Chapters 3:
Nightmares :
After leaving the hospital as discretely as possible to avoid the journalists Maura took Jane to her house, where Angela had already brought some of her things, clothes, some books, some cds and Joe Friday as well. She knew that Jane loved her dog and animal contact might be therapeutic for her. Maura was determined to help Jane through the physical and psychological recovery, no matter how long that would take, so she thought it would be more practical to have Jane move in with her.
"I see your mother let you a change of clothes in the bathroom, she really knows you well, she figured you would like to take a bath." Maura smiled as they stopped in front on the bathroom."I will leave you alone , call me if you need anything, please don't lock yourself, don' t worry I won't come in unannounced " Maura requested as she left Jane in the bathroom.
After leaving Jane in the bathroom Maura went to her guest room who was just next to hers to see if she needed anything, but Angela had already brought Jane's clothes and personal effect and had changed the shits.
After half an hour, not hearing any sign of activity inside the bathroom Maura started to worry. She didn't think of checking the bathroom for sharp object like razor blades, not that she thought Jane would take her own life but still...
"Can I come in?" She shyly asked through the door.
Not receiving any answer, she slowly opened the door giving time to Jane to cover herself up if needed.
When she finally entered the bathroom, Jane was sitting the the marble floor her legs lift up and arms wrapped around them rocking back and forth.
"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry was the water too hot?I bought a new boiler and it works too well and didn't have time to call the plumber, I'm sorry." Maura asked kneeling next to her.
Jane didn't reply, she simply buried her head between her legs.
"Jane, you need to take a bath, I promise you're going to feel much better." Maura said approaching her hand towards Jane's shoulder.
"No." Jane replied shaking and looking at Maura as if she was going to hurt her for not obeying her.
Realizing she might have been a little too directive with her Maura knew she needed to readjust the tone of her voice.
"Alright sweetie, I'm sorry, I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do, I promise. Jane look at me. I love you, maybe I have never said those words before, but I do, you're everything to me. I will never force you to do anything you don't want to do or things you're not ready for. Alright?" Maura promised in a lower and more reassuring voice, gently sweeping hair from Jane's face so she could see in her eyes that she meant every word.
Again Jane didn't replied, instead she buried her head between her legs and continued to rock and and forth.
"I'm going to leave you by yourself, call me if you need anything." Maura whispered as she kissed the back of her head .
As she stood up she caught a glimpse at one of Jane's injuries that was visible just below the back of her neck.
God knew that Maura had seen horrible things in her career, but she didn't know if she would be able to handle seeing Jane's injuries. Unfortunately she knew that , at some point she would have to change her bandages and apply cream on her wounds to help the scaring. She knew Jane wouldn't her let her touch her that easily, but she was willing to take as much time as she needed.
After Maura left it took Jane a few minute to finally have the strength and desire to stand up.
She leaned over to start the water trying not to make it too hot.
Then she painfully took off her long sleeve top. Lifting her arms was painful because off the broken ribs so she tried to do it as slowly as possible.
She then slid inside the bathtub and lied there for a while looking at the wounded body. She knew applying soap on her skin would be painful, that it would probably burn but she realized that she really smelt bad and didn't want to impose that to Maura. So she grabbed the soap that her mom had brought and gently started to rub her knees and then her arms before gently stroking her torso. Afterwards she just grabbed the shower head and started the water as cold as possible. Feeling the cold water streaming down her skin was liberating for her but she knew that no matter how hard she scrubbed she would never be able to get rid of his smell and the feeling of his hands on her.
About an hour later, Jane finally came out of the bathroom, with new clothes on her and visibly cleaner.
Maura was sitting at her desk in her bedroom who was right opposite the bathroom and had left the door opened in case Jane needed her.
When Jane came out Maura immediately noticed the difference.
"You certainly smell better." Maura smile trying to steal even a little smirk from her best friend.
Again, She didn't reply, she merely shrugged her shoulders.
Angela had chosen what she thought were the most appropriate clothes from Jane's apartment : long sleeves that would hides the defensive wounds on her arms and large trousers so she could be comfortable.
As Jane was slowly moving towards her Maura didn't move, she didn't know if Jane needed something or if she just wanted to show her she took a bath.
As Jane's walked passed Maura and their eyes crossed paths Jane quickly put her hand on her shoulder. The sudden display of affection or even gratitude moved Maura deeper then she could have expected it. As she felt Jane's hand on her skin, she quickly closed her eyes and felt shivers down her spine. It was maybe a small gesture, but to Maura it meant a lot, it meant that Jane was receptive to what she was saying to her and that she somehow trusted her. For Jane it was also important, she couldn't speak, she wasn't ready yet, but she knew that by that small gesture Maura would understand how grateful she was and that she did, indeed trust her.
After that small but important display of affection who lasted for about a second Jane instinctively walked towards Maura's bed, crawled under the blankets and settled in her usual fetal position.
Maura who had already prepared the guest room for her, was a bit surprised at first but then understood that Jane might just need to be in her bed, to smell her perfume to feel safe.
"You're right, it's late, I will take the guest room don't worry. Sleep well. Call me if you need anything." Maura offered as she stood up ready to move towards the door.
"No, stay." Jane asked in a low trembling voice.
"You want me to sleep with you?" Maura asked confused.
"Yes." Jane nodded shaking her head.
"Alright."
So Maura slowly and carefully slid under the blankets trying not to touch Jane who was at the other side of her double bed.
She didn't turn off the small lamp that was on her night table, knowing that Jane would probably panic if she was forced to sleep in the dark.
To Maura's big surprise Jane slowly closed her eyes, and fell quickly asleep. She felt safe in her best friend's bed, with her at her side, safe for the first time in weeks.
Maura didn't sleep right away , she wanted to be sure Jane was comfortably and deeply asleep first. Around midnight, she feel asleep, exhausted by the nights she spent at her bedside without sleeping.
A few hours later Maura was woken up by murmurs next to her, Jane was obviously having a bad dream. She was agitated, sweating, crying and even if she was whispering Maura could hear she was asking for mercy.
"Come on tiger fight, because in a few minutes with the cocktail I just gave you, you won't be able to resist me , but don't worry you'll stay councious, we don't want you to miss all the fun do we?"
"Sweetie, wake up, you're heaving a bad dream." Maura said her hand on Jane's shoulder.
At that precise moment when she felt Maura's hand on her, Jane suddenly woke up and violently pushed Maura away, which caused her to almost fall of bed.
"Noooooooooo, Don't touch me." Jane pleaded as she violently pushed her best friend away before jumping out of bed.
In fact she pushed her so hard that Maura's head hit the head board of the bed, so hard that it took her about a minute to put herself together.
When she finally opened her eyes Jane was on the floor crawled in a ball, still mumbling , begging for mercy.
"Oh Jane it's ok, you're safe." Maura said jumping out of bed to check on her.
When she reached down to her, Jane's entire body was shaking, she was sweating and she face was drowned in tears.
"I'm here sweetie, you're safe, I'm going to protect you, even if that's the last thing I do, I promise." Maura said picking Jane up and pulling her against her.
This time Jane didn't fight or complained, she didn't have to strength for that, so she surrounded to Maura's warm embrace burying herself in her arms, her ear on her chest closed to her heart. She could hear her heart beats and somehow it's reassured and calmed her down, and she fell asleep.
Not willing to disturb her Maura grabbed the blanket from her bed and delicately covered them .
Maura didn't sleep for the rest of the night, she was afraid that Jane would have another nightmare, and she wanted to be awake and alert if it happened.
She knew that vivid flash backs and nightmares were part of any PTSD and that for now there was nothing to do to keep Jane from having them. She just needed to here for her and to be strong for both of them.
What did you think?Don't worry I'm going to describe what Jane went through soon, she won't talk to Maura anytime soon but I think I have found the perfect way for her to express herself so I can tell you guys :)
As always reviews are welcome...
