said.

"Only trying to make us breakfast."

"So?"

"Apologize!"

"Fine. I'm sorry brat."

The once quiet Kiwasaki began crying once again. Sephiroth rocked her once again, holding her tigher. He made his glare a little worse than normal. That made Tseng wince. He knew sooner or later "One Winged Angel" was going to pop up. That meant he was pissed as hell. He backed up a bit.

Sephiroth must be seriously upset. But it's over that girl. When did he get to be such a nice guy? Tseng thought.

"I apologize to you, Kiwasaki. I never meant to make you cry," Tseng said. "Hand her here, please Sephiroth."

"Mommy!!" Kiwasaki reached for her mother.

Sephiroth handed her to him. He looked at them before thinking that maybe she would be safe. He left out the room to find the bathroom...again. He needed a shower badly. He was full of whatever she attempted to cook. He knew all to well that she would be fine. Tseng wouldn't do anything.

One Winged Angel came on as he left. Tseng stared at the doorway wanting to understand why the song came on all of a sudden. He gave it up with a small smile. He looked at his daughter. The tears were beginning to dry up. He smiled at her with the fakest smile any human could muster. Somehow she couldn't tell that it was fake.

"Kiwasaki, I...I...I like your breakfast," Tseng said.

"Yay!! Mommy wikes wekwas!!" Kiwasaki cheered.

"Go to your room while I work on this mess."

"Ok Mommy."

Kiwasaki was put down. She ran over to the door leading to the living room. She looked backat Tseng with a smile. She had something that she really wanted to say to him.

"I wov you, Mommy."

"I...don't hate you either."

Kiwasaki ran out the room. Tseng stood there in the kitchen. He was trying to figure out how he was going to do all that. He had never seen anything like that. A headache was started to come. The cleaning was bad enough, but One Winged Angel was making it worse. If only he could stop his life right there.